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Hi

although I always had a lot of spots I did not develop severe acne until I was about 18, I spent years trying to get rid of it, trying different remedies from acupuncture, herbs, antibiotics, antiandrogens, accutane .........eventually each cyst was injected several times with a steroid.

Although most of the active acne is now gone I have been left with severe scars. My mission then became looking for a cure for them. I have tried every form of laser on the market IPL to fraxal to Co2, isologen, needling, peel. actually the list is endless. You would be forgiven for thinking I have loads have money to do all these treatments but you would be wrong. I am now nearly 30 years and paid for them using loans.

I have only been on one holiday in my life and never go out. I don’t have any friends. In university I made some friends but they are all now in relationships and don’t give a toss about me. I was called so many names from the original spotty and ugly to tomato face.

I was once tolded by a so called cousin that I nearly looked normal now.

I am so lonely in my life, I don’t have a supportive family either, actually they contributed to the name calling, thinking it was funny. This I can never forgive as they knew how upset it was for me.

I never ever look in mirrors during the day. At night I agonize over the state of my skin and cry to sleep. I hug the pillow as I am just so lonely. I don’t have any confidence at all. I am a nice person and used to be really witty and funny.

I don’t know why my life turned out this way. Am I a really bad person or something, was I bad in a previous life, I just don’t know. I can’t see anything in the future for me just loneliness. I would love the normal things in life someone to love me; children and a dog.

I can never see that happening for me. I was ever only on one holiday in my life and I went by myself. It was just do lonely and I don’t think I can ever do that again.

I work during the day and spent the evenings and weekends in my room only leaving to bring food to my room and use the bathroom.

I have tried to hard top make things better, but without any support it is very difficult.

I and an intelligent girl and know that I am the only one that can change the current situation; however it is just so hard to be motivated with no confidence and no friends/family.

I am nearly 30 and I feel my 20s have been so depressing and wasteful.

When I was a kid there were so many things I wanted to do. However I never dreamed that I would not have friends or someone special to do these things with. It’s mad actually I always thought when I reached the age of 30 I would be married. Now I don’t even have a friend in the world never mind a boyfriend.

I hope someday we will all be happy with our lives and I hope that we will find out the reason that we have been hit with extra crosses to bear than other people.

i have probably bored you all by now so ai will just sign off

M

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My goodness, I know exactly how you feel. All I can say is, change your lifestyle. It made me a happy person. I excercise, I eat nutritious foods, etc.

My changed lifestyle has made me a happy person because I know that what I'm doing is good for my body. I haven't gotten sick in a long time.

But yes, I know how you feel. Being lonely is one of the most horrible things to experience in this world. I definitely wish you the best. I hope better things will come to you soon in the future.

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Hi M .

Thank you for posting, I know it was not easy to put that out there. Up until the age of 19 ( I'm 21 now), I never had more than 1-2 bumps a month. My life wasn't perfect but I had lots of friends, an outgoing personality, and most important- confidence. The past 2 years have been absolute hell for me. My face began breaking out which at first didn't bother me. Until my grandmother saw me and asked what was wrong with my face. Things soon got to the point that I was embarrassed to leave my house. So....having just quit my job, I didn't. The friends I had slowly started to fade away. My fear of anyone seeing what my face now looked like ruined any and all friendships I had. Deciding I needed a dermatologist I began work again and after 1 month of tazorac, was prescribed Accutane. Accutane did wonders for my cysts, etc. 3 months into it however I started getting horrible headaches and a lot of cranial pressure. My acne was not bad at this point, the headaches freaked me out so I quit 'tane. I had even moved into a house with some friends from HS that were nice enough to forgive me for being absent for 6 months. The old me was back and acne, I hoped, was a thing of the past to be forgotten. That was last March.

Today, reading your post I totally understand you. My acne came back with a vengance and I'm in hell again. I go to work and come straight home. I have not one friend and my family isn't supportive at all. Life is really hard when you feel ugly every minute of every day and even worse when you feel like noone in the world loves you. My home is my prison. Just a few years ago, I was pretty and popular, very rarely stayed home. And now I never leave, even going to the gas station is an ordeal with me. All day at work I'm so uncomfortable and can't wait to leave, I make up stories if a coworker asks me to go out after work. Pretend to have a life....which is really really sad.

I'm a really nice person too, always have been. And I feel like you, what in the hell have I done to deserve this? Will it ever end? This is literally driving me crazy and I really miss the old me. I very seriously can't live like this much longer because I am not living. But how do you feel confident and normal when your face is a wreck? That I just don't know. My face used to be close to flawless and I just can't get used to acne and cysts everywhere. I pray to God that my acne will go away and if not, that I will get used to it enough to go somewhere without worrying about what I look like.

Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one that feels the way you do. I really do understand. Noone deserves to feel like this. I would give anything to be my old happy self again. Acne affects every aspect of my life and I think it's stupid I act the way I do but just can't break myself of it. If you would like to message me, I will be your friend. Maybe we can help each other through this somehow. Best wishes and good luck in getting clear. You deserve to have a happy life just as much as anyone else!

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Hi M .

Thank you for posting, I know it was not easy to put that out there. Up until the age of 19 ( I'm 21 now), I never had more than 1-2 bumps a month. My life wasn't perfect but I had lots of friends, an outgoing personality, and most important- confidence. The past 2 years have been absolute hell for me. My face began breaking out which at first didn't bother me. Until my grandmother saw me and asked what was wrong with my face. Things soon got to the point that I was embarrassed to leave my house. So....having just quit my job, I didn't. The friends I had slowly started to fade away. My fear of anyone seeing what my face now looked like ruined any and all friendships I had. Deciding I needed a dermatologist I began work again and after 1 month of tazorac, was prescribed Accutane. Accutane did wonders for my cysts, etc. 3 months into it however I started getting horrible headaches and a lot of cranial pressure. My acne was not bad at this point, the headaches freaked me out so I quit 'tane. I had even moved into a house with some friends from HS that were nice enough to forgive me for being absent for 6 months. The old me was back and acne, I hoped, was a thing of the past to be forgotten. That was last March.

Today, reading your post I totally understand you. My acne came back with a vengance and I'm in hell again. I go to work and come straight home. I have not one friend and my family isn't supportive at all. Life is really hard when you feel ugly every minute of every day and even worse when you feel like noone in the world loves you. My home is my prison. Just a few years ago, I was pretty and popular, very rarely stayed home. And now I never leave, even going to the gas station is an ordeal with me. All day at work I'm so uncomfortable and can't wait to leave, I make up stories if a coworker asks me to go out after work. Pretend to have a life....which is really really sad.

I'm a really nice person too, always have been. And I feel like you, what in the hell have I done to deserve this? Will it ever end? This is literally driving me crazy and I really miss the old me. I very seriously can't live like this much longer because I am not living. But how do you feel confident and normal when your face is a wreck? That I just don't know. My face used to be close to flawless and I just can't get used to acne and cysts everywhere. I pray to God that my acne will go away and if not, that I will get used to it enough to go somewhere without worrying about what I look like.

Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one that feels the way you do. I really do understand. Noone deserves to feel like this. I would give anything to be my old happy self again. Acne affects every aspect of my life and I think it's stupid I act the way I do but just can't break myself of it. If you would like to message me, I will be your friend. Maybe we can help each other through this somehow. Best wishes and good luck in getting clear. You deserve to have a happy life just as much as anyone else!

hi...ur post sounds a lot like my life...except that im still studying...i started breaking out moderately at the age of 20, im 24 this year....back in my teen years..i had acne too but it was really mild compared to what im having now...i was considered attractive and had high self esteem about my image..but now acne completely destroys it...im almost giving up hopes on healing my acne...currently im using paula's choice 2% BHA liquid...i dont know how well will this product work...but if it fails, then i really have no other options...i wont consider accutane...cos i know it will eventually harm my body. So am crossing my fingers now...anyway i wish us all the best in fighting this difficult period in our lives...

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i really know how you feel! my life is similar to yours.. i am now left with scars.. i want to die.. im 19 and missed a lot of opportunity in life because of these,.,, i hide from people,,,, i hide from everyone... im so tired of hiding i just wanna be normal again back to my old life but i wont ever happen again.. my only wish is to finish university so my mother wont get upset and after finishing univ i wish god would come and fetch me :( i just dont want to live longer now///

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Ok.. Time for a little perspective here!! First off, I am 30, I have acne scars and it bothers me. I am concerned with my appearence and what people think of my looks, etc... I have stayed home from parties, called in sick to work, and avoided going out in general all because I woke up and looked in the mirror and felt ashamed. I used to try all different creams and face washes and pray and eat different foods, and wash my pillowcases with different detergent, all to try to not break out!!

Then I had an improvement in my thinking after reading a post on this message board called "mind over acne". Some 18 year old kid wrote an interesting message and it really helped me. (read it!!) I then promised myself that I was going to stop thinking about acne and stop with the creams and constant washing of my face and all of the old rituals and guess what... My skin got better. I looked into some scar treatment, which I have not done yet, but I know that there is hope for me!! I watched a baseball player on TV with terrible scarring hit a long homerun and smile and get high fives from his team and it inspired me.

Sure when people see my scarring they are going to know that maybe I had a rough time during a certain period of my life and it led to scarring. But how I act now will determine the rest of my life. Not everyone is a runway model!! There are plenty of people out there who are happy to meet me even with my scarring. It all depends on how my attitude is. The beautiful thing about life is that we have the ability to change it!! You cant want to die because of acne!! I just saw a program about a man who used to play professional football and now he has ALS (lou gehrigs disease) He is fighting for his life and he is skinny and cant walk or talk anymore. Still he finds joy in life and wakes up everyday and goes to work in the baltimore ravens (football team) front office. There are people with one arm one leg. Paralyzed, etc...

Life is good if you are alive!! Find something in life that inspires you!! Find something to get out your frustration (running, working out, boxing) ANYTHING!! Never consider dying just because you are not the most beautiful person in the room. There are SO MANY heros out there that have changed the face of our world for the better who are completely unattracive. They probably realized it at an early age, accepted it and moved on to an extent. I realize that acne and scarring is a different kind of downfall that simple bone structure but be thankful that you look like relatively normal and not like John Merrick (the elephant man) By the way... EVERYONE should watch that movie with Anthony Hopkins!! It will help anyone realize how precious life is!! Anyway, My fingers hurt now, but I hope my words helped a little bit. BOTTOM LINE.. "If you don't like who you are... CHANGE"

Steve

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Edited by Guest

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You didn't bore me.

Our minds are polluted. They've made us feel guilty for not looking a certain way. You're an intelligent person. You know that the only way out of this is to push forward. I know you find it difficult to stay motivated, but my pain has always been the best source of motivation. The hurt and heartbreaks are what keep me straight.

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