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Tai

Anyone eles love life sucks?

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the above pretty much says it all...

You have to have confidence and self esteem or no one will respect or want to be with you...

It is all about respect.

and btw, Co-depedent relationships (ie. settling, or clinging to someone) just makes it worse... sad.gif

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Haha thanks guys, i feel alot better today tongue.gif about me having balls to ask her out... hmm am not sure about that! at the time i was really stoned so does that still count as me having balls? <_<

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Thanks guys for the advice,

I did bring it up and he said I looked great (of course i didn't say I hate how my skin got fucked up just that i generally look/feel shittier than B4 because I'd probably puke if he said Yeah, your skin does look like shit).

Well, I didn't put up any fronts when i met him and if he doesn't want me at my low point then I guess it's goodbye...So right ELSA. But he does, he's supportive and I'm not a clingy person by nature at all, co-dependency is so :sick::doh: In fact HE tells me that I'm not emotional enough

:think:

And i don't want to spiral down into some clingy weepy pile of stereotypical woman mush any time soon.

AKS>Argh, I'm afraid you're right that it's his call, he even said that but :eek: that sucks. I wish I'd have it together and THEN fell in love but that's freakin' life for you. if it's meant to be it's meant to be I guess. One more thing, is it just a complete faux pas to tell a boyfriend about, say, that you want to speciafically get rid of some of the scars on your face, that that is what's also bothering you. it just feels so terribley embarassing and candid, like can't see you in a week honey, getting a TCA peel doubt.gif:boohoo:

thanks again for listening to my sob story, i know everyone's got one>you guys are great :angel:

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Guest Scorpioness

And i don't want to spiral down into some clingy weepy pile of stereotypical woman mush any time soon.

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Guest Scorpioness
it just feels so terribley embarassing and candid, like can't see you in a week honey, getting a TCA peel  doubt.gif  :boohoo:

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if girls only had to deal with girls it would not be so difficult im convinced :lol:
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if girls only had to deal with girls it would not be so difficult im convinced :lol:

That's cute sweetie, but take it from someone who knows from experience, it is just as difficult with women!!!

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lmfao babe hillarious

im convinced as hard as it may be to maintain a healthy relationship i bet for those who get past the hardships are very happy in the end.

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Guest Brandon

Sometimes you stick with someone even though they drag you through so much bullshit, because you love them so much. blah....right, sis?

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Guest Scorpioness

Tree Hugger Lover, love it! :lol:wink.gif

Infatuation is NOT love. People who make you swoon rarely pan out. It's like we become addicted to our own highs but then what goes up must come down. We crash from the high. And that "high" I'm talking about is an infatuation high. All of a sudden you get a rush of dopamine and serotonin in the brain and shit, and those chemicals are addicting.

At this point, I would rather have a boring relationship that's stable, rather than an exciting one that always lets you down.

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Hey Scorpion Vixen...

I know, Like WHAT am I supposed to say when I could use some downtime? I haven't done any downtime worthy stuff except for a semi mild at home glycolic peel, but it does feel weak and like you're opening yourself up for the guy to think, well isn't she just HIGH MAINTENANCE. i'd rather he think my natural fabulousness just made my imperfections fade away :blink:lol.gif

or for him to think, Is it me or does she just keep getting better looking? :whistle:

Seriously, Q for the guys, what would you think if a girl point blank told you she was getting her scars treated and needed a week to recover??

Elsa,-yes it's true, (i hope so at least), that sometimes tough times can really make a relationship stronger/better in the long run :pray:

Oh crapola, believe me i don't act quite as pathetically around him i keep a lot of it to myself but lately I've been more open with him because he misreads it as me acting distant :wall:

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Hey Chloe,

Also... I wish I could always take my own advice, but I haven't. I sooo wanted to be open with my ex, and I wasn't. So in the long run, me closing off my vulnerability hurt our relationship terribly.

I never want to let my insecurities hurt someone I love again. If they can't accept you in all your glory, strengths and weaknesses, imperfections and all, then who are they to commit to in times of 'sickness in health, poor times and wealth,' know what I'm sayin? Looks fade away. If someone is with you for superficial and shallow reasons, what happens if you lose an arm or something in an accident? Or when you are a wrinkly old lady? Is that person's heart going to turn black and open up the way for him to abandon you?

If someone is attracted to me for my "looks" I always run like hell. That is nothing to base a relationship on. It may be the basis of infatuation, but not love.

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I personally like to thank Elsa and chloe for Hijacking my thread :snooty:

Just playin, i love you guys biggrin.gif

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Hey Elsa,

He actually does treat me very well but it's so hard for me to lean on someone. I never tried the can't see you in a week thing. I've had busy moments and so has he and we've been fine. he even said that if i needed a month or more to get myself together ( because i did go through not just physically but an emotionally tough time when i was sick B4 I met him), that he would totally be there when i got back, that it was worth it.

Seriously, he says all the right things. And i know he'd be fine if we didn't see eachother for a week or longer if there was a good reason but I feel weird/embarassed about telling him I'd want a peel or whatever and that was the reason why. sometimes I just feel like blurting out> oh my skin looks crappy, i'm getting a facial, i'll look shitty but see ya in a week. :ph34r: surprised.gif

PS THANX FOR ALL THE ADVICE!

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LOL Tai,

Soooooooooory. Oh, you wrote about that girl you asked out when you were stoned and you thought it was yer skin that made her *reject* you. It probably wasn't your skin or anything too superficial. Or maybe it was and in that case, good that you're not involved with her anyway>she's like too much cake good when you start it, but makes you wanna :sick: at the end

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Hey bro at least you had the balls to ask the girl out.  I have absolutely no confidence what so ever to ask a girl out because of how my skin looks.  A lot of us are all in this crappy situation so don't feel like you are alone.  Our world is so superficial today and that really sucks for people like us.

yup, you are better off than 90% of the people on this acne forum if you had the balls to ask her out. me, i wouldnt dare ask any girl out with the current state of my skin. why? because my esteem is so shot. at least you are strong enough to try to live a normal life with your acne while the rest of use are letting it control us. good job on that. and on the rejection, hey it happens to the best of us. it could have been anything, not your acne, a lot of times girls arent looking into serious relationships, maybe you approached her wrong, maybe you werent her type.

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What about if u ruined things when u first met someone because of they way you looked (too much makeup to hide the scars, blah, blah, blah.) Hence, things started to fall apart after 2 mos. because u were 2 scared2meet his friends and family. We always referred to eachother as "friends" but it always felt like more, and considering the, umm, "hanging out". He was very sweet, treated me like his girlfriend, drove 2 C me when I lived an hour and 1/2 away, all the time. Then all of a sudden he started to treat u differently, like he wasn't as interested as much and such, considering he did have a substance abuse problem that he knew I was aware of.

I eventually told him that It was too hard for me to be friends with him b/c I had feelings for him. He told me that I was insecure and had a problem trusting people, which was true b/c I always felt embarressed. Over a period of about 8 mos. he would call a month to two months down the road, we would hang out, then in a week or so I would get upset because I wasn't sure how he felt and what his intentions were. When I tried to talk to him about it he didn't really have much to say or he would say "I like you, u know that", but he would still refer to me as one of his "good friends."

Now we are back to where we stared again, almost a year later. He wants to do things with me, wants me to spend time w/his friends and family, which I am really trying to do, but things aren't the same as they were in the beginning. That is how I want them. I tried to convey my thoughts to him by telling him that this whole situation is confusing too me and too ambiguous, he still refers to me as his "good friend" and it eats me alive. He gets angry when I try to talk to him about it, but his response is, "well sometimes people don't always get what they want out of people." He doesn't want to talk about it, he says that it's like beating a dead horse. He still wants to see me and take me out but I can't do that if he just wants to be friends, it hurts too much, ya know. I can't ever get him to give me an answer, it's he just says lets let things happen, but I am too afraid that I am going to waste my time, or get my feelings hurt in the end.

I guess my question is this, is this my insecurites and should I just see how things develope, or should I walk away, because I think that we feel differently about eachother? I care for him very much, but it's too frightening to just go along with this and to find out that all along he just wanted to be friends. Also, does it mean something if after all this time he still continues to call every once and again to patch things up? Am I just reading way too much into all of this? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest Brandon

Is he avoiding this, because he doesn't want commitment to you? To tell you the truth I forgot a little bit aobut what you said in the middle paragraph, but I'm too lazy...oh yeah scroll.....I think he's just afraif of commitment, ann_a_bell. By the way, can I call you by your name? I don't like to use the underscores.

Since you're only "good friends" you can date other people, right? Tell him that you saw some unknown guy friend of yours and went out and had fun, and be really vague about it as you describe it. See how he reacts. heh

Then you should get a better understanding your relationship. Based on what I know now though...I say you might be better off just leaving, because obviously you two view your relationship differently. you want to move forward, and he's not ready.

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Annabell,

Our insecurities try to make us think it's always about us. But to me, looking at your situation, I would have to say he's crazy about you based on his actions. Maybe HE is a commitment phobic person dealing with a drug addiction, and all he can give you is 'one day at a time' right now. He probably freaks because he can't perform under pressure and he wants to keep you on his shelf for when and if the time comes that he may be ready. So he gives you just enough to keep you holding on. But no more than that.

I'm not saying that's fair to you, but it is what it is and you can take your power back if you see that it's not personal. I could seriously go on and on about this. But I'm not much of a typer.

Peace out. wink.gif

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It seems from what you've said that he really does just want to be friends, and not take it beyond that. But you seem to bring it up again becuase you don't want that answer, and then he gets annoyed. It sounds like that anyway.

Are you sure he isn't getting a kick out of your desires for him? It seems odd that you could be so honest with your feelings, and keep reminding him of how you feel, and yet he keeps this 'special relationship' with you without allowing you proper expression.

My gut instinct is to stay away a while, and only agree to meet when around a good group of preferably single friends. I think the role of your relationship will be far more transparent under those circumstances.

STill its really tough giving good advice when you don't know the people.

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It seems from what you've said that he really does just want to be friends, and not take it beyond that. But you seem to bring it up again becuase you don't want that answer, and then he gets annoyed. It sounds like that anyway.

Are you sure he isn't getting a kick out of your desires for him? It seems odd that you could be so honest with your feelings, and keep reminding him of how you feel, and yet he keeps this 'special relationship' with you without allowing you proper expression.

My gut instinct is to stay away a while, and only agree to meet when around a good group of preferably single friends. I think the role of your relationship will be far more transparent under those circumstances.

STill its really tough giving good advice when you don't know the people.

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Is he avoiding this, because he doesn't want commitment to you? To tell you the truth I forgot a little bit aobut what you said in the middle paragraph, but I'm too lazy...oh yeah scroll.....I think he's just afraif of commitment, ann_a_bell. By the way, can I call you by your name? I don't like to use the underscores.

Since you're only "good friends" you can date other people, right? Tell him that you saw some unknown guy friend of yours and went out and had fun, and be really vague about it as you describe it. See how he reacts. heh

Then you should get a better understanding your relationship. Based on what I know now though...I say you might be better off just leaving, because obviously you two view your relationship differently. you want to move forward, and he's not ready.

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Yeah, I just don't know what to do, it confuses the hell out of me. U know how u have a certain intuition about things, once when I was laying on my bed thinking that I made a big mistake by telling him to FO, @ that exact moment he called when I hadn't even spoken to him in like a week. Wierd! Maybe I am just reading into all this too much. I have other intuitions that things maybe aren't right when we are together (like other girls, drugs, other stuff.) and my friends keep telling me that when u get feelings like that they usually are right.

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