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peanutbutterbrother

Sitting face to face in a restaraunt (or anywhere)

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How hard is it for you to do this? I feel very uncomfortable sitting that close up to my acquaintances face, and you can see in their eyes, they are just as uncomfortable. And we are close friends, imagine sitting with new people, or god forbid, even a date. And you can't just try and be confident, because it makes the other person uncomfortable too. If i can't do this with my friend, how am i ever going to expect myself to go on dates? I really don't know where i'm going with all this. I'm just fresh off coming from a fast food place with my friend, and it really bugged me driving home. I just can't see a way out of this situation ever. And eating at a restaurant is a very common part of life, and I am doomed to forever feel inadequate in them. How do you cope with this?

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its impossible for me nowadays. I even recall saying that I'd do anything to be able to just hang out at a cafe with friends and just shoot the shit. I mean some people want a great job, have a family, find religion etc but my ultimate goal at this point in my life is just be at a restaurant with friends and family. How sad.

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This really makes me uncomfortable as well; having a person be so close to you and seeing your face in such proximinity, yet alone a date or significant other??? I'm really curious as to how others handle this sort of situation because even just thinking about it makes me uneasy.

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a couple of years ago i was going through one of my severest breakouts and i avoided my friends for a long time. my friend called me up one day and said she wouldn't take no for an answer. we were going to go to a restaurant and do something else after. i remember almost having a breakdown, thinking of how hard it would be to put up a front that my face wasn't bothering me. once i got to the restaurant, they wanted to take pictures. i was extremely uncomfortable, but once we got to talking and catching up, i was able to forget about my acne. from that moment it did cross my mind from time to time, but hearing about their lives made me realize that being around your true friends just makes you feel better overall, not just about your skin.

while i was at the restaurant, they kept saying how much they all missed us hanging out together and it was clear they didn't care what my skin looked like. they seemed just happy to see me. that's how i cope. knowing you're around ppl who want to listen to what you have to say and just want to have a good time. yeah they notice my skin, but it's not something they hold against me.

with dating, the first date it just nerve-wracking for me. the quicker i can accept that i'm going to be nervous no matter what, the easier i can actually concentrate on the actual date .. instead of how nervous i am. remember the person is interested in you, otherwise they wouldn't have asked you to spend time with them or they wouldn't have agreed to go out with you. while you can't know someone's intentions right away and sometimes you may never know .. lol .. what helps me with dating is not taking it so seriously. i just view a date as hanging out with someone and if it works out, alright. if it doesn't, on to the next.

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Um, I think you have to find a way to keep your mind off of it. Acne is there, and there isn't much you can do for it at that moment. You know what? It's a way for your friend to keep in touch, and I don't think he/she is going to stop meeting up because of your face. I feel you though because some places have the fluorescent lighting in the evening. All I can suggest is to enjoy your friends company and get some good food.

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scope the restaurant before you go, check how close the seats are and the lighting. request a booth or something. i can only do this on good days, and i have to order bite size things so that i dont stretch my skin and cause flakes around my mouth

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Hmmm.. This has happened with me before.. Whenever I used to be in any restaurant with someone new.. I constantly kept thinking about my skin.. How am I looking.. What will the guy think of me.. :think: I even tried at times to cover some part of my face with my hand... :hand: But now I think I have matured enough... :) I really dont think you need to feel bad about your skin... Everyone has something or the other.. They are more serious things in other people's lives.. I know we all working hard to get rid of this.. so just be happy.. n for those people who really judge you by how you look.. they dont have to be in your life.. so just kick them away.. Cheers!! :D

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Its important to go out to places liek restaurants and Cafes to socialise.

If you deprive yourself of such things particulary around good friends its only going to make matters worse. They are more likely to help forget about the situation and have a good time :-)

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i used to do this. i used to pray and pray that the hostess wouldn't seat us at the table with the sunny window. i used to also seat myself at tables or chairs in the movies or whatever based on what side of my face was worse.

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This didn't bother me much since I hang out with older people or people of my age group (i'm 27)...i have friends with flawless faces and some not so, but you know we all deal with breakouts it's normal for our age.

However it used to make me feel self conscious when I'm around kids....

I do take figure skating lessons and started to take it more seriously 3 years ago. I started out in an adults basics class but I moved far beyond what they were teaching so the director said I gotta take freestyle classes with the kids (as in we're talking 12 and below). Even though they never said anything about my blotchy face or brown spots I still felt self conscious, after all they still had baby smooth and clear complexions. And yes I felt jealous...me jealous of little 10 year olds, how sad is that. I was getting married at that time so they would ask me all sorts of questions about the wedding that I was paranoid they were gonna ask me how i was gonna do my makeup or something but they never mentioned my imperfections. I guess acne just does that to you, you get so paranoid that people notice everything. but in reality maybe we are just our harshest critics.

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scope the restaurant before you go, check how close the seats are and the lighting. request a booth or something. i can only do this on good days, and i have to order bite size things so that i dont stretch my skin and cause flakes around my mouth

OMG, what a way to live huh? I had to do this too when I tried the DKR regimen for the first time, it was so bad the flakes were unbearable.

i used to also seat myself at tables or chairs in the movies or whatever based on what side of my face was worse.

Ha ha, I did that too!

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Wow, it's amazing to here you guys write down exact feelings I've gone through and still do ...we're all going through the same stuff... I wish I could meet you all :) we could sit down and poke fun of all the shallow acne free people lol j/k

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I couldn't even bring myself to go to a restaurant at all, let alone sitting face to face with someone. I'm not cruel enough to needlessly subject people to looking at my face. For me, not going out in public is an act of great kindness. Or at least that's how I'm feeling tonight. *Sigh*

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I feel this way too. Especially in the sun, or when your inside but the sun gets in through the windows or open doors. You guys know what I'm talking about. The light makes your skin looks worse.

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Actually, I had an encounter with this exact situation yesterday.

So last night I was chatting with my friend on facebook and I suggested we should go hang out tomorrow because it's supposed to be a real nice day. She happily agreed, and we went walking downtown and we went into the food court mall, with all the sunlight coming in through the huge windows. It was terrifying.

Did I mention she's a model...? Who lives on a ranch with her own horses? Yeah, jealous much are we? Anyway why a model would want to hang out with me I have no idea, but whatever. So we got some drinks and sat down at a window table (crap...) And I decided to myself right then I wasn't going to avoid eye contact with this gorgeous girl because of my own insecurities.

Besides, apparently if you avoid eye contact and act nervous and fidgety it's a turn off, people like confidence. So I leaned in and looked right in her eyes when I spoke to her, I didn't try to hide my face or anything. Inside I was having a mini panic attack but it was also nice because suddenly she seemed really interested and relaxed and she looked me in the eyes, not the face.

Later we walked to the park and I ended up having a really great day.

I also landed myself in the god damned friends zone, the first hint came when she told me "You're a really good friend - and I wouldn't have it any other way!" Anyway, it could be worse, right? I mean I did spend the day with a gorgeous girl.

...Fucking friends zone.

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good for you^, about the having confidence part!

I agree people can sense low self-esteem and it's a huge turn off..

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