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OneLoveLetsGetTogether

Everything seemed to be going so well

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Everything was going so well. Since February my face was slowly but surely clearing and getting so much better. It's hard to even write this thinking back just a few months how well my skin was. Out of nowhere...ever since prom..my skin has been breaking out horribly and its been inflamed and awful and I don't know what to do. My diet seemed to stop working, maybe its because I stopped supplementing, I tried coffee enemas, water enemas, a liver flush..nothing has helped. My forehead is breaking out now..i never break out there. I feel so ugly and disgusting and horrible. My girlfriend who I've been dating over 4 months now doesn't seem to care but she's the only reason I care about my acne. If I wasn't with her I wouldn't even care about how other people saw me. She's the only person in the entire world who I try to look at least presentable to and I've tried SO HARD. It makes me cry to think about how hard I try, the DRASTIC changes I've made to my life (and I mean drastic, from COMPLETELY changing my diet [NOTHING AT ALL besides raw fruits, veg, and chicken/fish], to squirting fucking coffee up my ass, drinking nasty oils, to purging liver stones to putting yellow staining turmeric powder on my face and egg whites and lemon juice and what the fuck have you), and to no avail. God damn it..I'm so desperate that I'm ON THE VERGE OF DRINKING MY OWN PISS.

I notice when we lay together and she moves the hair back from my face and strokes my face when I look into her eyes she is looking at my spots/bumps as she runs her hand over them. I also notice when she strokes over a particularly 'textural' part of my face she veers away (not that I'm offended..who would want to touch nasty zits) and it hurts so much to think of how much more satisfied she could possibly be if only my face was 'normal.' I wouldn't even mind having pimples if they didn't turn my face into a fucking minefield... the part that makes me so self conscious about my acne is that shes so perfect in every way, her friends have perfect skin, my friends have perfect skin...it seems like IM the only one who has this disgusting shit on his face! It is SO intimidating to be in a car with her friends, her friends clear skinned boyfriends, and then here she is and I feel like ME being the disgusting oddball puts her in that same category as me. It's so intimidating to be around her and her friends/my friends because of every single person we both associate with, I'm the ONLY one with acne. It makes me feel like a fucking leper.

Every other guy shes dated pretty much has had mostly clear to 100% clear skin so I guess I popped her 'acne cherry' and she claims that I'm the best boyfriend she has..which is why it devastates me so much that I have this one imperfection because besides acne I don't see anything I could give more to her. I have dedicated my lifestyle to this girl, I devote SO MUCH to her happiness with me and it works and this is the last thing I wish to accomplish...

People make fun of her (well really me, but to her) when she talks to people about how we actually have sex. She's so pretty and everything and has so many guys that like her who have clear skin and I wonder when the day will come when my personality just won't be enough and she won't be able to stand to look at me anymore. I feel like I'm an intrusion on her life..I shouldn't though. She says that she loves me, shes been obsessed with me forever but I KNOW that if I had clear skin she would be SO MUCH MORE satisfied. I don't think she secretly desires me to have clear skin, but I honestly believe that my acne does somewhat bother her (it is pretty bad too, not just a few bumps here and there, i'm talking severe inflammation, big bumps, occasional cysts, lots of whiteheads (big whiteheads) and scarring) and she would be a lot more attracted to me if only it was gone.

This connection between myself and my girlfriend is driving me insane. Its causing me to obsess over acne. ugh...

I don't know what to do. I have 30 minocycline tabs in the cabinet that my dad got recently..I don't want to take them..antibiotics are scary to me and I was just a hair away from popping one of the pills yesterday but couldn't.

I'm so depressed and I feel like such an ugly fuck that I'm on the verge of breaking up with her just to free myself from this trap.

I don't know what I should do, if I stay with her I will gain the happiness of being with her because I love everything about her, but I feel like if I stay with her and I possibly get worse then what am I going to do? Looks aren't everything I know, in fact they are very unimportant, but they DO matter somewhat, and I am very attracted to her and I just wish she could be as attracted to me as I am of her (and I know that I am more attracted to her than she is to me, I don't see how she could be honestly attracted to me as much as Iam to her.)

tonight I'm doing another liver flush and monday I will restart on a revised regimen but I have little inspiration and hope..nowhere near the amount I had when I started my regimen in February.

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At least you're smart in not taking those pills even though you sound desperate. What's your daily skin cleansing regimen like?

Don't break up with her. You'll regret it even though it might sound like you're doing her a favor from your end. But in reality it's a shallow move cause this is just acne. She's still sticking with you, isn't she?

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Aw it sounds like you have a wonderful girlfriend. Show how much you love her and do something really nice for her. Take her somewhere special or buy her something she wants.

DO NOT break up with her. She sees you deep and that's something special. You'd hurt her if you break up and it's also a horrible selfish reason.

Some things you could try:

Cut sugar

Exercise more

Buy therma clear

Eat healthier

Clean your sheets every week

Do not drink your piss.

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Aw it sounds like you have a wonderful girlfriend. Show how much you love her and do something really nice for her. Take her somewhere special or buy her something she wants.

DO NOT break up with her. She sees you deep and that's something special. You'd hurt her if you break up and it's also a horrible selfish reason.

Some things you could try:

Cut sugar

Exercise more

Buy therma clear

Eat healthier

Clean your sheets every week

Do not drink your piss.

Lol at don't drink your piss. I don't think I will.

And yeah she really is a wonderful girlfriend. Like honestly (and this is truth from my heart, not just saying it to say it) I couldn't ask of a single thing more from her cause I think she's as perfect as can be.

My diet is generally super healthy, nothing but fruits, vegetables and chicken/fish when I can get it. I don't exercise. I will change that starting tomorrow, along with re-integration of some of the supplements (without the soy) tomorrow along with my new regimen. I will be changing sheets/pillow cases often starting tomorrow, and drinking even more water.

Tonight I blew it though...I baked my mother a cake (no I'm not gay lol, I'm just really into culinary and baking is actually a joy for mine) today for mothers day. And it wasn't just an out of the box cake it was a made-from-scratch tons of ingredients (fucking delicious btw) cake and I didn't get to try it to see if it was suitable to serve to my mother. So going with my instincts of smell and etc. but never getting to taste. Luckily it turned out great (in everyone elses opinion) and my mom had brought home hummus. I decided to indulge for the first time in months on an already pre-made food and then looked at the ingredients. Salt, citric acid, preservatives. SHIT. I figured I already broke my diet, so I said 'fuck it, I'm trying my cake' because it looked/smelled so fucking good. And it was, it was rich and creamy and far better than I figured I could make. I ate 2 more pieces and lots of the icing, as well as 3 peanut butter/honey sandwiches and more hummus. So I'm expecting cysts and lots of whiteheads /big bumps on my face. Self control...self control...self control...hopefully i wont breakout too bad (or not at all..who knows..maybe tonight will mark the night that I grow out of acne :rolleyes: ) and be able to continue on the diet.

I hope I don't look too disgusting..I haven't seen my gf all weekend and last she saw me my face was exponentially getting worse each day and I'm sure this is gonna push it over the edge..

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She sounds lovely. Please don't hide from her or drive her away. Give her a chance to understand and be supportive.

Have you ever talked to her about how your acne makes you feel?

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Love has nothing to do with acne, when I meet my husband he had really bad acne, I had perfect skin and was a good looking girl, 20 years later me and my husband are still together having a wonderful life, my husband has very bad scarring from all the years of having acne but I still love him very much, when you are meant to be with someone nothing can ever change it.

My husbands acne or scarring have never bothered him or stopped him from enjoying his life, you should go to Derm and get some topicals, you can also try Nicomide pills and Vemma liquid its suppose to help with with inflamation.

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