Acne Since the Double Digits: My Personal Hell

[Jerichoa 0]

Earlier I took some pictures of my face when I got out of the shower and posted them on here for reference in one of my threads. After I posted them, I cried for about an hour after. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my skin. Words truly cannot describe how I feel. I'd like to post my story (the abridged version )

Here it goes:

When I was ten years old, I started getting acne. Within a year, it was very moderate-severe and always has been. Right now, I am seventeen years old. My mother was lucky enough to be adopted by the most superficial woman in the world, and since I got acne, she's been fixating on it. She (my Nana) has fixated on various aspects of my appearance. She used to make me take my clothes off, look in the mirror, say I was fat, and weigh me. It's when she talked about my skin that I was deeply affected though.

Every time she sees me, I can see her eyes looking at my problem areas and then she looks at me and says something about it. She's also kind enough to do it in the presence of others, to try to lighten it up. She's so caring! During Thanksgiving she was over at my house. I was outside with her, my little sister, and my cousin. She started touching her face and said "So what are you going to do about your face?" I knew immediately what she was going to say next. "It just looks so bad. I don't even think you're using anything on it now, are you? You just can't be beautiful until you do something about your face, but you just don't care."

It kills me every time I think about. This has happened each time we've visited one another.

Acne has prevented me from doing many things that I've wanted to. I haven't gone on mission trips, I haven't stayed the night at my friends' houses, I declined a vacation with the love of my life (who is unbothered by my acne, except for the fact that it affects me so much), and I'm not as outgoing and happy as I would be if it was just half as bad as it is now.

Each morning I wake up, touch my face lightly, look in the mirror and say "It's still real." Every day, someone comments on my face, usually looking concerned and asking "What happened to your face?" I wear makeup, so it's like smooth skin (which is scarred underneath) and then flesh-colored bumps. I hate wearing makeup... The way it feels and looks. When my acne is gone (and believe me, buddy, it WILL BE) I won't wear any makeup. No eye makeup or anything!

I'm at the top of my class and I have the colleges I've dreamed of attending running after me, but I'm afraid to go because I have an irrational fear of fluorescent lighting. I'm also very afraid of what my roommate will say, and I don't want to risk anyone else seeing my putrid, florid face.

I could go on and on, and my story will develop as I have people respond to my post. The last thing I would like to say is that I've got a quadruple whammy. Not only do I have acne on my face and neck, but my chest, shoulders, upper and lower back as well.

I have such potential to be smart AND beautiful. Right now I'm only a nerd. I feel so hopeless.

[Warrior of Acne 0]

That is horrible what your mother does! If mine did that to me, I would never talk to her again!

[Jerichoa 0]

Actually, it's my mother's adoptive mother... My mother is wrong by never saying anything to her about it though...

Edited November 30, 2009 by Jerichoa

[Warrior of Acne 0]

Actually, it's my mother's adoptive mother... My mother is wrong by never saying anything to her about it though...

That is still terrible! I saw one of your other threads and based on the pictures, I think you'd be a really good candidate for Accutane. It doesn't seem as if you have any scarring either! Lucky you If you consider it, when you go to the dermatologist, force them to give it to you. Cry, scream, do whatever it takes! I have mild acne and I pretty much manipulated my derm to let me take Accutane, even though I ended up not choosing to take it.

[Jerichoa 0]

That would be absolutely amazing! This is the first time in a few years I'm going to this derm, so I'm hoping that when he asks me to tell my story and I cry (because there will be tears, so, so many tears) and he sees my skin he won't hesitate to prescribe it to me. I really will not settle for anything else. If this one doesn't prescribe it, I'll go to another.

[Warrior of Acne 0]

That would be absolutely amazing! This is the first time in a few years I'm going to this derm, so I'm hoping that when he asks me to tell my story and I cry (because there will be tears, so, so many tears) and he sees my skin he won't hesitate to prescribe it to me. I really will not settle for anything else. If this one doesn't prescribe it, I'll go to another.

Heck yeah! Now that is the way to do it haha.

[Jerichoa 0]

Being a girl makes it about a million times harder to get it though... That's what really bothers me about it. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be on the fence still. X_x I don't think I can wait the month or two that I'll have to do go through all of the blood testing and whatnot just to conclude that I'm not pregnant. I guess because of the risks, they won't accept my truthful excuse of "I'm not having sex."

Yippers.

[masg 8]

Earlier I took some pictures of my face when I got out of the shower and posted them on here for reference in one of my threads. After I posted them, I cried for about an hour after. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my skin. Words truly cannot describe how I feel. I'd like to post my story (the abridged version )

Here it goes:

When I was ten years old, I started getting acne. Within a year, it was very moderate-severe and always has been. Right now, I am seventeen years old. My mother was lucky enough to be adopted by the most superficial woman in the world, and since I got acne, she's been fixating on it. She (my Nana) has fixated on various aspects of my appearance. She used to make me take my clothes off, look in the mirror, say I was fat, and weigh me. It's when she talked about my skin that I was deeply affected though.

Every time she sees me, I can see her eyes looking at my problem areas and then she looks at me and says something about it. She's also kind enough to do it in the presence of others, to try to lighten it up. She's so caring! During Thanksgiving she was over at my house. I was outside with her, my little sister, and my cousin. She started touching her face and said "So what are you going to do about your face?" I knew immediately what she was going to say next. "It just looks so bad. I don't even think you're using anything on it now, are you? You just can't be beautiful until you do something about your face, but you just don't care."

It kills me every time I think about. This has happened each time we've visited one another.

Acne has prevented me from doing many things that I've wanted to. I haven't gone on mission trips, I haven't stayed the night at my friends' houses, I declined a vacation with the love of my life (who is unbothered by my acne, except for the fact that it affects me so much), and I'm not as outgoing and happy as I would be if it was just half as bad as it is now.

Each morning I wake up, touch my face lightly, look in the mirror and say "It's still real." Every day, someone comments on my face, usually looking concerned and asking "What happened to your face?" I wear makeup, so it's like smooth skin (which is scarred underneath) and then flesh-colored bumps. I hate wearing makeup... The way it feels and looks. When my acne is gone (and believe me, buddy, it WILL BE) I won't wear any makeup. No eye makeup or anything!

I'm at the top of my class and I have the colleges I've dreamed of attending running after me, but I'm afraid to go because I have an irrational fear of fluorescent lighting. I'm also very afraid of what my roommate will say, and I don't want to risk anyone else seeing my putrid, florid face.

I could go on and on, and my story will develop as I have people respond to my post. The last thing I would like to say is that I've got a quadruple whammy. Not only do I have acne on my face and neck, but my chest, shoulders, upper and lower back as well.

I have such potential to be smart AND beautiful. Right now I'm only a nerd. I feel so hopeless.

Isn't this abuse?

and why do you stay in contact if she's like this with you, I hope you find a guy who won't care about your acne. I know they're out there because I'm one of them!

[paranoid1 0]

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Just like what another person said in a previous post (they saw your pictures), you may be a good candidate for Accutane. I know the testing and taking birth control may be a pain, but this is one sacrifice females with acne must make to clear their skin up (among others).

There is also something you may want to consider: perhaps birth control will help clear your skin up? Just a suggestion. But, be warned. Just as there are benefits, there are also risks to taking birth control as well. Please ask your doctor. You may also want to see a gynecologist.

Hm. What else can I say? Oh, yes! You are still 17 and quite young. Most people clear up once they hit their twenties. My acne was at it's worst at 17 and then I cleared up with antibiotics and eventually birth control. My acne is now lurking in the mild acne zone since I am now using a moisturizer which, I think, is responsible for clogging my pores. I have little bumps on my cheeks which I haven't had for years! But I shouldn't be complaining.

Anyhow, I wish you the best. Please know that not everyone is like your Nana. She needs to stop focusing on the blemishes of others and focus on her character. It's not helping you that she's pointing out your faults. Just make sure you surround yourself with people who love you for you without the need for you to try so hard. You are a beautiful person inside and out and will have clear skin one day.

I most certainly believe it. You just have to try, dear. And the rest will follow through.

Best wishes,

paranoid1

Edited November 30, 2009 by paranoid1

[Jerichoa 0]

Thank you masg and paranoid1!

masg: I worded that oddly. My boyfriend loves me despite my acne, I'm just too ashamed to show him my face.

Paranoid1: My mother had acne, and so did her brother. They were both successfully treated with tetracycline. I was wondering since acne is genetic if that might work for me as well? Also, I don't mind going on birth control, I'm just afraid my parents would claim that it would encourage my boyfriend and I to have sex. I'd like to avoid Accutane if I can, because the wait for females is so long, and the dermatologist I'll be going to is about an hour away (at least). That would take out a big chunk of my time from school, and I can only miss four days a semester (stupid, I know). *sighs* Any antibiotic suggestions would be great! I still have until the 11th of this month to research some medicines. I plan on doing so so that I know what she is talking about.

[gda_11 2]

"She used to make me take my clothes off, look in the mirror, say I was fat, and weigh me. It's when she talked about my skin that I was deeply affected though."

The words borderline child abuse come to mind...