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Thanks! Yeah my skin is doing awesome. It doesn't really look like I ever had bad acne now. I'm kinda regretting my hairstyle though. Not because I don't like how I look with the shaved head, but because the way it isn't symmetrical is freaking me out so I sort of want to shave the other side and just rock a lazy mohawk now. But I'm not sure if I'd get sick of that before it would grow out.

edit--screw it. I mohawked. :D

Edited by dejaclairevoyant

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So I've found that if I wash my face (with more than just water), it dries up active pimples faster, especially on my forehead, and smooths my skin out a bit. But it makes my red marks look much worse and my face look shiny and strange for a day or two afterward, plus maybe a bit oilier. So I don't know what to do - wash or not wash.

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I love all the positive posts on here. I tried to like all of them, but got a message that said I reached my quota for liking posts. What the...? I didn't know there was a "like" maximum on here. haha.

Acne update: My breakouts have moved downwards to my chin. I guess that's good? My cheeks are not getting attacked as much anymore. I'm hoping the acne will keep moving downwards and disappear. Has anyone noticed a pattern in their acne, where it moves from one part of your face to another?

Yes this happened to me a while ago. My acne seemed to move more to just the sides and lower parts of my face - which was awesome because I love when the skin under my eyes / apples of cheecks is clear (if that makes sense) When I'm clear there I feel more confident because when I'm looking directly at someone it looks as though my skin is pretty clear. smile.png I did worry that my acne moving down to my jaw meant that it was becomming a bigger hormonal issue (my doctor told me there's a possibility I could be 'starting to develop' PCOS).

But it didn't really last for me, unfortunately. Though the good thing is that the breakouts I've been getting on my cheeks and forehead again are pretty small - so it's a bit easier to deal with.

Hope it lasts / gets even better for you though!smile.png

Thanks...acne is so weird! What I'm getting now doesn't look like hormonal acne, even though it's close to the jawline. They look like hives - red without puss. I think it's an allergy to something. My acupuncturist told me that those breakouts could be related to poor digestion, which definitely makes sense in my case.

Glad your breakouts are smaller! It's definitely easier to deal with smaller bumps than large ones, I feel the same way.

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Looking great, Deja! you'll have to show us the mohawk soon! :P

Update: I'm doing good. No new breakouts to report thanks to the Regimen. Still job hunting like crazy! Wish the economy wasn't so turrible right now.

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Looking great, Deja! you'll have to show us the mohawk soon! tongue.png

Update: I'm doing good. No new breakouts to report thanks to the Regimen. Still job hunting like crazy! Wish the economy wasn't so turrible right now.

good luck with ur job hunt.

i hope u get a 'fun' one soon!

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Hey guys,

I hate to break the stream of positive posts (I'm really happy for you all!), but I'm feeling terrible about my acne again today :( I just can't believe how bad it's gotten so quickly. I was in work the other day (only my 2nd day, no less) and I had to go and sit in my car during lunch to cry. I'm normally a really strong person, but yesterday it just got too much - everytime I caught a glance of myself in one of the mirrors behind the bar, I just broke down a little more.

I (finally!) have a GP appointment this morning where I can get forwarded to a derm for roaccutane. The side effects can do what they want to me, right now I just need this gone! I want to be me again.

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Not feeling good this morning..stupid zit breakout above right eyebrow...in a line..looks stupid. And one deciding when to burst out above lip..hate mornings, hate mirrors, hate acne.

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I love all the positive posts on here. I tried to like all of them, but got a message that said I reached my quota for liking posts. What the...? I didn't know there was a "like" maximum on here. haha.

Acne update: My breakouts have moved downwards to my chin. I guess that's good? My cheeks are not getting attacked as much anymore. I'm hoping the acne will keep moving downwards and disappear. Has anyone noticed a pattern in their acne, where it moves from one part of your face to another?

Yes, kind of... During my adolescence my forehead, area in between my eyes and my temples very covered in inflamed acne and on the lower part of my face I only used to get some pustules on the chin and under the nose. But as I got older it slowly moved down on my cheeks and jaw line (though still occasionally attacking the upper face).

But the saddest thing that no area on my face is 100 % clear even if acne moved. After being clear on my forehead for around 5 months, I started having breakouts there again recently. So I don't think it's possible to say that it goes through different parts of your face and then leaves it forever. At least not with my luck...

In my case it just a never-ending cycle...

Edited by Pianina

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So I've found that if I wash my face (with more than just water), it dries up active pimples faster, especially on my forehead, and smooths my skin out a bit. But it makes my red marks look much worse and my face look shiny and strange for a day or two afterward, plus maybe a bit oilier. So I don't know what to do - wash or not wash.

That's strange. Do you really think it's because of that fact of washing your face? Maybe it's just the product which is not appropriate?

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I love all the positive posts on here. I tried to like all of them, but got a message that said I reached my quota for liking posts. What the...? I didn't know there was a "like" maximum on here. haha.

Acne update: My breakouts have moved downwards to my chin. I guess that's good? My cheeks are not getting attacked as much anymore. I'm hoping the acne will keep moving downwards and disappear. Has anyone noticed a pattern in their acne, where it moves from one part of your face to another?

Yes, kind of... During my adolescence my forehead, area in between my eyes and my temples very covered in inflamed acne and on the lower part of my face I only used to get some pustules on the chin and under the nose. But as I got older it slowly moved down on my cheeks and jaw line (though still occasionally attacking the upper face).

But the saddest thing that no area on my face is 100 % clear even if acne moved. After being clear on my forehead for around 5 months, I started having breakouts there again recently. So I don't think it's possible to say that it goes through different parts of your face and then leaves it forever. At least not with my luck...

In my case it just a never-ending cycle...

When I was a teenager, my forehead was the worst! It used to be purple from all the infected acne. But then it cleared completely, and now it rarely breaks out. It's my "safe" spot where I test all new products - if I break out on my forehead it's usually because I applied a cream that I'm allergic to. I think the forehead breakouts are usually not caused by hormones, maybe that's why in my case my forehead got clear the easiest.

Btw, I hope you are feeling better! Are you still on androcur and diane? Be careful. When I was on them, I used to feel moody, depressed, and lethargic all the time. And I gained some weight that I couldn't lose easily. But my acne was under control at least. If you are not noticing a big difference in your skin, then talk to your doctor about other options because, in my opinion, taking such strong drugs isn't worth the side effects and long term risks especially if your skin isn't benefiting from them.

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I love all the positive posts on here. I tried to like all of them, but got a message that said I reached my quota for liking posts. What the...? I didn't know there was a "like" maximum on here. haha.

Acne update: My breakouts have moved downwards to my chin. I guess that's good? My cheeks are not getting attacked as much anymore. I'm hoping the acne will keep moving downwards and disappear. Has anyone noticed a pattern in their acne, where it moves from one part of your face to another?

Yes, kind of... During my adolescence my forehead, area in between my eyes and my temples very covered in inflamed acne and on the lower part of my face I only used to get some pustules on the chin and under the nose. But as I got older it slowly moved down on my cheeks and jaw line (though still occasionally attacking the upper face).

But the saddest thing that no area on my face is 100 % clear even if acne moved. After being clear on my forehead for around 5 months, I started having breakouts there again recently. So I don't think it's possible to say that it goes through different parts of your face and then leaves it forever. At least not with my luck...

In my case it just a never-ending cycle...

When I was a teenager, my forehead was the worst! It used to be purple from all the infected acne. But then it cleared completely, and now it rarely breaks out. It's my "safe" spot where I test all new products - if I break out on my forehead it's usually because I applied a cream that I'm allergic to. I think the forehead breakouts are usually not caused by hormones, maybe that's why in my case my forehead got clear the easiest.

Btw, I hope you are feeling better! Are you still on androcur and diane? Be careful. When I was on them, I used to feel moody, depressed, and lethargic all the time. And I gained some weight that I couldn't lose easily. But my acne was under control at least. If you are not noticing a big difference in your skin, then talk to your doctor about other options because, in my opinion, taking such strong drugs isn't worth the side effects and long term risks especially if your skin isn't benefiting from them.

Mm, I'm still on androcur and diane... But it's not going so well. The only thing they do to me is turning into a moody, almost suicidal freak. Everything seems dark and depressive, though I try to control it telling myself it's the drugs that make me feel like that. My skin still breaks out, no change there. I'm seriously considering Accutane.

When you were on those two drugs, did you get severe headaches and muscle cramps, btw?

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I love all the positive posts on here. I tried to like all of them, but got a message that said I reached my quota for liking posts. What the...? I didn't know there was a "like" maximum on here. haha.

Acne update: My breakouts have moved downwards to my chin. I guess that's good? My cheeks are not getting attacked as much anymore. I'm hoping the acne will keep moving downwards and disappear. Has anyone noticed a pattern in their acne, where it moves from one part of your face to another?

Yes, kind of... During my adolescence my forehead, area in between my eyes and my temples very covered in inflamed acne and on the lower part of my face I only used to get some pustules on the chin and under the nose. But as I got older it slowly moved down on my cheeks and jaw line (though still occasionally attacking the upper face).

But the saddest thing that no area on my face is 100 % clear even if acne moved. After being clear on my forehead for around 5 months, I started having breakouts there again recently. So I don't think it's possible to say that it goes through different parts of your face and then leaves it forever. At least not with my luck...

In my case it just a never-ending cycle...

When I was a teenager, my forehead was the worst! It used to be purple from all the infected acne. But then it cleared completely, and now it rarely breaks out. It's my "safe" spot where I test all new products - if I break out on my forehead it's usually because I applied a cream that I'm allergic to. I think the forehead breakouts are usually not caused by hormones, maybe that's why in my case my forehead got clear the easiest.

Btw, I hope you are feeling better! Are you still on androcur and diane? Be careful. When I was on them, I used to feel moody, depressed, and lethargic all the time. And I gained some weight that I couldn't lose easily. But my acne was under control at least. If you are not noticing a big difference in your skin, then talk to your doctor about other options because, in my opinion, taking such strong drugs isn't worth the side effects and long term risks especially if your skin isn't benefiting from them.

Mm, I'm still on androcur and diane... But it's not going so well. The only thing they do to me is turning into a moody, almost suicidal freak. Everything seems dark and depressive, though I try to control it telling myself it's the drugs that make me feel like that. My skin still breaks out, no change there. I'm seriously considering Accutane.

When you were on those two drugs, did you get severe headaches and muscle cramps, btw?

If you have a tendency to get depressed, then birth control and accutane will make that worse. Accutane might clear you for a while, but if you have a serious hormonal issue then that issue won't be resolved, it will only be suppressed for a while and then return. How many people are on their 2nd and 3rd course of accutane? That means it's not a permanent solution. However, if you have exhausted all other possibilities, then try a low dose - that seems to be better than higher doses esp. for people with depression.

When I was on diane & androcur, I got headaches, cramps, and bloating...and I was hungry all the time. One time, I lost my cell phone and found it in the fridge - I was literally in the fridge all day! They made my PMS worse actually. The birth control with the least side effects I tried was kariva. It slowly but steadily decreased my acne and balanced my hormones without an anti-androgen...it was a combination of progestin and estrogen. However, I got symptoms of hypoglycemia and would pass out if I didn't eat something sweet every few hours. Maybe you need more progesterone instead of androgens? Have you tested your hormones recently? Do a saliva test (more accurate) during ovulation, menstruation, and in between to see how your hormones fluctuate. Once you have an indication of what is causing the imbalance, go back to your gynecologist or even go see a naturopath/ homeopath for herbal treatments. The thing that worked the best for me with the fewest side effects was vitex/ agnus castus, with a combination of probiotics and a multivitamin. I think acne is not just hormonal, that's why I'm saying look at it from a holistic viewpoint. I thought mine was purely hormonal but now I'm trying to fix my digestion instead of messing with hormones (too risky and unreliable) and I no longer get massive breakouts, even during those times of the month. Also, when I am depressed my acne flares up... even when I feel down, I try to "trick" my body into feeling happy by listening to happy music, dancing, going for walks, going out. The worst acne I got was during very depressed moments in my life. I hope you will find a solution that you are comfortable with! Good luck, you can beat this!

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So the picked blackhead kind of turned into a zit so I popped it...I think I got everything out which hopefully means that stupid blackhead is finally gone!! Kind of messed up though that I had to scratch up my skin to get it out.... :/ Oh well. It's scabbed over now, which means it's healing, and in a few days the scab will fall off. I hope it looks better before I have to work again though cause I'd prefer to not have a scab at work! But whatever...the rest of my skin is looking really good. I'm excited to see the new derm in a few days who will hopefully get me started on a new treatment for my hormonal acne!

Ugh that happens to me every time. There will be a big clogged pore that will last ages, it will finally come out (usually I have to get it out or it will just stay forever) and then the next day I get a big huge zit in the spot where it was.

My skin is doing okay. Mostly clear. The one big one I got from eating tons of potatoes is just a red mark now. No soreness anymore, so that's good.

I worked my last day cleaning today also! Woo hoo! No more getting up at 6am, no more having to stare in the mirror while I clean, nothing. I'm officially a working writer. smile.png

edit-- made another get ready with me video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jieT8YZLlMM&feature=youtu.be

And yeah I shaved part of my head! I always wanted to do that but I spent way too many years growing my hair super long--so I just shaved one side.

You look really clear! I don't see any scars or red marks. You also have the highest cheekbones! Really great facial structure going on there! :)

GUYSSSS I hate this! No matter how much I tell myself that looks don't matter for guys, they do, they do, they do. It's so glaringly obvious that guys for cute girls. There's this guy I like right now, and there's this other girl he has a crush on and she's tall and beautiful with high cheekbones and clear skin. And he doesn't have a crush on me, because let's just face it---I'm ugly. I have acne and scars and I'm short. Even if I didn't have acne, I'd still be ugly. I hate the way I look, you guys. And no amount of anything will change the fact that I can't get the guys I fall in love with. Who knows why? Whether it's because I'm ugly, or worse, because my personality is unattractive. Oh god, that's even worse. What's WRONG WITH ME?!?

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Thanks so much Skinnie! :) You aren't ugly in the slightest. If you like this guy, flirt with him and give the other girl a run for her money. It may be possible that he does like you but has no idea that you're interested. (Guys are usually clueless about this)

Hope everyone had a happy 4th of July (Americans). I had an awesome night--went to a Bluetech concert in the city and danced for hours while surrounded by gorgeous people. If you don't know who bluetech is, enjoy:

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Feeling great today. The scab from the picked blackhead fell off and the blackhead is GONE finally, and it's just a small pink mark that will fade eventually! The rest of my skin looks really great, maybe adding in this maracuja oil has helped?

One thing that's been getting on my nerves is my seborrheic dermatitis, which is mainly behind/around my ear lobe. I've never really done anything to treat it but I noticed it looked REALLY dry today so I'm finally going to take some action. I washed with an anti-dandruff shampoo around the ears and used hydrocortisone to combat the itching. Right now, it feels and looks great! Very happy that I can finally get this annoying skin disorder under control. Also grateful that it's only around my ears and not anywhere else on the face.

Still very excited for my upcoming derm appointment!

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Mm, I'm still on androcur and diane... But it's not going so well. The only thing they do to me is turning into a moody, almost suicidal freak. Everything seems dark and depressive, though I try to control it telling myself it's the drugs that make me feel like that. My skin still breaks out, no change there. I'm seriously considering Accutane.

Sorry to hear it's not going that well :( Are you still considering trying the regimen?

GUYSSSS I hate this! No matter how much I tell myself that looks don't matter for guys, they do, they do, they do. It's so glaringly obvious that guys for cute girls. There's this guy I like right now, and there's this other girl he has a crush on and she's tall and beautiful with high cheekbones and clear skin. And he doesn't have a crush on me, because let's just face it---I'm ugly. I have acne and scars and I'm short. Even if I didn't have acne, I'd still be ugly. I hate the way I look, you guys. And no amount of anything will change the fact that I can't get the guys I fall in love with. Who knows why? Whether it's because I'm ugly, or worse, because my personality is unattractive. Oh god, that's even worse. What's WRONG WITH ME?!?

I have thought that so many times about myself too so I know how horrible it feels and I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I don't have the answers but I know how you feel. I guess the rest of what I'm saying isn't that relevant and has turned into me rambling (sorry) so let me just say Skinnie you are not ugly! Just look at that beautiful smile in your profile picture!

Way more often than not, I do not like what I see in the mirror and I'll tell myself how ugly I am. And THAT is the problem. How is someone else supposed to love me when I don't love or accept myself as I am and I keep telling myselfthat I'm ugly? If I loved and accepted myself as I am, and thought of myself as 'pretty' in some way / or in my own way, I would be a much more confident person, and I do think that confidence is attractive. I know in the past something that has helped me is to find the one physical thing that I like about myself. This was really hard for me to do but I decided that I did like my eyes and remind myself that I think I had nice eyes. It definitely doesn't fix it all though. I still have many many days of where I feel ugly and think that I am, but if I'm able to find something that I do like about myself, then I can feel at least a little better and more confident for the day. But I think that's the main thing, for me anyway, - to work on my confidence and acceptance of myself as I am. Hopefully one day I won't have acne, but for now I do have acne, and even when that day hopefully comes that I have clear skin, the rest of my appearance will be the same, and there's not a lot I can do to change that so I do have to accept and love myself as I am. I do think that every person is beautiful and has something beautiful about them - it's just that I forget this and can't apply it to myself at times.

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You look really clear! I don't see any scars or red marks. You also have the highest cheekbones! Really great facial structure going on there! smile.png

GUYSSSS I hate this! No matter how much I tell myself that looks don't matter for guys, they do, they do, they do. It's so glaringly obvious that guys for cute girls. There's this guy I like right now, and there's this other girl he has a crush on and she's tall and beautiful with high cheekbones and clear skin. And he doesn't have a crush on me, because let's just face it---I'm ugly. I have acne and scars and I'm short. Even if I didn't have acne, I'd still be ugly. I hate the way I look, you guys. And no amount of anything will change the fact that I can't get the guys I fall in love with. Who knows why? Whether it's because I'm ugly, or worse, because my personality is unattractive. Oh god, that's even worse. What's WRONG WITH ME?!?

Aww skinnie,don't be so hard on yourself! I always like guys who are completely wrong for me...maybe we should broaden our taste in men? And I used to have a complex about my height too (I'm 5ft 2) but you know what, I have gone out with some big muscular guys who were at least twice my size and they loved the fact that I'm so petite. So it really depends. You won't be everyone's type, but you are definitely someone's ideal partner you just haven't found them yet!

I have thought that so many times about myself too so I know how horrible it feels and I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I don't have the answers but I know how you feel. I guess the rest of what I'm saying isn't that relevant and has turned into me rambling (sorry) so let me just say Skinnie you are not ugly! Just look at that beautiful smile in your profile picture!

Way more often than not, I do not like what I see in the mirror and I'll tell myself how ugly I am. And THAT is the problem. How is someone else supposed to love me when I don't love or accept myself as I am and I keep telling myselfthat I'm ugly? If I loved and accepted myself as I am, and thought of myself as 'pretty' in some way / or in my own way, I would be a much more confident person, and I do think that confidence is attractive. I know in the past something that has helped me is to find the one physical thing that I like about myself. This was really hard for me to do but I decided that I did like my eyes and remind myself that I think I had nice eyes. It definitely doesn't fix it all though. I still have many many days of where I feel ugly and think that I am, but if I'm able to find something that I do like about myself, then I can feel at least a little better and more confident for the day. But I think that's the main thing, for me anyway, - to work on my confidence and acceptance of myself as I am. Hopefully one day I won't have acne, but for now I do have acne, and even when that day hopefully comes that I have clear skin, the rest of my appearance will be the same, and there's not a lot I can do to change that so I do have to accept and love myself as I am. I do think that every person is beautiful and has something beautiful about them - it's just that I forget this and can't apply it to myself at times.

So true....most people on here have low self-esteem, myself included. You are right, if we don't love ourselves, how can others love us?

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Grrrr! Just when I thought the breakout that I had the other day was starting to clear, I wake up this morning to find two or three new spots on my jawline and neck. In addition, got a nice new one on my forehead as well. No idea why this is happening! Not sure that it is the way I shave/cleanse as I`m using the same methods that I always use and quite a lot of the time, this keeps my skin fairly clear.

Biggest problem for me is how it affects me psychologically. On waking this morning I seemed quite happy and content but on seeing my reflection in the mirror whilst shaving, my mood instantly plummeted and the thoughts that I am a vile, repulsive monster started kicking in. I need to do two things:-

1) Keep reminding myself that people do not judge/care about my skin as it doesn`t change who I am.

2) Try to avoid as much as possible mirrors.

I am taking my nephew to a football (soccer) match today. He is 6 and it is the first time he will have been to a football match. The thought of going out and showing my skin and being in close proximity to other people in bright sunlight is quite scary. However, I will do it as I cannot let my nephew down.

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Way more often than not, I do not like what I see in the mirror and I'll tell myself how ugly I am. And THAT is the problem. How is someone else supposed to love me when I don't love or accept myself as I am and I keep telling myselfthat I'm ugly? If I loved and accepted myself as I am, and thought of myself as 'pretty' in some way / or in my own way, I would be a much more confident person, and I do think that confidence is attractive. I know in the past something that has helped me is to find the one physical thing that I like about myself. This was really hard for me to do but I decided that I did like my eyes and remind myself that I think I had nice eyes. It definitely doesn't fix it all though. I still have many many days of where I feel ugly and think that I am, but if I'm able to find something that I do like about myself, then I can feel at least a little better and more confident for the day. But I think that's the main thing, for me anyway, - to work on my confidence and acceptance of myself as I am. Hopefully one day I won't have acne, but for now I do have acne, and even when that day hopefully comes that I have clear skin, the rest of my appearance will be the same, and there's not a lot I can do to change that so I do have to accept and love myself as I am. I do think that every person is beautiful and has something beautiful about them - it's just that I forget this and can't apply it to myself at times.

You're so right. It's hard for someone to love you when you don't even love yourself. Loving yourself is one of the most important factors of happiness. It's hard loving yourself when you look in the mirror and see imperfections but you have to hold yourself above those insecurities. Tell yourself you're worth more than just your flaws, and that in any case, EVERYONE has flaws. And there are tons and tons of people out there who wouldn't give a damn about your skin. You're strong - as is everyone else on here - and you don't have to succumb to acne's willpower and let it affect your life. :)

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Hey guys,

I hate to break the stream of positive posts (I'm really happy for you all!), but I'm feeling terrible about my acne again today sad.png I just can't believe how bad it's gotten so quickly. I was in work the other day (only my 2nd day, no less) and I had to go and sit in my car during lunch to cry. I'm normally a really strong person, but yesterday it just got too much - everytime I caught a glance of myself in one of the mirrors behind the bar, I just broke down a little more.

I (finally!) have a GP appointment this morning where I can get forwarded to a derm for roaccutane. The side effects can do what they want to me, right now I just need this gone! I want to be me again.

hey,am very sorry to hear that.

are u sure u have tried everything like diet,lifestyle change, dan's regimen, etc?

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Way more often than not, I do not like what I see in the mirror and I'll tell myself how ugly I am. And THAT is the problem. How is someone else supposed to love me when I don't love or accept myself as I am and I keep telling myselfthat I'm ugly? If I loved and accepted myself as I am, and thought of myself as 'pretty' in some way / or in my own way, I would be a much more confident person, and I do think that confidence is attractive. I know in the past something that has helped me is to find the one physical thing that I like about myself. This was really hard for me to do but I decided that I did like my eyes and remind myself that I think I had nice eyes. It definitely doesn't fix it all though. I still have many many days of where I feel ugly and think that I am, but if I'm able to find something that I do like about myself, then I can feel at least a little better and more confident for the day. But I think that's the main thing, for me anyway, - to work on my confidence and acceptance of myself as I am. Hopefully one day I won't have acne, but for now I do have acne, and even when that day hopefully comes that I have clear skin, the rest of my appearance will be the same, and there's not a lot I can do to change that so I do have to accept and love myself as I am. I do think that every person is beautiful and has something beautiful about them - it's just that I forget this and can't apply it to myself at times.

You're so right. It's hard for someone to love you when you don't even love yourself. Loving yourself is one of the most important factors of happiness. It's hard loving yourself when you look in the mirror and see imperfections but you have to hold yourself above those insecurities. Tell yourself you're worth more than just your flaws, and that in any case, EVERYONE has flaws. And there are tons and tons of people out there who wouldn't give a damn about your skin. You're strong - as is everyone else on here - and you don't have to succumb to acne's willpower and let it affect your life. smile.png

I don't love myself. I feel like I have the worst personality. I get into arguments a lot, because, especially when I feel sad about something, I take it out on other people or I always feel like I'm right. Right now I'm in an argument with my mother (she thinks my PCOS was caused by my using tampons. what ridiculousness? And she used to be an OBGYN), and I got into a debate with my friend about how you lose weight. I said that you don't have to eat less, you can just eat less calorie dense foods and more fruits and vegetables. He insisted you have to eat less. Such a stupid argument to have, right?

I mean we're okay, but those little debates/fights--I know they make me seem like an annoying know-it-all bitch to people. Also, a lot of people just really annoy me...and I get angry over the tiniest things. My friend used two of my face towels to wipe up the bathroom sink and threw them away. I asked her not to use any more. She says "Why? Are they special?" and I reply "No, but it's a waste" and she replies "to clean up a communal sink?" OMG they're my effing face towels. She could have used the stack of hand sanitizer wipes in the corner. Or the baby wipes she brought with her. And why did she have to use two of them?!? Like, it makes my head pound that she used my hand towels, spoke to me in that tone, and then made me feel bad about getting angry.

How do I not get into these arguments? Not get annoyed by what others do? I hate when people make fun of me too much. It stings and I feel ridiculous. I hate when I'm trying to work and the girls are giggling in the background. I hate someone's tone of voice implying that I'm stupid or lazy. Sometimes, I just feel like I hate everything. I wish I were a happy, carefree person. I wish I just didn't care about this stuff. I wish I wasn't so petty.

I'm not someone I would want to date, honestly. I've tried changing myself, but it's so hard. I feel like I get better and then, I regress. Two steps forward, three steps back kind of thing. Especially around my period. I get so grouchy then...I feel like I don't have any college friends, or that I push them away a lot. My high school friends are all wonderful, and I seldom feel this way around them. I tend to see the annoying things in people... I'm such a perfectionist, and that means that not only do my own imperfections grate on my nerves, but so do others'... unless, of course I have a crush on a guy.

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It's summer time, warm and sunny. We're sailing every Saturday in the Baltic Sea, surrounded by beautiful Swedish archipelago. I love it. Today's not different, we went sailing and the weather is perfect, but instead on enjoying I spent the whole time in the cabin holding my poor head which was almost exploding. Even needed to ask my boyfriend's dad to sail ashore the nearest harbour and let me out. The fatigue, the drowsiness, the headache... I can understand how everybody's tired of my complaints. I became quite unbearable even to myself.
Tonight my dad is taking me to Oslo, Norway, to our favourite amusement park in order to celebrate both our birthdays. That involves 10 hours driving and the whole day in the amusement park tomorrow (and 10 hours back, of course). I would be so excited otherwise, but now I'm only thinking about how I'm gonna survive this with all those side effects my fucking pills are giving me.

Feels like doctors here are gambling with your health - try this, if it doesn't help try that. Nobody's interested which exact hormones I need to get, nobody took serious that my thyroid gland was producing too little hormones when I did the blood tests for it. "It's not bad enough to prescribe anything" they said.
"Have PCOS and acne? Take Diane. Maybe add 100 mg of Androcur if it doesn't help. Endure the side effects. Maybe it will help your acne, but we have not much knowledge on how to treat it, besides antibiotics and Accutane." Logics of Swedish doctors.
Sorry for my rant, I'm just suffering so much these last days.......No more Androcur for me. I'm still getting acne as if nothing. Fuck it.

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Hair/skin pics

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No retouching/airbrushing or changing the lighting. That's my real skin! Just showing you guys what the proper medications, diet and skincare routine can do. As a reminder, here was my skin a little over six months ago:

Snapshot_20121201.jpg

^^And this was a GOOD day....

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