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It's Just a Trick of the Lights


I've been reading through these logs in preparation for my own Accutane journey. I have bought the proper skincare items, started the most helpful supplements, discontinued those horrible antibiotics,


My appointment on Friday was canceled due to snow. Don't they know that I would have fashioned a makeshift sled and kidnapped all the dogs (dognapped?) in my apartment building to drag me there? And since it's just a crappy clinic, they were overbooked before the snow, so I was offered the next appointment. In May. My "window" closes on April 1.

So, I complained my way into an April 6 appointment, thanked the receptionist, apologized for my poor behavior, hung up the phone, and cried.

I got my follow-up blood/pee work done this morning in hopes that the date of the test carries more weight than the date the results are entered. The lab tech who was kind enough to stick me thinks I have a chance. I liked her. It was a clean stick, and it clotted quickly.

My story:

I've had acne since elementary school. I'm 29 now. My parents were those "you'll grow out of it" parents. In addition, my mother destroyed my self esteem to the point where I was afraid nothing could be done. It wasn't until 5 years ago when I started getting skin cancer screenings (I'm extra-high risk) that I was brave enough to speak up about it. Since I was already at the dermatologist, I had nothing to lose. So with 5 years of other prescription treatments, I'm here.

In some ways, I think Accutane is safer for me than other treatments. I'm the sick girl with the kidney transplant and everything lurking around that trying to kill me. With Accutane, I'll get blood tests every month, and my derm is completely willing to tack on creatnine levels and whatnot. And with a suppressed immune system, I really don't want to build up a tolerance to antibiotics. I might socialize one day, catch a bug, and suddenly need them.

I am an actress by vocation. I make money by putting on masks. My theater company is comprised entirely of disabled actors. Award-winning in the Denver area. I have an audition at the end of April, and I really wanted to be in something resembling a shape by then. I've only been in preparation since October. I really don't want to get there and reek of desperation.

I feeling slightly better getting this off my chest. Here's hoping i come back with good news.


My last show, Steel Magnolias. My favorite pictures are out of focus, like this one. I played Annelle, the prettier brunette played Shelby.


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Hi! Im an actress too, im majoring in it at school and well love it.

And Concerning accutane, it aready sounds like ur going thru hell to get accutane. ive had so much crap...appts made the wrong day, last time the lab tech left my blood out too long so they couldnt test it and i had to get it done again 4 days later! ( i hate hate shots, i fainted the first time i got my bloodwork done) anyway i hope u can get it! i think after ur window closes they can open another but u just have to wait a certain amnt of time, i just cant remember how long...

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Don't you hate the term "greasepaint?" I'm glad our company's make-up artist gives me full reign over my face.

The clinics I have to go through are the worst. About a year and a half ago I was in a lot of pain from an old foot injury (theater games are dangerous), so I decided to finally get it fixed. After the 2 month wait to get in to see the surgeon, she manages to get me a great date for my surgery. I was thrilled. Then, they called and told me I was pushed back 2 weeks. Slightly less convenient, but not a huge deal. The show I was in at the time was very short, and I would have plenty of opportunities to rest.

Three days before the surgery, they pushed it back again because there were so many people with diabetic foot infections and my surgery was elective. They pushed it back 3 more months. It was scheduled for the week before the next show I would end up doing, and my role had me on my feet the entire time I was on stage. The best part? About a month after my surgery was supposed to happen (the second time) I started showing symptoms of a precursor to arthritis in my knees. It went away when I had the surgery.

I feel bad for everyone who works there who doesn't make up the rules and make the big bucks (these people include the doctors, who have always been great). There are too many people in too small a system, and it's only getting worse.

I don't want to have to wait for another window to open because you have to act like an ass to get an appointment at a reasonable time. I wish I could just make appointment directly through the dermatology nurse.

And thanks for responding. I was afraid of ending up with a log where I would be force to talk to myself, though I'm sure I'll be slightly less wordy when I actually get into the process. I feel like I'm just hovering on the outskirts now.

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Okay, so I got a nose job last fall, which was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Just 2 weeks afterward, before a lot of the swelling went down, I got cast in my first lead out here in Denver. Big confidence booster.

Today, I have a blemish on the bridge of my nose that makes it look like I didn't get that bump cut off at all! Ipledge.com isn't telling me I'm screwed, so I guess there's still the remote chance that I can start after my appointment on Monday.

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I guess I'll be starting on Wednesday! 40mg/day.

My pregnancy test from last week was inconclusive. I drink enough water to dilute my urine. Yay. So they had be do a blood test. Barring any unusual results for that, they've given me the go-ahead.

I had new doctors today. One of them is only here for the month. I really hope I don't get new doctors every single time because it would be a pain to go through my entire health history once a month. Once doctors hear you've had major surgery, especially cool surgeries like transplants, they want to know the details.

Until Wednesday...

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Yeah, so the moron doctors didn't give a second fucking thought to the fact that Accutane might be on the list of medications requiring prior authorization. The pharmacy put in a request on Wednesday, and when I called this morning, the dermatology clinic still hadn't sent it. The pharmacy e-mailed them again, and I tried calling the specialty clinic because I knew this was a dermatology day. After being put on hold for a half an hour while trying to get through to the dermatology nurse, I was disconnected. When I called again immediately, the dermatology people had gone home for the day. Nice.

Then, I cried for 10 minutes. A choking, sobbing cry.

I composed myself long enough to try the pharmacy again to see if anything had happened in the 45 minutes since I had last spoken to them, and they tried for a fourth time to get my prescription filled.

More crying.

As a last ditch effort, I tried calling my primary care physician to see if anything could be done. Left a message with the triage nurse. She got back to me a couple hours ago and tried to help, but there was really nothing she could do about it.

Tomorrow is the last day I can get it filled. I need to pick up one of my other prescriptions, anyway, so I'm going to go in and see if they can override it on account of the fact that doctors are cycled too quickly through the system and they never have a chance to learn the rules.

Now, I'll cry some more. I hate Colorado and how their cripple system makes patients feel so helpless. Taxes rule. Screw Republicans.

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