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When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, "I'm getting tired."

I'm getting tired of waking up, going to the bathroom mirror, then seeing my face with white acne cream, looking for the tiny crusts of blood that were cysts that popped the other day, waiting for them to heal.

But what shocked me was that I seemed to have become inured to these things. As though I expect them everyday, not a clear face, not good skin. I expect nothing good anymore. And I realized I've changed that way, and it was a shock. How could I have tolerated this condition for the last four years?

I envy anyone who can wake up and not be heavily concerned with their skin, who can just wash it and go. I'm in law school and it just takes too much of my time. I can certainly keep up, but if I did not have severe acne I'm sure I can do so much better. I hate that I feel so resigned already to acne.

It shames me that I'm adding another rant, another pity-me post, in this forum. And it will be so pathetic to say I just needed the release, but that I can't deny.

So a question. How many of you are inured to your condition? Do you still expect better?

I'll be taking accutane soon (if I pass the blood test), and I wish so much it works. I guess that means there's still a modicum of hope in me.

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I don't think you should be shamed to post a rant in this forum. I mean it's a common thing, it's why this forum is here. Dont be shamed, plz.

I still wake up day after day, and check the mirror first thing for improvement.

If I don't get improvement, I'm just thinking maybe next day.

The only thing that disheartens me is when I break out more, while im doing all these steps to make it better.

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Guest Herätys
I don't think you should be shamed to post a rant in this forum. I mean it's a common thing, it's why this forum is here. Dont be shamed, plz.

I still wake up day after day, and check the mirror first thing for improvement.

If I don't get improvement, I'm just thinking maybe next day.

The only thing that disheartens me is when I break out more, while im doing all these steps to make it better.

Sameeee.

I wake up looking for improvements too and when its reaching its last days of healing and its pretty much healed dramatically, something new comes up.

It's like a never ending bitch.

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Guest Herätys
True the fuck that. :"D!

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i bet alot of ppl here understand that feeling. like camcorder sed, dont feel ashamed..y not vent here knowin u have all these ppl that can relate. i use to feel exactly like u..yea i kno it sux but u cant keep on thinkin negative. its a matter of time (i guess thats wat makes it so hard..we get impatient). But hopefully you pass that blood test ...dont lose faith

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When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, "I'm getting tired."

I'm getting tired of waking up, going to the bathroom mirror, then seeing my face with white acne cream, looking for the tiny crusts of blood that were cysts that popped the other day, waiting for them to heal.

But what shocked me was that I seemed to have become inured to these things. As though I expect them everyday, not a clear face, not good skin. I expect nothing good anymore. And I realized I've changed that way, and it was a shock. How could I have tolerated this condition for the last four years?

I envy anyone who can wake up and not be heavily concerned with their skin, who can just wash it and go. I'm in law school and it just takes too much of my time. I can certainly keep up, but if I did not have severe acne I'm sure I can do so much better. I hate that I feel so resigned already to acne.

It shames me that I'm adding another rant, another pity-me post, in this forum. And it will be so pathetic to say I just needed the release, but that I can't deny.

So a question. How many of you are inured to your condition? Do you still expect better?

I'll be taking accutane soon (if I pass the blood test), and I wish so much it works. I guess that means there's still a modicum of hope in me.

Atleast you're close to going on Accutane. I won't be able to afford it until I finish school and get a good job with benefits. You'll clear up on Accutane. I agree with you as far as not expecting any improvement anymore. It's been 6 years. I feel like I'm mentally ill because of my skin. Instantly every morning my day is ruined before it even began when I look in the mirror. I cannot wait to go on Accutane. You are so lucky.

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I'm sorry, OP.

I mean, let me just say this. I am truly sorry for what you've been through and no one should have to go through it.... but why are you giving up? Why now?

Life is hard. We all go through things that don't exactly make us smile. But think about what you DO have. That's most important. Why spend your time not caring anymore? I understand you're sad but it's just.... it's a waste of life. Life's meant to have ups and downs - we go through the bad to appreciate the good, when the good isn't good enough, try harder to make it better. Ultimately it's up to you how your life is... I hate to quote something so Hannah Montana but Life's What You Make It. If you sit there sulking about how bad your life is, it can only get worse because you're not doing a damn thing about it. If you make the effort to make it better, it's BOUND to get better.

It's a lot easier said than done, I know. I was told the same things over and over and could never quite grasp what it meant until now. I made the effort to make my life good and you know what? It's great. Before, I was picked on a lot and made fun of. I'd spend so many nights crying and alone, I NEVER thought it'd get better. It's the negativity that was holding me back, not fate. When I tried to make life better, and tried to make it okay, it worked. You have to help yourself out here - you're the only person that CAN.

You're skin will get better, trust me. But before it does, you need to adjust to your skin, and you need to adjust to yourself.

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Thanks guys. Didn't think someone will reply to this post.

@Camcorder: I don't know, it's just me, I guess. Maybe I'm expecting myself to be that strong so I feel guilty when I let some weakness show.

@heyhellohi: Thank you so much for the encouragement. I've been adjusting to my skin for years. And it seems to be getting worse. I do try harder, and as much as possible I make difficult choices. I was supposed to rest for a year first, after I earned my undergrad degree, just so I can heal my acne and look better when I take up law. But I denied myself that "resting period." I figured bumming around just because of acne is, in your words, "a waste of life." And it is true. Law seems to be aggravating my skin, but what the hell, it's what I want to do.

Sorry if the post came off too sad. The "tiredness" I was referring to came from something in me that prefers to be practical, I think. Having acne is just not convenient at all.

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Hey there,

I can understand what your are going through.. I have had similar experiences like you.. After trying a lot of things when I was unable to see any results, I used to feel like I probably have to stay like this forever.. But it was ok when I was home during holidays but when you have go out everyday it used to almost kill me.. I felt like hiding under some cover..

Trust me its just the matter of time.. Acne wont last forever.. :naughty: I also dealt with it for 3-4 years.. But now I'm finally kinda clear.. can say around 95%.. But still those red marks which really haunt me.. Even today first thing in the morning I do is to check my face in the mirror.. I feel really sad that I am the only one in the family who has to deal with this thing.. I find there life so much easier.. They dont have to think even once before stepping out of the house.. Anyways I dont want to sound sad.. But I am writing all this bcoz this forum is dedicated to our emotional problems.. We all can relate to such things.. And this always makes me feel that I am not the only person having tough times..

Please feel free to post any issues you have.. We all are here to help each other... :)

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Thanks guys. Didn't think someone will reply to this post.

@Camcorder: I don't know, it's just me, I guess. Maybe I'm expecting myself to be that strong so I feel guilty when I let some weakness show.

@heyhellohi: Thank you so much for the encouragement. I've been adjusting to my skin for years. And it seems to be getting worse. I do try harder, and as much as possible I make difficult choices. I was supposed to rest for a year first, after I earned my undergrad degree, just so I can heal my acne and look better when I take up law. But I denied myself that "resting period." I figured bumming around just because of acne is, in your words, "a waste of life." And it is true. Law seems to be aggravating my skin, but what the hell, it's what I want to do.

Sorry if the post came off too sad. The "tiredness" I was referring to came from something in me that prefers to be practical, I think. Having acne is just not convenient at all.

It's okay, you've come to the right place :comfort: Sorry if I sounded too bitchy or pushy in the post :shy:

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