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juicygirl

MOVED MY ACCUTANE LOG HERE!!!!

Sooooo.... I just moved my accutane log here....It was under my blog... but clearly I was doing it wrong. If you actually want to read the 1st month...its under my blog.... too much effect to move it all here.. haha. Anywaysssss the first month was ups and downs. 2 large cysts the first two weeks I started. Now I'm trying hard noooot to touch my face. Still breaking out...but no difference I always did before toooooo..just suckkks about that redness because if u touch a zit in the littlest bit it turns redddd red and leaves a scab most of the timmmme!! blaaaaaaah

Sooooo todays the start of month 2. No real changes in skin apperance... other then dryness. But yesss its still early. I had a decent breakout last sunday and now my skin has alooot of healing to do blaaah. So things are scabbing and healing and my skins dry. Looking a bit better then yesterday but uh pleassse i don't wana jynx it. Sooo my skins just dry and things are in the healing process right now. Not as many little blocked ones... but still some. OKKK SO i'll update again soon--xoxo

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Wow, already a month in, that must be pretty exciting! It sounds like your skin is doing quite well at the moment though, and I know how hard it is not to touch your face. I have to try so hard to keep my hands away! I look forward to hearing about how your journey continues =)

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Thanks :) I will keeep posting. I just moved everything over here from my blog sooo I'm a little confused.... I haven't put pictures uppp...and to be honest I'm not sure I willl :( However I will keeep posting! I know it's goood to read other peoples updates...thats what I used to always do!!! Are you on tane now????

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Day 38 *

Okkk soo I tried to transfer alll my posts from the past month or soooo from my blog but uuh it just would take way to much time...and basically my experience in the first month wasss ...no side effects other the dry lips and dry skin... nothing major. I'm on 40mg....and I have persistant acne I guess you could sayyy.. I've backed down on going on fun vacations with my friends...and barely go out because i'm such a perfectionist and my skin is so far from perfect. My friends say im crazzzy because they don't think its bad...but thats because I don't gooo out when its at its worse. It makes me feeel like shit...i hit rock bottom. Anyways ya sometimes its cysts i have to worry about sometimes small ones all over my forhead....it depends on the month HA. Ive been on birth control pillls...and some have helped but they ill break out bad....idk there is NOOOOO pattern or anything to my skin. Sometimes its OKk...sometimes its not. It succcks. sooooo i took the plundge i guess and started accutane. Some would say my skin isnt that bad...but i slab on the makeup and UM i haaaaate my skin I can't wait for clear skin. I keeep hoping that i'll wake up and there will be a biiig differnce and clear skin will be on the way. But its always the saaame Its only day 38 but stilll...i'm going away in a lil over a weeek and i wanted my skin 2 be gooooood. I knooow its bad but ive been tanning aloooot. Because when my skin used to get bad...thats what i used to dooo..i used to tan alot and my skin would look better. NOOOT goood in the long run i knooow i knooow. Ooohh and i know ur not supposed to tan on tane because ppl get sensitive....however i never burn ...soo i started at a looow time and slowly went up.. now im at the max time and tan my face and havent burned whatso ever yet. althought when i go on a higher dose i will to test out my sensativity once again. UUUUH praying for improvement sooooooon. comments or anything would be great

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ah i found you on here.. hahah nice.

im also on yasmin. ive been on it for about a year or two. but before i was on that one i went on diane 35 which made me effin physcho so i had get off it for my own sanity. neither birth control really helped that much.

i think im becoming obsessed with this website. i actually browse it all day long and read peoples stories and side effects. it makes me feel so comforted and relaxes me a tiny bit.

anyways glad you found your way over to this log. talk soon. :)

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ah i found you on here.. hahah nice.

im also on yasmin. ive been on it for about a year or two. but before i was on that one i went on diane 35 which made me effin physcho so i had get off it for my own sanity. neither birth control really helped that much.

i think im becoming obsessed with this website. i actually browse it all day long and read peoples stories and side effects. it makes me feel so comforted and relaxes me a tiny bit.

anyways glad you found your way over to this log. talk soon. :)

haha I sit on it at work sometimes... it is nice to read other stories. I think I'm doing this right now...soo my log will be in some kind of order I suppose. I had to sayyyy I think it's really weird that I've continued to tan and haven't burned at allll??? like my skin is nooot sensitive at alll. It's only month 2 and i'm on 40mg but maybe some people get senstive and others don't???? idk... any comments. I knooow i know tanning is bad...and once my skin is under control I won't have to tannnn...but for now it makes things loook bettttttter and blend in.. I need to slow down tho because tanning is bad in general and my derm would kill me. I just say I spray tan all the time. Which I dooo ..do sometimes...but I tan alot. sooo ya I kind of wonder why I don't burn at all even on tane... is it too soon to tell. I mean im at month 2?

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Day 39*

I'm reallly not in the moood to post right now but I will anyways... im in sucha blaaaaaaah moood. Sooo I'm not suuure but I think i'm going through the IB.... i mean the first month was shitty ..but nothing different then usual... just breakouts as usual... since the months before tane weren't my best since I started Yaz and came off it..so that made things nutso. Anyways the first month I didn't see a differnce... just drier and my lips were a lil more chapped... But now things seeem differnet soo this may be the IB. I'm going away in 2 weeeeks...greattt..and where i'm going i have to looook gooood :( soooo lovely i'm guna have my IB probs... fack. soooo ya the zits im getting are differnt..id its hard to explain... i have a few around my chin/mouth which i don't usually get zits like that in clusters soo this is new...and im just getting sore cyst kinda of zits... small like the size of a pencil eraser but u cant pop them. Nott that you shouuuuld touch your face on tane because it makes it reddd and 4 million times worse...so my face feeels like shiit..but im not touching it. Breaking out in places i don't usually. I hope and wish this ends.. I wish it was like 6 months in and I was clearrrrrr. hopefully this works for me. I don't want my face looking worseeee and it is now that ive started this. Only time will telll. For right now though...I am not happy with my skin. Little ones under the skin...i can only see if i tilt my face in the mirror...and like 2 sore pimples under the skin....and then scabbys of course that are slooooowly healing. Blaaaaaah... i neeeed some improvement before I go away :( wah

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hey hey... just to make you feel better about breaking out... at least your already on the tane and already two months in. that is huge and im sure the time has gone by fast and it will zoom by even more once you return from your vaca. before you know it youll be almost done and feeling amazing!

about the tanning.. i asked my doctor about what to do this summer since ill be on the meds and most likely in the sun. (being in the sun and tanning basically the same thing.) he said that it was no problem. he was like being in the sun on accutane is nothing special all you have to do is wear sunscreen. he said the only thing to be careful off is burning your face but he was saying that in the sense that in general as a skin doctor one should not burn your skin.

soo if your tanning and your not burning your face off then im sure its not as damaging as people would think for someone on accutane. and plus it may even prevent you from picking more at your skin cuz if the bemishes are blended in with a darker complexion then you may not notice them as much.

i used to tan alot as well because it was like the only thing that made me feel pretty while having breakouts. but i remember sometimes feeling like more frustrated because i find that when i came back from the salon.. my skin looked flushed and pretty smooth compared to what it was before and then like eventually after a couple of days it just goes back to breaking out and then i would think i need to go back to the tanning bed to dry those ones up.. it was like a cycle that eventually made my skin feel even more irritated- i just looked really red/tanned with tight/dry/bump skin.

how often do you go.. like more than once a week. i would usually go like once every week and a half-- now im just letting my skin be whatever it is and trying not to care. ill tan again when my skin clears up and to cover up the scars if i get any.

are you planning on posting pics of your progress.. where are you going on vacation?

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hey hey... just to make you feel better about breaking out... at least your already on the tane and already two months in. that is huge and im sure the time has gone by fast and it will zoom by even more once you return from your vaca. before you know it youll be almost done and feeling amazing!

about the tanning.. i asked my doctor about what to do this summer since ill be on the meds and most likely in the sun. (being in the sun and tanning basically the same thing.) he said that it was no problem. he was like being in the sun on accutane is nothing special all you have to do is wear sunscreen. he said the only thing to be careful off is burning your face but he was saying that in the sense that in general as a skin doctor one should not burn your skin.

soo if your tanning and your not burning your face off then im sure its not as damaging as people would think for someone on accutane. and plus it may even prevent you from picking more at your skin cuz if the bemishes are blended in with a darker complexion then you may not notice them as much.

i used to tan alot as well because it was like the only thing that made me feel pretty while having breakouts. but i remember sometimes feeling like more frustrated because i find that when i came back from the salon.. my skin looked flushed and pretty smooth compared to what it was before and then like eventually after a couple of days it just goes back to breaking out and then i would think i need to go back to the tanning bed to dry those ones up.. it was like a cycle that eventually made my skin feel even more irritated- i just looked really red/tanned with tight/dry/bump skin.

how often do you go.. like more than once a week. i would usually go like once every week and a half-- now im just letting my skin be whatever it is and trying not to care. ill tan again when my skin clears up and to cover up the scars if i get any.

are you planning on posting pics of your progress.. where are you going on vacation?

I may put some pictures up... I don't know how to upload them directly to this page tho??? I tan alooot...im italian sooo i don't burn and i still haven't. Sometimes 4 times a weeek when my skins bad...so I can dry everything up. nooot goood to tan that much but I hate zits sooo much...so i'll do anything i mean anything to make them loook better. My skin makes me so depressed....I really don't go out or do anything ...its Friday night...and I'm not going out.....because of my skin. Its so frustrating because when my skin loooks good I am so happpy and go out and have fun. I'm so sick of living my life around my skin...because thats what I do. I mean i'm on day 39.... sooo i'm happy i'm on my wayyy ...that is def a plusss. I guess I had more stufff stuck under my skin then I thought because stuff is still coming out.....and im breaking out. soooo hopefully this ends sooon. I've loooked at other logs and i'm still not quite sure how to classify my skin... because sometimes it will only have one lil tiny pimple but then others weeeks... aka most of the time its disasterous and i stay in. Like on new years this year my skin was reallly really goood..and for no reason. and then 2 weeks later it was grosss. No pattern with my skin. But for the last 3 months since new years theres been no let up reallly.... a few days here and there where my skin was good... but then back to breaking out. My skin is crazy lol. Soooo hopefully I start clearing asaaaap. But who knowssss... i heard this can be quite the roller coaster ride... plus i have alot of little ones under my skin......sooo they prob are going to all come to a head.. lovely. But who knowssss. I'll keeeep you updated. Sorry i'm being such a downer and sooo blahhh but i'm just in a bad moood.. can't wait to live my life again...and be happy. If/when i upload pictures ppl will prob sayyy my skin isn't nearly as bad as alot of other cases...so for that i am very thankful but stilll i am very hard on myself and when i used to just get 1 pimple i used to be pissed offf..sooo now i'm completely down on myself. hope I can have some happy posts soooon. I'll prob be back on here later.. haha lets me honest haha. sooo feel free to keep posting :)

ookay i think i figured out how to upload a picture.. haha wow i can't believe i'm doing this... but i know pictures and logs are helpful for other people...and if theres anything I can do with my depressed self right now is help other people. I like to help people...and i know how hard bad skin can be on you physically and emotionally no matter how mild or severe.

soo basically the picture i'm uploading is just my chin because that is really the problem area as of right now.... and i have two sore zits near my eyebrow.. and then tiny ones you can't see unless i tilt my head is the mirror for the most part... sooo i'm just uploading a picture of my chin because this is the area thats broken out.

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hello brave one!!

congrads on posting a photo.. and youll be happpy when i tell you that your skin is like mine in every way!!!!!!!! thats not actually happy news. but to lighten the mood a little i had to laugh to myself and at myself when reading your last log simply because i couldnt be more like you if i friggin tried!!!!!! litteralllyy we have the same thinking process.. emotions...physical skin appearance and self esteem issues. i could have written your effing log for you.

i think that having the type of skin like this is so frustrating simply bc of what you just explained. its almost like you cant plan for anything long term (and by long term i mean end of the week plans) because i never ever ever know how my skin will act. like a couple weeks ago it was my birthday and i was terrrified that my skin would be bad and i would have to tell everyone who wanted to go out that i just simply couldnt go. and trust i did warm them that i might back out the day off.. that is because on somedays my skin will be fine fine fine in the morning and suddenly by night fall its like a storm cloud of zits rolled in and i had to pull out of plans. these stupid insignificant little zits run my life.. like how is that even possible... this is actually kind of funnyy.. but sometimes when a scab from a zit falls off/picked off i see it on my figure tip and im just like wow... this little thing on my fingure is whats holding me back from living.. like this little thing in comparison to the entire universe is like smaller then a spec.. its probably non-existence thats how small it is...and here i am freaking out about it bc its on my face...

sometimes when i think about it like that it helps me out... but yup that only really last for like mmm 5 minutes before i look in the mirror again and realize im back to square 1 ... hating my skin and its texture.

and with going out stuff... that also gets me down alot .. i mostly just become even more depressed over that because i know its me who is the only thing in reality holding me back .. ya know. like i know that if i did go out no one who actually even look and say my skin is back but i have that fear that im not good enough when my skin is broken out. so i just choose to stay in and be sad about it. and .. i know that it is only because of the way my skin is that night because other nights when my skin is good i cant wait to go out and show myself to the world. i always feel like if my skin was the way i wanted it to be i would be so much more out there and social and fun to be around.. i would always be up for going out and staying late and sleeping over and not having to worry about what my skin status will be in the morning. i would love going out for brunch after a night out cuz i wouldnt have to put make up on. ughhhhh life would just be so fabulous if my skin was what i wanted it to be.

great! now im babbling.. sorry for the rant... i just related to your thought process and i guess wanted to tag along for the ride or something.. silly! but yeah once again its friday night and i am not going out either cuz of my skin. i could have gone to my friends house to chill but decided to pass just because i was not in the mood to cover everything up again and then have to come home an hour later just to take it all off again.

ive come to terms with the fact that i may not be going out on the weekends for the next 5-6 months or at least until i feel like i can go out and feel like my skin is actually clear. im jealous ur already at day 40--tomorrow! lucky you... hope ur skin is looking alittle clearer tomorrow and if not then just be happy its the weekend and u can relax in bed all day if you want.

have a good night

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Day 40*

Nothing really to update..miracles don't happen over night.. :( I wish they did.. but noooope. This breakout was pretty rough... my face has beeen this bad before tane... maybe a few times...and it just gets me so down. Really the bigest issue is the right side of my mouth/chin... I just broke out in a bunch...and I don't usually get clusters like that. This is just a very different breakout for me...and it's kind of hard to explain how its different...it just is. Around my mouth looks worse because it's alot of raw skin. I wish i didn't touch anythingggg.. Because just from popping a few regular zits.. skin around it get red dry and peals...and the red spot lingers forever. It's so haaard not to pick...exspecially when you see a white head... but i have to realize that the healing time is slowed down when you pop a pimple on tane. soooo 40 days seems like a while... but damn I wish i was just clear.... i mean who doesn't. I can't sayyy it enough I am so so sooo depressed..like I don't even know what to do with my self. Idc where my cellphone is or what people are doing....I'm like another person depressed and blaaah. When my skins goood..i am so loud and outgoing and fun and crazzzy and dress up and look hotttt i guess u could say. I am so so down on myself. Anyways i've been using the proactive face mask and aprin masks as somewhat of a spot treatment for redness....and they both do work to suck the redness right out of a pimple.... which is gooooood.. but still no miracle.. but thats whats on my face now. Blaaah i'm gunna be so down and miserable until something lets up...all i can do is think about my skin...i mustttt be in the mirror atleast 7hrs of the day.... no lie.. welll when im home on the wkends that is. I haave to go to work during the weeek. I hoppe this is my IB and after this things will start to look up....but how many times have I said that... Uhh since like day 10. soooo god knows whats going to happen to my skin next. On the bright side yess i'm on day 40...but somethings gotta give... UUH stilll in a horrrible depressed mooood...and i will continue to be sadly until things get better :( Maybe i'll tan todayyy but i don't know because like i said theres alot of raw skin around my mouth rather then zits now...so tanning may just make that skin redddder. UH. efff bad skin huh..it sucks. Ohh and that pic I uploaded was a shiitty camera phone pic. skin always looks gross on camera phones anyways ha. Okk maybe i'll have more to update later...idk. Ooh and I did get a small rash on my right hand probably about 3 days ago and it went away. I heard ppl mention that.... soo that was a side effect. sooo for the most part my update and status is.... shitty skin as of right now and for side efffects dry lips for the most part...dry skin a tiny bit...but my skin wasn't crazy oily anyways pre tane. and that small rash. Ok thats it for now. bllaaaaah bye. To thos who read this...sorry i'm so down and negativvvvve.

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good morning juicygirl..

sorry to see your skin isnt better today. these few things might help. 1) STOP looking in the mirror. if that means you have to take a long nap and then stay in bed and just watch tv or read a book or watch a movie DO IT all day long. if you need to pee turn the lights off go then come straight out. DO not touch your face even to scratch your skin use the tip of your sweater or your sheets SERIOUSLY. this will help you to even forget that you have bumps that are in the process of healing.

on the parts of your skin that are raw BUT HEALING..which is a good thing! maybe try and put something like neosporin.. ive seen people on here say they use it for areas that are healing and they say it helps significantly overnight.

Also i used to wear that proactiv mask like it was my job. i wore it before i went to the doc and started my whole retin a course 8 months ago. i swear before then i felt like a prisoner to that thing. i would put it on at night and then it would be so crusted over my zits in the morning that when i washed my face it would still be on them and then it would be all like weird on my skin but still i would put more on throughout the day and just stay at home. i did that because i just wanted something on my zits and something that visibly covered them so i didnt have to look at them when i looked in the mirror. that stuff does work to dry up zits though .. ill give it that. but i would say to definitely nottttt put them on the areas that there is no zit and only red marks or dry patches... because it will not do anything and it will only make the area more dry and itchy! idno if thats what your doing but if your not then good.

unfortunately.. since the retin a stopped working.. ive stopped using it at night and because i have nothing that is actively working on my skins healing i am back to using that stupid proactiv mask.. that product is like a love/hate relationship.. i hate it but it makes it easier to forget about my active zits on my face and i like wearing it instead of concealer when im not doing anything.

but i feel your pain and to both of us i would say... just try for a little to stop thinking about it watch something that makes you laugh... bc im sure the stress of our stressful situation isn't helping us. our body needs positive energy in order for it to work with the accutane instead of against it!!!!!:)

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Day 41*

Honestly once again I don't feel like doing anythinggg..not even writing this but I'm doing it for my own goooood that way I can seee my progressss...although so far I have seeen no progress what so everrrr. I am absolutely miserable right now. And I can honestly saaay that my skin is the worst it has ever beeeen. I just keep breaking out :( I can't help my pop the white heads...and I have raw skin around my mouth and my forehead from bigger zits sooo god knows how long the raw skin will heal. And all this wouldn't bother me as much if i wasn't going away in less then 2 weeeks to see the boy im talking to. He's in the army and I'm going to see him. Greaaaaaaaat huh... the only reason I agreed to going to his army graduation was because I figureeeed my skin would be ok bye the end of month 2....not 1000 times worse. He's never seeen me when my skins beeen bad because i've always dodged him ext ext. Well i really really like him and he thinks im like gorgous...welllllllll this effing sucks. I don't know what to do. Unless my skin just cleaaars from today until I leave...im facked. :(:( this is so so so upsetting to me. Soo much stufff came out of my skin sooo this has to be my IB. If it's not godddd how much worse can it get. Buttt i'm assuming im going to keeep breaking out and my skin will loook the worst evereverevr when I go away. I'm sitting here thinking of excuses not to go. I am pathetic but honestly he has such a hot goooood image of me...and i look grossss right now. I reallyy really can't believe this...im legit having an anxiety attack... i would have never said i'd go if I knew my skin would be the worst it has ever been. I have neosporin on the raw places and pro active face mask on the other zits and stuffff....and I just don't know what to do....other then pray to godddd this was my IB and now things are going to clear...but i friggggin say that all the time. Like i said I have never seen my skin this horrible... i will barely talk 2 my family or leave my rooom...nevermind get on a plane and go seeeee this boy. UUUH honestly I am a mess right now.... I don't even know what to say. Sometimes i feeel selfish because there are people who are dying of cancer and have bigger issues and worse skin then I do. Soo i need to stop being so selfish....but this hurts me soo soo bad..... it just hurts. :( The only up side is yesssss i'm on month 2.... just opened my 5th pack but stilllll i can't even look in the mirror right now. :( UUUh another bad daaaay.. when will i be able to write happy logssssss!

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head up sunshine. things WILL get better. you've just got to hang in there.

Thank youuu :) It's always nice to come on here and seee nice comments so thanks!! It's just hard because my acne was neverrr that bad....& my friends think im crazzzy that i think my skin is sooo bad...but i don't go out when it gets rly baddd so they wouldn't knooow. Butt since i have mild acne...well maybe not mild since i would get a cyst quite often...but just one at a time....my skin is crrrazy right now so i can rly tell its badddd. I just need to relax..im not going away for a week and 1/2 soooo next weekend if my skin still loooks rly rly bad then ill start freaking out. for now all i can saaay is heaaaal. Okkk I'm just ramblingggg.. But thanks for the comment and I wanted to post something a lil more up lifting i guess you could saay xo

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hellllllllllllllo again!

okay so iv been reading other peoples advice on here about how to control or attempt to control the IB phase. I think that if your going away in the next week and half you should go to your derm asap like try to get an appointment for tomorrow and see if he/she can give some kind of medicine to calm it down. ive heard of people going on this thing starting with a p- i think its a steroid. but ive seen a number of people using that to control their IB- one person even said that after 48 hours their skin totally cleared up from it while taking accutane. Perhaps talk to your derm about it. i think also if you mention to them that your skin is really bothering you they might consider it or something like it.

hope that helps alittle bit. and i think your doing great!!!! venting on here is one of the best things to do. it literally takes stress off my shoulders. so anytime you need to do it just do it.!!! :)

youll be back to feeling like your gorgeous self in no time.... i promise!!!!!!! and this man will like you no matter what. if he thinks badly of your skin the hes a loser and not worth it. and from what i gather hes been in the army and im sure skin is something he does not think about or even notice.. hes prob seen much more terrible things in this world and thinks your beautiful just as you are!!!!!! oh and hahah just thought about another option.. if you were want to go but are nervous about what hell say or think.. you could always make light of the situation by being " you wouldnt believe it but my skin just like totally went crazy on me and so i went on this stuff called accutane and its supposed to make it worse before it gets better and so sorry if my skin is a little dry or red .. its lame i know but its apart of the progess" i feel like that would make you feel more comfortable cause it just make you feel like you dont have to hide your face from him because hell know that you are aware of it....! maybe? what do you think?

xox - and i second the keep your head up :)

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hellllllllllllllo again!

okay so iv been reading other peoples advice on here about how to control or attempt to control the IB phase. I think that if your going away in the next week and half you should go to your derm asap like try to get an appointment for tomorrow and see if he/she can give some kind of medicine to calm it down. ive heard of people going on this thing starting with a p- i think its a steroid. but ive seen a number of people using that to control their IB- one person even said that after 48 hours their skin totally cleared up from it while taking accutane. Perhaps talk to your derm about it. i think also if you mention to them that your skin is really bothering you they might consider it or something like it.

hope that helps alittle bit. and i think your doing great!!!! venting on here is one of the best things to do. it literally takes stress off my shoulders. so anytime you need to do it just do it.!!! :)

youll be back to feeling like your gorgeous self in no time.... i promise!!!!!!! and this man will like you no matter what. if he thinks badly of your skin the hes a loser and not worth it. and from what i gather hes been in the army and im sure skin is something he does not think about or even notice.. hes prob seen much more terrible things in this world and thinks your beautiful just as you are!!!!!! oh and hahah just thought about another option.. if you were want to go but are nervous about what hell say or think.. you could always make light of the situation by being " you wouldnt believe it but my skin just like totally went crazy on me and so i went on this stuff called accutane and its supposed to make it worse before it gets better and so sorry if my skin is a little dry or red .. its lame i know but its apart of the progess" i feel like that would make you feel more comfortable cause it just make you feel like you dont have to hide your face from him because hell know that you are aware of it....! maybe? what do you think?

xox - and i second the keep your head up :)

heyy again :)

yyaaaa i was thinking about making a derm appointment last minute tomorrow and see if i can go on that med that calms your skin down...i was rly rly thinking about it actually... so maybe i willl. I just want accutane to do its job but maybe i do need an antibiotic or whatever that other thing is callled...i know it starts w. a P tooo..its a steriod or something. Im still so blah right now...i don't want to talk or see anyone...so depressing huh.... its sad. But ya maybe i will go the derm tomorrow...they have 2 offices near me soooo usually they can squeeeze me in sometimes.. so hopefully. I can't wait til I can NOT have to worry about my skinnnn. And yessss your right venting on here does helpppp ALOT. as u can tell I do it alooot. But ya its not any cysts as of right now... or any actives reallyyy... just alooot of healing. But usually everyday something new has been popping up. funfun. Like we were saying before.... I had alot of little ones under my skin...that you could only seee when i tilted my head in the mirror....sooo i should have known those were guna come out and i would break out.....and some have come outtt let me telll you. I have to say when i tilt my head in the mirror there isn't a million blocked pores anymore...and thats prob because they have come ouuut. But they probably aren't done yet. Sooo heres to hoping that everything heals up quick... because right now its not tooo many actives... just things that need to heal... i'm still stresssing a lil less then 2 weeks away.. But maybe things will heal and I can get on these medssss. K maybe i'll be on later. ttyl :)

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Day 42*oook sooo I called my derm this morning and I have an appointment tommorrow morning with the derm that has been really cool about giving me cortizone shots and what not... but im reallllyy reallly hoping that he will put me on an antibiotic for a few weeeeks or so to get me through this IB. I'm pretty sure....this is my IB and hoping it was because like I said it was the worsssst my skin has ever beeen. Although at the time there were no huuuge cysts so atleast lots and lots of makeup can cover up my disaster of a face....it still gets me down of course. I'm at work right now and I feel kinda shitttyyy and I'm just hoping that the derm will put me on an antibiotic which will help me out bigtime. I mean my derm has always been really understanding and coooool..so hopefully he will understand i'm leaving in a week 1/2 and neeed to have something to keeep this at bay. Really my big issue right now isn't any actives at alll...... which means nothing to me... because my face could explode with actives at any second. Anyhow right now theres not any actives.... just a few lil blocked condomones or w.e you call them and lots of healing. Like i said I have a few spots that have a decent amount of raww raw skin. I've been keeeping them super super moisturized because I don't want them to get scabby..i hope they just heal up asap...but idk whats better keeping them really moisturized or dry them out???? I decided on super moistened.....BUT ANY SUGESTIONS would be greaaaaaaaat!!! I've been using neosporin and a&d ointment on the raw spots. The reason a&d is well i had it for my tatoo and i want to keeep the raw skin moist and it says right on a&d for rashes, burns,cuts soooo im trying it ouuut. fingers crossed. But i just wish my derm appt was today...but tomorrows good enough. I just want my face to be half decent for when i go away....and this wkend was unaccaptable in my boook. Ohhh and pro-active face mask on your whole face is toooo harsh...so a whole face mask isn't a goood idea...since my face is reallly sore and red now....sooo now i need super amounts of moisturizerrrr. It's beeen a goood spot treatment though. Sooo i would suggest it for a spot treatment. Soooo for now I neeeed to keeeeeeep lots and lots lotionnnn...im dryyyy and I just want progesss. But who doesn't.

Sooooo if anyone knows what works well with accutane for the IB let me knooooow :) I heard batrium or w.e its calllled is goooood. Obv NOO cycline antibiotics can be usedddd...i know that. I know pregnizone... but im not sure i want to be on a steriod. Sooooo what antibiotics work gooood.. let me know people!! Thankkks<3 OOOhh and anything for raw skin toooo.. gotta heal up quickkkk! Anything would be great!

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hey how did your appointment go with your derm.. did they give you anything?

hope skin is looking and feeling better today

i have my doctors appointment in a couple hours and will be hopefully popping my first pill tonight or tomorrow and can share in the joys of IB with you soon!:) i know .. not funny

xo all my support

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hey how did your appointment go with your derm.. did they give you anything?

hope skin is looking and feeling better today

i have my doctors appointment in a couple hours and will be hopefully popping my first pill tonight or tomorrow and can share in the joys of IB with you soon!:) i know .. not funny

xo all my support

Day 43*Homegirl: Goodluck at your appt and let me know how it goes! Hopefully you can get on tane todayyy..that would be awesome. For me it was a lil bit of a waiting process. Ipledge was crazinesss and what not!

buuut yaa I had my derm appt.. just got back actually..he said that there was really nothing he could give me since I'm in month 2 anyways..I just neeed to let tane do it's job....I did mention antibiotics and he said that it wasn't really worth it and the side effects...extext... I guess Batrin or w.e its callled comes with alot of risks taking it as it is....and it is a goood drug for acne however alot of people are alergic to it and sometimes this can be fatal. He said to just keep letting tane do its job. Anyways regarding my skin... the raw spots are slowly healing up... they don't look as red now... i've been putting a&d and neosporin on them soooo thats gooood thats they aren't really beat red anymore. Then theres lil zits that are coming outtt...and i still have lil blocked pores in some areas...so i bet those will come out too.. woo can't wait not. Soooo yaaa things are healing from that IB.... atleast I think thats what it was.... who Knows... this is def def a rolllercoaster ride. All i know is this weekend looking at my face in the mirror made me want to crrrrrrrrrry. well I did. But anyways I don't really know what to say... my face is sooo freakin unPredictable... although im like ok my face is calming down and healing... tomorrows just another day it could look like hell. I hope a day comes where I can just trust my skin and not worrrrrrry. What did scare me is that my Derm said there are ppl accutane doesn't work for... i wass liiike aaaaaaaaaaah nooo. I guess it's a really small amount like 95% it does work for. I'm like uhh please make me be in that 95%. Buttt i need to start loooking upppp... I'm leaving is a lil over a weeeek and I can only hope and pray my skin loooks goood. Oooohhhh i just want to not have to worrrry about my skin anymore. Pllllease please please heal uppppp skiiiin!

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Day 44*

I will give a quick update even though there really isn't anything to update. Sooo It's day 44....and the few raw spots I had have healed up okkay with the a&d ointment and are fading quicker then I thought...so I'm happy about that. Beats having a bunch of beat red spots on my face. However my face does continue to break out. I never really had an issue with my cheeks ...but since I started accutane I saw so so many small ones under my skin...and they continue to come out. I was hoping that they just like fell out like some people say. But spots here and there keep popping up...and its annoying. I have alot of make up on sooo people and my friends sayyy ooh your skin looks goood..it looks fine... BUT i am such a perfectionist and my skin is not smooth and things are still coming out. Soo unfortunetly it looks like my cheeks are gunna be spurging or w.e the word is for quite sometime....it just seeems like my cheeeks have a long waaay to go. And God knows how the rest of my face will be. I don't like to be soo negative..but my face puts the U in unpredictable. Even though on my cheeks they are little and you can only see them in certain lighting... they eventually come out... or some of them do...then leaving a lil mark or zitt. Soo this is such a rollercoaster ride...so many ups and downs... BUT thats how my skin has alwaaays been. It scared me when my derm said that accutane doesnt work for everyonnne.. even tho the percentage was so so small..it still scares me. Like what else would I do???... I know my skin isn't the worst skin in the worlddd however it makes me soo so depressseddddand i feel like im not my happy self ..i just want my life back where I can be happy and not worry about waking up 2 grosss skin. Soooo ya it looks like im going to be one of those people who continuously break out for a while. Blaaaah. although i wish i wasnt..i can still see stuff under my skin and I know its not just gunna vanish... its guna have to come out...blah. Well i hope tane does work for me...what my doctor said scared meeee...i want cleaaar skinnnnn..but who doesn't righttt. Good luck to everyone else...and keeeep your head up... im tryinggg!!! Oohhh im still using proactive facemask for a spot treatment..seems to be doing okk i suppose. Try it out.

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ahh ok sorry im so confused haha u have so many logs, idk which one to comment on...i commented on another one somewhere haha but ill just paste what i said in teh other one in this one.

"hey there, i forgot to say in the message that Im sure accutane will work for you, i dont know Anybody that it hasnt worked for so i have faith it will work for us . It better cause im a real perfectionist too, at least when it comes to my looks ( I know how vain haha). I hope ur comedones dont get all inflamed like mine did! Do u have any idea how many moths ur gonna be on it? Idk, but im gonna ask next friday when i have my derm appt."

OH and you know how u said were like exactly the same regarding acne haha my cheeks were totally clear before i started tane and then when i started thats where all the xtra comedone popped up and then i had crazy breakouts on my cheeks! But at least my chin is finally clearing up. It really is weird how similar our cases are haha

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I wanted to add that the small closed condomnes or w.e there called under my skin...keeeep coming outtt... so this is going to be a longgg processs..theres so many and they keep becoming inflamed. this is alll new to me.. because i don't usually have 73283782378 blocked pores like this... i hate it. but i was wondering if it was ok to use anything topical???? if anyone has or knows???? BECAUSE now that theres not so many cystic there is all lil ones...i didnt know if a topical or maybe stidex sensative skin pads. Let me addd my skin has nooot been sensitive at allll so far.... i tan in a tanning bed stilll and it just isnt sensitive. does get red marks tho...which is new to me.. very annoying. any advice would be wonderful. when will this IB end... lil ones keeeeeep coming out. im on 40mg still by the way. my derm kept me on 40mg for month 2 again to avoid more cysts i guesss???

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Day 45*

sooo ive been updated everyday...seriously I can't think of anything else other then my skin. It's annoying... I can not get through the day without thinking about my skin 4638463867 times. I look in the mirror every chance I get and re-apply make-up constantly. My face is still breaking outtt..blaah..and I do pop zitsss :X uuuuh i know i shouldn't but they hurt. It seems like the cystic acne I usually get is at bay as of today and the past week. I mean I originally went on tane because I kept getting cysts here and there and zits that just wouldn't pop..and they huuurt. But now I had 478374 little ones under my skin and they keeep popping up DAILY. I never had little ones everywhere...and I know I tend to repeat myself but it just feeeeels goood to vent. Idk if anyone actually reads my log but I do it for my own goood as well. Sooo yaaaa I've never had little ones everywhere on my cheeeks and chin like this.....and some keeep popping up becoming inflamed..leaving red marks.. ext ext. Its annoying to sayy red marks because i never delt w. this before. When will it stoppppp. Im going away in a weeek....blah and my face looks pretty shitttay. It suckkkks.. but extra extra makeup ..which makes me feeel even nastier. My face isnt sensitive yet like i said..... I used 2.5 Benzol peroxide this morning because i have so many lil ones and hopefully that helps. Who knowsss.. ill keeep my fingers crosssed this breaking out ends...it just hasn't let up. Stufff keeeps popping up....my pores must have beeen really clogggged??? idk.. because my skin never seemed this bumpy before. Has anyone else experienced all these bumps coming up when they go on tane.. like blocked pores. k have a good day everyone xo

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depressssssed. uh i know my logs not intresting. buttt i needed to vent.. when will the breakouts stopppp. i went on this with a few cysts a month and some break outs here and there but dammmmn my face is explodinggg.... and as of right now on the right side around my mouth....like one after another after another....and i wonder why they keeep popping up in the same area... anyone know..??? like other places r ok right now.. but blaah i just came home from work early because im so depresssed... my skin is so grossss. and im going away next weeek..and im thinking of ways to cancel thats how depressed i am. this is horrible... this breakout is kicking my asss... new pimples everrrydayyy...atleast 3...def more. UH this is killing me. when will it end :(:(:( sorrrry for anyone that reads this im a messs right now.

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