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Pretty girl... except for these freaking scars

Hey all,

I just really really need some support here. I was dating a guy, he clearly liked me. That is, until he saw me in the natural sunlight while at a baseball game last week. He begged me to go with him and his friends.... said he really wanted me there to introduce me and all. Well, prior to this, he had never seen my messed up pock marked face in direct sunlight and the bright of day for all to see. Let's just say that he was horrible to me at the game, and he dropped me off at home, no good night kiss, no telling me he'd call like he always did before. We had been dating for 2 whole months!! Prior to this though, I never let him see me outside in the light of day, because I'm so freaking self conscious about my face. But I thought to myself, well, it's been 2 months, he's gonna find out soon enough. And of course, like clockwork, I was totally right. I'm at the age now where all my friends have boyfriends, fiances, or husbands. And I'm on the freaking internet right now becuase they're all out with their significant others, and I just can't seem to find anyone to accept me for who I am, scars, acne, and all. I really try to not let it get to me. I work out a lot, try to stay health, I run marathons and half marathons. I'm getting my Master's Degree in Nursing, I'm starting to volunteer because I just love working with the elderly. But none of this seems to be enough for anyone else to overlook my face. I really try to stay positive, and never let anyone see me with anything but a smile on my face. But this is really really hard right now. I'm going to be stuck alone at home on a Saturday night yet again. I really don't want to have a pity party here, byut this acne and scarring has really taken a toll on my confidence this past year, and I just need a little "pick me up" here. So instead of being the young, single, fun 29 year old that I am, I'm here writing on this message board, just looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. I've started doing smoothbeam to help with these scars, but it's a long process, and no results yet. I just wish more than ANYTHING that I didn't need to battle this messed up face any more. I am so insanely jealous of people who can head out in the morning, and not have to worry about what their face looks like, or worry about putting a pound of makeup on to look somewhat "normal." Anyone with a similar experience? I'm seriously crying now, and absolutely hate that I am. What else can I do? By all means, I'm not depressed, just so freaking tired of being dumped because of my face. Guys just love me to pieces in a dark bar, or a dimly lit restaurant, but get me out in the light of day, and it's a whole other story. Please!! Anyone with a similar story, or one with a happy ending, please let me know. Not sure how much more of this rejection I can take.... I really don't want to turn into one of those bitter women who thinks that all men suck:)

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Hang in there, sister!

I also suffer from facial scarring, so I know how you feel. You are not alone! It's really hard being a gal with scars. Somebody's been adding dozens of pictures of celebrities with acne scars to the gallery, and I couldn't help but notice that they are all MEN. Not a pretty female celebrity with scars in the whole bunch. (Society...sigh)

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the guys you're dating. I'm not really sure what to suggest. It sounds like they're dating you because they like how you look, not because they like who you are. If they really liked you, a couple of shallow scars on your face wouldn't matter at all. So I say you are better off steering clear of that type of guy. It's probably for the best.

You sound like a really active, fun, and interesting person. Just reading your post makes me feel like I want to be your friend! So I know you will find a guy who will appreciate you for exactly who and what you are! Just remember that every "no" brings you one more step closer to a "yes!"

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Yep, sounds like it's time to meet someone while you're in the sun. Take that metaphorically or literally, up to you. ;)

Scars are no big deal. By the sound of things, I'm sure you just radiate health day in and day out! There's no faking that. Stick it out! :D

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I hate to hear your so sad right now!!

I am a guy and have some facial scarring on my cheeks and jawline atm. I am on accutane and have a few months left but accutane doesn't do anything about scars so I am going to have to live with these for the rest of my life. I am not that upset about the ones on my cheeks because I see people with scars on their cheeks all the time and I think it looks alright.

I agree with everyone else in that if you find Mr.Right, he shouldn't care at all about your scarring. I don't see that there would be that big of a difference from indoor lighting to outdoor(not that big of a difference) in your appearance.. Besides, appearance isn't really what matters the most. If you dated for 2 whole months and he dumps you because of this? Please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don't shed a tear over this asshole. He gives all guys a bad name. ;/

The girl I have a crush on(and who probably doesn't know I exist) is someone who I have seen around campus a bunch and works at a store that I go into a bunch, why am I telling you this? It's because she doesn't have perfect skin. Every time I see her at school she always has too much makeup on. Every time I see her at work she has 0 makeup on and looks 10000x hotter. She doesn't have perfect skin, she has some acne and it doesn't bother me at all.. I still think she is the prettiest girl I have ever seen :wub:. I do not have the courage to ask her out yet because my skin isn't perfect either(kind of hypocritical eh?) I hope to once my Accutane course is over and my skin is clear, but who knows, it might not be clear. If I feel like this forever I will probably end up alone and miserable, which is the path your heading down.

Don't let a few assholes ruin your life forever.

And don't think all men suck :(

Had to edit that, my button didn't work it fucked it up and pasted it like 5x Lol sorry

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I work out a lot, try to stay health, I run marathons and half marathons. I'm getting my Master's Degree in Nursing, I'm starting to volunteer because I just love working with the elderly.

These were the most important words of your post. These are the things that make you who you are. You have scars, so what? Do they change the person that is on the inside? The person that any decent guy would be interested in? No. We cant blame people that have never experienced it for being ignorant- why would they understand? But when people don't even try to understand thats when things are wrong. He clearly wasnt interested in you for the right reasons. Stay strong, move on and find a guy who wants you because he is attracted to you in daylight and darkness, inside and out.

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From your post I can hear your voice. You are pleasant, friendly, and honest. And you know what you want from life. I know that sometimes all you can see is the red hand. It's asking you to stop where you stand. But scars can't limit your potential. Temporarily, perhaps, but not forever. Sooner or later you will find your way, what you have to do. You are simply in the interim period of doubt and discovering yourself. Coming from a 22 year old, this may sound ridiculous. But I honestly believe that, unless in extreme circumstances, one's potential cannot be stifled. It will be actualized, it will be fulfilled.

I hope that some of the veteran members who have lived with scars for over 20 years can share their story. Not to single her out, but perhaps Wynne the mod can provide some ideas. Her posts are always helpful in this regard.

I wish you the best and want you to remember that scars cannot limit your potential. You're just a bit lost right now, and it's okay!

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It sounds like you have a lot of amazing things going for you. Screw him, you deserve better then that shit.

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At least you're out there trying. I haven't really pursued any girls. I seldom make myself out there.

And as a guy, I cannot put on makeup. So I just have to deal with red marks and scars all day every day.

I hope you do well with the smoothbeam. There's always someone out there for everyone. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places. I don't know if you only meet people there, but I read that you mention that men love you in bars. I am just guessing here, you might already do this, but maybe you should meet a guy at the same things you are interested in. Like some guy who is also interested in working out, running marathons, another nurse, scholarly person in general, or some other charitable guy.

Even though it sounds evident that shallow guys have dumped you for your scars, maybe you can meet a wholesome guy with the same interests as you, something to have in common. And then maybe move past your scars emotionally.

I hope my thoughts could help.

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I know how you feel, you are not alone.

Every time I feel terrible about my skin, I just tell myself, "One day, everything will be okay."

Even though at first it is hard to believe those words, they are true. One day you will have a great job, a loving husband, a beautiful house, and you will be completely content with your great life.

Our flaws make us better people. Because most of the prettiest people do the ugliest things.

Just try and take your mind off of your appearance, no matter how hard it may be, and realize that one day everything will be better. I promise.

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First of all, this guy was obviously not worth your time if he was so superificially minded. Second...don't base your self-worth on what someone else thinks of you, especially a man who is so very shallow as to decide to terminate a relationship because of something as insignificant as a scar.

I know it is rough to feel limited by your scars, but there are people who aren't as shallow as that man who care and love you, regardless of your acne scars. Not DESPITE...WITH. I like to make that distinction because you should not think of your acne or your acne scars has a scarlet letter to wear upon yourself for all to see, but just a natural part of who you are. Those who truly care for you will not mind.

Don't give up hope, but in the meantime dwell on yourself. That is the best part about being single. Giving yourself time, exploring the world exactly the way you wish. The right person will come along, just continue to show the beautiful you, both inside and out. =)

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Hey hun,

First, that guy wasn't worth your time - the end.

You're an amazing person with a goal set and doing things you enjoy (running), so don't let some jerk ruin it all. So what if you have some scarring? Your personality is probably awesome.

I met my bf online, through this there wasn't a judgment on looks as a first impression, but only the personality of the person. Of course pictures sent didn't emphasis marks or scars, and make-up covered the redness, but eventually I had to be honest and he saw me at night without any make-up on. He said nothing about it and treated me the same when I did have make-up. ( Now I think of it, he believes I don't wear make-up lol... ). He sees past the acne on my face and I love him very much for not being grossed out or distancing himself.

So~ your previous guy failed his test to be Mr. Right. I don't think you wanted to live with him forever, no?

You'll meet your honey :D and he'll love you for your flaws and imperfections over all.

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you deserve better. We all do, but unfortunately those that were unexplicably blessed with good skin and arrogance think that they are above those with less than perfect skin.

I want to find someone to love me for me too, but I am not even me anymore. Acne has destroyed my personality, so even if I did find someone that can manage to look past my acne, scars and ingrown hairs (:lol::cry:) the bitterness that has crept up in my personality will make them run. :cry:

but you still seem to have your personality so hopefully you will meet mr right soon and if you do report back to give the rest of us hope. :D

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Thanks for all the words of encouragement everyone. Intuitively, I already knew everything you all said, but as you all know, it's so hard out there on that dating scene, ESPECIALLY when all of your prior single friends are now happily "couple up". Makes for a very lonely weekend sometime when everyone has fabulous plans with their sig. others. Anyway, tomorrow is Monday! Almost glad to be going back to work doing what I love.... taking care of others!

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Yeah scars are a real mofo. They add so many additional problems to the already tricky dating scene.

You seem cool and i'm sure you will eventually find some guy who's lucky enough to be w u. So don't be down for too long and get back in the game.

The only practical advice I can offer is to let your dates see you in less than flattering lighting sooner. Don't waste another 2 months on some guy who might be a dick and dump you for shallow reasons. Be strong, have confidence (even if u need to fake it, lol) and let these dudes see you when you don't look your best. If they pass the "test" then you know they are worth your time and emotions. You will need to get it out of the way at some point anyhow, sooner is better.

Keep trying, it's the only way good things have a chance of happening.

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Why don't you consider laser resurfacing? If you're breakouts are done then definitely get this treatment and you will have smooth skin again! A worthy investment

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You've mentioned several times your loneliness while your friends are out with their partners, perhaps you should pick up a hobby, join a club, gym, or something.

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Sorry about all that. You're a wonderful and beautiful person, keep your spirits up.

In my personal experience I have never met a man I thought was worth having a serious relationship with at a bar. This is my personal experience here. The bar-scene is just soooo.. on some levels, superficial to me. Have you tried looking to find men in other social gatherings? What about church? Or a classroom? Maybe some sort of non-profit organization where there are men who are dedicated to a cause... men with real character. Just my suggestion.

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Thanks for all the words of encouragement everyone. Intuitively, I already knew everything you all said, but as you all know, it's so hard out there on that dating scene, ESPECIALLY when all of your prior single friends are now happily "couple up". Makes for a very lonely weekend sometime when everyone has fabulous plans with their sig. others. Anyway, tomorrow is Monday! Almost glad to be going back to work doing what I love.... taking care of others!

Maybe its time to find some new single friends female or male to hang out with?

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What type of scars are these, and how severe are they?

Sorry to take so long replying, but I"m not sure what "type". Def. ALL over my face though, jawline, cheeks, forehead, and relatively shallow, but def. noticeable in the light of day. Also have HUGE pores, but hoping smoothbeam will help with all that....

You've mentioned several times your loneliness while your friends are out with their partners, perhaps you should pick up a hobby, join a club, gym, or something.

Oh believe me, I do manage to stay busy. I go to the gym and/or run 5-6 days a week. I'm part of a marathon training group. I'm also in grad school for my master's degree! I'm busy by all means, but hit a bit of a low last weekend. I generally am a pretty happy person, and try not to let this acne/scarring thing bum me out too much, but I def. do get down about it sometimes... I'm sure we've all been there!

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sounds like your problem isn't your scars...it was that he is a D-bag.

if he's dating someone for two months and then does something like that he's officially a tool.

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I am so sorry, I totally know how you feel. I've never been dumped for my skin, but I've definitely been passed over because of it. I have a boyfriend (my first boyfriend) who understands completely how I feel about my skin and tells me everyday that I shouldn't feel bad because my skin never looks bad. We've been together for a little over 2 years now.

It's still hard for me to believe everything he says, but he's so patient and I'm actually starting to feel better about myself now. I think that's the most important thing, if you have persistent skin problems (like me), you'll actually probably start accepting yourself before you see any improvements in your skin. If you keep feeling horrible and guilty about yourself then it's going to be really, really hard to see any end or any chance of improvement. I'm sorry if that sounds guilt-trippy, it's totally not meant to be. I know you can't just change your self esteem overnight.

One thing that's helped me lately is after I look in a mirror in the morning before I put on makeup (and hating what I see), I take a few minutes to think about everything about me that's really great and distinguished. Like how I'm smart, I'm getting really good at math, I'm very mature, etc. And I think how ridiculous certain people must be if all they care about is my skin.

Trust me, you have no shortage of things to be proud of. You're motivated, you genuinely care about people, you're deep, you're selfless, you're driven to improve yourself. Reading your post made me feel great because it made me think "Well, she's self conscious about her skin too but she goes out everyday and puts a whole lot into everything she does." You will meet someone who genuinely likes you for who you are and on top of that, thinks your skin is beautiful.

Also (sorry for the long post), my boyfriend had acne problems ever since puberty (I think) until he recently cleared it up. I think it helps to find someone who understands what you're going through. I know you must have liked that guy, but he isn't worth worrying over. If he was only concerned with you having absolutely perfect skin, he probably couldn't ever appreciate or respect you.

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Why don't you consider laser resurfacing? If you're breakouts are done then definitely get this treatment and you will have smooth skin again! A worthy investment

Ditto.

I know it sucks to have scars. I have them too. Its easy to say that if a person loves you they will love you scars and all. Its not easy to accept that when you're the one with the scars. Just knowing that they can see those scars you despise is hard enough to deal with...totally puts a dampener on your spirit.

So i say..dont wait to meet someone you doesnt care about it. Do something about it for yourself, for the sake of your own confidence.

I say Laser is an excellent treatment.

I am waiting to save up enough to get it done. Accutane did the job of clearing up the active acne. now for the next stage.

Theres a saying.."theres no such thing as an ugly woman, just lazy women."

Disagree with me if u must but thats how i see it.

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Why don't you consider laser resurfacing? If you're breakouts are done then definitely get this treatment and you will have smooth skin again! A worthy investment

Ditto.

I know it sucks to have scars. I have them too. Its easy to say that if a person loves you they will love you scars and all. Its not easy to accept that when you're the one with the scars. Just knowing that they can see those scars you despise is hard enough to deal with...totally puts a dampener on your spirit.

So i say..dont wait to meet someone you doesnt care about it. Do something about it for yourself, for the sake of your own confidence.

I say Laser is an excellent treatment.

I am waiting to save up enough to get it done. Accutane did the job of clearing up the active acne. now for the next stage.

Theres a saying.."theres no such thing as an ugly woman, just lazy women."

Disagree with me if u must but thats how i see it.

Depending if the lasertreatment will work....

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Here's hoping. Smoothbeam 3 out of 5 was today. Thinking I was noticing a very slight improvment after session 2..... don't know if this is truly an improvement, or if I just WANT there to be an improvement. Will keep everyone updated...

Thanks again all for the words of encouragement and advice. Feeling much better after that first post.... that was a low day!

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