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DAY 15

Half way through the 30 pill package means I'm halfway through my first month!! WOOO!

acne-wise: Well hello IB >_<

Breaking out DEFINATELY. Urgh. Especially on my problem area - my chin.. that is, ONLY the right side of my chin FJASKLFJASKL!

I'm also getting a lot of spots under my nose recently. Gay.

AND NOTHING HEALS!! fahjklfjsa it's taking forever for spots to heal *Cries a little*

I need to learn to stop picking!

Also, because I've been picking, my face HURTS. Ugh.. just not a good week.

side effects: dry lips, eyes and skin (sometimes). Also my sore back is back haha. Oh, and I've noticed my eyelashes are falling out a lot.. weird. I'm gonna get worried if it keeps happening because my eyelashes are one of the only things I really like about myself (they're really long =D )

I'm getting really annoyed with my face lately and I'm just not in a good mood. My boyfriend and I haven't been on the best of terms, I was sick ALL week and I'm gonna have mega homework catch-up when I go back to school tomorrow, and now my face is breaking out!

Gah. I partly blame it on my bad bad bad eating habits. I should really get back into a healthy routine.

I'd just like to point out how obsessed I am with picking - I just stopped typing so I could pick at my face a bit. FASJKLFJSAKL! Someone tape up my hands so I can't do anything to my face!

p.s. I'll try to post pictures this weekend.

Sighs, I'm getting fed up with this. I just want clear skin.

Edited by conspiracy83
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DAY 17

acne-wise: for the most part my skins calmed down a bit. Still breaking out a lot on the right side of my chin - I wake up and there's either a new cryst or whitehead in that spot GRRR!!

Nothing's really healing. I've noticed that when I pick my skin its a lot thinner than usual. I think the Derma E Scar Gel is helping things heal a bit though because it's got vitamin E in it which is good for healing. I'm thinking of getting vitamin E supplements now.

However, I got a new thing of the Scar Gel and I think Derma E's changed some of the ingredients because this new one is DEFINATELY thicker and smells WAY different - it smells like tooth paste and the old one I have smells like pretty flowers (which I loved). Therefore... I'm kind of afraid to use it. But ah well, this shit is a lot of money (25 bucks!) and I'm not gonna let it go to waste.

I've been looking at other Derma E products and I think, if I can afford it, I'm gonna start using one of their cleansers and a reddness calmer thing (I'll post the names of the products I want to get later - right now I'm too lazy).

oh, my blackheads are acting weird again... the ones on my nose are HUGE well the ones on my cheeks are getting smaller (yay!) and the ones on my chin just look newish... *shrugs* I just can't wait till they're gone gone gone.

side effects: same old, same old. Dry lips and eyes.. skin not so much but kinda dry. I moisturize a lot though so it's doin good.

Um.. back pain definately.. same with headaches.

My eyelashes are still falling out but not as much, thank God!

No more lung collapsing feel for sure!

Oh, I have noticed one new thing - my hair is a lot less greasie... that is, if I straighten it. It's weird, if I don't straighten my hair at all during the day my hairs pretty much the same as always (kinda greasie) but more brittle I guess. Then if I straighten it I can go the next day without washing my hair.

However, I shower every morning cause I'll feel dirty and gross during the day if I don't so it's just a habit to wash my hair while I'm in the shower... I guess I should stop that though if my hair doesn't need to be washed, we'll see though. I'm not one to change my routine much.

oh, also! I don't usually bruise easily but earlier today I bumped into a table and that was about... 7 hours ago and I've noticed that it's now this HUGE black, purple and gross bruise on my hip. Ew. oh.. and did I mention it hurts like hell?

~

Things seem to be getting better. My breakouts are more controlled, my boyfriend and I are starting to work things out, and it's a four day weekend coming up!! Woo!

School staff meeting on the Friday (the 12th) so us students don't go to school, the 13th is a Saturday but also my mom's birthday AND we're going to a King Tut exhibit that's here in the city!! I'm super excited for it cause I'm a huge history buff in general but I love love love ancient Egypt =D, then the Sunday (the 14th) is obviously Valentine's day! woo, and even though my bf won't be here my best friend and I have plans! bahahahaha (definately going to a fancy place for dinner and pretending to be lesbos! - which is ironic, as my friend always says, because I'm bi). Then the 15th is Family Day in Canada lmao which I will not be spending with my family but whatever, it's a day off school!

So yeah.. this coming week should definately be better than last.

P.S. sorry about no pictures but my mom went out and took the camera with her and by the time she got back I was too lazy to take any pictures. I promise them sometime this week!

P.S.S. sorry about the long boring paragraphs about the four day weekend. I'm just so excited I had to share =p

P.S.S.S. Question unrelated to Accutane or acne: I'm writing a story for my Writer's Craft course and it's about World War One and such and I was wondering... would you find a British soldier saving a French woman from being raped by other British soldiers something heroic? (I'm only asking cause techincally the Brits were on the French side and I was orginially going to make the woman German but the British soldier is suppose to save the woman and bring her to England and I don't know how easy it would of been for a British soldier to bring a German over seeing how they were fighting the Germans) Anyways.. what are peoples thoughts?

peace :cool:

Edited by conspiracy83
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conspiracy83: Glad that u are doing fine =)

Hang on there and i m sure u would see great skin in time to come..

I'm in day 19 of tane.. and not doing good at all.. my breakouts now seems to b concentrated on the left side of my chin! Though they are no longer those big cysts.. but its either pus-filled kind of acne or zits that has yellowish/whitish solid substance in them...

Plus, im having all the side effects n feverish today..

hopefully its all worth it at the end of my course..

Hang in there!

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fel_han: omg my skin is just the same right now! but its more the right side of my chin and i keep picking the spots so they kinda look 10 times worse - grr!

anyways good luck on the rest of your course and i hope this IB will be over soon for the both of us!

DAY 18

I just wanna express how obsessed I've become with the show The Real World while I've been sick this past week. All I did was watch reruns on mtv.ca lol =p

acne-wise: no real change. A lot of my cryst that I've picked are now just filled with this white clear stuff that I'm just gonna call puss (cause I think that's what most people call it?)

Does anyone else feel pure victory when you squeeze a pimple and white stuff comes out? lol I'm always like "yes! I've cleared it out!" and maybe it's not really infected anymore but it scabs so much, gah.

oh I have noticed one thing (and I'm not sure to put this is "acne-wise" or "side effects" but today I wore makeup for the first time in almost a week (like I said, I was sick last week so I didn't go out much). Anyways, usually near lunch time at school my makeup starts looking shiny and gross cause my skin gets oily but today...... NO OIL! My makeup maybe didn't look perfect cause I'm breaking out and I use a mineral makeup so it doesnt cover spots THAT well, anyways! it did look amazing cause it looked almost exactly like it did in the morning when I applied it. I was amazed and quite thrilled. Now only if my skin could clear up >_<

side effects: same as always - dry lips, nose, eyes and skin (all kinda getting a little more intense, especially the skin). Umm... back pains kinda but not that bad, it just hurts mostly when i straighten up from bending down.

So I got a treat for you all lmao... PICTURES!! They were taken earlier today.

This is the worse my skin has looked since I've been on this site and showing pictures.. so be prepared for ugliness! lol

right side

left side

As you can see, my right side is A LOT worse than my left. This is actually normal for me. My mom thinks it's because I sleep on my right side more usually but I change my pillow case at least twice a week so I don't really think it should be breaking out that much more but ah well.

Also, as you can see the right side of my chin is worsening - URGH! It looks a lot worse in person obviously because it's all bumpy too.. it's really weird, I don't tend to have ONE area that's super bumpy and gross like that. It looks like shit so much when I put makeup on, though it does look better than without makeup because without makeup my skin is all red and gross - yuck! That area also has this one little spot that is really dry and looks so baaaaaaaaaaad. URGH! (you can see it in the pic, it looks kinda wrinkley actually - gross!)

I WANT CLEAR SKIN!!

Anyways, I don't have much else to say. How is everyone else doing?

Edited by conspiracy83
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(Newbie here) How long will you be on accutane for? It always gets worse before it gets better. I just heard about accutance and currently doing some due dilligence. Hope everything goes well ( :

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I love your log! It's so insightful. I like pictures and solid descriptions of what is going on.

You're very beautiful! ^_^ Looks like in the first picture you posted today you have some slight IB going on. Nothing bad though, and if you wear makeup, it looks like it could be easily covered relatively speaking. The spots aren't inflamed!

What kind of make-up do you use? I use L'Oreal Bare Naturale Mineral Powder about five-ten minutes after applying moisturizer, so it goes on better. That's me speaking after one day of Accutane though. We'll see how it is in two weeks from now! :doubt:

I'm definitely going to be keeping up with this log. Good luck and stay beautiful!

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VenomRx: Hey! Welcome to acne.org!

My derm hasn't actually given me a timeline for my accutane journey. He guesses about 4 to 5 months but the thing is, with accutane, you never know how long it'll be. When derms up your dosages or lower them (as when you're about to end accutane derms tend to lower your dosages gradually) you can have more breakouts. If the breakouts are bad most derms tend to keep you on accutane longer. However, my derm is also a plastic surgeon and OBSESSED with perfection so if I can't one little breakout near the end of my course, he won't let me stop. Which I like. He's trying to make it so I won't have to take a 2nd course of 'tane as most people often have to.

If you decide to use accutane, good luck! I highly recommend it.

Jerichoa: Aww thanks!! I tried to make my log as informative as I can - I kinda took what I loved about others logs and put it into mine. Also, I LOVE pictures too. When I was researching accutane I tended not to even look at some peoples logs if they didn't have pictures because its hard to really get a hold on the process those people are going through without pics!

And thank you again for the compliment! ^_^

In the pics the spots may not look inflammed.. but don't be fooled by the magic of pictures - they are. If I wear makeup everything is fine and great OTHER than the right side of my chin. Trust me, it's disgusting!

The makeup I use is BareMinerals. I can't use ANY other makeup as I'm mildly allergic to most makeups (I've tried L'Oreal Bare Naturale Mineral Powder and it made me breakout and get a rash - which most makeups make me do). I wouldn't change my makeup for the world. I rather be rash free than have my spots covered completely. Don't get me wrong though, BareMinerals is AMAZING! It does cover.. just not as much as my old makeup (MAC - which is the worse thing you can do for skin that's prone to acne AND allergic to makeup lol).

Good luck on your accutane course! If you need any tips or recommendations for products while on 'tane I got tons!

DAY 20

Nothing new really.. but I have a surprise for the end! =p

acne-wise: My IB is going down I think :pray:

There's one spot near my problem area (right side of chin) that's HORRIBLE. I picked it to hell I think because it's all scabby but there's STILL some of that white shit in it that I can't get out but can see! FHASJKFHJAKSFS AHHHHHHHH!

The rest of the right side of my chin though is DEFINATELY calming down. Other than that ONE spot, there's nothing much going on with my skin.

I have 15 healing spots (all scabby from picking but easy to cover with makeup) and that one active spot. Pretty good I think.

Also, my blackheads are disappearing and I'm loving it. Some blackheads now stick out A LOT more under makeup but not that bad. My nose (which is usually FILLED with blackheads) don't have that many black spots.. just kinda little holes that are so tiny you can't really see them unless you're so close to my face you're touching it lol.

One thing I'm surprised about since starting accutane is that I haven't broken out on my back or chest... I tend to get at least one or two cryst on my back in a month (which I know isn't bad but it's like... routine for it to happen). Anyways, it hasn't and I'm thanking my lucky stars cause those are the ones that hurt the most for me.

side effects: skin is DEFINATELY drier.. but kinda in a good way. It isn't peeling or being all gross. As long as I moisturize it doesn't bother me. It's all pretty good actually.. I haven't had oily skin in days and it's really refreshing. I want to go workout at the gym or something to see if that affects my oil production.. hmmm :think:

The only dryness that bothers me actually is my legs. I'm scared to shave them they're so dry and I'm scared I'll peel off my skin or something because it's becoming so gentle.

(I was trying to squeeze one of my not so many blackheads and I ended up ripping some of my skin and I was like "WTF?!" cause that never happens)

My back pain is becoming more noticable but nothing I can't handle.

My eyes are still dry but drops help with that when it gets really bad which is rarely.

My hair is hardly ever oily and it's kinda brittle still but meh, not bad.

Um... what else... still dry lips but with lip balm it's hardly noticable.

Oh! I know what's new - I'm NEVER hungry anymore! And I'm one of those people that eat and eat and eat (I use to have an eating disorder and since I've recovered I can not stop eating!).

Anyways.. now I like want to eat but I'm just not hungry. After a few bites of something I feel like I just don't need the food or I just don't have the room. Even when I do get those hunger pains as soon as I start eating it's like "meh.. I don't really want this anymore". It's weird and worrying my mom because, like I said, I use to have an eating disorder and she's worried it's back. But it isn't! I'm totally comfortable with my body and I do get that "holy shit I want cake!" feeling kinda lol. Also, I've read that loss of appetite is one of the side effects so maybe this is just one.

However, I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner because I know I still need food. Plus, I have to eat with Accutane so, thankfully, that forces me to eat breakfast. Then at lunch I'm with a bunch of friends and they're all eating and I'm all "mmm food" and then at dinner my mom makes me eat because, again, she's scared the eating disorder has come back.

WOO! Long paragraph, sorry guys! lol

Drema E Scar Gel: Hello life savor! This shit is honestly the fucking best thing I have ever done for my face. My scars are WAY less flamethrower red and my healing spots are actually healing. It also looks pretty awesome under my makeup. I highly highly highly recommend this product to ANYONE. It keeps me sane.

Now for my surprise:

As some of you may know, I am 17 which means GRADUATION!!!

I'm finishing high school this year and am beyond excited.

Anyways about two weeks ago we got are grad pictures taken and guess what? I'm gonna show you guys the ridculousness of my pictures, they're just proofs btw.. so here:

the one I kinda like

the stupid hat one

the one to make us laugh - this was "pose 5" of all ten poses and this one, honestly, looked HORRIBLE for everyone. I'm only posting this so everyone can get a good laugh out of how stupid it makes me look.

the honest graduate

the one to make me look like I'm ready for university

These pictures were actually taken the day I started Accutane too, haha. Make-up works wonders, eh?

toodles everyone :cool:

(and sorry for the longness of this post!)

EDIT: Sorry, I totally deleted my graduation pictures off photobucket without even remembering that I posted them on here. Ah well.

Edited by conspiracy83
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DAY 23

Just a couple things to add to the list of Accutane related details:

acne-wise: my skin is pretty much clearing up nicely. I feel like everything is just slowly drying up and disappearing almost. My problem area - the right side of my chin - is clearing up and it's mostly just dry, healing spots now. I got a new spot there a couple days ago but it's just a little bump that's easy to cover up, nothing major.

I got a cryst on my left cheek not long ago and, of course, I picked it and it's now healing nicely.

I also have a cryst on my right cheek that I picked but it isn't healing as nicely. However, when using Derma E Scar Gel, it looks fine under makeup.

My blackheads are again becoming more noticable which sucks but it's not that bad. Some blackheads that were literally like black freckles, showed up like near my eyes on the bridge of my nose. I've NEVER had any sort of breakout there so it's weird. And they really do look like black freckles which is even weirder. However, I can squeeze some of them and the black stuff comes out and they're gone. *shrugs* they aren't that big of a deal, just weird.

side effects: some new and old things to add to this growing list:

- dry skin: this is becoming more noticable to me but my skin doesn't LOOK like that dry.

- dry lips: again, not noticable to the outside world but I can feel the dryness and they kinda hurt. New thing to add to this - I must of streched my mouth wider than normal or something because for the past couple days the left corner of my mouth KILLS, like I have a cut there. It really sucks.

- dry eyes: not that big but when the heat is on in my house they get pretty irritable.

- back pain: this isn't that new but the pain was way intense yesterday. I honestly didn't want to lie down, sit, stand, nothing because no matter what I was in pain. I ended up putting a heat pad on my back and that helped a bit but not that much. So far today it isn't hurting much at all, thank god!

- NEW: my skin looks A LOT paler. I was pretty pale before but now it's almost like a sickly pale. When I'm not wearing makeup everyone notices it. My mom was the one that pointed it out actually because she thought I had "seen a ghost" I'm so white.

- Still no oil on my face: This is absolutely amazing. Even when I wear moisturizier my face looks completely normal with NO OIL. It's boasted my confidence level A LOT becaue my makeup honestly looks just like it did when I applied it 24/7.

I may still be relaying on my makeup to make me confident but I've been out and doing things a lot more than I usually do. The norm for me is to say "no" whenever my friends ask to do something outside of school. Mostly because I don't want to be wearing makeup 24/7 because it irritates my face and I want to prevent brakouts.

But now I have plans for this WHOLE weekend. Today I'm going to a King Tut exhibit and I'm uber excited.. then after that I'm going out for dinner - this will be the first time I've worn makeup from 10am to around midnight so I'll have to let you all know what it's like. However I have full confidence that my makeup will still look amazing at midnight tonight.

Also, Derma E Scar Gel is really starting to fade my nasty flamethrower scars. As I've said before, my boyfriend lives miles away but we skype as often as we can and we're hoping to have time on valentines day (tomorrow) to skype and I actually plan on wearing no makeup during the webcam talk! (Which I've only ever done ONCE and I was still wearing SOME makeup on my scars). But now I have full confidence that my scars won't even show up on webcam, just my healing spots. I think I've begun to learn that I can't hide everything from my boyfriend.. I mean he's going to have to see me at my worst at some point, right? And if he doesnt stay with me because of that than he isn't worth staying with, right?

Haha, look at me. All confident! ^_^ I feel about 80% liberated from acne already, thanks to Accutane!

hope everyone has a good weekend! and happy valentines day! :wub:

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Your grad pics look adorable! Reminds me of the days.... ::sigh:: IMO the 'honest graduate' one is my fave.

I'm right there with you when it comes to parents scrutinizing everything you do with eating. But half/half the opposite. I have body dismorphic disorder, my dad grabs my fat that hangs over and oinks at me when I eat ice cream, but then my mom is always making sure I'm eating right and regularly. But she exercizes with me so that's a real support, and she reminds me he's just being an a*hole..

Yay for confidence! So happy for you :) And super jealous you get to see the Tut exhibit, I missed it when it was out here :(

Edited by Mee_shell
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Your grad pics look adorable! Reminds me of the days.... ::sigh:: IMO the 'honest graduate' one is my fave.

I'm right there with you when it comes to parents scrutinizing everything you do with eating. But half/half the opposite. I have body dismorphic disorder, my dad grabs my fat that hangs over and oinks at me when I eat ice cream, but then my mom is always making sure I'm eating right and regularly. But she exercizes with me so that's a real support, and she reminds me he's just being an a*hole..

Yay for confidence! So happy for you :) And super jealous you get to see the Tut exhibit, I missed it when it was out here :(

aww thanks about the grad pics, I think they turned out pretty good. I usually can't bear pictures of me but these ones I can at least bear lol.

No offence but wow! your dad is an ass lol. my mom is really weird - at moments she'll be all supportive and at other times she'll be kinda like your dad (i'll be eating something and she'll just put on this annoying voice saying "that'll make you faaat!!"

The thing is though I have NEVER been any sort of definition of fat. The heaviest I've ever been in 110 lbs (I'm now going between 90 to 100) and my mom will STILL complain that what I'm eating will make me fat.

However, through therapy I've learned to love my weight no matter what it is (That isn't to say I don't have bad days where I'm like "fuck I hate myself" but who doesn't have those days, right? lol) so I'm now like "I'm 17 and I'm gonna eat whatever the fuck I want till I'm about 25!"

By the way, don't be jealous of the king tut thing - honestly wasn't worth the money we spent on it... NO mummies, NO King Tut - not even his coffin!, NO King Tut Death Mask, there was only one pure gold mask.. the only pure gold object through the whole exhibit, and it took us an hour to go through all the arifacts WITH the audio tour guide that only talked about less than half the objects that were there.

All in all there were only about four objects that impressed me - the pure gold death mask, a statue of a king (can't remember his name but the one that came up with the single God religion - worshipping the sun basically), and these finger and toe protectors that were found on King Tut's mummified body.

Very few other, little, objects impressed me such as a ring that King Tut wore and some other jelwery but really BIG LET DOWN! Especially for so much money.

This exhibit was held in an art gallery here and I hadn't been to the art gallery since I was about four so the paintings there impressed me almost more than the King Tut stuff which is just sad. However, I'm glad I went because I would of been curious and want to go either way. Plus, it's the last time this stuff will ever be brought out of Egypt so, meh, whatever. (plus, techinically my parents paid for my ticket haha)

anyways! toodles!

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DAY 25

acne-wise: so everything's pretty good actually. I have 11 healing spots and only two actives.

One of my spots that's active I picked A LOT and because my skin is more fragile than I'm use to it looks a lot bigger than it really was. I'm definately not looking forward to trying to cover that up with make-up tomorrow, eek.

side effects: dry lips (still have that cut in the left corner of my mouth), dry eyes sometimes, and dry skin but its not THAT dry, it's all bearable.

Still no oil production on my skin. I actually find myself not wanting to wash my face as often as I use to... I wake up and I don't jump into the shower straight away which is a nice feeling actually. Makeup still looks AMAZING because of the no oil production thing too.

The only big side effect is back pain. It's bearable but I can tell it's getting worse. Whatever though.. clear skin is worth it! lol

I get headaches every now and then but that isn't that bad.

So yeah... nothing else to report really. Hope everyone had a good weekend! And if anyone is in Canada, Happy Family Day!

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Your grad pics look adorable! Reminds me of the days.... ::sigh:: IMO the 'honest graduate' one is my fave.

I'm right there with you when it comes to parents scrutinizing everything you do with eating. But half/half the opposite. I have body dismorphic disorder, my dad grabs my fat that hangs over and oinks at me when I eat ice cream, but then my mom is always making sure I'm eating right and regularly. But she exercizes with me so that's a real support, and she reminds me he's just being an a*hole..

Yay for confidence! So happy for you :) And super jealous you get to see the Tut exhibit, I missed it when it was out here :(

aww thanks about the grad pics, I think they turned out pretty good. I usually can't bear pictures of me but these ones I can at least bear lol.

No offence but wow! your dad is an ass lol. my mom is really weird - at moments she'll be all supportive and at other times she'll be kinda like your dad (i'll be eating something and she'll just put on this annoying voice saying "that'll make you faaat!!"

The thing is though I have NEVER been any sort of definition of fat. The heaviest I've ever been in 110 lbs (I'm now going between 90 to 100) and my mom will STILL complain that what I'm eating will make me fat.

However, through therapy I've learned to love my weight no matter what it is (That isn't to say I don't have bad days where I'm like "fuck I hate myself" but who doesn't have those days, right? lol) so I'm now like "I'm 17 and I'm gonna eat whatever the fuck I want till I'm about 25!"

By the way, don't be jealous of the king tut thing - honestly wasn't worth the money we spent on it... NO mummies, NO King Tut - not even his coffin!, NO King Tut Death Mask, there was only one pure gold mask.. the only pure gold object through the whole exhibit, and it took us an hour to go through all the arifacts WITH the audio tour guide that only talked about less than half the objects that were there.

All in all there were only about four objects that impressed me - the pure gold death mask, a statue of a king (can't remember his name but the one that came up with the single God religion - worshipping the sun basically), and these finger and toe protectors that were found on King Tut's mummified body.

Very few other, little, objects impressed me such as a ring that King Tut wore and some other jelwery but really BIG LET DOWN! Especially for so much money.

This exhibit was held in an art gallery here and I hadn't been to the art gallery since I was about four so the paintings there impressed me almost more than the King Tut stuff which is just sad. However, I'm glad I went because I would of been curious and want to go either way. Plus, it's the last time this stuff will ever be brought out of Egypt so, meh, whatever. (plus, techinically my parents paid for my ticket haha)

anyways! toodles!

Oh he is an ass. Total Narcissist. Yah me too! I have never been any form of heavy either. But your heaviest is my smallest (since I hit adulthood anyway). Yet it just gets in my head, the evil little voice tearing you down. Little bastard. And if you just keep somewhat active lifestyle you can still eat whatever you want. I'm almost 25 and still give in. Being vegetarian doesn't hurt, but I love my sweets and cheeses. Mmmmmm chocolate. You're so young yet have such a mature hold on yourself. If I were as mature as you are when I was your age... would've saved me a lot of grief.

Tut was a let down?!? Bummer. Guess it's a relief that I missed it then. Since I'm broke haha.

Your skin sounds like it's coming along really well! Don't you love your makeup not feeling heavy and sliding off by lunchtime? I'm only a few days in and notice a difference in how oily I am. Neosporin for the spots you pick at. Really helps with the healing process. And once it's scabby, a little vitamin E oil goes a long way. It's around $10 at the Whole Foods or Trader Joes here, not sure what that would translate into Canadian dollars, but I've noticed it helps heal things a little faster. Nothing is sexier than makeup caked over a sexy scab. Layers my dear, and a little primer helps smooth things out.

Edited by Mee_shell
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Mee_shell: Aww thanks! My mom and other people that know me really well tend to say I seem really mature for my age too lol... I'm starting to wonder if it's a good thing though =p

Yeah, the whole little evil voice getting in your head gets to me too. Thankfully I have a loving boyfriend that will listen to me complain all day and I just vent to him and then I'm good! I also have an AMAZING best friend that also suffered from eating disorders and is totally supportive and understands everything =)

I'm with you on the chocolate thing! Sadly I can't have dairy products so I don't eat much cheese or ice cream and I haven't had milk in about a year. But chocolate *drools* I could eat that all the time! I tried the whole raw foodist thing as my mom use to be one but I just couldn't do it! I'm not a BIG meat eater but I like my burgers =p are you a vegetarian? If so, good work!! I wish I could be one! haha

I've read that people put neosporin on their healing spots but I've never used it before and I'm scared I'll be allergic to it or something as my skin can be rather senstive to some things =/ however, my spots aren't healing THAT badly thanks to Derma E Scar Gel!

And YES!!! I love love love love love love the no sliding off of makeup by lunch! It makes me SO much more confident because I don't have to check myself in a mirror every three seconds!

Yeah Vitamin E Oil makes sense in helping the healing process (I'm taking a vitamin E supplement and I'm pretty sure thats helping everything too).

Sadly I can't use primer... it irrtates my senstive little skin =( but I've gotten good at making my makeup look pretty decent over the years!

Thanks for all the advise and compliments! I appericate it and I hope your Accutane experience is going well! <3

DAY 26

Dermatologist: First Derm appointment since being on Accutane was today after school for me. It went REALLY quick. He was basically like assumed my skin was dry and started off by asking about that and I was like "NO dryness of skin at all really!" and he was SO surprised.. it was weird. I guess he expected my skin to be peeling or something (he hadn't really looked at the condition of my skin at this point as he was reading off a sheet of paper like doctors do haha).

So then after that he asked about other side effects and I kinda just mentioned back pains as they are getting progressively worse but nothing else really. Then he..............................COMPLIMENTED MY SKIN CONDITION!!! Woot woot, first skin compliment that WASN'T from my mom! haha.

He said I'm looks really well as in no really bad breakouts. And I confirmed that I haven't really experienced any abnormal breakouts, saying there wasn't any change in my skin since pre-tane other than the fact that my oil production has slowed down. He basically just nodded and then gave me my next prescription and made an appointment for another blood test - to be in the morning with no food, urgh, more missing school.

The thing that really pisses me off about this derm is that he's keeping me on 40mg! URGH! It only annoys me because I've read that you have a better chance of NOT going on a second course of 'tane if your dosage is up higher when you end your course. So I asked him when I should expect him to up my dosage and he was like "IF we do that, it'll be in the last two months"

LAST TWO MONTHS?! Oh thanks, so if I breakout then because of the upage it'll be right by the summer! This especially pisses me off because my boyfriend who lives far away will be staying with me for a month this summer and I want to impress him with my beauitful CLEAR PERFECT skin!

I think the right way to do an Accutane course is to start at 40, then 60, then 80, then gradually go a bit higher maybe and then start bringing the dosage down again before you stop the course altogether.

However, everyone's different I guess... right?

Still, I'm going to vocalize my concern next month when I see him I think because I would really like to AT LEAST get up to 80mg to kick my acne in the ass!

I want perfect skin damnit!

soooo, anyways...

acne-wise: nothing really. Mostly ALL healing spots (so there's ten) and I can see a spot forming under my nose (one of those random bumps that you can only see in certain lighting).

My scars are still noticable which REALLY bugs me... I think for my next derm appointment I'm gonna ask him about scar treatment and how soon I can start it after Accutane because they REALLY REALLY bug me. However, they are lighter and aren't as noticable as before Derma E Scar Gel with makeup on.

My blackheads and pores are a bit smaller but still noticable.

side effects: BACK PAIN! Mostly when I'm sitting down or walking with my backpack on... and honestly, I'm never walking without a backup or not sitting down bahahaha. Also, my mom runs an at home daycare so there's kids in my house all the time, especially babies, and I'm a huge kid person so I always pick them up and say hello --- this is DEFINATELY hurting my back. However, Advil helps a bit and if I try not to think about it I don't notice the pain as much.

Basically everything else is the same - dryish skin (not really though), irrtatable eyes when the heat is on in my house, dryish lips (still have that cut thing on the left corner of my mouth which hurts when I try to eat - urgh!), no oil production throughout the day. The only time my skin LOOKS oily is when I have a certain kind of moisturizer on my face because it's oily... but even then it's not as near as oily as it use to be.

Other than the one spot that I stupidly picked at, with makeup on, I'm pretty happy with my skin. However I want to get to that point where I don't feel the need to have makeup on everyday. I REALLY want that.

really really really really

:pray:

Edited by conspiracy83
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im only 2 days ahead of you and im also in 40mg! you are skin texture is def changing! and your a cutie! heh. ill be keeping up with your log! hopefully the side effects arent too crazy!

-daniel

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sdsurunner07: awe, thanks ^_^ it's so good to know someone else is close to the same dates in my course AND on the same dosage.. doesn't make me feel so much like the odd one out =p Good luck with your course!

LeBron: thanks! Good luck to you too!

DAY 27

acne-wise: Getting more breakouts. I stayed home from school today because I just couldn't handle it (I'm gradually seeing how much time I take off school just because of my skin). I think these breakouts are more due to stress... more on that later...

I now have 10 healing spots and two actives. I also have lots a little tiny white bumps all along, mostly, my jaw line. Kinda annoying because I just want to pop them but they're so tiny that it's not worth it.

side effects: Same old, same old: back pain is the most severe. My skin, lips, and eyes are getting drier everyday but bearable. I'm having more mood swings than normal but that's more because it's "my time of the month" than anything else... that could add to my breakouts I'm having too actually.

The dry skin is starting to effect my skin texture too.. especially when I put on makeup which is uber annoying.

Venting: Ugh, stress. How fun. School has been piling on more work but it's not THAT bad. It's more the fact that this sudden work load started just as everything else started to stress me out. I've, lately, been trying to be all happy go lucky (which is why most of my posts seem like that) and for the most part of I have been. Just a few things have gotten on my nerve lately:

My boyfriend lives on an island just outside of England and he's a teacher there so he has half term right now and is off for the week. However, he has gone to England to see his mom who's in the hospital and he's been uber tired lately. I'm not mad at him or anything.. I mean this is OBVIOUSLY not his fault at all but it's just upseting that I don't have him to vent to... so instead I'm venting here! haha

My mom has been a royal pain in the ass ever since I applied to universities. It was first a big arguement to get me to apply to uni and now she's being all "which one are you going to choose?!" I feel like I can't get mad at her constant nagging because she's going to pay for my four years to get my bachelors. However, this nagging business is BEYOND annoying. I don't do well under pressure.

Basically she's trying to get me to choose the university here in our city so I can live at home. However, I don't like being at home... I do better when I'm on my own... and therefore I had applied to a university outside of the city also. However, my mom wants me to stay here for whatever reason (which I don't understand because she says I stress her out and therefore wouldn't it be better for me to just move out?) So whenever we talk about ANYTHING she starts bringing up university and whenever that happens it becomes this big arguement.

In all honesty I'd totally be fine with staying at home if my mom didn't nag so much. I'm a very quiet, reserved kind of person. I don't need to talk 24/7 and I don't like telling people what's going on in my life either. The only person I would ever allow to know everything about my life is my boyfriend but, thankfully, I find he's a lot like me in that he doesn't have a need for me to tell him a play by play of what I did today. However, that isn't to say I don't like venting (obviously haha). If there's something bother I do better by vocializing it... it's just my mother I get really annoyed with I guess. Probably because she ASKS to hear a play by play of my day and it's like I have no free will.

ANYWAYS! Back to the university stuff - there's also the issue of money... urgh. I want to travel. So if I stay at home it may be easier to work during school to get the money to travel.

Ah well... I'll figure it all out later. Right now I honestly just want to focus on the now... I plan my future ahead way too much and it only leads to disappointment.

Hope everyone is having a good week and is doing well with their 'tane treatment! :turtle:

Edited by conspiracy83
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conspiracy83: awwww....*hugs*

i totally understand u when u r venting here in this forum..

this is what that is happening to me right now! i cant tell anyone, not even my bf about my breakouts.. they just dont understand the anguish acne had caused me....

have been checking this forum for positive accutane results (i m trying to avoid reading all the negative posts.. im self-delusional sometimes.. lol)

anyway, just wanna give u support here! I'm sure u will work things out! Just take thing slowly. Dont rush into the future. What will be will be, and all things that happen, will happen for a reason =)

We are a few days apart. Im on day 30 since taking tane. Definately having more spots and im having those small whiteheads n zits at my jawline too!

Will upload pics of me soon...

Take care!!

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Don't let your mom wanting you to be at home stress you out too bad. She is just not ready to let go. But I know exactly how you feel. When I applied for schools, I avoided my hometown so I didn't have to live at home. I love my parents, they drive me nuts though. Your mom will be proud and happy for you no matter where you are. Just stay in semi-driving distance :) You need to do what is best for you. Living at home doesn't sound like the best. Do what it takes to make you happy. I did, and it was SO WORTH IT. As for traveling, same thing, I took out an extra loan and did a summer study abroad, saved some money over 2 years, and $3 grand later, I went to france, spain, italy, greece, portugal, morocco, and germany. Do it. You're young, now is the time. It's worth the student loans to have the life experience. Just do a summer school so you can get a tax write off and differ your loan payments.

Spread your wings and fly little one!

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fel_han: thanks for all the support! I appericate it. It's always nice to know I'm not the only one going through this shit right now =)

Of course, I give my support back to you and hope your treatment is going amazing!

Mee_shell: Like with fel_han, thanks so much for the support! :wub:

I think the whole university situation is getting better. My mom is becoming more understanding but that may be because I'm thinking about staying closer to home. I really just need to forget about everyone else I think and make the choice that's right for me =)

DAY 29

acne-wise: nothing troubly new here. I think my skin is calming down a bit with actives. I have a HUGE healing spot nicely placed right to the left of my nose - all thanks to my picking. I honestly never though my skin would be THIS fragile coming into this.

I got a new spot on my nose not long ago and of course, I picked it. It's a massive healing spot too and obviously on the left side so I look like I've been attacked by something :doubt:

However though my skin has been pretty lame - no actives but slooooooooow healing.

side effects: Same old, same old. Back pain, dry lips, dry skin - and of course they're all a bit worse than they were the last time I reported.

I know that many people have plagued Accutane as the course for depression, however I don't really believe this I have had an odd experience today (still having this experience).

I was fine all day, pretty happy actually. I went for my blood test and my mom took me out for lunch. Also my boyfriend has confirmed that he will be staying with me for the summer and we're going to get a "short-term apartment" (basically like a hotel but it looks like an apartment!) and live there together for the summer - I'm uber excited about this and happy that are plans are finally being followed through. I also got my report card today for 2nd term and I'm on the honor role which is GREAT cause these marks are sent in to universities.

So... I honestly have nothing to be upset about really, right?

Well, this evening I was home alone cause my dad was still at work and my mom has gone to visit my grandparents and I'm laying in a big chair with my dog, looking out the window thinking about this coming summer and all of a sudden... I just start crying.

And I don't mean like a couple tears rolled down my cheeks, but I mean full on crying - I literally started hyperventalating I was crying so hard. All I could think was "why the fuck am I crying?!" It was the oddest, most random saddness I have ever come about in my life.

It took me a couple hours to calm down and now I've stopped crying but I still have this very... empty feeling inside.

Now... I do have a history with depression. When I was 13 - 15 years old I use to be really depressed and I went to therapy (also this was the time I had my eating disorder). I also from 13 to 16 years old use to cut. I stopped this habit when my boyfriend and I started talking again (I've known him for four years but when I was 14ish to 16ish we stopped talking for a bit - the summer I turned 16 we started talking again). Anyways, when he expressed how he felt about me cutting I got help and stopped almost cold turkey.

ANYWAYS! However, the feeling I had when I suddenly started crying was honestly so new to me. I completely did not know why I was crying. I'm completely content with my life and honestly have no real bad complaints to make. The only thing I can think SOMEWHAT caused this was about a half hour before I started crying I was reading this reaaaaaally sad book and it's good so I'm really into the plot line and everything and sometimes when I'm really into a book I can't get it out of my head.

I'm hoping this is a one time feeling and maybe it isn't even related to Accutane. However, I really don't ever want it to happen again!

P.S. I'm gonna post some pictures tomorrow if I can because it'll be day 30! woo, one month done! =D

Edited by conspiracy83
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DAY 30

So I didn't take pictures because my mom took the camera with her to my grandparents this weekend and we sadly only have one camera. I'm pissed cause I really wanted a day 30 picture =( ah well... I'm hoping she'll be back tomorrow and I can take pictures then!

So I'll make this post quick!

acne-wise: Nothing really to report. Everything is mostly healing but I can feel one new spot forming under my chin. It's just a bump right now and I'm trying to keep my hands AWAY from it - doing pretty good so far.

With make-up on I'm pretty okay with my face. My scars seem to be sticking out more and I'm guessing it's because my skin seems a lot paler. Ah well, I'm trying not to worry about it.

side effects: Again, nothing really new. Back pain, dry lips skin and eyes (in order of most dry to least).

Thats it for today! Sorry about having no pics =( I'm bummed too.

but one month is over! woo!

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Hey!!! i just wanted to say.. PLEASE MOVE OUT!!! lol i think it would be one of the best decisions of your life.. certainly was one of mine... You get to grow up to be YOU. Also, do you exercise? I think ti helps a lot of emotional health. I am usually stressed and sad sometimes when I don't work out, but when I do I am balanced.

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Just read through you log *hugs* ... I just wanted to say hello and tell you that, in my opinion, you need to tell your derm about your crying spell. It's always better to be safe than sorry!

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sdsurunner07: Ugh I don't know... everyone is telling me to do different things! "move out" "don't move out". In all honesty it depends what universities I get into and I'll decide then. Once the acceptance letters start coming in I'll just have to figure out what place I want to go to in my heart and go there! lol

I just think living at home would be easier cause it would help me save up for traveling and such during the summer.

audabby: Oh don't worry! I'm definitely going to be mentioning it to my derm... I think it's mostly just because I'm an emotional person though *shrugs* I dont' know. I've definitely felt more down on myself lately but I've felt like that before so who knows.

soccersweetie1101: bahahaha, thanks for dancing banana man! Best of luck to you too!! and thanks for the support!

DAY 31

So my deepest apologies because I don't have any pictures. My mom has been gone all weekend with the camera and by the time she came home I just didn't feel up to it.

I was reading through peoples logs and I came across KeepSmilingThrough's log called "Wanna know a secret Acne? I hate you." If you haven't read her log I definitely recommend it. It's very cute. She writes this little "random facts about me" and I thought it was such a good idea I'm gonna go ahead and copy it! (just like sdsurunner07 has started doing I believe).

acne-wise: That spot I said that was on my chin that I hadn't picked? Yeaaaah, well I picked it :naughty:

Ah well, it's not that bad and I believe it'll be easy to cover with make-up so I'm not too worried.

Other than that there isn't much else to report. My scars are still REALLY pissing me off. Grr!

And my scabs seem to be healing nicely actually, which is a relief.

side effects: In all honesty, I've felt like SHIT lately. I've been keeping this from everyone because I thought it was just like a cold or something and maybe it is but I had a thought - what if all these sicknesses I've had are from Acccutane? Is it possible that Accutane has lowered my immune system or something? Cause honestly, before this I hardly EVER got sick. I've read a couple of other logs that say they got sick a lot more when they were on Accutane too.

I've also been getting more headaches which is either part of this cold I'm getting or due to Accutane.

I've ALSO been really light headed lately. I feel really faint whenever I wake up and if I'm not too active during the day I feel faint also. It kinda sucks.

My throat kinda hurts too, but isn't that bad.

My skin honestly isn't dry at all, less so than it was a couple days ago even. Maybe it's all the baths I've been taking? lol

My lips aren't that dry if I use lip chap.

I get thristy a lot more than normal.

I have odd stomach aches (maybe it's my cold though?)

And, I'm happy to say, no crying spells lately! Though it hasn't been that long since my last haha.

mood: I've been feeling REALLY down on myself this weekend. I feel fat and gross and just ugly altogether. I need to get more active. I wish I had a workout buddy bahaha. However, acne keeps me from going out in public a lot - especially workout places because my makeup is more likely to come off. I wish I had an excerise machine in my house or something but I doubt my mom would ever get one. I wanna get a wii and a wii fit because at least that's some excerise... I could do yoga without actually going to a class!

Ah well... I'll get over this mood, I always do.

Random Me Fact: I had plans to get a tattoo this summer with my boyfriend but because of Accutane I won't be able to. I'm quite disappointed with this because it was to be my first tattoo!

Edited by conspiracy83
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I always feel icky when I promise myself I am not going to pick, and I do it anyways!! It makes me feel sad!

Andd I am moving out for the first time this fall, assuming I can afford it. I am excited and worried about it at the same time.

Also! Oh my goodness! I was gonna get a tattoo this summer too! but not it is on hold due to accutane!

Best of luck to you :)

Edited by KeepSmilingThrough
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