Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone. I just want to share with you all what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. It started with a fear of going out in public (ACNE, I look like a monster) then anxiety attacks came into play (5x a day) along with a severe case of depression. I allowed myself to fall into a dark hole; I was spinning out of control.

I had a record breaking crying session, seriously I cried for almost 2 days straight. I wanted to kill myself. My mom dragged me to the doctor; she suggested I take time off work and gave me a prescription of Lexapro and Seroquel. I couldn’t eat so I obviously lost tons of weight about 10 lbs (I’m already a very tiny girl, 5’3 and normally about 105 lb) my ribs were showing and my body was giving out. I started getting muscle aches and pain, it became difficult to walk. After 5 days of almost starving my dad had to practically force food down my throat, but my body wasn’t having it, the food would just come right up. My body would start shaking uncontrollably out of nowhere. I was thinking this is it, I’m going to die, and worst of it was I was expecting it and waiting for it to happen, total self-destruction.

My boyfriend and family were freaking-out (I hate seeing my mom cry). I had to make a decision, I was either going to eventually have to be hospitalized or get myself out of that hole. For 3 days I forced myself to eat and drink (those 3 days were so hard). I finally got some strength back and I went back to work the following week (I had to, I have bills to pay). My co-workers were shocked with all the weight I lost. My cloths didn’t fit it was awful people were starring.

It’s been 2 weeks since the “Episode†(that’s what I call it) and I feel better. I’m still working on gaining my weight back, I still don’t have much of an appetite, but at least I could hold down my food now.

Every night I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach…like someone I love died (that’s the best way I can describe it) my body starts to tremble and at that moment I know how easy it would be for me to go back into that dark hole I was in. It’s a constant fight to hold my self up. I’m afraid and don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in 3 weeks (I don’t want him to see me). I feel like a different person (not at all like myself). I go to work then straight home where I feel the safest. I was seeing a therapist but I can’t even get myself to his office.

I always suffered from depression and anxiety but I was able to control it by going out with my boyfriend and friends (keeping myself busy). I love to dance; we would go dancing every Friday and Saturday night. Now with this [email protected]#$en acne I started staying in and hiding from everyone and things just went really bad from then on. But I'm still here.

Sorry for the long post. I’m at the office, it’s pretty slow and I felt like talking.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

leeset, I am really sorry to hear of your struggles. I know things can seem very dark at times like the light will never appear again. Be strong and trust that it will.

It's good that your Dr. prescribed Lexapro and Seroquel to deal with the anxiety and depression. Have also been to a Derm to prescribe something for the acne, as this seems to be triggering your episodes?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all I'm so sorry you had to go through all this but I'm glad to hear you're doing better now but I really think it's a good idea that you start going back to see your therapist.

I know how acne can make you feel like a different person and even make you not want to do the things you enjoy. I myself have stopped going out with friends as much, I even dropped out of college simply because I couldn't put up with the constant pressure and anxiety I was under because of acne. I know it makes you feel like just hiding away forever so you don't have to look at anyone again. Sad but true.

What has really helped me is seeking professional help although I still haven't begun the actual therapy; but knowing that there's somewhere you can turn to when you feel so bad is always kind of comforting and reminds me that there is hope.

I think you should start pushing yourself just a little more, by not letting this confine you because believe me once you get stuck in this pattern of behavious it's so much harder to get out of it. Don't stop doing the things you enjoy, like you mentioned going out dancing with your friends and your boyfriend - I know it can be hard (sometimes I cancel plans with my friends or my bf because I don't want them to see me like this) but you really have to push yourself and start believing that these people probably really love you and thus won''t care if you have acne.

I hope you know that you're not alone. And this is a great place to come and vent when you need to :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You guys are awesome, thanks for your replies.

I have gone to the Derm I’m currently taking 75mg of Doxy and Epiduo a topical, its been two months on Doxy and about one month applying the Epiduo. It’s helped some but I’m still breaking out (there's always something new on my face. For every pimple that clears up two more pop up)

My boyfriend has been so patient and extremely understanding. The last time I seen my friends I had not one single pimple on my face (that was 4 months ago). I think they’d be shocked to see me now. When my friends call and invite me places I always have an excuse…â€I’m going out of town that weekend†or I just simply wont answer their calls and do you know what…they’ve stopped calling.

Its so insane how different I’ve become. I can’t even comfortably walk in to Target. I use to be that girl in the middle of the dance floor, circles would form around me. WTF happened to me???? How did it get this bad?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i totally got you girl. A similar thing happened to me. i NEVER suffered from acne before in my life, maybe one or two pimples MAX. But last year i went through a shitty situation in my life that generated me a lot of stress and out of nowhere i broke out like crazy, i was desperate. Now i take it easy, trying not to get stressed for anything and my acne is under control now

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
i totally got you girl. A similar thing happened to me. i NEVER suffered from acne before in my life, maybe one or two pimples MAX. But last year i went through a shitty situation in my life that generated me a lot of stress and out of nowhere i broke out like crazy, i was desperate. Now i take it easy, trying not to get stressed for anything and my acne is under control now

That's what I'm trying to do, not stress. Its so hard. Your reply has given me hope that it can be done, so thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

4 months of that? Try 2 years. My friends stopped calling ages ago, I never leave my house unless it's absolutely required and I have never even had a girl friend. So at least you have someone that cares for you, I on the other hand remain alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hey everyone. I just want to share with you all what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. It started with a fear of going out in public (ACNE, I look like a monster) then anxiety attacks came into play (5x a day) along with a severe case of depression. I allowed myself to fall into a dark hole; I was spinning out of control.

I had a record breaking crying session, seriously I cried for almost 2 days straight. I wanted to kill myself. My mom dragged me to the doctor; she suggested I take time off work and gave me a prescription of Lexapro and Seroquel. I couldn’t eat so I obviously lost tons of weight about 10 lbs (I’m already a very tiny girl, 5’3 and normally about 105 lb) my ribs were showing and my body was giving out. I started getting muscle aches and pain, it became difficult to walk. After 5 days of almost starving my dad had to practically force food down my throat, but my body wasn’t having it, the food would just come right up. My body would start shaking uncontrollably out of nowhere. I was thinking this is it, I’m going to die, and worst of it was I was expecting it and waiting for it to happen, total self-destruction.

My boyfriend and family were freaking-out (I hate seeing my mom cry). I had to make a decision, I was either going to eventually have to be hospitalized or get myself out of that hole. For 3 days I forced myself to eat and drink (those 3 days were so hard). I finally got some strength back and I went back to work the following week (I had to, I have bills to pay). My co-workers were shocked with all the weight I lost. My cloths didn’t fit it was awful people were starring.

It’s been 2 weeks since the “Episode” (that’s what I call it) and I feel better. I’m still working on gaining my weight back, I still don’t have much of an appetite, but at least I could hold down my food now.

Every night I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach…like someone I love died (that’s the best way I can describe it) my body starts to tremble and at that moment I know how easy it would be for me to go back into that dark hole I was in. It’s a constant fight to hold my self up. I’m afraid and don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in 3 weeks (I don’t want him to see me). I feel like a different person (not at all like myself). I go to work then straight home where I feel the safest. I was seeing a therapist but I can’t even get myself to his office.

I always suffered from depression and anxiety but I was able to control it by going out with my boyfriend and friends (keeping myself busy). I love to dance; we would go dancing every Friday and Saturday night. Now with this [email protected]#$en acne I started staying in and hiding from everyone and things just went really bad from then on. But I'm still here.

Sorry for the long post. I’m at the office, it’s pretty slow and I felt like talking.

know that you are not alone. I am bipolar with anxiety and depression and i go through episodes like that on a pretty regular basis and i know how hard it is to go back to work after and get the looks etc.

just know you're not alone. I've been there and if you need someone to talk to just PM me, beleive me there is nothing that would shock or surprise me so you can talk to me about anything. I've been hospitalized for mental health issues about 4 times in the last year and a half so i've been to the very bad.

you're not alone. just know that no matter what

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×