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RANT ------------------------------->>>>

These last couple of weeks I've been so busy making proper holistic meals and smnoothies from scratch I felt happy. But I realised I needed to make more time for revision for my final exams before I graduate.

So today I layed off the kitchen stuff and studied. I realised I needed a pick-me-up by late afternoon so watched a film. It was a bit boring, couldn't sustain my attention, and I went into a panicy 'am I doing the right thing with my life' 'i have nothing' 'i have nobody' mode. It's hard to breathe when this feeling creaps over me. My face gets soaked with tears and I just collapse on the floor in misery.

I'm not so fussed about my skin lately. I've been trying to really think of my general health and be proud of how well I'm treating my body. But sometimes I feel very lonely. I live in a flat that shares kitchen at uni. But I feel very much on my own. Flatmates are polite enough but I always make the effort, they don't say more than hi if i don't initiate conversation. I could talk to my mum about things but I'm sick of calling her crying so got out of that habit. My childhood sweetheart was always my best friend and we've tried so many times, it just won't work and he's now gone awal and isn't worth me being around, we don't make each other happy. Friends, I arrange things but don't feel that my efforts are reciprocated. I've heard people find me snobbish, but I'm a nice person, I always feel empathy and I don't think I'm snobby.

I just feel that I'm living very much on my own with a lonely future because I've chosen my career. I have this studentship for PhD but is it the right choice? Would I be happier with an average job as a barmaid and a flatmate with a scruffy appartment eating chocolate and chippy????

I just feel very alone right now.

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Definitely congratulate yourself for eating healthy and treating yourself well, I'm the same, I go all out, get that exercise in as well, release those endorphins...with the career thing, try it out for a bit and if you don't like it then change right? I didn't go to UNI, I'm 20, I missed out from moving back & forth countries, I wish I went, I do bar work, retail etc...it's not too shabby, but it's def not as good as Uni or a career, especially not during this economic time, but you gotta ask yourself what would really make you happy, your obviously still young, don't stress so much about it, you gotta try enjoy yourself and not get sucked in to the whole you gotta do something with your life NOWWWWW shit, maybe volunteer abroad, go on something like global Xperience, you can go away for 6 months, they pay for everything for you, you go to Ghana, or Brazil, places all around the world, get out of where you are at and clear your head, experience life, there's always time

I get the same way, go major down hill manic depressive style, and it can take weeks to clear but by the end of it through all the exercise and motivation and treating myself better and others I'm glad i didn't do anything crazy and stuck with it, everyone gets stuck in a hole you gotta figure things out and ask yourself and work with yourself on how your gonna sort it out constructively, don't wait for an epiphany make it happen

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Thanks for your reply. I do intense yoga classes and know that community some, i jog alot when the mood strikes.

The way I see it, it's just a journey. Believe me, I am proactive about things, it's just sometimes my turn to feel like shit, I guess. Personable interaction is important to me, and I wish more people were responsive to my smiles and friendliness.

I know that when I'm happy, I'm 110% behind my career decisions, so I know deep down that when I'm unhappy it's detatched from those decisions. I just have wobblies sometimes :wacko:

I think one of the triggers last night was not having a great fiction book to read. I love reading and finished my book yesterday. I don't have a tv being a student and the film didn't interest me, think I just felt at a loss with myself.

I'm gonna go get me another book today :-D, just hope it won't destract me from my stidies...

oh, and I did the volunteering abroad thing. But it was too confined an environment. The work was unbelievable, 15hr shifts.

I wish I could go do something less restricted, but when??... I'm fully booked for the next ... 4years!!! haha. We'll see. Some day maybe.

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Nothing to worry about. Shitty days are a part of life. Can't be positive all the time. Reading is great. What are you going to pick out this time?

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Nothing to worry about. Shitty days are a part of life. Can't be positive all the time. Reading is great. What are you going to pick out this time?

Yeah, yesterday I was reading an article called 'Happiness isn't normal' as part of revision for my exams. It's about ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Theory) and talks about accepting negative thoughts and detaching the self from them.

I've felt much happier since my 'moment'. Like you say, 'happens.

Haha, I read trashy girly novels. My studies and other interests can be intense so my personal reading is switch-off unwind time. The one I just started is called 'The moment you were gone'.

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I don't mean to sound horrible, but in general, money can help you. Yeah, i know money won't make you happy. But it can help.

These are times of money crisis. It may happen again. So doing all you can for your future career is wise. I don't think you'd be happy as a bartender. ;)

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