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i dont even know where to start.. i finally broke down and am writing this out of strait anger/rage/sadness...a whirlpool of f*cking emotion (excuse my language). Im a 20yr old male and currently in my 2nd year of college in FL. I have had moderate+- acne for about 4 years now. Everyday for me is a emotional rollercoaster. I hate to admit it but my acne literally controls how i feel day in and day out.. and i am so f$%@& tired of it. Not to be conceded or self centered but i know i am a very good looking guy and acne is seriously holding me back from who i am. For the last few months my acne has been excellent and in fact little to none. i finally thought i was done, out of this BS loop of checking every mirror i walk by, constant wondering if i look good, constant sheltering of my self. I was so close...so damn close to clear skin. I felt so alive,amazing,almost invincible, it was unlike anything i have ever felt before in my lifetime. Then winter starts.. my face is oily yet very dry which is a horrible combo. so for the last month or so i have been breaking out pretty bad and my acne shows up alot redder than usual cause im not nearly as tan as i am in the summer. My face is also dry so its very flaky and red. I only wash my face once a night to avoid making the dryness worse even though I put on alott of moisturizer after every shower. And to make matters even worse, I have a cyst which just recently formed in the last 2-3 weeks. This one cyst has taken complete control over my emotions.. Its the size of a quarter and is dark red/almost a purple cover on the left side of my nose. in the shower when i wash my face i feel how squishy it is and it just kills me that this is sitting so deep under my skin, and how i can seriously do almost nothing about it. it reached i climax tonight while i was washing my face in the shower, it actaully hurt to touch for once, i started to massage it to calm it down but i couldnt help the feeling like it was going to explode. i go over to the mirror and press firmly down and this huge mess oozes out a rediculous amount of i dont even know what u would call it. it was almost a mix between blood and pus (very light red color). I felt relived but i could still feel more in their.. and the cyst still looks just is bad on the outside :( anyways.. I cant believe i am still dealing with this BS... WHY!?! why cant i just have a normal clear face like all my damn friends.... why cant i wake up and NOT think about my acne. I know ppl have it alot worse than me and i have the upmost respect and sympathy for those ppl. but damn, this is me. this is my life i cant believe i am being controlled over something i have almost no control over..

acne seriously ruins everything about me: my swag, my emotions, my FACE, my whole life i feel like im being held back from the person i should be.. the person i AM under all this acne... i just want to be free... sorry about all this but i just needed to vent for once. i hate to admit it but i have been drinking alot because of this...nothing extreme or anything, it just helps numb the pain. I cant help but comparing my skin to others. and i hate talking to ppl close up when all i can see are their eyes scanning my face, looking at my acne..its so embarrassing, and honestly it makes me feel less like a man. I cant help but feel hopeless at times. I just want it all to be gone, I JUST WANT TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE!!!

anyways i think im gonna go sleep for half the day... good luck and god bless everybody.

hopefully tmrw will be a better day

Edited by dudewheresmycarr

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I feel ya. I stayed home from school Monday because of a breakout and a huge stubborn cyst.

But, I know this doesn't help much, people probably don't look at your acne as much as you think they do. There is a really cute guy that works at the drugstore up the road from me. I've never noticed anything other than the fact that's he's cute and nice. My mom was the one who mentioned his acne (not in a mean way, she casually mentioned to me that his face was looking really clear lately and wondered what he'd been using, and she only notices acne because she's helped me battle mine for so long). I had never noticed it, but apparently he had pretty severe acne. All I ever saw was a cute, nice guy!

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I am sorry you are going through such a rough time, but don't ever apologize for ranting. That is why this board is here (and also to encourage one another). :comfort:

You mention that "acne is holding you back". Well that is the first step. It is not conceited to say how you feel you look physically, but it is worrisome that your self-image is completely changed because you have acne. That is the struggle we all deal with in one form or another. If not over skin, than over your weight, or body shape, or any number of things.

There isn't an easy answer, and if there was we would all not be here. The only advice I can give is to strive everyday to see the good in yourself. Acne doesn't *have* to hold you back, no matter how tight of a grip you feel it has on your self-esteem. Taking tiny steps everyday to regain the positiveness you once felt can go a loooong way towards taking back your self-confidence.

Good luck and we are here for you! =)

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