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Short Summary:Well, 2 years ago I took Accutane for my acne. If I could describe my acne its between mild to moderate but bad enough for my dermatologist to prescribe me Accutane. I had to stop taking Accutane after 4 months(due to my derm being on vacation and my bloodwork results) As a whole, I was disappointed because I really wanted a clear skin, which I haven't had since I was 12 years old. (puberty sucks )

Fast-Forward to now: I have been suffering from depression and I sometimes (before i used to constantly) have suicidal thoughts. I have days when I'm really depressed about a small minuscule thing. (e.g pimples on my face, red marks, etc...the list goes on and on) When I was taking Accutane, I thought nothing of the signs, which I should have taken more seriously but I desperately wanted my acne to go away so I've ignore it (yes I'm extremely stupid :( ) I don't really have a good relationship with my parents so it makes it harder for me to talk about my acne because they think that it will go away on its own. They told me to wash my face everyday with warm water, don't eat junk foods, drink more water, etc...stuff that most parents, who haven't suffered from acne, say to their kids. I've been avoiding my friends because I didn't want them to constantly listen to my problems and I don't want my negativity to rub off on them. (i've been told that give off bad vibes to people, making them feel sad or whatever and that's the last thing I want to happen) This inevitably resulted of me losing a couple of friends.

I don't think some of my problems has to do with acne but moreso on my body image as a whole. My parents have always told me to lose some weight even though I didn't think I needed to. I mean I asked some people at my school if they think I'm fat and their answers were always a resounding No. So as a result, I dropped 10 pounds to please my parents so they would stop saying those hurtful comments about my body. As a naive person, I expected them to be happy but even after losing some weight they still say that I'm fat. (if anyone is curious my weight as of right now is 115..idk anymore) Everytime I look into the mirror, I see a FAT person.

I've became so obsessive with my appearance that I have to constantly check the mirror every minute. (I feel like a loser D;) I've taken some pictures but everytime I do, I don't see the imperfection that I see when I look into the mirror (my camera is tricking me into believing I have perfect skin) I even asked my friends and other people in my class, and they say I look fine. (i cant help but think they're just saying it to not hurt my feelings =/) I also hate getting compliments from my friends, family in law and strangers because I believe that their eyes are deceiving them. I just feel depressed over how I look, and just seeing a person who is outright ugly in my eyes.

I just feel sad that my skin will never be clear. I have red marks and minor scarring due to picking and even then I can't completely cover them with makeup. Everytime I wake up, the first thing I do is go to the washroom so I can look at my skin. There have been days where I stayed there for an hour scrutinizing my face.

I would post pictures but the camera serves no justice since they don't show what I see in the mirror.

I'm really sorry if my post sounded conceited or if I somehow offended some people since there are people who has it worse than me. I just needed to let it all out since i can't really talk about it with my parents nor my friends. (I've told my 2 of my friends of what I was going through and they didn't seem to want to listen to it..i don't blame them )

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Hey, I understand what youre going thru...don't get down on yourself. Im sure that you are very pretty, and 115 is a definately NOT overweight. You arent ugly, i can tell without even seeing you. :D

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Hey, I understand what youre going thru...don't get down on yourself. Im sure that you are very pretty, and 115 is a definately NOT overweight. You arent ugly, i can tell without even seeing you. :D

Too bad not everyone can be understanding as you. It's much harsher outside in the real world, where all I see are gorgeous people with perfect skin. My parents never had problems with acne and are blessed with perfect skin and they only wash it with water. :( Sometimes I loathe being asian because there seem to be a stereotype that they are blessed with smooth acne-free skin. Whereas I'm the total opposite. I've tried everything and nothing worked. Even those commercial products that everyone believe is the CURE. I even thought of going back to Accutane even though I'm still suffering from depression. Ahh I dont know what to do anymore. I tried to think positively but its harder than it seems. For some reason, I always end up feeling like crap at the end of the day.

The happiest time of the day for me is when I'm going to sleep>_> how sad.

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Its okay.. even if things seem like they will never change...they will get better..trust me. Im still dealing with acne and to be honest it sucks. But you have to realize that your only young once..and what is the point of staying in all the time? Eventually you have to get a job and settle down, so why not enjoy life when you can--even if you have acne..The less you think about acne, the less it will effect you, i promise

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Its okay.. even if things seem like they will never change...they will get better..trust me. Im still dealing with acne and to be honest it sucks. But you have to realize that your only young once..and what is the point of staying in all the time? Eventually you have to get a job and settle down, so why not enjoy life when you can--even if you have acne..The less you think about acne, the less it will effect you, i promise

Yeah I know I have to eventually go out. I just cant seem to stop worrying so much about my skin and how other people perceive me. I've been meaning to go find a job since I don't want to rely on my parents anymore but having social anxiety makes it so much more difficult. I stopped going to social events with my family and friends just because I can't bare to go outside where there are a lot of people.

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115 is only overweight if you're like 4 feet tall. :razz: I know how it is having body image issues, though.

I've been a dancer my entire life and I used to have serious body issues when I was younger. Now I am comfortable with my body....just not my skin.

I DEFINITELY know how you feel with the camera "tricking" you, though I'm sure that your skin is not as bad as you think it is.

In most pictures, my skin looks almost perfect. Occasionally, one pimple will be visible. Even if I take pictures with no makeup, you can't see everything that I know is there when I look in the mirror. My friends and family confirm what the camera says but I feel like my eyes are better than everyone else's or something, even though that doesn't really make sense.

You're suffering from the same thing I suffer from: body and acne dysmorphia.

Everything looks 1000 times worse to you than it does to everyone else.

It's tough because, if you can't even trust your own eyes, whose eyes can you trust?

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115 pounds isn't overweight at all. That's how much I weigh and i'm super skinny.

Apart from obviously being depressed you probably have BDD (like someone else has already stated in this thread). I'm not qualified to give you advice as to what to do but I can say you're not alone. We've all gone through or are going through the same thing you are. I check my mirrors every chance I get. I get really depressed and become withdrawn from social activities over a single pimple or mark, and I also check the mirrors first thing in the morning (within seconds of waking up).

So try your best to cope with it and if you ever need to vent or ask questions that's what this website is for. And trust me, it all helps!

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you are probably overweight at 115 if you are what, 80cm tall?

uhm you might have that psychological disorder that i cant remember the name of, something along the lines of how you constantly amplify and scrutinise every single physical flaw that you perceive yourself to have, even when its perfectly fine.

christ,12 years of age and already my memory's failing me.

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I think they call it body dysmorphic disorder...it's what I have. I think you might want to see a psychiatrist...maybe some therapy or antidepressants might help. It's what I did, and it's getting better for me.

Good luck!

:)

And Asian parents are usually more critical when it comes to weight...I've seen people call their clearly underweight children fat before. It does not reflect reality, as most Asians have this expectation that their daughters be STICK skinny and borderline anorexic.

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You're not alone in this. I just want you to know that, because sometimes just KNOWING that there are others like you makes it a little better.

Oh and yeah, 115 is overweight at all, well depending on your height, but I'm betting you're not 4'5" :D

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AHH I feel like a loser. I went out today with my friends and I couldn't help but think about my face the whole time. I always do this when I go out with my friends who all have perfect skin. I'm so envious of them, its pathetic really. I could tell that my negative energy started rubbing off on them so by the end of the day it was just full of awkward silences.

I know I'm really selfish for ruining the night for being so concerned and vain but I dont know how to stop. It has become so natural that I do it on a daily basis...scrunitizing myself...gahh lol

sorry for the rant just wanted to vent my own frustration about myself.

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AHH I feel like a loser. I went out today with my friends and I couldn't help but think about my face the whole time. I always do this when I go out with my friends who all have perfect skin. I'm so envious of them, its pathetic really. I could tell that my negative energy started rubbing off on them so by the end of the day it was just full of awkward silences.

I know I'm really selfish for ruining the night for being so concerned and vain but I dont know how to stop. It has become so natural that I do it on a daily basis...scrunitizing myself...gahh lol

sorry for the rant just wanted to vent my own frustration about myself.

Same here!.. and I never expected that I would come across here something that is very similar to my experience. I dont know how powerful my negative energy is rubbing off my friends, and I discovered that my friends usually laugh about my jokes that is directed towards me,or the one that scrutinize myself or making me look stupid,putting myself down constantly.

I remember one friend told me that I should have confidence in myself and stop putting myself down.

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