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relationships and age differences

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I just need some reassurance. i am seeing a guy who is 15 years my senior. i am 22 so it is not illegal or anything; i am an adult, capable of making good decisions and am mature enough to know what i want...but i just can't bring myself to tell my family about him. any advice on how to deal with this. i really want him in my life, but i just don't know how others will react.

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It might not be easy for your family to accept someone that older than you, and it might not be that easy without their full support but you'll have each other.

But you can start by trying to talk to your family about him. Better yet, invite him over for Thanksgiving and let it all happen there! Or not.

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That's really tough but maybe you need to examine yourself alittle more carefully. You haven't given any information regarding how theses "Feelings" of attraction started. How you ended up falling for this older gentlemen and why you think your in love or what makes him different. 15 years is quite the difference and it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for your parents to react in an astonished or taken back way.

The best way I would say is first examine whether your really serious about this person or not and I mean "Serious". Not some crush that has intensified over time but rock solid, I love you "committment" Kind of love. Where you guys are both Emoutionally, Financially mature and know each other quite a bit. Then, I would calmly bring this man to your parents and say "hey", met this really friendly guy and i want you to meet him and let your parents meet him a couple of times. IF you call him a friend, that'll be significantly different than saying hes the one or I"m in love. Then later say, you know that friend you've met of mine.. Well, I think i'm really interested in him, what do you guys think?

Not only are you not pulling a fast one on your parents by doing it this way but you are including them into the decision making process. It lets your parents get to know him first, before you drop the bomb. Also, it allows some times to clear your head of all the "Head over heel" emoutions and allows you to think straight.

Alot of people rush relationships prematurely today, without going through the process of getting to know their partner and finding out their past. Many people end of hurt or taken advantage of or just run down emoutionally. I mean, I can't begin to count how many people i have "fallen For" and thought they were the one. Feelings in general, especially ones of attraction are pretty deceptive. Especially, if you haven't known the person for very long.

Sure, at the beginning things can seem like it's the greatest thing to ever happen or everything is all fine but then you start living with the person or doing more things with the person and realize it's different later, than it was in the beginning from when you guys were seeing eachother from a distance and kind of playing a cat n mouse game. You begin to find out things about each other that you don't like and begin to observe behavior that wasn't their before or hadn't surfaced in the beggining. Then, you'll start getting tired of eachother and other people will start to appeal to you (happens in every relationship) and depending on how strong you know eachother or your friendship is; Will determine whether something castropic will happen or not.

Hopefully, you'll think for yourself and Take it slow... I know, hollywood wants to bullrush you with "getting in relationship now now now, because everyone else is in one and you can't live without seeing someone" trash. It influences you into dwelling on the lust part of it, instead of the relationship and all what it takes to make one work.

Edited by BeautifulPerseverance619
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My friend is 18 and is dating a 29-year-old. She has never met anyone she gets along with so well. Even if it may be hard to believe "age is irrelevant" when age difference can get so many negative reactions from people, it really is true. If you make it true for yourself and give it a chance you could have one of the most fulfilling relationships ever.

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I have a (former) friend whose husband is fourteen years older than her. They met when she was sixteen and got married when she was twenty. They've been living with her parents (and grandparents) for years, and they're all one, big, happy family.

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I understand that you are concerned with telling your parents, but as others have said, if you two are happy, that's the most important part. Societally speaking, age differences were quite large for centuries of recorded history. Only in the past century or so has, at least the westernized world, changed to differentiate adults and children. While you do not fall into this category, the morality with immorality characterizes a lot of societal expectations, including relationship behavior.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it and honestly, I think people forget the entire history of humans. If they were informed they would not have a stigma because it's actually, if taken in the entirety of history, completely expected. haha.

Good luck and I am very happy you've found someone. :wub:

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One of my best friends is 20 (21 in April next year) and his girlfriend has just past 40. They have been together for 4 years and are very, very happy. In fact it is the longest lasting relationship anyone in my friendship group has had. She has children from a previous relationship too so he is practically a father.

Age gaps make no difference. You still need the maturity and commitment that you would need if there was 1 day between you. If you truly want to be with him then it can work. And if it works then your family should be happy and supportive, even if not straight away. Maybe tell them and give them some time to think and see that you are happy and that it works.

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Thanks everyone for the thoughtful and non-judgmental replies. I feel a bit better about the whole thing already. This is a completely new situation for me as the few guys I had previously been linked with were always right in my age bracket. I am talking to my guy about my concerns and we have discussed in depth about my fears of my family's(primarily my dad's :shifty:) reaction. We are happy and very much committed, which is what matters most of all; hopefully when others realize this, our age difference will cease to be an issue.

......such intelligent, caring, and thoughtful people here at acne.org :wub:

and just an fyi for all you out there feeling undesirable etc because of your skin.....we met when I was looking my worse( and it was bad- I'm a picker, and I was covered in scabs and was red and blotchy all over) and he still thought I was beautiful. Don't be too down on yourselves, there are people out there who see past a few spots.

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