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Jerichoa

Advice from Family, Friends, and Strangers

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There's a commercial for a local drugstore here, and there's a woman in the commercial going about her daily activities. She's in the grocery store and someone tells her what to do about her dandruff. She's in the gym and someone says "Don't work so hard, honey. A few drops of hot sauce in your meals and those pounds will drop right off!" Then she's leaving a drug store and someone says "Oh, a stool softener will clear that acne right up!" The point of the commercial is that the people who work at the drug store will give good advice.

That commercial makes me furious because I've been struggling with acne for almost eight years now (since I was 10 years old), and having someone look at me and immediately make assumptions as if I haven't tried anything or I don't care bothers me immensely. But, the fact that those people actually do want to help and are usually very honest people and not jerks lessens my anger (not my embarrassment, however).

My mother's adoptive mother has commented on my acne every time she's seen me since I've started getting it. It's always something negative, like: "You would be prettier if you just started caring about your face. What do you plan to do?" I thought about passing along the Doxycycline and Accutane bills to her for Christmas, since I'm so hideous that these medicines would make her life better because she doesn't have to be ashamed of me anymore. Stupid gated community grandparents.

ANYWAY, I kind of ranted.. I'm sorry! I just want to know how you all feel about advice from different people. Or, more accurately, how it makes you feel.

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That sucks indeed those kind of commercials arent on air here fortunately...Just remember that the point of the spots is to sell the items ;)

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My mother's adoptive mother has commented on my acne every time she's seen me since I've started getting it. It's always something negative, like: "You would be prettier if you just started caring about your face. What do you plan to do?"

wow that's so rude. that would've made me furious. that's like telling a fat person they'd look better if they lost weight

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There's a commercial for a local drugstore here, and there's a woman in the commercial going about her daily activities. She's in the grocery store and someone tells her what to do about her dandruff. She's in the gym and someone says "Don't work so hard, honey. A few drops of hot sauce in your meals and those pounds will drop right off!" Then she's leaving a drug store and someone says "Oh, a stool softener will clear that acne right up!" The point of the commercial is that the people who work at the drug store will give good advice.

That commercial makes me furious because I've been struggling with acne for almost eight years now (since I was 10 years old), and having someone look at me and immediately make assumptions as if I haven't tried anything or I don't care bothers me immensely. But, the fact that those people actually do want to help and are usually very honest people and not jerks lessens my anger (not my embarrassment, however).

My mother's adoptive mother has commented on my acne every time she's seen me since I've started getting it. It's always something negative, like: "You would be prettier if you just started caring about your face. What do you plan to do?" I thought about passing along the Doxycycline and Accutane bills to her for Christmas, since I'm so hideous that these medicines would make her life better because she doesn't have to be ashamed of me anymore. Stupid gated community grandparents.

ANYWAY, I kind of ranted.. I'm sorry! I just want to know how you all feel about advice from different people. Or, more accurately, how it makes you feel.

I have to tell you, I detest people who say those kind of things. Over the years, I've learned that being politely confrontational is the best approach.

My response would be, "Actually, I care very much about my appearance and the condition of my skin. I have consulted a physician numerous times and been prescribed a variety of very costly medications that obviously weren't a silver bullet. Unfortunately, it seems my condition is a little more complex and has proved challenging for even licensed medical professionals; however, the one thing that all of the experts have said is that stress exacerbates it and quite frankly your constant criticisms and negative remarks don't help. I think I can actually feel another lesion forming as I speak."

Okay...you could leave off the last part...or not. ;)

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@ItalianBoy: Yes! I'm hoping that people who are like that who see it will maybe think twice before they give advice to strangers without knowing the story behind their problem... Usually, though, those people don't even realize what they're doing, so it's just wishful thinking.

@hellstorm: It's completely rude! She's always done that to me though, and I've seen pictures of her when she was younger. Her skin was good, but she still looked.. goofy.

@Cecelia: I'm a jerk to people who are a jerk to me (unless I give them a reason to, and genetic hormonal acne is nothing that they should consider to be a personal offense), so I have seriously thought about faxing her the bills. Maybe I'll get her to cover my hair cuts (if I ever get one, it's kind of a security blanket now, because I can use it to hide my face), and I'll actually start getting my nails done. :P

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i know this is completely off the topic, but aren't you taking doxy right now? if so how is it going so far? my derm prescribed me tetracycline aka doxy and i took them today

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My mother's adoptive mother has commented on my acne every time she's seen me since I've started getting it. It's always something negative, like: "You would be prettier if you just started caring about your face. What do you plan to do?"

I get those sort of remarks all the time. It seems that some (the older generation in particular i've noticed) tend to assume that if you have acne it's your fault for not trying hard enough to rid yourself of it. As if it's so easy :rolleyes:.

My step-father's mother went so far as to tell his younger kids that if they ate greasy foods they'd end up having skin like mine when they got older. She ALSO told them that the reason I was unsuccessful in clearing up my skin with proactiv was because I was "probably using it wrong".

It's horrible. :( We have acne. We're aware- painfully so. Why would we just sit there and NOT try to do something about it? Some people... :wall:

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i know this is completely off the topic, but aren't you taking doxy right now? if so how is it going so far? my derm prescribed me tetracycline aka doxy and i took them today

Yep! I've been on Doxy since the 11th of December. It's been GREAT! I've been using it along with Persa Gel 10 (10% Benzoyl Peroxide, something like 5% I think might be better, I can feel my skin starting to burn) and Cetaphil Daily Advanced Moisturizing Lotion for Dry, Sensitive Skin. I wasn't expecting results as pleasing as this. My period is about a day away, and I haven't had my normal, massive breakout.

My dermatologist prescribed me this while I do my two months of blood testing before going on Accutane. She wanted to calm my skin down a bit before I started it. The first week of February is when I'll be going on Accutane, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was already mostly clear by that time.

(Sorry for the lengthy reply!)

My mother's adoptive mother has commented on my acne every time she's seen me since I've started getting it. It's always something negative, like: "You would be prettier if you just started caring about your face. What do you plan to do?"

I get those sort of remarks all the time. It seems that some (the older generation in particular i've noticed) tend to assume that if you have acne it's your fault for not trying hard enough to rid yourself of it. As if it's so easy :rolleyes:.

My step-father's mother went so far as to tell his younger kids that if they ate greasy foods they'd end up having skin like mine when they got older. She ALSO told them that the reason I was unsuccessful in clearing up my skin with proactiv was because I was "probably using it wrong".

It's horrible. :( We have acne. We're aware- painfully so. Why would we just sit there and NOT try to do something about it? Some people... :wall:

That absolutely drives me crazy. The assumptions! Assuming that we don't do enough, and that because some people on a commercial supposedly had luck, that we too, will have luck. HA. HA. HA. I hate being used as an example, I loathe the assumptions, and I despise not being able to explain myself to those people. You know, the more I think about it, the more I consider them to be SKIN BIGOTS!

My mom tells me all the time to cut my bangs, but i can't cos that's where i'm hiding most of my acne :(

I started getting acne when I had bangs, and to be completely honest with you, I don't believe my hair had anything to do with my acne. A few years ago I had bangs again, and I hair brushing against my face twenty-four hours a day, and I no longer break out there. If you want to keep your bangs, do it. They might have some affect on your acne (for example, if you use hair products in your hair such as cream, gel, etc.) but that affect would be slight aggravation, not causation.

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Most of my friends have acne and we all hate those comments. Its good to fight negative thoughts with positive ones, next time one of those comments rolls into you head, just tell yourself something great about you. Its not easy to let em go but fight back.

One time I said to someone "skin is sensitive, we'll probably break out just for you making fun of me" and he did pretty bad a few days later. So now I tell him that my skin is contaigous and if he makes fun of me I'll scrub my face with his pillowcase. It didnt really work but now we laugh at it.

P.S. Jerichoa, your gorgeous!!! No breakouts could take that away. will ferrel would call you scrumtralescent

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I don't really give a shit what advice I get from strangers... I don't know them, why bother caring what they say anyways?

As for friends, I've never gotten advice.

Advice from family hurts a lot worse though. Things like that hurt so much more coming from someone you love.

I simply told my family to knock it off and they haven't said anything since.. I know they're just trying to help, though. Well, sometimes they were anyways.

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Faxing her the bills is a funny idea... but it's also slightly passive-aggressive and she might not even know just what the hell they are. Perhaps you should just be blunt about it. Next time that woman (or anyone else for that matter) says something along the lines of, "When are you going to do something about your face?" Reply with, "What makes you think I haven't already?"

Yes, people are incredibly ignorant. There are some who genuinely want to help, like when a commercial comes on for some stupid product you tried long ago and didn't work, they'll light up and say, "Hey! Have you tried that?" I realize they are trying to be helpful and I usually will laugh and say something like, "Ohhhhh yeah... along with dozens of other products that my skin problem was just as resistant to." But sadly, there will always be the mean spirited people who know NOTHING about acne other than old wives tales. The people who will glare at you while you are enjoying a piece of pizza and make some snarky remark like, "Well, your skin will never look any better if you always eat like that." These people are so ignorant that I don't even bother with a reply. I just cut people like this out of my life completely.

I'm not sure what your age is, but if you are an adult capable of making your own choices perhaps you ought to choose not to visit her anymore. If your mother questions you why you won't accompany her on these visits just be honest and tell her that you are tired of the rude comments coming from her mother and don't want to subject yourself to it anymore. Even if you are still a minor you might want to tell your mother that anyway. Perhaps she won't force these visits on you anymore.

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G-rogerg: Thanks for the comment. :) And I love your positive response. Lately I've noticed that I've become unusually angry and the world, and prone to rants, but I love people who can respond to negativity with something lighthearted, humorous, and witty. THAT is tact!

Lyssa: The only reason why I care about strangers is because I want to work for the government once I graduate from college. If you look at many of our elected officials and other members of the government, they aren't exactly unattractive... Especially the important ones! (Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Sarah Palin). I have also considered doing political and economic analysis for a media outlet, and I'm not hideous, but they wouldn't want my face representing them on TV at this point. :\

WHAT I WAS GETTING AT WAS!!! I will be dealing with strangers every day, and many people are quick to judge. I will also be expected to look nice, due to that. Sorry, I had finals today and my brain is just barely chugging along!

Priceless: Since I've started my pre-Accutane Doxycyline treatment, she hasn't said anything. Things are looking bright for my skin's future, and I don't anticipate any more rude comments from her... But if she does find it to be her place to comment, I anticipate that I would say something along the lines of what you have suggested.

She used to comment on my skin and what I ate, and she would also say I was fat and wouldn't feed me. I've been recovering from an eating disorder too, though, and I will eat WHATEVER I FREAKING WANT TO. Starving yourself sucks.

I think I will continue to see her, just to prove her wrong. If she keeps her usual crap up though, she'll be added to the endangered species list.

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I pay NO MIND to whatever anyone tells me about acne or how I should go about "curing" it.

I've become something of an apprentice dermatologist over the last 5 years battling with severe acne so when I say I've researched it to death, I have.

And I don't mean just surfing the web reading about other people's experiences and forming my own conclusions.

I've talked to 6 different dermatologists, 4 different doctors, 1 surgeon; I've consulted with many people who had severe acne during their teenage years face-to-face (from work and college) and hell I even keep a whole stack of medical journals that have been published on the subject.

Regular people just have NO FRIGGIN' CLUE and it bothers the sh*t outta me when they act so sure of themselves in giving you advice on how you can clear up your acne.

"Oh you need to wash your face"

"Stop drinking so much soda"

"You should cut down on fried foods"

"You should sleep more"

"You need to stress less"

"Stop picking at those things"

"Have you tried Clearasil?"

"Try to avoid sweating so much"

THEY need to shut the fuck up.

Severe cases of acne are entirely genetically determined and beyond the sufferer's control. You cannot fight internal problems and hormonal imbalances with superficial solutions like face washes.

I can't even begin to tell you the number of times somebody has commented on my acne and given me a run-of-the-mil, clueless, quickfix solution like "Try Proactiv" to which I've replied with a complete, point-by-point run down on the causes of severe/cystinc acne and how the only viable and proven solutions are powerful Vitamin-A derivatives like Isotretinoin (Accutane).

Everyone's a goddamned expert aren't they?

One of my aunts in particular bothered the sh*t out of me by claiming by acne was caused by "Coca Cola".

To prove her wrong I went 4 months without drinking any soda drinks and guess what? I still had acne.

I purposely took her with me to a dermatologist once and asked the dermatologist if refined sugars or soda drinks actually have any affect on acne and she flat out said "NO".

As you can guess, my aunt never brought that BS up again.

What can you do people? Ignorance isn't confined to the realm of acne... it's just good old fashioned human stupidity.

Edited by Mirza89

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I've done so much research on acne and acne products. When people give me advice I just laugh. You have to remember though they are trying to help you.

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the thing is, there's a difference between telling a fat person they would look better if they lost weight and telling people about their acne. in my opinion anyways.

there are a million reasons why some people claim they're overweight, but I have been fat and all it takes to be in great shape is commitment, effort, and shitton of healthy food and exercise. However, if one could do something like that for acne, we would all be spending our time engaging in happier activities than writing on these forums.

you can do something about being fat; acne, not so much. people have gone through multiple rounds of accutane and still failed.

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Mirza89:

You sound so much like me. Amazingly angry and frustrated. That's how I really feel. I attempt to realize that people are trying to help, but it's so IRRITATING when people keep trying to play doctor and tell you what they think. It makes it difficult, also, that some people refuse to believe that acne has any sort of genetic relevance.

iRyRy:

I know that people are trying to help me. :) I think my problem with it is that, in my experience, the general assumption people make is that I'm not trying any and/or haven't tried anything, and that I don't care. THAT'S what bothers me. I just wish I could tell everyone who just HAS to put in their two cents about might eight-year struggle with severe, cystic acne.

Lyssa:

I LOVE that comic. That's my new facebook profile picture! :D

darrellbl9:

I used to not talk about it either. I've noticed that since my dermatologist is putting me on Accutane, and I feel that there is some end to the insanity in the near future, I'm more open about it.

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