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I can't stop thinking about it... I don't get it why do I want to throw my life away? Theres nothing wrong with me, my skin is clear... I'm smart.. yeah I struggle with my weight but I'm not obesse... I'm only 17 I have my whole life ahead of me why do I want to throw it all away? Im so upset I think about it everyday I look up suicide methods on the computer, I try and figure out plans for my act... why would someone who has everything going for them want to do this? What should I do, I've felt like this for almost 5 years of my life... is it because of my past being physically and mentally abused? even though I don't even think about it anymore/let it affect me anymore, and nor does it occur anymore. Im just so lost and confused I just want to know what I should do...

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I really can't answer why you want to end your life - no one can, only you.

I know life may be rough, but deal with it. Find something to live for.

Please feel better :]

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Think about it like this...if you end your life you won't get another one. I don't want to sound harsh because I am a very caring person (especially on a matter of life and death) but I mean when I think about life I think 'hell ya got one shot to be happy, after that its done." I don't believe in an afterlife so life is my only option ya know. I think the best thing you can do is find what makes you happy. There is no simple definition for happiness, I know. Happiness is happiness. You can't say 'I'm going to be a doctor and I will be happy." It doesn't work like that, because the one day you wake up and go 'fuck I have to go to work" you aren't truly happy. I know how hard it is to get out of a depressive state (probably not as severe..but I can relate); you will get out of it eventually. Anything that can bring up your mood, use it to your advantage. Personally I use music. Reggae works well for me because its so positive and I can relate to a lot of the words and stuff in it. Perhaps you are just not experiencing enough of the things that make LIFE great, its life. When I say life I mean the act of living. Not society. Society sucks, human controlled 'life' sucks. When people say 'life is hard' what they mean is 'living in society is hard.' Life is easy, and it is amazingly wonderful. It never ceases to amaze me when I walk down a mountain trail and look at all the trees, birds, animals and stuff that they are all moving about naturally, just so smoothly and fluidly living. Life is great. The ability to live and to experience things is so astounding to me, it's the greatest gift anyone could have. Because without life what do we have? To be able to perceive things, think about things, touch, smell, feel, love...things in their purest form, without some tainted view on things by other peoples opinions..is wonderful. That is what living in Hawaii taught me. To walk around in Hawaii and see the birds, the exotic plants and see how beautiful life is when it has not been tainted by society enlightened me.

I'd say that this the most serious decision you will ever make in your life (obviously if you're choosing whether to live or not), so it should not be taken lightly. What I mean when I say that is, if you are seriously considering this, you need to take a break completely. You may fall behind in school or work or whatever but if thats what it takes to find happiness or at least hope for your life then it is worth it. Unless you absolutely hate nature, my completely honest suggestion would be to take a week or so and just go camping somewhere without anybody else (even though its fucking freezing out) and spend some time in solitude. Truly think about things, go on a few hikes, interact with nature and see how beautiful life is when outside problems are not present. Bring some positive music, sit out at night (bring lots of blankets) and look at the stars. You may not think it sounds like much but trust me, it really is extraordinary.

Don't throw your life away, go and find the inspiration to live. If you sit around and think about it you may just dig yourself deeper into this hole you're in.

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I doubt anyone here is qualified to give you much help. I HIGHLY recommend you see a mental health professional immediately. It could save your life. Really, I cannot tell you that enough...SEE A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. They won't lock you up or anything like that, they will help you get through this troubling time in your life. In the meantime I suggest you read this page SLOWLY and in its ENTIRETY.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

If you don't feel you can talk to anyone, please call 1-800-SUICIDE.

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I also just noticed that you are on Accutane. Suicidal feelings and depression are KNOWN side effects of Accutane, from what you have said, I think it is safe to say that it is Accutane that is causing these feelings, not you. Either stop taking Accutane, or keep in your mind the idea that as soon as you stop taking the drug, these horrible feelings will disappear.

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I agree that if you are feeling suicidal daily that perhaps medication/talking to a professional can help to regain your positive outlook on life. I think by posting on this forum it is clear you are in a lot of pain but WANT help and dont really want to die.

I have been cycling between mild depression and suicidal depression for almost ten years now and I am even going through another terrible depressive episode as we speak. But what I realized the last suicide attempt was that I DO NOT in fact want to die but really I just want to end the suffering and death seems like the only viable option. I believe most suicidal people do not essentially want to die but feel it is the only escape from the hopelessness/worthlessness/guilt or whichever negative emotion that conquers their mind.

For me I know there is an emptiness inside of me - a void. Nothing in the world can fill it for me, for I have tried. I seek spiritual truth and connection to something greater to help fill this void. That is what I am working on now. The reason why I mention this is to encourage you to find that voice inside of you that loves yourself and loves life. NO matter how subtle the voice may seem now, keep listening to it and it will get stronger.

Feeling the way you do is very hard to deal with and I can empathize with you.

I hope that made sense and helped in any way. DONT GIVE UP you have a friend here

Accutane does not cause suicidal thoughts lol.
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Hey guys this is serious.

Dear vogue,

Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.

I have super high hopes for your future. Know why? Cuz when you find happiness, however simple and meager it may be, you will be the happiest girl in the world. You will treasure life in ways most people cannot imagine. You will know joys in life and see what it truly offers. Yes, it sounds odd since at this moment you wish to throw your life away but I am 100% certain that because of the defeats you have endured you will reach the stars. Your paradigm of life is at this moment forming to become a wonderful thing.

I am actually jealous of you. I want to know what you know. Then maybe I can truly learn what is important in life and never take things for granted.

I always say that it is better to die than live 99% heartedly! you are only truly living at 100% heart!

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You need to seek out professional help. As much as everyone on this forum would like to help and encourage you, we simply don't have the skills and experience to deal with such a serious issue.

As you say yourself, you are confused. You have a lot to look forward to but you are having a tough time kicking negative thoughts out of your head.

Stop looking up suicide on the computer and seek out professional care as soon as you can. Having a professional to talk to to will help you sort out your thoughts and any issues you might be having with medication you are taking. A professional will help get you back on the right track.

Best of luck, stay positive.

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Really good advice in this thread.

Hang in there ohtokyovogue. You're more important than you could possibly imagine. And these feelings you have? They're only temporary and will pass in time. They will, I promise you. Stay with us.

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Your life, no matter what has gone on in it, is ALWAYS worth living.

I also highly recommend seeing a professional and talking about your feelings. With abuse in your past, you seem to have some baggage to let go of, because even if you don't think about it it's still there. There also might be some medication that will make you feel better.

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Thank you to everyone, it means a lot that what each of you had to say. This could possibly be from the accutane... also I tend to get very depressed and down this time of year. I do see a physc doc and a social worker so next time I see them I will mention my issues to them. Even though you guys aren't professionals I still think what you all said really inspired me and gave me hope. Depressive and suicidal thoughts are very hard to deal with. But I just need to have hope hold on to it, and remind myself that this is only temp and things will get better. My mom always tells me that you must work hard to have good things. I have to work hard through these feelings, through everything. I can't give up its not an option. One day I'll look back on all of this, and realize that I gained a lot of strength through all these struggles within myself. Thanks again everyone

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Toyko, as a survivor of childhood abuse, I can say yes, that definately color even the happiest of times in your life to a shade so dark that you can't see the light right in front you. Have you ever gotten help for the abuse? It's so easy to think "It's over now, and look at everything I have today! Why should it bother me?" but it does, and that's naturaul, normal, and understandable.

We do not move past things by brushing them aside, we move past things by moving *through* them. Meaning we dive into the issues, get utterly covered in them, and learn how to find our way out.

I, too, also think you should talk to a therapist, perhaps even one in school. Suicidal thoughts are not something to be taken lightly, so please don't feel like you would ever be imposing on someone if you went and talked to them about it. Social workers are often wonderful resources when having these issues, I'm glad you are going to use them!

Every life lost diminishes us, and especially to the community that we have here. If you were to die tommorow, that would be one less person for the next member to relate to, to hear that they are not alone.

Please keep talking to us. Don't stop talking to us.

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Accutane does not cause suicidal thoughts lol.

What a Fu**ing Idiot. Please Please do some research before you start making obsene accusations. That is absolutely ridiculous of you to say. Of course Accutane causes depression and suicidal thoughts. What the hell is wrong with you?

http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/2001/201_acne.html

read under the title

Possible Psychiatric Link

and then think before you say stupid sh*t!

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Okay guys, Tokoyo needs the support.

Accutane DOES list depression as a side effect. We'll leave it at that, and leave any arguing for another thread that does not currently have it's original poster in such a fragile state to begin with.

Please. I'm asking you all personally for this. Please.

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The last two years I had felt the same way. I would try to think of ways I could leave life 'painlessly' so that I wouldn't have to go through it anymore. And there would be other times where I wished that I hadn't been born. I was so confused with everything; like why we even existed, what was the point, etc. And I would spends hours of my day just trying to figure out where I was heading, and what my purpose even was.

But for some reason, this year...or really it was the past few months, something just sort of clicked.

I realized that I'm gifted enough not to HAVE any reason to think of suicidal thoughts, or wish that I was never born, when there are millions out there with more reasons than they can count on their fingers. I mean, I had a few reasons to be depressed sometimes; but generally, my life was not as terrible as it really could be. If I have no reason, then why should I spend all my time thinking about it? I don't know, that question itself just sort of jumpstarted me again...since then I've been out of the whole depression slump.

I still get depressed though, from time to time...but remembering that thought gets me out of it.

And actually, something else that's wierd - I used to listen to music...like a drug. Especially screamo.

I felt like listening to screamo was almost like me expressing how I felt, without me doing all the 'screaming.' Hahaha. But I haven't listened to much music, especially not screamo and all that in....months. It's crazy. Just out of nowhere I stopped listening to music as much as I did before, and stopped caring SO much about it. I realize now that was a big factor in making me so sad all the time. I can't really explain it.

But anyway -

even though life seems pointless right now, remember...we're still young.

Time will tell. So just wait it out and see.

I don't know if I helped, but I can only hope. :/

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Well, I can't say to much that hasn't already been said, but if you check out my myspace page

*Moderator edit, URL removed - read the board rules. * I have a blog titled Happiness According to Dr. Dru. I will also say that if you go on medication, try taking a break every few months to see if you still need them.............And your hot.

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This thread is eight months old.

And it is now closed.

Ohtokyovogue, if you're still having suicidal thoughts, please check with a counselor on this issue. While you may voice various issues at the Emotional And Psychological Effects Of Acne forum, we strongly feel this is not a suitable place to share suicidal thoughts with other members. I strongly encourage you to seek a professional assistance on this matter.

Information about professional assistance can be found here:

http://www.acne.org/messageboard/resources...clai-t16184.htm

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