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intodream

She is stunning, yet self-conscious

Hey all, i hope you feeling good and please keep in mind that there is always light up ahead (talking from personal experience).

Allow me a small prologue here about me and bear in mind that English is not my native language, so have some understanding :). My issue was/is(?) 2-3 scars that i have on the right side of my face which are as shallow as they can get (not visible in most mirrors/lights and only apparent if i turn my face in certain angles), that i am almost convinced are only seen by me. In fact i only "discovered" them at my early 20s (i am 24 now), when i was receiving compliments about how good looking, sexy etc, i am (not to brag here, that situation actually trapped me into troubles), out of the blue i found myself to spend a lot more time on mirrors that i would normally do (only when i was shaving) to examine my face and how it looks. Having said that i had a big circles of friends, many relationships and i never cared/noticed about the external looks of other people or mine, neither judge them by that. Acne,scars,skin texture and all that were insignificant for me and would never determine or reflect my impression (even first one) about someone.

Well i rapidly developed this skin obsession (only about myself) and day by day under "harsh" examination i would discover scars/large pores on my face skin that weren't there before (they actually were but i wouldn't notice them). A part of myself knew that this was a psychological issue and another convinced me that i have scar issues that needs to be addressed. I visited 2-3 plastic surgeons and the reactions of all 3 were identical : "There's nothing wrong with your face, you dont have scars". Me trying to persuade them that i do have scars but are not seen directly, only under certain lighting circumstances and trying to force them to examine them more closely to inject me with those fillers (restylance). After closer examination they did acknowledge my scarring but was told that they are so superficial and shallow that cant be injected with anything.

To keep this short and proceed to what i really wanted to post about , after having a negative experience post smoothbeam ( i developed purpura - spelling, a common side effect, you can look it up on google), that i was totally unaware about and the doctor didn't even mention, i learned to appreciate what i had. The evil coincidence was that the period i had this purpura (6 days) my PC was dead so i couldn't look it up on the internet and calm myself about it and the first 3 days (late friday and weekend) i couldn't even come in contact with the doctor to express him my concerns; needless to say i couldn't get out of my house too as i was totally unpresentable. All in all for those days i thought my life ended and i managed to permanently mess up my face for nothing, permanently. Well this passed and my face returned back to normal and all that left was an experience, well needed, that worked as a shock for me that helped me to regain my old view of life, which im grateful.

To come to present now, i am dating for a couple of weeks now this gorgeous lady (1,78 cm i think thats 5'10; i asked about her height as i am standing @ 1,85 cm and in one date she was same height as me and that suprised me!). From what i get and the way she behaves she likes me and i like her too but it seems there is a problem : I think she avoids to meet me during day time... We only get together and go out at nights and every time i asked her to meet her when the sun is shining it is either an excuse or a last minute obligation that she needs to attend to. Now as i am reading these forums frequently and in conjuction with my past experience it got me thinking why she would act like that and i came to the conclusion that it might be acne,scars or some other facial imperfection that she tries to hide using night as camouflage. Like 5 days ago when we went out at a restaurant, me being as discreet as possible, i noticed some acne on her face and that confirmed the thoughts i had.

I believe she has a hard time dealing with this and that she is afraid if i see the "real" her under sunlight, w/o makeup it will make me feel less about her and change the fact that i like her. Well personally i want to SCREAM to her that acne,scars or whatever don't deduct anything from her beauty and with or without that i still like her. Obviously i hesitate to do that as i don't know if it is the right thing to do and how would she react. I came really close yesterday very indirectly to open a discussion that would lead into this but i backed off the last moment. I don't know if bringing this up will do more harm than good and simply dont know how to approach this issue or deal with it. Any advices/suggestions/thoughts on what should i do are highly appreciated. It just kills me to know that she tries to preserve this perfect image she has by denying me to see the real her because she is afraid that i will stop liking her. I just want to let her know she is beautiful regardless of acne or not.

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Dude this may actually be a good situation you be in, believe it or not.

Becauuuse this girl is obviously all insecure, int she? And what she needs is someone to lift her off her feet and tell her she is bee-yoo-ti-full. She needs a Romeo, intodream. Are you her Romeo? Are you? Are you? I think you are. Yuppity yup yup. All anyone wants is to be told they are hot, especially if they got insecurities. Just make sure not to stab youself with a dagger if you see her lying with an empty bottle of poison in her hand, cos it'll likely have been fake poison and she werent actually dead. Yeah we had to do Romeo and Juliet at school so i know ALLL about it. We got to watch the video, the old one not with leonardo di caprio, and there juliet showed off her boobs, and the boys grabbed the remote and paused it.

Hmm. Also, maybe she dunt actually have insecurities. Maybe u is just like projectin your own insecurities onto her, readin too much into the situation. Perhaps u should get ur heads together and have a propa chinwag ie be OPEN with each other. Tell her about all this.

Btw, your english is perfect. It is better than most people who DO have english as their native language, including me. :) What is your native language? Is it french? Comment-sa s'ecrit?

How come you're a regular member and you joined in 2004 and im a VETERAN member and i joined in 2007? That dont make sense do it. Plus anyway, after i joined in 07 i stopped for like a year, in 2008.

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Your reply put a smile on my face :).

I wouldn't argue about the "i project my own insecurities onto her" if we were talking about that period of my life that i had them and was aware about them. The laser treatment that caused me purpura or however it is named treated those 2-3 scars/red marks i had that weren't even bad at all in the first place, but unfortunately i was caught in a state of mind that wanted to be flawless. Thankfully i am over and beyond that now.

You might be right that she doesn't have any insecurities but i just can't explain the fact she avoids to meet me during the day and even at night i can recall some occasions that she reacts in an uncomfortable manner, as to where to sit for example depending on lighting.

You are definitely right that we need to get our heads together and discuss about this. I just don't know how to make the start :/.

Just realised i am a member for so long :P. About being veteran member i really have no clue but i could guess is because i rarely post. (maybe i only did 6-7 times during this whole period). Thanks for your compliment about my english you are very kind. I am greek btw.

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Not trying to be rude but from what i have read your in a good situation she clearly likes you just give her the confidence and your see her during the day.

Your in there ;P

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you're a really nice guy..and I can relate to that woman. Did you meet her in a club or bar? I usually worry about what guys would think of me in the daylight. In the clubs sure everyone looks more attractive but in the daylight without alcohol it's a different story.

Maybe meet her in the late afternoon and slowly progress to when the sun is shining brightly!

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