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bethanyd

Does anyone have social anxiety that they finally got over?

Im just wondering what you did. I have pretty severe social anxiety but I dont wanna pay a bunch of money to go to a psychologist. Okay more like dont have the money to pay for one. Are there any good books you read or any websites?

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Hey just a few months ago I couldn't hardly leave my house and ended up dropping out of college and quitting my job...due to depression and social anxiety. :boohoo:

But after changing my diet and becoming healthier, I've managed to become more clear minded, confident and my acne has disappeared too :dance: .

Don't give up hope.......I was suicidal for many yrs........now I'm looking forward to a fresh start at University in a couple of months. :cool:

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In order to be confident, you don't really have to talk a lot. You just have to realize that those of whom you are shy are on equal footing with you - they're not waiting to mock you when you speak and are not necessarily smarter or more attractive than you are. Make sure that you stand up for yourself; if you don't, it will become a precedent and people will alienate you because of your perceived weakness. Don't be afraid to show your claws once in a while, but don't overdo it. Be as friendly as you can to as many people as you can. Your looks do matter, but to a much lesser extent than you may imagine.

I was extremely shy in my junior year of high school, and I learned these lessons the hard way, LOL.

Respect.

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Guest Chrisâ„¢

I had (VERY) severe social anxety for years, I didn't ever leave my house for a long time, and yes I got over it. I won't lie, it still lingers in the back of my mind sometimes, but it doesn't have any control over me anymore or impact any decisions I make. This sounds like a naive thing for me to say, and you have probably heard it a lot before, but the key to overcoming social anxiety/phobia is to completely stop caring about what people think about you. You simply cannot let other people and their opinions dictate your life or the way you think and act. If you want to read about my story and how I overcame social anxiety, just look at my profile under my posts (titled "listen up everyone"). Pm me if you want to talk about it anytime. :cool:

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Transactional analysis is a good book to read.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/TA-Today-Introduct...s/dp/1870244001

A quick synopsis would be

Its a book about communication between humans and why we think/act in ways that further our beliefs(scripts) rather than our desires.

Only read the book once through and i probbably dont understand it myself 100% yet, but it did open my eyes to alot of things regarding irrational thoughts, feelings and decisions.

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Just checked through your post history and noticed you posted a picture of yourself asking if you are "ugly". This is a good example I can use to show you the power of TA.

You have already made your decision if YOU BELIEVE you are ugly or not. No matter what anyone says, does you have already made your decision. You are infact trying to reinforce the belief you have already made by discounting reality. An example is an anorexic. No matter how thin she gets she will always believe she is fat by "discounting reality".

What discounting means - is to blow things out of proportion, ignore vital fact or outright lie to ourselves. The purprose of this is to reinforce our belief; which is more important than acctually solving it. The reason for wanting to hold onto this belief is quite complex and its due to child psychology which is all explained in TA in depth.

Also would like to add that you are quite fetching - however I believe you need a new haircut that frames your face better and to get rid of the highlights (which is a pet peeve).

Maybe an emoish hairdoo? its what you kids are all doing these days!

p.s I cant believe I am saying you kids at the age of 21.

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Yeah mate I used to have it really bad, scared to go out incase I got made fun of. I think going to the gym and stuff really helped me build confidence. Now I basically don't really care what people think of me.

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I have had it for years even before I ever got acne...

I have been to therapy several times and it never helped to be honest.

One reason I have it is that people constantly stare at me.And I dont mean a glance and then look away.I mean full on total staring.My daughter has even pointed it out to me.

The only thing that has helped me at all with it (besides Xanax) is

for me to just completely ignore people when I go out.

I dont look at their faces,I dont try to interact,I just pretend they dont exsist.

If someone says something to me,I'm polite,but that's about it.

I still always avoid big crowds though.I just cant deal.

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I think I'm over it. I focused on my posture and my voice. You need to have a presence when out in public. Be confident in what you say. People are going to judge the minute they see you. Don't play any mind to it. Now it seems silly to worry about what a stranger is going to think. Why care?

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i still have social anxiety in many respects (sitting face to face in restaurants, not being able to look in the mirror when people are around, etc) but i have defeated some as well. In example, everytime i ride in a car, i always used to prefer my windows rolled up, and if it was hot, i'd just put on the AC. I simply tried riding around with the windows down for once, and i felt extremely uncomfortable. I kept thinking someone was looking at my face from the rear-view mirror. But I still kept doing it, and became more comfortable with it as it progressed. Im still not 100% comfortable with the windows rolled down, but am still much more comfortable then i was before. So i guess the lesson of all this, is to simply try things that you fear. Make full fledged eye contact with people your talking to the entire time, no matter how you are feeling. Make eye contact with strangers as you pass. Slowly social settings will be more friendly to your mind.

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I used to have the worst social anxiety! And I still have it, but I've gotten over it a lot. I used to avoid looking at people directly or talking to them because I was afraid of what they would say or think about me. Now I'm a lot better about it because I've gotten over caring about what other people think about me. And trust me, once you do, it makes things a lot easier. This is going to sound cheesy, but you've got once chance at life. Do you really want to spend your entire life worrying? You shouldn't worry. You should be out living life.

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I've gotten over my anxieties for a great deal. What anxiety I have now is nothing compared to what I used to have. But I'm still apprehensive in certain situations/places. So I avoid those every chance I get.

Like the bus. I've been feeling so much better ever since I've stopped taking the bus! lol It sounds silly but out here, bad things can happen in the bus. And when they do, well, it's hard to walk out the door, isn't it? So you'd have deal with these things which is a drag. So I just ride my bike a lot more now which is also healthier. :)

Another place I avoid is the canteen or restaurant at work. Because you've got all these people who are often very very different from each other packed in a room. Which often enough is a recipe for friction and tension. I work at a large company so you'd be sitting there amongst 50 or so people. It makes me very nervous. Because there's always going to be a handful of people who enjoy making fun of others, you know? And I also realize that when something happens, you're on your own. Very few people out here where I live help someone who's in trouble. Many just stand by and let things happen the way they do. I've seen that happen a thousand times.

But apart from those particular situations and maybe one or two others, I just go out and do what I want to do without really being super nervous. I think it's because I've toughened up through the years (in a good way). And I realized that many times, there was no danger. Or there wasn't anything unpleasant going on. It only seemed that way. For instance, I'd think "Oh darn, those people are staring at me :( " and then I'd find out later that they weren't and so forth... I also changed the way I talk to myself (less in a negative way and more in a realistic way) which really helped a great, great deal. And I've stopped avoiding eye contact which is also very important, I feel.

Anyway, hang in there and good luck, Bethany. :)

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"Speak what you want and say what you feel because the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind." -Dr.Suess

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"Speak what you want and say what you feel because the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind." -Dr.Suess

That's amazing! lol :)

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