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MarkP9114

mom keeps on commenting about my face

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Hey everyone, I just need to talk to you guys on here who understand how hard it is having to deal with acne. I got into a huge fight with my mom yesterday about my acne.

This is probably way to long for people to read so i'll post some questions at the end for those who want to help but don't want to read!

It all started off when I went to visit her work today after school. She felt the need to yell out to everyone "LOOK AT HIS FACE! SEE HOW BAD IT IS??!" Which was completely embarrassing. Everyone just stared at my face and had no comment. I was furious after and had to leave for my dermatologist appointment. I had to get a cyst injected with cortizone because it was getting really big and my derm said I should probably get it injected before it gets worse. So I got it injected, and they bumped me up to 60 mg of accutane.

Later that night she asked me how the dermatologist went and I explained to her that I had to get a shot for one of my cysts. Then she started rambling off about how my acne was never that bad, and she doesn't know why i'm getting it since no one in the family has it. She keeps telling me she feels sorry for my face and that it looks worse. Mind you, she tells me this EVERYDAY. It's so frustrating and embarassing that she keeps reminding me about it. I finally snapped on her after this morning's incident and all her comments for the past 10 years. I started telling her that I felt sorry she was fat. She was pissed and started yelling at me. I then told her, "Now you know how it feels, except imagine if I say that every day of your life."

Well our argument didn't turn out so well. She proceeded to tell me that her being fat and me having acne were completely different things. Which I didn't agree with. And she told me to never talk to her again. I know it was wrong to say that, but I was and still am very upset that my mother is the only one reminding my of how bad my acne is. No one has EVER commented on my face in public. None of my friends, workers, or random strangers. At least they have the respect to keep their mouth shut. My mom could think whatever she wants of my face, its the fact that everyday I come home from school, she puts me down reminding me of how horrible my face is and that she feels sorry for me. I don't know what to do.. I try not to let my acne run my life. I'm usually a happy and energetic person out of my home since people are not judging me OUTLOUD. I feel more confident that way. Then its a whole different story at home. I AM judged by my MOM, and it hurts, is embarrassing, and makes me feel like shit.

I've told my mom several times to stop saying anything pertaining to my face because it hurts my feelings and is embrassing, but she still does.

"What's wrong with your face today? It looks really bad"

"WOW your face is really really bad"

"I can't stand looking at your face, it breaks my heart"

"When is it going to get better?"

"It was never this bad, what did you do?"

"Remember when you were 10, your face was perfectly clear"

"You have tons of scars, I wish you never had acne"

"[insert acne comment here"

My mom tells me all of this and more EVERYDAY! I am not even kidding you. I will record her for evidence..

How do you deal with these remarks everyday? How do you not get frustrated?

Am I wrong to get mad at my mom for saying these things to me everyday?

When someone says, "I feel sorry for your face," How would you take that? I personally see that as a blatant insult. My mother, however, says that it's not. How else would you take that comment?! Its definitely NOT a compliment...

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wow :/ I know how you feel. My mom or anyone never done that to me. But I hate when someone has to make a comment about my face. That happens once in a blue moon. But Ive learn how to deal with it. Acne is a reality to me so when someone has a comment to say about my acne I always put out a strong front.

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Hey MarkP,

I would LOVE to have a talk with your Mom, she sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do! Sheesh. Seriously though. Some people can be very judgemental and just say whatever they want with complete disregard to how it makes people feel. It sucks when that person is someone you genuinely care about.

Now I don't know you or your mom, but something must be causing her to act this way. You mentioned that you brought up her weight, is that something she struggles with? Maybe she's insecure about it and she takes all her fear and aggression out on you and your acne. It's sad, but that's how people make themselves feel better, by hurting others.

I don't think there is one right answer to this problem... but I hope that you and your mother can talk about this and get to the bottom of it. You could try talking on your own at first, maybe go to counseling if that doesn't work. Everyone is different.

Attacking others is no way to solve anything though, and I think that you and your mom would benefit from listening to each other. You both could become much stronger and more confident by being there for each other. It sounds like you are the only child... which makes me sad to think that your mom would rather fight you than help you.

Just be yourself :) Other people's doubts don't make you who you are.

skylyre

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Wow, my brother is like this all the time but it doesnt bother me cause he's probably just joking around or is just plain stupid. Hopefully someday your mom will stop judging your face just dont worry to much about it.

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It's amazing how much patience you have for your mother after taking that kind of insults for almost 10 years. You are a saint by far in my book. I don't think I or anyone would stand that kind of abuse for that long. I'm sorry if this offends you or not but there's something wrong with your mother and I hope you get out as soon as you are able. Even when you told her how much painful it is and she keeps doing what she does, she's doing it on purpose in a malicious kind of way in my opinion. If she keeps on insulting your acne, insult her back with her weight problem. Maybe she'll learn to shut up and keep it to herself. Sorry that you are going through this.

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I think the above post basically says everything. You really are a saint for overcoming all this.

My mom only points out that I don't have anything when I tell her to bring me to the derm or do the blood test because she thinks I'm completely fine and need to enjoy life. She mite be rite though.

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thanks for the replies guys! :D yeah I really don't know whats wrong with her. She kept on saying that I was taking her comments the wrong way last night. I really don't understand how you could take it any other way....I talked to my sister about it and she said that my mom says she can't stand looking at my face because she can't do anything to help. Well that's why I'm going to the dermatologist! My mom is also so impatient. I only started accutane last month and she tells me everyday that its not working and that my face is worse. I try to explain that it takes like 6 months and she doesn't listen. GRRR. I haven't talked to her since our fight. It's actually kind of peaceful since this is the first day she hasn't said anything about my face. woohoo

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I don't think there is one right answer to this problem... but I hope that you and your mother can talk about this and get to the bottom of it. You could try talking on your own at first, maybe go to counseling if that doesn't work. Everyone is different.

i agree. if you talk to her about it again, and it continues, i would try not to be around her as much. i live with my parents, and they can push my buttons expertly. to keep my distance for a while i spend extra time with friends, do things that i love to do, etc

basically what i'm saying is there is only so much you can tell a person. if she is still disregarding your feelings, you don't deserve to be disrespected like that. she needs to figure out how to change if she wants a better relationship with you.

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My mom is like that too, except for that my mom says my acne is my own fault and she also likes to tell me sometimes how horrible and ugly my face looks because of my skin. What helped me was moving out of the house. New town, new life, no bloody comments about my skin and you can still maintain a good relationship with your mom with regular phone calls.

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Your Mom is completly wrong for commenting on your face everyday. My mom used to do it too, "Are you sure you are washing your face? Maybe you should just try a different product. Maybe it's something you're eating. Why dont' you just try something else? Are you sure you are using the stuff I bought for you? I don't think you are, because your face isn't getting any better."

I've had acne for over 15 years now.

My Mom is overweight while I'm borderline underweight. I can eat whatever I want and not gain a pound, while my Mom can slather whatever she wants on her face/body, or not touch it for weeks and has never had a pimple in her life.

Finally one day in my mid-twentys I sat down with her after she had gone on a tirade about not being able to loose weight after trying yet another diet. I told her "I know you want to loose weight, and I know you are trying but it's hard for you. I would never think of constently suggesting different diets for you or blaming you for not loosing weight, why do you always comment about my skin and ask me why I don't just do something about it. My Acne is like your weight. We both want our "problem" gone and are doing things to overcome it. We had a long talk and both realized that it's eazy to look at someone with a problem you don't have and don't understand and think " Why don't they just......". Since then her comments have all but stopped. If I bring up my acne, or she brings up her weight, we understand it's OK to talk about it but only if the subject is first brought up by the person with the "challenge".

Maybe it's too late for that type of conversation with your mom. Or maybe she wouldn't be as open to it as mine was. But if she cares about you, and you can go to her calmly, and explain how horrible she makes you feel in a non accusitory way- "You make me feel embarrased,sad" not "You're mean!" Perhaps she will back off a bit. Good luck.

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I'm sorry you have to deal with that situation everyday. It's good to know you are still happy and energetic outside of the home and try to let it roll off your shoulders, but it's still painful and a major stress for you. Has your mom ever come with you to your dermatologist appointments? If not, she should. Maybe you can explain to your Dr. your situation with your mom and ask your Dr. if he could explain to your mom how your acne developed and how it is going to get better and it will take time. I am hoping that your mom understands how you feel a little more after your blow-up. Best of luck to you and I hope your mom grows up a little and stay strong because you are beautiful!

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When someone says, "I feel sorry for your face," How would you take that? I personally see that as a blatant insult. My mother, however, says that it's not. How else would you take that comment?! Its definitely NOT a compliment...

"Don't be, it's not a big deal." Play it off like you don't care and it's the last thing on your mind. Or you could try explaining to her that mentioning it bothers you and won't change anything, so to please not mention it. Two ways about it.

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