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Elsewhere

CONCERNING "AM I ATTRACTIVE" THREADS

I have noticed an increase in the number of threads asking people to please rate them in attractiveness, and I have also noticed an increase in the number of flippant and mean replies. I would like to remind people that this is "Acne.org" - This is board that provides support for acne sufferers. All acne sufferers. There is no sign on the front page that says "ONLY FOR THOSE WITH REAL/SEVERE/PERSISTENT/WHATEVER ACNE."

It simply says "ACNE.ORG." Some of us do have very mild acne, and as such, "should" not be affected as much as those who have moderate or severe acne. Unfortunatly, human pain, insecurity, fear, and upset isn't limited to what others think we "should" or "shouldn't" feel. I'm sure all of you have run into this in your own life at some point or another and have been frustrated with it yourselves.

I know it can get frustrating for some of us to feel like people are fishing for compliments, but let's be honest, why are any of us here to begin with? Because we are having problems with the way we look. All of us. None of us would be here if we weren't at least a little insecure about what is going on with our bodies, and I would ask each of you to please respect that in others and respond with kindness. If you find you are having a bad day (and that's okay, all of us have those, even me) then I would ask you to simply move on to the next thread until you can respond with support and care.

We are a community here, and I think a rather damn good one. I'm very proud of the people and the family that we've developed here, and I think that's worth treating with respect.

Thank you all for listening and please, keep sharing - we are listening. :wub:

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Hi Elsewhere! I'm sorry if my post came off as offensive, it just seems like there is a new "AM I ATTRACTIVE" thread popping up everyday. :confused:

The only thing that bothers me is that all of the people who have posted these threads are all very attractive.

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lol - don't worry about your thread, WWMe, I thought it was funny. :lol: I know that they are popping up quite a bit right now, but that happens, especially around the holidays. It seems that holidays and back to school prompt these kinds of threads because after all, they're times when people really do worry about how they look.

And I know it's hard sometimes when people who look bueatiful ask if they are - but people don't always KNOW that they are bueatiful. In fact, I've found most of them don't. What looks like fishing to us is usually, 9 times out of 10, actual, honest to god insecurity.

While I cannot relate to being bueatiful, I CAN understand insecurity, so when that comes up, that is where I try to approach from inside of myself. That's the place I go to in order to respond to because bueatiful or not, rich or poor, insane or perfectly stable - we can all relate to insecurity on some level or another.

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I kind of feel the same way. It seems like people are just posting "Am I attractive" threads to basically fish for compliments, and most of them are undeniably attractive to an extent. Of course someone is going to say they are attractive, who would have the heart to say "no your are freaking ugly?". I don't see any truly "ugly" people posting and asking if they are attractive, because they are the ones who really need a confidence boost. I ask myself "am I attractive" every single day when I look in the mirror, but I don't post it on this site just to feel good about myself.

Elsewhere, I do think you are quite right about the issue of severity on this site. I hate when people say "You have no acne compared to me, go take a look at the severe forum". Just because my acne isn't severe, it's still there, and I want to do everything I can to get rid of it.

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I know that this is not hotornot, or Myspace - but what brings us together is a single and very common thread of each of us wondering about the way we look, no matter how attractive we may THINK they are.

See, that's it - we don't get to live in other people's heads. We don't get to decide if THEY think they are pretty. We don't get to decide that they should feel bueatiful.

Just as someone else does NOT have the right to tell me what I should think about myself, I don't have the right to tell someone else that they have no buiseness ever feeling down about themselves.

They are the ones who decide that on their own, and the only way people DO decide that is with encouragement, help, care.

And it's all a matter of severity - when you try to approach it from that place inside of you, it gets easier to find the compassionate response. It really does - that's how I've been doing it for three and a half years now. So I've mild acne, and someone else has cystic acne. So what? So I've got buck teeth and someone else has perfect teeth. So what?

It's okay for even the most sure person in the entire universe to doubt themselves once in a while - and if it's okay for them, then surely it's okay for the rest of us?

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:confused:

I hope it wasnt my post that instigated this?

I believe I did post a "pre-apology" if I offended anyone or seemed mean.

honestly, i was answering his question with support, with total "emotional & psychological" honesty about what he's thinking, what he can do about it, who he can look to, if not himself?

I was giving advice outside of acne, because his question was in general about how he looks all in all.

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Don't worry, it wasn't any one person's particular response, it's just that there are times when EMO goes through phases and sometimes we need to be reminded of how carefully we need to tread. Humans are suprisingly fragile creatures, and we all forget that sometimes.

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it's good you made this thread elsewhere, because i think i might said something stupid otherwise. I mean, there really are loads of these kind of threads now....

i asked this before and i will ask it again EW. Are you some kind of supernatural spirit which guides all our souls? You should know that if i am being ganged up on, i want you fighting in my corner

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lol - http://www.acne.org/messageboard/ATTRACTIV...20&start=20

There is proof that I am far from a supernaturual spirit here to guide souls who have lost their way, proof positive that can be entombed for generations of Acneorger's to come.

When the point can be made in kindness, though, it is better, the intentions of those who respond are clearer, and those who need help become less afraid to ask for it. While I do know how to rule with an iron fist, I prefer silk gloves. :lol: But thank you for the compliment, Fido, I really do appreciate it.

And there have been alot of those threads coming up lately, I really think it's the holidays. Come back to school, there will be another rash. Certain topics and threads come and go like seasons here, I could set a watch by them. This is one of them.

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Good thread else! I don't come to the emo boards that often, but sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming. You made an amazing point though. No matter how mild or severe a person's acne is, everyone here has self-esteem issues to an extent. Or formerly have. Around the holiday's is especially hard because of all the cameras and also people seeing you who might have not seen you since this time last year. I get that.

I just wanted to say that I've never seen an ugly person on this site. There are so many gorgeous people on here, it's unbelievable. <3

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whats the harm if someone is having a bad day and just wants a confidence boost.

they're not hurting anyone on here, and if you dont agree with it then just dont say anything and be on your way.

why would you want to bring someone down and make them feel bad for looking for support.

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it is my belief that you are posting an 'am I hot or not' at your own risk. I think people do it here because this is an acne site and they may do it for the easy compliments. It's great if they can get some satisfaction of having random people tell them they are good looking, but they are asking a question. If they get hurt when someone doesn't tell them what they want to hear then how can you blame the person who gave their opinion? I'm all for not hurting people's feelings but this stuff gets ridiculous. Most of the people who do it know they're good looking, but still need positive reaffirmation to cater to their irrational insecurities. I can understand how wave upon wave of these threads can annoy some on here. It irks me too.

and thanks Teressa, but I was just jokingly giving into the 'am I hawt?' craze :razz:

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It is at your own risk, mostly because mods can't be everywhere and take down every cruel post that we find.

Just try to remember how you feel on your worst days, Weegee, and then think about how you'd feel if someone said you were being stupid for feeling bad.

If that would make you feel worse in any way, then I think you have the answer to how one should respond.

On a more personal note: I have been here for years, and I have seen the same types of posts come up hundreds, if not thousands, of times. And yet, somehow, people manage to be kind and supportive, time and time and time again, no matter how many times the same questions have been asked. For you and me, Weeg, having been around for some time, we see these posts and think "Again?" But for many members, this is their first time here. They haven't seen these posts yet, they haven't gotten to the point where they see it all.

For the newcomers, if nothing else, we must act in a compassionate manner, or else none of us would have ever gotten any help when we got here.

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Just try to remember how you feel on your worst days, Weegee, and then think about how you'd feel if someone said you were being stupid for feeling bad.

If that would make you feel worse in any way, then I think you have the answer to how one should respond.

On a more personal note: I have been here for years, and I have seen the same types of posts come up hundreds, if not thousands, of times. And yet, somehow, people manage to be kind and supportive, time and time and time again, no matter how many times the same questions have been asked. For you and me, Weeg, having been around for some time, we see these posts and think "Again?" But for many members, this is their first time here. They haven't seen these posts yet, they haven't gotten to the point where they see it all..

yes, I have been there before (feeling bad) about my skin. I don't think I ever purposely looked for positive attention when those feelings were occurring, just because it seems foreign to me.

But I do understand that I've been here long, - maybe far too long, so I'm more prone to being irked about this stuff :razz:

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Great Post Elsewhere!

I think if anyone makes one of these attractie or not posts than they aboviously have self-esteem issues and it's just mean to make these issues even worse. I do have to say I think its a bit funny tho when people who make the posts put up pictures of them posing like models :-* . I Mean no ones gonna put a bad picture of themselves on an "Attractive or Not" post...

In conclusion I agree its alright to be a little irked by these posts but don't think its acceptable to be harsh or mean to someone who needs a confidence boost :D

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I know I'm one of the people who caused this thread. And although I am not sorry for speaking my mind, I AM sorry for saying something negative to a fellow acne sufferer, because...human beings are fragile, especially if they are insecure (and then have someone CONFIRM it for them).

Thanks for the wake up call! This inspires me to be nicer in real life too.

=) gosh I love this site. AND THANK YOU FOR TAKING BACK THE SUSPENSION!! w00t!

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Well, the general consensus of the other mods, and myself once I started listening to reason, that overall those kinds of threads really do more harm than good, and we'll be moving them to our off-topic forum when we can. You folks are right, this is not Myspace, this is not hotornot. You guys were right that it can often be a source of worse insecurity for those with more severe acne.

I'm still going to be Emo's defender, but I'm going to try and be less psychotic about it. Sorry for being such a bitch about it, guys. :doh: And you're welcome, =D, I was totally off track with the way I handled that. I really appreciate you being so nice about it.

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