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CoreyDB

The Most Interesting Log Ever.

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Hey there everyone! I recently started Accutane (well... twenty eight days ago) and I finally feel I should start a log to track my progress for your benefit and mine. You may be saying 'Yay we get to read another person complaining about their IB until month three then dissapear as their face clears up' but I can assure you this log is much more then that.

You see, the catch is, and the reason I am on Accutane, is this girl. I am a Senior in highschool (Seventeen.. location Canada) and have fallen for a Freshman (I'll explain that below). We were 'seeing' each other I suppose and then everything just fell apart. She gave me the cold shoulder and started dating one of those little Freshman boys in her classes. Now you ask, why was this so devestating? Why did this cause you to go on Accutane? Well...

All throughout my life, I have been.. mediocre. Mediocre in sports, mediocre in school, a mediocre friend, a mediocre 'catch' or 'boy' I suppose if you know what I mean, and mediocre looks. This all caused me to gradually lose self-esteem and confidence, which has slowly driven me down in the area of 'girls' which is why I was after a Freshman in the first place. The above mention of this rejection by a *Freshman* put me over the edge.

I'm sure some of you while reading this will think about responding by writing 'change for no one' or 'there are others out there' but this is a fact I understand and I will choose to ignore. This girl has given me the motivation to reach my potential. She has given me the motivation to rid myself of my mild/*mediocre* acne once and for all. She has given me the motivation to do well in school. She has given me the motivation to start working out so I can improve my athletic skills (and looks too I guess). Most importantly she has given me the motivation to escape my mediorocricy.

So this log will be much more then me updating on my Acne status in regards to Acne. This log will update you all on my chase of being the best person I can possibly be, and as a result, getting this girl back will be my ultimate goal. To be honest, I am not sure what I will do then, and if I even have feelings for her beyond the jealousy and motivation she has provided me, but I believe after reading all of this, my motives are understandable.

Below I will post my first update (today): and likewise for everyday until my Accutane course is over. If I reach my goal in that time period is to be determined so stay tuned.

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Hey man, that's good that indeed acne has kicked your ass and made you focus on the other lacking aspects of your life as well.

I believe hope is all a man needs. If one knows that his/her acne will clear in a matter of months, even with breakouts, the person will be confident. I was usually very athletic and good at sports, played the piano, did good at school etc but having acne has made me a sort of more *lethargic* person and not willing to do anything. I put everything off after acne 'goes' with any treatment that I am on.

But the prospect of *maybe* being prescribed accutane (tomorrow at the derm!!) has made me wake up and see the real world, see the upcoming exams and grades I want, make me exercise again and feel better overall. The prospect of acne really going away not being kept at bay with topicals is really overwhelming IMO.

I know what you mean and may you reach your goals. As I have read in someone's signature here:

"A man can stand a lot if he can stand himself".

Go ahead and get out there ;)

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I completely agree. While I may not be 100% clear, the accutane gives me confidence regardless.

Day 28:

Acne: Fairly clear. No acne on my back, chest, or the back of my neck anymore. On my face I have fading red marks on the right side of my face from my IB and a pesky area that has always been infected on my right cheek bone (I sleep on the right side of my face.. can't help it). No new spots though. Left side of my face is completely clear with the exception of one little red scab near my mouth. No big deal. My main concern is just the red marks on the right side of my face (sort of where side burns grow, between cheek and ear + jawbone).

Girl: Should be coming over this coming Wednesday. Last time she saw me I was in the middle of my IB so it should be quiet a surprise. Since then I have gotten some new sneaks, a fresh new haircut (back to the curly 09 fohawk.. I let it grow long this year previous to this haircut.. it was ew). Confident I should impress. Still have a feeling she has 'other plans' though and she is just coming to humor me. We'll see. Keeping hope with the fact she hasn't seen me in a few weeks and may reconsider her plans.

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I completely agree. While I may not be 100% clear, the accutane gives me confidence regardless.

Day 28:

Acne: Fairly clear. No acne on my back, chest, or the back of my neck anymore. On my face I have fading red marks on the right side of my face from my IB and a pesky area that has always been infected on my right cheek bone (I sleep on the right side of my face.. can't help it). No new spots though. Left side of my face is completely clear with the exception of one little red scab near my mouth. No big deal. My main concern is just the red marks on the right side of my face (sort of where side burns grow, between cheek and ear + jawbone).

Girl: Should be coming over this coming Wednesday. Last time she saw me I was in the middle of my IB so it should be quiet a surprise. Since then I have gotten some new sneaks, a fresh new haircut (back to the curly 09 fohawk.. I let it grow long this year previous to this haircut.. it was ew). Confident I should impress. Still have a feeling she has 'other plans' though and she is just coming to humor me. We'll see. Keeping hope with the fact she hasn't seen me in a few weeks and may reconsider her plans.

I love this log!!!!! Its like a grand master plan. Im looking forward to following your progress and may it be all you hoped it would be!

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I completely agree. While I may not be 100% clear, the accutane gives me confidence regardless.

Day 28:

Acne: Fairly clear. No acne on my back, chest, or the back of my neck anymore. On my face I have fading red marks on the right side of my face from my IB and a pesky area that has always been infected on my right cheek bone (I sleep on the right side of my face.. can't help it). No new spots though. Left side of my face is completely clear with the exception of one little red scab near my mouth. No big deal. My main concern is just the red marks on the right side of my face (sort of where side burns grow, between cheek and ear + jawbone).

Girl: Should be coming over this coming Wednesday. Last time she saw me I was in the middle of my IB so it should be quiet a surprise. Since then I have gotten some new sneaks, a fresh new haircut (back to the curly 09 fohawk.. I let it grow long this year previous to this haircut.. it was ew). Confident I should impress. Still have a feeling she has 'other plans' though and she is just coming to humor me. We'll see. Keeping hope with the fact she hasn't seen me in a few weeks and may reconsider her plans.

I love this log!!!!! Its like a grand master plan. Im looking forward to following your progress and may it be all you hoped it would be!

Oh yeah. I think I have covered everything. My mindset right now is, the old me got rejected and put down and whatnot. That was a different guy. That was me two months ago. If this Wednesday doesn't work out, well thats me now. Who's to say if the improved me two months in the future will get the same reaction? Quite simply I will continue to up my game every way I know possible, and hell, if worse comes to worse, I am a much better person for it.

In the words of Barack Obama "Yes we can".

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What an interesting read.

I understand your frustrations with life.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to change yourself for you AND someone else. How people respond to us (looks wise and personality wise) definetly effects how we act and feel.

Good luck, seriously. You already seem to have the right attitude going further...keep it up.

Definetly will be checking in to see your progress.

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Hello Corey, i really know what your feeling. I did too changed for good many things in order to win this girl, Started working out, got a job, got a car. Although things did not work out as planned I always blamed my acne. I hope now that Im on accutane I will gain my confidence back. I dont think that the rejection you received was based on look but in your personality. She probably just saw you as insecure, Im pretty sure that when you clear up you will gain more personality and looks too and that she will come back to you. good luck to you my friend.

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Hello Corey, i really know what your feeling. I did too changed for good many things in order to win this girl, Started working out, got a job, got a car. Although things did not work out as planned I always blamed my acne. I hope now that Im on accutane I will gain my confidence back. I dont think that the rejection you received was based on look but in your personality. She probably just saw you as insecure, Im pretty sure that when you clear up you will gain more personality and looks too and that she will come back to you. good luck to you my friend.

I believe that also. And I know what you mean.. the last girl I liked was the reason I got my job.. ahaha (it's weird, sometimes I wish I didn't fall for girls, but really, I have alot to thank them for).

But yes I agree, the problem is, my personality sucks because of my self-conciousness. Like I am great over text, IM and such but in person I just become really shy and can't talk about how I feel. I'm sure that will come as I clear up/improve as you said. Thanks for the post. I know there are alot of guys out there who feel the same way.

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Quick update on my face: Getting very clear. My one side of my face is clearing up almost completely. Have tons of little white/flesh like bumps on my forehead though left over??

Girl: Got a text today when I asked whats up, "Nothin. Just got home. Sorry I didn't text earlier. Was with a friend. He just dropped me off." omfg omfg I wanna puke

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aww ur log is soo sweet and interesting! btw that last text the girl sent u, she was def trying to make u jealous, i know girls believe me. She wouldve just said "sorry i didnt text u earlier, i was with a friend and just got home". haha so yea idk her or u but i know that text was meant to make u jealous for sure. which is a good thing for u right? :D haha

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Fantastic log. I am actually supposed to start Accutane tomorrow (if I so choose and if my bloodwork is good), and I've been wavering back and forth because I am a pansy. I think you just gave me the motivation I need to go through with this. So, this girl is helping out a lot of people. If only she knew.

I also feel the same way that you do as far as mediocrity. I actually had clear skin up until last November because I was on antibiotics for far too long, but I realized that once I broke out, I wasn't quite the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be someone who could handle it and not fall apart. I wasn't that person. So, I started working on my personality which is what I've been doing ever since, and I have to say that as I like myself better. I am just a little cooler than before. A little less pretty, but somehow it is all a definite improvement. I hope that by the end of it all, I am a little closer to what I always thought I would be.

Perhaps acne is all we need to get us off our lazy rears and ditch mediocrity. Let's do it.

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Well I was feeling good and I told her I want to talk to her tommorow and stuff... and then those fleshy little white bumps.. well apperently the Accutane told them they have one week to leave my face and they for sure listened. They are forming these really weird almost, weak cysts? And by that I mean not hard and painful, but like *grossness ahead* just a little pressure pops them.

To explain it a little better, they are very small... whiteheads I guess... underneath the skin. They are now cluster-fucking together to form little central 'weak cysts'. When I pop these half-assed cysts it drains the disgusting acne gunk from it and surrounding area. I guess this is inevitable. I just hope this process is quick and painless and heals very fast. I'm keeping hope in the fact this seems like my last battle on my face. I liken it to storming the beach on D-Day. We knew it was the only option, as terrible as the reality of it was, but we also knew if we went through with it, WW2 would be over in Europe. I feel the same way, this is inevitable and it's going to suck, but at the end of it my acne will be gone and I can truly start healing. God help me over the next two or three weeks. :(

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dear corey,

you sound like the sweetest boy ever!

i'm rooting for you :)

...cluster-fucking? hahaha

are those smaller cysts leaving scars?

and the fact that she included the word "he" in that txt...i agree with megan! she's definitely testing you, or she wouldn't have included that...hmmm...

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I am reading your progress and I hope that the Accutane works for your skin and helps you feel better about your looks. People say looks aren't important, but that's really not the whole story! Yes, personality is a huge factor, but if you can't get the courage to talk to someone or they won't look at you, it certainly doesn't count for much.

...as for the girl...I have to vote against her. She sounds like she decided you weren't good enough for her and headed off to find greener grass. I don't promote revenge, but I think you should start over with a new attitude, new looks, and a new girl who doesn't blow you off or drop comments about other guys knowing you're interested (and yes, we usually can tell!).

Good luck and I hope it works out however will make you happiest!

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Ciaobella - Thanks alot :). And no, just red marks. They are really hard to explain... I guess cyst wasn't the right word but they are slightly elevated and very very easy and painless to pop. It just sucks I was *this* close to clear, red marks and all. I knew in the back of my mind though at some point I was going to have to deal with these little bumps. I guess sooner better then later.

P.S. Redmarks still suck though... I see you are going on Accutane soon! Congrats! As you will learn, red marks tend to last ALOT longer while on the pill unfortunently.

DND - Thanks for the insight, but not an option. I wouldn't call it revenge though. But I have a goal set and I'm sticking to it. Did Tom Brady not sign with the Patriots just because they passed him up 5 times previous to drafting him with their sixth pick? Now look at him.

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Hey i just read your post and seriously although you may hate hearing this but that girl you were dating before sounds really shallow! Even if she takes you back after you heal completely what is that suppose to mean? She will take you back without acne, but break up with you if you get it again? I am completely sickened by people like her..

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Nice log! With all the respect and if I can give you an advice about this girl: don't concentrate only on one fish, there are a lot of bigger and better fishes in the sea! And when this girl realizes she is not the only one for you, you will be more interested for her ;)

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Thanks for the great responses guys! Yeah I suppose she is, but I don't know. Like I have said before, I've made a clear goal and I am sticking to it.

Acne (Day 34): My face is clearing up nicely. The left side of my face (cheek, jawbone) is 100% clear. The right side of my face is almost clear and has zero actives. The cheek still has a fading red mark from a particularly nasty cyst I got from my IB (I normally never get cysts) and my right cheek bone, the most consistent and everlasting area for my acne, has a few small fading red marks and zero actives, the first time that part of my face has had zero actives in.. maybe 4 years!? My chin is 100% clear, rather then some un-noticable whitehead fleshy things which I am hoping will just go away with time. Now my forehead on the other hand is covered in them. The texture of my forehead is soo off... I just want it to go away. There aren't any zits on it or anything, but it's covered in small barely noticeable whiteheads which throw my appearence off. I really hope I will wake up one morning and they will have dissapeared. They aren't small enough or big enough to really know for sure if they are going to fade, or turn into bumps and create a mess of my forehead. The really big ones have already become bumps and I have popped them so I am hoping the rest will just fade. It's very frustrating though, knowing such a small thing is throwing my face off soo much. Overall my face is improving nicely. I am basically on my fifth week and I must say I truly believe I will be 100% clear by week ten.

Girl: Not much to really update here. I haven't seen her in a while and we aren't seeing each other tommorow anymore. I think my feelings for her are actually dissipitating, which is not good, because I fear I am also losing my motivation. As my face clears up I am almost becoming content, which is not good. I want to improve constantly during this struggle, and I need to find a way to get back on track. I think I might go creep her facebook or something. I find I am most motivated when jealous, and we guys know, when we see other guys leaving wall posts it creates a jealousy that can not be explain. :) . I am weird.

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Thanks for the great responses guys! Yeah I suppose she is, but I don't know. Like I have said before, I've made a clear goal and I am sticking to it.

Acne (Day 34): My face is clearing up nicely. The left side of my face (cheek, jawbone) is 100% clear. The right side of my face is almost clear and has zero actives. The cheek still has a fading red mark from a particularly nasty cyst I got from my IB (I normally never get cysts) and my right cheek bone, the most consistent and everlasting area for my acne, has a few small fading red marks and zero actives, the first time that part of my face has had zero actives in.. maybe 4 years!? My chin is 100% clear, rather then some un-noticable whitehead fleshy things which I am hoping will just go away with time. Now my forehead on the other hand is covered in them. The texture of my forehead is soo off... I just want it to go away. There aren't any zits on it or anything, but it's covered in small barely noticeable whiteheads which throw my appearence off. I really hope I will wake up one morning and they will have dissapeared. They aren't small enough or big enough to really know for sure if they are going to fade, or turn into bumps and create a mess of my forehead. The really big ones have already become bumps and I have popped them so I am hoping the rest will just fade. It's very frustrating though, knowing such a small thing is throwing my face off soo much. Overall my face is improving nicely. I am basically on my fifth week and I must say I truly believe I will be 100% clear by week ten.

Girl: Not much to really update here. I haven't seen her in a while and we aren't seeing each other tommorow anymore. I think my feelings for her are actually dissipitating, which is not good, because I fear I am also losing my motivation. As my face clears up I am almost becoming content, which is not good. I want to improve constantly during this struggle, and I need to find a way to get back on track. I think I might go creep her facebook or something. I find I am most motivated when jealous, and we guys know, when we see other guys leaving wall posts it creates a jealousy that can not be explain. :) . I am weird.

I just read through your log you seem really sweet. I am glad that the accutane seems to be working for you. As far as the girl goes it is good that it gave you that initial motivation to get things on track. But I also think that it is good that your feelings for her are dissipitating. There are many girls out there she isn't the only one. You have this new confidence in yourself use it and find someone worth your time. Jealousy can be a motivating emotion but it can also be a horrible emotion nobody wants to spend there time jealous all the time. Keep your head up and I hope that you continue to see improvement with the accutane.

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Honestly, in my opinion, the girl isn't worth your time if she's acting like this. I know you've probably heard this a million times, but it sucks to waste your efforts.

Also... very nice that you're clearing up.

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Day 35: Soooo. Today I made a pledge to never pick my skin again. Ever. I woke up in one of those shitty moods, and for some reason, I just started picking. At nothing. Thank god I didn't tear any skin, and I guess I did get a couple blackheads out, but I did leave a few red marks that are going to take a day or two to go away. :(. On the positive side of things, I know from here on out, I will never pick my skin again. So true healing can begin today. Also everything is still healing up nicely, although I did get a new little zit on the left side of my neck near my face. I popped it while on my picking spree and it is going away I guess. ALSO I have discovered that I need to stop exfoliating my skin. I have been using St. Ives exfoliater on my skin since I started Accutane because I figured Accutane would cause alot of dead skin that needed to be scrubbed off... Well thats not the case. The exfoliater just strips my skin and makes it look like complete shit. So I threw it out. You learn something new everyday.

Girl: Seeing her on Saturday now I guess... not much else to update on this front.. Expect a huge rant come Sunday morning though.

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P.S. I would say today is just one of my low days on Accutane... Also I will be adding some photos tonight or tommorow.

P.P.S. Those stupid whitehead things just will not go away. Ugh. Note to future me reading this, come back in time and tell me what you did to get them away or when they went away! Gahh!!

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