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Jb Ave

You Could've Been Beautiful

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Okay... I'm not really sure what I wanna say.. So I'll just say this...

I feel like if I didn't have acne, I would be a lot prettier... Like ... I would be the kind of person who wouldn't have any confidence issues, wouldn't be "not good enough" for anyone... I'd be absolutely fine.. I feel that if my skin was clear ALL the rest of my problems were resolved. Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope?

Also ... I've become so sensitive to people talking about skin at all... If they say ANYTHING about anyone's skin, I always try to change the subject... Whether I mean to or not.. And if anyone says the words "acne, pimple, zit" or anything.. I want to crawl in a hole and die.. Ha.. y'know what I mean?

Hooooow do you cope?!?!! If I didn't have acne... My life would be 100% perfect... So I think... Please share your own thoughts on this or anything related...

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Shade 8 i know exactly how you feel. I have had acne off and on since i was in my teens (i'm now 36!!). I have had mild acne and at other times it has been pretty bad. I had quite clear skin for a few years until a October 08 when it erupted out of no-where! So, from having clear skin at the beginning of October i went to having acne again by the end of October! I can tell you i have been VERY distressed! Especially at my age!

I don't know how i cope but i know that it helps me to be open about my acne and talk about it. If someone were to say something to me about my skin i would confront them and take the wind out of their sail's - I mean, if they mentioned my skin i would say 'yea i know, it's bad isn't it?' and i would tell them it upsets me etc. Most people, unless they are a close friend, don't say anything anyway, and if i go out i always cover it with makeup so you can't see the redness (although it's impossible to hide any lumps or bumps!).

I have my bad days where i don't want to go out and i just cry - which does help - and sometimes i will write down how i feel...that also helps. Other days i put my makeup on and try to forget about it.

Anyway, you said you think that if you had clear skin you would have no problems. When i have acne i think that too. However, with clear skin you just find new problems - i know because i have been there! BUT regarding confidence issues, it is true i am more confident with clear skin and i feel more able to enjoy my life than when i have acne. I will say that i have had some great looking and lovely boyfriends in my time when i have had acne and none of them seemed to care! They loved me for me, so don't think if you have a skin problem that men care, because they don't really....it's more to do with how you feel.

When my skin is clear again i intend to be grateful for every day!! Having this bout of acne again has made me realise how good my life was when i had clear skin!!

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I sorta have the same issue. I don't think my life would be 100% perfect but my confidence would be much stronger which would probably allow my life to eventually be much better than it is now in terms of accomplishments, meeting new people and being able to be myself. I don't blame my skin for all my problems but it certainly plays a role in fueling my anxiety and hurting my confidence.

I've been told over and over that I'm a good looking guy. I don't have much of a problem in getting girls either or atleast catching their interest initially but my self consciousness is still constantly present(if even in the back of my mind) and sometimes I detach myself from friendships and relationships. I have good traits and I'm grateful for that but when my skin is a trainwreck, I lose my confidence and ability to be outgoing. Right now I have some pretty bad redmarks/hyperpigmentation left over but my skin is also extremely dry and flaky which makes it hard to function in public without feeling exposed. In a way it's almost worse than oily skin because it's less common to have flakes and dead skin everywhere, it sucks..

With that said I don't think it's a good thing to think that life will be completely perfect once skin is clear because there will still be other problems and insecurities that you run into even if you clear up. It should just be something that you look forward to and work towards but not obsess over. For me, it has become kind of an obsession but I'm trying to let go and not care and I'd advise anyone to do the same because once your clear and you still have problems, you'll hate yourself for blaming all your past problems on your skin condition.

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Hey Gearhead, what you said there i can really relate to. I do the same. When my skin is bad i become detached from everything going on around me, but it's totally because i am so unhappy inside about how my skin is. I am not in a relationship now and i'm not able to have one either with my skin like this - but there is a guy who likes me and i felt compelled to tell him how bad my skin is (he hasn't seen me without make-up properly)....it's like i have to do this so he can know i am not perfect and not to expect me to be!! He said that he likes me because of my personality and because i am fun....he said my 'looks' got him looking but that's all. I suppose that is a really nice thing for someone to say and should give me confidence, but when the skin is bad the confidence is low regardless of what anyone says.......

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I might have had more confidence. I may have a different outlook on life because of acne. What I do know is that I gained humility and patience from my skin problem. I learned to accept my individuality and I don't want to look like anyone else but me. The people that I consider close are accepting of me, and I am grateful. Through personal experience I have realized that even with clear skin my problems are overwhelming. When one problem disappears, another insecurity reappears.

I know that just hearing the words acne and zit can be unsettling. There isn't much you can do. I'm sorry. I just try to block it out and change the subject like you do. I cope by communicating with others or sharing my feelings with a journal that I keep up with. I escape for a few hours through playing sports or watching movies on the couch. If I thought of my acne returning every moment, I would go crazy.

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Ive barely been reading and posting on here regularly for 24 hours and ive related to so many threads and posts. I was shocked when I read this one!

Shade 8- you described exactlly what im currently going through. I have a doctors appointment in 9 hours time to discuss my skin and my current 'mental state' to see if theres something that can be done about the way I think about myself. I dont have a major skin problem but its enough to go with my past and my lack of confidence to drag me right down, and I mean down very very low.

Now the best way to pick me back up would probably be anti-depressants which I might eventually be prescribed. But I also know that if I could clear up my skin that would get me at least 75% of the way towards being myself again. Im no Brad Pitt or George Cluney but I know that I can be a handsome fellow and people tell me that. And if I can just sort this little problem out, which im setting out to do, then I can be happy and confident and get on with everything in my life. All the things that are slowly being held back by my general outlook on my life.

I too avoid all skin related conversations. I find that theres only one person on this earth that I can confidently discuss my skin with face-to-face and thats my ex-girlfriend because I know for sure that she doesnt judge me, laugh at me or think bad of me because of it. Im sure theres other people but I know she wouldnt 100%. If someone directs a comment at me about my skin, whether its nasty, truthful or complimentary then I go bright red and change the subject. Thats one of the reasons that im so glad I found this website. Its so much easier to type it out, and I know that there are real and understanding people reading it.

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You are not alone. Surround yourself with people that really care about you. These are the people that will build you up and not tear you down. Acne is no joke and can and does cause stress. Our society is so focused on how one looks so I do understand how you feel. When my acne gets extremely bad, I just want to stay in the house and have thus losing out on many social gatherings. Tell yourself that you are a beautiful person and that others see you this way too. Hang in there.....

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Thank you all for the fast responses.. It's enlightening to hear what other people have to say about the same subject. Mostly I identify with what Christof said. It's true that I would rather look like me than anyone else (that's me in my avatar) and my acne really isn't that bad, but considering how everyone else seems to be flawless, it does seem like a big difference. It has taught me to be much more patient and concerned more with personality traits and how you live your life as opposed to how you LOOK while doing so. In that respect I am thankful for the experience because it has made me a more thoughtful and introspective person. I realize that my problems come from sources other than acne -- school work, for one. Acne has nothing to do with it.

Ah well, what can you do but do your best to make the situation better? It really helps to be on this site; it's the only time I've ever actually discussed my skin with anyone, including my derm .. I can't even talk when I'm in her office, even though every time I go she says she sees a lot of improvement. Basically, having acne from ages 12-15 can severely damage self confidence that people that age need to be building on. I realized that, maybe a little too late. I'm doing the best I can though, and that is all anyone can ask for or expect. Keep sharing your thoughts! :)

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I know for a fact that I would've been the most confident bastard in my whole entire school had it not been for acne.

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I think we all need to keep in mind that we are each our OWN harshest critic. For each of us, our OWN face is the one we've spent the most time in life looking at. So of course you're going to see each little flaw and anything you deem to be an imperfection. You've been staring at that face your whole life :P

If I'm breaking out badly, yes people are going to notice, but are they going to be caring more about my problems or their own problems? For me, if I point something out and make a big deal out of it, then it becomes a big deal, but if I act like it doesn't bother me, it becomes less of a focus.

Try to flip it around. When you see someone who's breaking out, do you sit there and count their zits or do you listen to what they've got to say? I would think, you may notice their acne, but I don't think it would be as much of a focus for you.

If I'm breaking out badly and someone can't see past that, then they probably don't have the kind of values I'm looking for in a person anyways. I'd consider it a good thing that I didn't have to waste that much time on that person to find that out about them :P

Just try to keep in mind that you're always going to be your own harshest critic.

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^HA, you are so right. People are always going to be more concerned with their problems than yours. That is a good way of looking at it... and one I haven't considered too much before. Thanks for pointing that out.

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Shade 8-

I just recently broke out with acne. I never had a problem with maintaining clear skin. I mean I had a few small zits every now and then, but as soon as college started I started getting acne. I have only had this for about 5 months, but it almost controls my life. I think sometimes if I stopped worrying about it so much it'd go away.- yeah right! Before I had acne I had such an amazing self esteem. Luckily I have a great support team.

My boyfriend who I have been with for years wishes I'd just get over it, because it doesnt bother him.

I have a few friends who have or are going through the same exact thing.

I dont really know how I cope with it. I guess I just kind of keep myself busy and when i am alone or have free time i do some more research and try to fix it.

GOOD LUCK- you are not alone!

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Shade8 I am also the same as you. I also feel so embaressed when people talk about skin, scars, acne etc even if they are not talking about my skin, scars, acne, etc. I feel I would be so confident and better looking if I have good skin. I cope by thinking one day I would have good skin.

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Severe acne tears up your self-esteem into little pieces. Just look at all the pros to having Acne (yes, there are some) and that will help.

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I feel the exact same way. I feel that without acne my confidence and self esteem would grow. I would feel good about myself and not be shy and hide in my room. Acne seems to be the root of all my problems at the moment.

My friends all have 99.9% clear skin and complain about their pimples (1 or 2 at most) like they are the end of the world. I don't know what to say since my face is covered in red dots so I just go away until they change conversation.

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Okay... I'm not really sure what I wanna say.. So I'll just say this...

I feel like if I didn't have acne, I would be a lot prettier... Like ... I would be the kind of person who wouldn't have any confidence issues, wouldn't be "not good enough" for anyone... I'd be absolutely fine.. I feel that if my skin was clear ALL the rest of my problems were resolved. Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope?

Also ... I've become so sensitive to people talking about skin at all... If they say ANYTHING about anyone's skin, I always try to change the subject... Whether I mean to or not.. And if anyone says the words "acne, pimple, zit" or anything.. I want to crawl in a hole and die.. Ha.. y'know what I mean?

Hooooow do you cope?!?!! If I didn't have acne... My life would be 100% perfect... So I think... Please share your own thoughts on this or anything related...

You captured my thoughts exactly!!! I was really lucky to be born attractive, but life and it's fucked up sense of humor thought that it would be funny to give bad skin to someone who would otherwise be good looking :boohoo: . I've seen your pictures and i see that it's the same way for both of us :(

My whole life revolves around my skin and every day i wonder what my life would be like if i never had acne. I know i'd be a completely different person and i hate myself for having this happen to me even though it's not my fault. I feel like while having clear skin won't fix all of my problems, it would give me the ability to cope with anything life throws my way.

I'm extremely sensitive about my skin too. I don't like talking to anyone about it because it just reminds me that they can see it too and they're aware of it. I get really offended when people comment on my foundation/concealer or whatever because i have to go into the whole awkward conversation about how i feel less confident without it. I also hate it when my clear skin friends complain about their one tiny zit in front of me when i have wayyyy more. They need to be slapped :confused:

I wish i could give you a good way to cope with it, but i'm the worst at coping with acne. Even though most people are like, "don't let it ruin your life, life is short, no one cares, bla bla blah" It's ALOT harder to do than it sounds. I feel like I cant let myself enjoy anything until I'm "worthy" and have clear skin or whatever. Youre not alone, ok?? And i saw that you live in D.C. too and we're near the same age....haha weird. GOOD LUCK!!

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Okay... I'm not really sure what I wanna say.. So I'll just say this...

I feel like if I didn't have acne, I would be a lot prettier... Like ... I would be the kind of person who wouldn't have any confidence issues, wouldn't be "not good enough" for anyone... I'd be absolutely fine.. I feel that if my skin was clear ALL the rest of my problems were resolved. Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope?

Also ... I've become so sensitive to people talking about skin at all... If they say ANYTHING about anyone's skin, I always try to change the subject... Whether I mean to or not.. And if anyone says the words "acne, pimple, zit" or anything.. I want to crawl in a hole and die.. Ha.. y'know what I mean?

Hooooow do you cope?!?!! If I didn't have acne... My life would be 100% perfect... So I think... Please share your own thoughts on this or anything related...

i don't blame you for being frustrated, but if you are just 15, you very well could end up beautiful. and really, you can be beatiful regardless of whether you have perfect skin or not.

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I think all of us daydream about the 'what if?' But we've been dealt with these cards. We all fight these feelings constantly on the daily. But we all know this is a step in the wrong direction. Be strong. Anytime you feel these negative thoughts about to overcome you counter them. Find something to laugh about, grab a friend, share a joke.

My state changed after feeling uneasy all day about upcoming summertime activities when D_lightful brought up the beautiful point about being our own harshest critic. And people have got their own problems to worry about. Why would they care about you?

This week I'm going to wear my chest/bac and face scars, zits the whole shebangabang for all to see. In a way I'm kinda like a martyr haha. I want to inspire strength and courage. I am your ambassador. I will post pics. autographs on request. ahem.

Thank you all for your support.

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deadonfive- awesome, isn't our city fantastic? lol. Thanks for the reply, glad to know I'm not alone.

enkjrypt- I know how you feel about summertime activities-- remind yourself about what D_lightful said. Let us know if it helps! And if you want to show us what your skin looks like, feel free. If you don't post them in here, leave a link in here I guess.

Again, thanks for the responses and keep them coming! :)

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Don't slaughter me guys, but I think everyone would have the same problems no matter what. You would still feel the same way about yourself, but you would blame it on something else, if you didn't have acne. The skin stuff is just another thing to blame your problems on. Yes, you wouldn't have your skin to worry about if you didn't have acne, but you would worry about other things.

Most people are stuck in a culture of self-perpetuating negativity, where blame gets passed around to anything that seems good at the time. I'd make a flow chart, but I'm lazy.

Try thinking positively about everything for a single day. Do exactly what you like, with no compromises. Your feelings about yourself are the product of yourself, and nothing else. The sooner you can take responsibility for your life, the better.

Alex

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When we find beauty in others, we want to be close to them. When eye to eye, does she see what we see in the mirror? And if so, why remain with us?

That is the question.

And that is why I've always felt those who suffer from acne/skin problems but otherwise have talent and personality are living as real life superheros..because we have a weakness we try to mask from most everybody and our true nature is hidden except to the few who really appreciate us...

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Oh god, I HATE when people talk about other people's skin.

One of my friends is constantly saying mean things about people with bad skin and I always wonder if he makes fun of me as soon as I've left the room.

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I feel much better about myself now that my skin is pretty clear. If it wasn't oil slick half of the time, I'd feel almost like a natural beauty. Almost.

Quite honestly, if I had the choice between never having acne or changing one of my features to be more attractive (for me, it's my mouth...always wished I had fuller lips), I would change a feature. My acne is controllable, but my facial features aren't (yes, there's cosmetic surgery, but that's not for me). So feeling beautiful for me goes beyond my acne. Acne doesn't help, but it's not the only thing I feel detracts from my appearance.

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Saying you could have been beautiful is preposterous for the opportunity is never absent. Beauty doesnt lie in flawless skin or bone structure, washboard abs or a slim waistline. Beauty burst forth from your being, your fire to live, who you choose to be INSPITE of what others says, what the mirror shows. I've spent a great deal of time on this website (for better or for worse) and everyday i see all these beautiful people shackling themselves to other peoples opinions other people judgements. It pains me to see such beautiful people caged, but the keys to those cages are in your own hands, in your own hearts...

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