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I did this quickly and didn't look over it. It may be an unorganized ramble, but it needed to be done.

One day when I was younger I remember staring into a mirror I remembered noticing just how great my skin was. I put my face right up to the mirror and thought to myself how fortunate I was. I first began to get acne when I was in middle school. Tiny bumps on my forehead on and off. Then leading up to getting my drivers license I started to get a little bit of acne on my cheeks. I thought to myself, it didn’t matter. This was normal, I was lucky to not have much up to this point. I started using some product on it and it was kept in check.

As my junior year went on my acne began to get worse, all over my face, and over the winter it exploded. I went to one dermatologist to get help and the prescriptions she gave me did very little. After visiting a new dermatologist I got temporary relief for my acne and was cleared for a couple months in the late spring/early summer. Damage was done though, I had numerous very visible red marks all over my face.

It was around this time when my acne started coming back when I started looking for other ways to help my acne. During my junior year my acne had began to take a deep effect on me. I hated acne, it wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t normal. This is what I believe drove me to look for other alternatives to taking prescriptions or just waiting it out. I began to think if I would ever grow out of acne. I thought how strange it was that it hit its peak at 17 years old. So I started to look into diet, supplements, and lifestyle to try to improve my skin.

I never ate poorly, never consumed foods thought of to be triggers for acne, but during this time I turned to rather radical diets. I made the choice to stick to these diets in order to help my skin, but it ended up creating awkward situations. It made it hard to eat with my family and friends. I even struggled with my weight due to my restrictive eating. During this time I became interested in gaining weight and it made this struggle even worse.

I sometimes wonder if the desire to gain weight (I have always been skinny) stemmed from my transition to being more self critical, starting with acne. I did these diets for long periods of time, and even currently I eat a diet that is rather restrictive. I have realized I can’t live like I did, but I have also noticed over almost two years of observation that diet DID effect my acne a pretty big amount. I could bring my skin to a couple of pimples here and there with a good diet. Whereas when I ate rather carelessly I got regular large inflamed acne, and a constant borage of small spots.

At the time my acne sprung up I was just started to get comfortable with girls, yet it crushed my confidence. I have no intentions of getting into a relationship while I have acne. I am reluctant to meet new people in general. I usually don’t hold my self back from going places, but I think about staying home due to acne. I have a hard time looking people in the eye, even people who I know don’t care about physical appearance and value me for who I am.

Every time I look into a mirror my mind will be placed on acne for at least 15 minutes after. Every night and morning I look in the mirror and hope from the bottom of my soul that it is finally over. When I am outside I cling to the shade and hate having my skin exposed to direct sunlight. I rarely do any outside activities because of this.

To expand on my interest in an alternative treatment, I want to tell you how dramatically I changed my life. I started to consume only whole organic food, spending hundreds of dollars of my parents money on supplements, using only organic products, not using deodorant, avoiding sunscrean, and doing body cleanses.

I have spent countless upon countless hours of my life researching acne. I don’t think it is possible for anyone who hasn’t researched like myself to understand. You wouldn’t think there would be so much to look up on acne, but for such a seemingly small problem there is a lot unknown and a lot of bodily factors. I have read about millions of products, hundreds of scientific articles, thousands of comments from others acne sufferers and heard endless claims about the acne cure. I have considered how almost every nutrient or biological process could be causing my acne. I have thoroughly considered the side effects of all diseases and the effect of every behavior in my life.

It hurts me so much to see others abuse their health and enjoy their perfect skin. I think why do I have to carry so much burden while they enjoy the bliss of not knowing any of it? I don’t dislike others because of this, but it makes me hate my acne even more. I have spent countless nights just thinking about my skin, and I have even thought about how it wouldn’t be that bad if my life ended. I never wanted to kill myself, and appreciated the good things in life, but always see my life as a prohibited from true happiness until that day I can be happy with my skin.

These tremendous emotions have been bouncing around for a long time, and I don’t know if I will be able to take them forever. I almost feel like descending into carelessness and not having passion about life. You may ask why I just don’t ignore the acne itself and enjoy my life. I have tried on numerous occasions, but it is something that you can never escape. It will be back, that is the one fact of my life I have fought against with every fiber of my being, but have let sink in.

Edited by Packerfan785
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It hurts me so much to see others abuse their health and enjoy their perfect skin.

Keep in mind that, on any given day, about half of all adults in civilized society have a zit present. I know that's not anything like saying they all have fullblown outbreaks, I'm just saying it appears more factually accurate to say those folks are abusing their health and not usually having nearly as bad acne rather than to refer to their "perfect skin".

It's no fun being on the worst end of a continuum, but I think it evokes a somewhat different psychological response to realize you are on a continuum, not one of a few people singled out for misfortune while most have "perfect skin". The data really suggests acne results from some factor of civilized life (be it diet/environment/behavior or combinations thereof) and, while people are affected unevenly, most people are affected.

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I was writing something very long but you pretty much described everything that I've ever wanted to say about acne and how I feel about it. I really do feel exactly the same because I've done similar things as you, countless of researches, emptying out my family's money on supplements and body cleanse kits, restricting my diet completely, and more. I really. really feel like, once my face clears up completely, I can do everything that I desired to do and nothing will be able to stand in my way. It feels like acne is the only thing thats holding me back from everything that I want to do. I know what you mean by not being able to just enjoy your life and ignore acne. Acne is just too hard to deal with and you can't just try to ignore it, it's too hard..

Edited by steve.n
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I know what you mean. I am sure many people here have had the same thoughts as you. I know i have. It is not easy. Finally i have no more acne, and it all happened by itself no treatments at all. Acne has left me a cruel reminder. Scars. I avoid any contact with mirrors or anything that reflects images. I know i spend countless hours up at night wishing it was different. Hoping. We feel you. Trust me you are not alone as we all think we are. We share this pain.

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I remember getting worried whether my ears were too big , ROFL.

now I would do anything to go back to those times.

I remember getting worried whether my ears were too big , ROFL.

now I would do anything to go back to those times.

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Dude NEVER in my life would i read something that long but it is 90% the same story for me man.

Thats probably how all acne sufferers feel but most parts like for me not even that long ago actually remember watching the proactive comercial and saying to my friend "thank god i dont have acne" and looking in the mirror and then realizing you just spent pointless minutes desperately wishing your acne was gone and how it hurts to see other people with perfect skin...it sucks.

I never had acne until October and im 18 in college. Now its gone but i have the a giant scar on the side of my face and i barely go out and only at night. I live a pathetic life.

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Feeling sorry fo you bro,

And packers been a bit shit this year too which can't help. Damn asshole favre.

Edited by The Man
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