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Me, Myself and ACNE

Before 7th grade. I used to have clear beautiful skin. I looked at people with acne and thought it could never happen to me. Towards the end of 7th grade I started breaking out on my forehead. I thought it was no big deal and thought it would just clear up.

8th grade. It was all over my face. That was the start with proactive. Still did not see any significant improvements with proactive besides dry tight skin.

Freshman year came around. Terrible skin. Still all over my face. Probably at the worst point in my acne life. Used proactive. Still did not seem to work out.

Sophmore year. Started getting really serious with wanting to get rid of acne. Started using Obagi products for a few months. Made my skin reeealy dry. And everyone noticed. Especially when I walked into 1st period LATE with super dry flaky skin. I mean so flaky, if I smiled it my cheeks would crack and skin would flake off. SUPER EMBARRASSING. But the Obagi did help, towards the end of Sophmore year, the acne did seem to improve about 50%.

Junior year. Still pretty bad noticeable acne. But it was the scars/red marks left from the severe acne that were more noticeable. I was prescribed with antibiotics, 5% BP, and 5% BP gel. Used all that for a few months. Did notice a lot of improvement. I'd say it has improved 75% at this point. Then switched to Dan's regime, which included the cleanser, 2.5% BP, and moisturizer. Also with the AHA+ and jojoba oil. Used all this for a couple months and at the last day of junior year (few weeks ago), I'm glad to say it has improved 85% since Freshman year. The other 15% is the scars and few very small not-too-noticeable acne.

The summer before senior year, current. Did a 40% Lactic acid chemical peel last night. The morning after, I noticed a really good improvement. I can't imagine how much better it will be after a few more peels. I'm already starting to feel a lot more confident. I think I just might have found my cure. I’d say I’m at the point where it is 90% clear. With 10% being the not-too-noticeable scars. As for acne, don’t really have to worry about it too much. I rarely get any BIG pimples anymore. Just reeeealy small tiny ones that aren’t all that noticeable and usually clear up in a few days. I don’t think I’ll ever reach 100% clear since there will always be a blemish from past acne and scars which haven’t faded to their fullest point yet. And I’m almost positive it will never look like the skin I had prior to 7th grade. I project I’ll reach 95% clear after all the 40% Lactic acid I can do. The other 5% just very, very light scars. Just “evidence” of past acne. But you know what. I’m cool with that.

Definitely, acne has changed my life. For the worse. It sucked. I was very suicidal. The only thing that kept me up was the fact that it could get better. I envy’d the people with clear skin. I was VERY self-conscious about my complexion. It made me EXTREMELY shy. Talking to friends, classmates, teachers, relatives, even cashiers was very difficult. I dread at the thought of doing presentations in front my fellow classmates. When a presentation date came up, every time I thought about it made me sink down. Any type of speaking in class was also very difficult for me to the point where my hands would be shaking. And whenever I was forced to speak in front of the class it was pretty obvious I was nervous. I was just straight up ashamed of myself.

High school for me so far has been pretty rough. Definitely not “the best years of my life.” To this date, I’ve had never had a girlfriend. Has been on my mind for a while now especially in the past 2-3 years since of hearing about friends (both male and female) loosing their virginity. I honestly wanted to kill my self. I felt worthless. I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt left out.

So sick of emotional breakdowns that reminded me of everything bad in my life. So sick of all the previous awkward moments that I regret. So sick of everything never working out for me and thinking how much worse can my life get. So sick of people asking me if I heard of this thing called Proactive. So sick of the remarks of friends mentioning that I was ugly. I remembered every single one of them.

Hated going to school with my skin peeling because of this new treatment I was trying. Hated the stares and double-looks. Hated the pain of a new pimple on my face. Hated seeing a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface and sinking me down so low. Hated missing out on social events on those Friday/Saturday nights because I was too ashamed of my face. Hated having to bring a moisturizer to school and applying it in front of people. Hated having that said moisturizer to explode in my backpack and leaving a huge white mess that got on everything in my backpack.

Especially hated the straight up awkwardness. Whenever a proactive commercial came on with clear skinned people in the room. Whenever I was forced to meet someone new. Whenever a hott chick was around me that I wanted so bad, but knowing I had no chance. Whenever that bell rang to go to the next period where I would be up close to people in the extremely crowded hallways. Whenever there’s other people in the bathroom and I’m glancing at the mirror acting like my acne was no big deal.

Acne is not just a skin disease commonly found during adolescence. Acne fucked up my life. These years, which are suppose to be the best years of my life have been super difficult. Don’t get me wrong. I still have fun with my friends, I still go to parties and get wasted. I try to not let acne completely ruin my life. It has gotten me really depressed, but I’ve been really good at hiding it. But sometimes not. I just think of how much better it could have been. Soo many opportunities I passed on because I was too insecure about my complexion. So much regret. So much better my life could have been.

Senior year is next. Last chance to make this my year. No more insecurities. No more regret. Fuck depression. I want happiness!

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Perfect. You have this year to make up for what you didn't get to do in the past. I'm happy that your skin is healing.

Thank you. Yeah I sure hope everything works out for me. This is my last chance to live life to the fullest as a little kid before I'm off to the "real life."

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Aww cmon guys, I wrote all that and only got 1 reply... I know its a little repetitive but its all true and I'm sure a lot of other people have gone through the same thing.

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I feel your pain. Acne is always a struggle. Just when I seem to find the perfect treatment, it stops working. I was clear for almost a whole year, thought it was over, then it started again.

I hope you enjoy your senior year and your new attitude!

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I will really admire you if you manage to overcome acne. I find it to be a really tough thing to do.

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Guest invaderzim

i admire you for bothering to write such a long post.

and whats wrong with being shy? personal problems, even the ones that seem to get the best of you influence your personality and how you come to approach things. you never know what kind of a selfish, shallow, manipulative, intolerable ass you might have been.

...but you seem to have pumped a few dozen rounds into the target so it's all balls-out from here.

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I can relate to so much in your post, and I'm glad that you're clearing up and going to start making the most of your life. I'm on the road to doing the same, and can definitely emphasize.

There is one bit that I think I should highlight though: 'So sick of the remarks of friends mentioning that I was ugly. I remembered every single one of them'. This really struck a chord with me, I think even though acne had overall been a bad experience, I have managed to gain some positive things from it; such as compassion, tolerance and a greater understanding of health amongst other things. But the one major bad aspect that I have gained is what can be effectively called a capacity to bear grudges. I too remember negative experiences vividly; and if I feel truely wronged, I can't forgive and forget. It's something that I know is detrimental and I want to shed, but I can't, It's become to ingrained. I've lost a childhood friend because of it, and it's troubling me at this moment in time also.

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Hey man, It's good to hear someone that is recovering from severe acne. People with perfect skin don't understand it AT ALL, it's unbaleavable.

Anyways, I had the same deal as you, just a shorter span, I got severe acne starting the end of my 8th grade year, and into my freshman year. I solved my severe acne in just 6 months, accutane cleared EVERYTHING up, its an honest miracle.

So im going into my sophmore year as a new person, and I can't wait.

Good luck to you man.

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Guest MarifreakinA

Your experience sounds pretty similar to mine, I became so ashamed of my acne that I couldn't even look people in the eye for fear that they'd look at my face.

I hated it when people's eyes moved all over my face, I could just tell they were looking at my acne.

But now it's all gravy, acne still stresses me out from time to time but now I usually have enough acceptance to say "fuck it" knowing that it will eventually go away, unlucky for you though, you can't use a concealer and make up.

And with girlfriends and crap, don't sweat it, bitches be crazy, you really wouldn't have wanted one at a young age anyway. Better to wait and find someone who you really like since you're older now.

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