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mrs cowell

When you stay over at a new boyfriend's house.....

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aren't you scared to wash the foundation/powder off of your face? this thought is so terrifying for me...:-/ i guess going to the solarium should help

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well, I've only had one bf (we're still going out) but I tried to get to know him the most I could at the time and ever since then, I've trusted him everyday even more, so I think you need to believe in yourself and how beautiful you are and then you'll be able to feel free and secure and confident about your skin, many men don't notice acne, so don't worry about that, if he says something disgusting like "ew" kick him in the balls (Ive never done that, but it sure would work relieve your anger :D ), good luck!

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I remember the first time I stayed over at my boyfriend's house, I didn't have any makeup, face wash, toothbrush etc. as I hadn't expected to be staying for the night (it got so late that I missed the last bus home and had no choice but to stay until the next day). When I realised it was too late to go home and that I'd be waking up in the morning without having even had the chance to wash off my makeup I really did feel sick to my stomach, as dramatic as it may sound. But you know, if someone truly likes you then them seeing you makeupless or at less than your best shouldn't affect their feelings for you. I can empathise with how scary it can be to let that 'mask' slip for the first time though.

After bringing up (in a somewhat jokey way) how insecure I can feel about my face, especially when I don't get the chance to wash before bed or do my little routines in the morning, my boyfriend told me that if he was bothered by my appearance in that way then I should dump him anyway, and, he had a point. He regularly stays over at my house on the weekend now and has seen me without makeup plenty of times, and we're still happily together despite how shit I think I must look. I'm sure it will become less of an issue for you also than you might think. I believe too, that the more you get to know someone, the less appearances matter anyway. I still don't feel fully comfortable letting him see me first thing when I wake up, obviously, but what we have runs far deeper than just physical attraction and when you like someone for their company and their personality, you really don't mind whether they look a little rough or not, in my opinion, and you gradually start to feel more comfortable with being around them as time goes on.

Perhaps it might help you to slowly start wearing less makeup when you're around him, rather than suddenly shifting to none at all? Alternatively, there are some mineral makeups out there that claim to be suitable for sleeping in, and whilst I'm sure washing it off beforehand regardless of whether it claims to be alright to sleep in is always the better option, at least if you really felt uncomfortable going bare-faced for the first couple of nights, you could at least feel a little less like you're causing harm to your skin by switching to a more skin-friendly brand. But really, try to have confidence in yourself and remember that he should like you for who you are internally and if the relationship has any basis at all beyond physical attraction, then your boyfriend seeing you without foundation isn't going to change the way he feels about you, if he's worth a scrap of your time. If it's really worrying you, maybe talking to him about it may help. I'm sure he would reassure you that he's not at all bothered whether you wear makeup or not, and like intox said... decent guys really don't care as much as we think they do about our skin. In fact, most would just be happy enough to have a girl staying over in the first place I'm sure.

Good luck!

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I remember the first time I stayed over at my boyfriend's house, I didn't have any makeup, face wash, toothbrush etc. as I hadn't expected to be staying for the night (it got so late that I missed the last bus home and had no choice but to stay until the next day). When I realised it was too late to go home and that I'd be waking up in the morning without having even had the chance to wash off my makeup I really did feel sick to my stomach, as dramatic as it may sound. But you know, if someone truly likes you then them seeing you makeupless or at less than your best shouldn't affect their feelings for you. I can empathise with how scary it can be to let that 'mask' slip for the first time though.

After bringing up (in a somewhat jokey way) how insecure I can feel about my face, especially when I don't get the chance to wash before bed or do my little routines in the morning, my boyfriend told me that if he was bothered by my appearance in that way then I should dump him anyway, and, he had a point. He regularly stays over at my house on the weekend now and has seen me without makeup plenty of times, and we're still happily together despite how shit I think I must look. I'm sure it will become less of an issue for you also than you might think. I believe too, that the more you get to know someone, the less appearances matter anyway. I still don't feel fully comfortable letting him see me first thing when I wake up, obviously, but what we have runs far deeper than just physical attraction and when you like someone for their company and their personality, you really don't mind whether they look a little rough or not, in my opinion, and you gradually start to feel more comfortable with being around them as time goes on.

Perhaps it might help you to slowly start wearing less makeup when you're around him, rather than suddenly shifting to none at all? Alternatively, there are some mineral makeups out there that claim to be suitable for sleeping in, and whilst I'm sure washing it off beforehand regardless of whether it claims to be alright to sleep in is always the better option, at least if you really felt uncomfortable going bare-faced for the first couple of nights, you could at least feel a little less like you're causing harm to your skin by switching to a more skin-friendly brand. But really, try to have confidence in yourself and remember that he should like you for who you are internally and if the relationship has any basis at all beyond physical attraction, then your boyfriend seeing you without foundation isn't going to change the way he feels about you, if he's worth a scrap of your time. If it's really worrying you, maybe talking to him about it may help. I'm sure he would reassure you that he's not at all bothered whether you wear makeup or not, and like intox said... decent guys really don't care as much as we think they do about our skin. In fact, most would just be happy enough to have a girl staying over in the first place I'm sure.

Good luck!

thanks for the long and generous reply (= both of you!

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The first time washing your face in front of a new guy is certainly tough, but as sixfeetunder said, if they are worth even a grain of your time they won't mind your skin.

When I first had the problem of feeling really self-conscious about my skin in front of my guy, I finally just ended up being honest with him and letting him know how much my skin bugged me. So I ended up washing my face and then standing there in front of him indignantly as if to say, "go ahead...cringe and tell me how bad it looks or try and give me those fake 'kind words'", expecting him to do just that, but instead he laughed and hugged me and told me I was crazy for thinking that would change his opinion of me...then tried to kiss my face. Tsk, I still won't let him do that even though he tries to every time I complain about my acne or scars. He was an absolute doll about it, though, and I thank him everyday for what he did. And I don't think I'm the only one that similar things have happened to...I think that most guys do think like that, we just refuse to see it that way.

Once you realize that the person will still adore you no matter your skin condition is, it's really a healing process from there.

Good luck with your guy! ;D

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When I finally got comfortable enough to consider being intimate with my boyfriend, I slapped the acne issue on the table up front. I let him know I had it worse than it looked (wore a lot of make-up then) and told him if he decided to kick me to the curb because of my acne, I'd have to kill him. We've been together 3 years now. :D Threaten him. It might work.

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haha yes taking off your makeup is definitely a hard thing! just act like it doesnt bother you and it wont bother him! or if you are REALLLLLY self conscious... after washing your face, dab on a bit of concealer on the really red spots and work up to a completely bare face. hahaha or just wear cute underwear and bra to bed and he wont be looking at your face! :angel:

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i would not mind at all. As funny as it sounds, i feel like i would get to really know a girl better if i was in that situation, and appreciate it

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When I finally got comfortable enough to consider being intimate with my boyfriend, I slapped the acne issue on the table up front. I let him know I had it worse than it looked (wore a lot of make-up then) and told him if he decided to kick me to the curb because of my acne, I'd have to kill him. We've been together 3 years now. :D Threaten him. It might work.

Brilliant! :D

mrs cowell, I think every girl, acne or no acne, if they were make up is nervous the first time a guy sees em without. I was fortunate that my skin was quite clear when I first met my current boyfriend but I broke out bad a couple of months in, when we still quite new and I just said it to him straight "im quite insecure about my skin, I hate you seeing it like this"

Straight forward honesty is sometimes the best policy, but if your skin is particularly bad one night, or your just feeling pretty insercure, then wash the face and put a light bit of powder on, maybe a mineral one as suggested, it cant do too much damage for one night. :)

and remember we tend to see our own skin worse than anyone else does so chances are he'll still think your gorgous! :D

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well, I've only had one bf (we're still going out) but I tried to get to know him the most I could at the time and ever since then, I've trusted him everyday even more, so I think you need to believe in yourself and how beautiful you are and then you'll be able to feel free and secure and confident about your skin, many men don't notice acne, so don't worry about that, if he says something disgusting like "ew" kick him in the balls (Ive never done that, but it sure would work relieve your anger :D ), good luck!

Don't do that. That shstuff hurts, :shock: you girls don't even know. You can punch him in the face though. :wacko:

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Trust me, I've been there and know it can be stressful. My savior is benzoyl peroxide, it's thick and white and looks so much better then big red zits. It's funny, I have no problem walking around with white cream all over my face but I couldn't do it with just the pimples showing. Also, I usually have some eyeliner still on after I wash my face, which helps take the focus off my skin.

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It doesn't necessarily help if you never let him see you without makeup anyway.

The last guy I was seeing NEVER saw me without makeup or when my skin was doing badly and he dumped me for his bitchy, overweight roommate that he saw without makeup almost everyday (her skin wasn't too perfect for a long time, either).

At first, I actually thought he dumped me because of my skin but I realize now that it was because I never let him see me. I let him see what I thought was a better version of me, even though I probably just seemed like a sex-crazed, personality-less bimbo who wore makeup ALL THE TIME. Guys sleep with girls like that, but they don't stay with them.

Don't try to be perfect; just be you. If he really likes you, that's all that will matter. <3

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Seriously, if i was going out with a woman i wouldn't notice or care if they had acne. just be confident about yourself, don't let acne ruin your life, you only live once.

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It doesn't necessarily help if you never let him see you without makeup anyway.

The last guy I was seeing NEVER saw me without makeup or when my skin was doing badly and he dumped me for his bitchy, overweight roommate that he saw without makeup almost everyday (her skin wasn't too perfect for a long time, either).

At first, I actually thought he dumped me because of my skin but I realize now that it was because I never let him see me. I let him see what I thought was a better version of me, even though I probably just seemed like a sex-crazed, personality-less bimbo who wore makeup ALL THE TIME. Guys sleep with girls like that, but they don't stay with them.

Don't try to be perfect; just be you. If he really likes you, that's all that will matter. <3

Self confidence sends out STRONG vibes. You may think this girl is a bimbo (and she may be or perhaps she reminds him of his mother - some guys go for that!), but more often than not if a guy or gal gets vibes that the significant other isn't being honest, no matter the sense, and then has a tantalizing piece of self confident potential placed in front of him/her...well...I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

Oh gosh, I hope you don't construe this as putting you down because that's not what I'm aiming to do. I'm trying to shed a little experienced light on the subject, that's all. You can be the sweetest girlfriend a guy has ever had, but holding back. That's what I'm getting at.

Make-up is a mask. It's an obvious cover-up for insecurity. It's better to voice the insecurity and keep the make-up on rather than act like there's not an issue whatsoever. Guys aren't stupid. They know we ladies aren't born with a face smeared with concealer. They know it's unnatural for us to go to bed with it on unless we're intoxicated...so it's obviously a red flag. If waking at the same time, they know it's physically impossible to have make-up on in the morning!

The make-up isn't the only thing. There are other insecurity clues that accompany the constant make-up wearing like avoiding pictures, putting oneself down all the time, cancelling dates while coming up with lame excuses, and so on. It's a package. That's why self confidence is SO IMPORTANT! Like I said, I know it's hard to actually take this sort of advice. I've been there! But eventually you come to realize that it's crucial to have self love and self worth in order to have a healthy relationship with a romantic partner. After all, you can not count on someone else to love you if you do not love yourself first. That is one of the top ten cliche remarks to make and for good reason. It's 100% true when it comes to romantic relationships.

I'm sorry this was long, and I'm genuinely sorry if I offended you or anyone else, but it needed to be said.

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Trust me, I've been there and know it can be stressful. My savior is benzoyl peroxide, it's thick and white and looks so much better then big red zits. It's funny, I have no problem walking around with white cream all over my face but I couldn't do it with just the pimples showing. Also, I usually have some eyeliner still on after I wash my face, which helps take the focus off my skin.

haha i used to do that too! only with calamine lotion.

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Self confidence sends out STRONG vibes. You may think this girl is a bimbo (and she may be or perhaps she reminds him of his mother - some guys go for that!), but more often than not if a guy or gal gets vibes that the significant other isn't being honest, no matter the sense, and then has a tantalizing piece of self confident potential placed in front of him/her...well...I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

Oh gosh, I hope you don't construe this as putting you down because that's not what I'm aiming to do. I'm trying to shed a little experienced light on the subject, that's all. You can be the sweetest girlfriend a guy has ever had, but holding back. That's what I'm getting at.

Make-up is a mask. It's an obvious cover-up for insecurity. It's better to voice the insecurity and keep the make-up on rather than act like there's not an issue whatsoever. Guys aren't stupid. They know we ladies aren't born with a face smeared with concealer. They know it's unnatural for us to go to bed with it on unless we're intoxicated...so it's obviously a red flag. If waking at the same time, they know it's physically impossible to have make-up on in the morning!

The make-up isn't the only thing. There are other insecurity clues that accompany the constant make-up wearing like avoiding pictures, putting oneself down all the time, cancelling dates while coming up with lame excuses, and so on. It's a package. That's why self confidence is SO IMPORTANT! Like I said, I know it's hard to actually take this sort of advice. I've been there! But eventually you come to realize that it's crucial to have self love and self worth in order to have a healthy relationship with a romantic partner. After all, you can not count on someone else to love you if you do not love yourself first. That is one of the top ten cliche remarks to make and for good reason. It's 100% true when it comes to romantic relationships.

I'm sorry this was long, and I'm genuinely sorry if I offended you or anyone else, but it needed to be said.

Huh? I didn't say the OP was a bimbo. I said I must have seemed like a bimbo to my ex.

The rest of your post made sense, though.

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I read your post thinking your ex left you for a pimpled bimbo, not referring to the OP. Now that I've reread it I see you didn't say anything like that! Oi...sorry about that. :redface:

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lol....sometimes i pretend to wash my face, i'd wash my eyeliner off, and splash a bit of water on my nose, and forehead. But my cheeks are the parts with red marks and pimples, and i just keep the mineral makeup on them. Bad i know, but honestly, i haven't worked up enough courage yet to let him see.

With my ex bf though, he was with me when I had clear skin and no makeup, so when i started breaking out, i didn't care if he saw me w/o makeup.

i cannot wait for the day i can go out with no makeup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I've had a few boyfriends and my fair share of related no-makeup anxieties and I thought I'd share one of my stories...

I now have very mild acne but when I was younger (I'm now 22) it was a lot worse. I had to wear a lot more foundation and looked really crappy without it! I started going out with this guy (who happens to be the love of my life... but we broke up because I moved to the UK) when I was 13 right until I was 17. Since our parents were quite strict we never did sleepovers throughout those years and he hardly ever saw me without makeup.

He had *perfect* flawless skin. Better than any guy I know in my life. Perfect face and body and a lovely personality. I'm not bragging or anything but he was a reasonably well-known model in Hong Kong and was on TV and magazines and stuff quite a lot at the time. Needless to say, I felt downright SH*T about my skin and everything when I was with him.

Then somehow in winter 2003 we managed to spend a week together just the two of us in a hotel and as much as I was looking forward to it, I dreaded the fact that I finally had to unveil my mask and show him the real me after all those years. It was a scary thought... The first night I washed my face and showed him my face without any makeup. I even asked him if he thought I looked disgusting. You're not gonna believe this but he was sooo happy!!! He genuinely thought I looked better without makeup (which was *not* true!!!! He was genuine though so I think he probably just hated people with makeup) and couldn't wait to kiss my face!!! I was so relieved... It was beyond words.

I'm very lucky that my current boyfriend is also very understanding and uncritical of my flaws. However I totally sympathize with anyone who feels uncomfortable about facing their new boyfriend sans makeup!! But let me reassure you - I know so many girls with great skin who are just as insecure about their looks without makeup and who would not take their eye-makeup off (or even colour contacts!!!!) at their boyfriends'....

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