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wishfulthinkin

if I have to live with acne for the rest of my life...I don't want to live anymore!

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I am soooooo tired of this! Acne first appeared on my face at about age 15 or so. I handled it like any insecure teenage girl would...I hid in my room, avoided social situations etc. I honestly thought that it would just go away one day; that I would just grow out of it or something. Then 20 came and I thought that definetely by the time I hit 30 it would be gone. Afterall, no one else in my family suffers from it. So basically, between the ages of 20 to 30 I've been on many courses of low-dose accutane to keep my acne under control. No one knows that I have an acne problem because I've been so good at hiding it for so long. And I mean no one. Not even my husband or my mother. Sometimes I feel like I'm living a big lie. Like if they only knew what I was really like, they wouldn't want anything to do with me. If I try to talk about it, I usually just get written off right away. They say things like "well that's a silly thing to get so upset about." Easy for them to say. They just don't understand. Anyhow, during the periods in between my accutane courses I break out really badly. Then begins the struggle to find another way to get ahold of more. I shutdown completely. I become absolutely mortified to leave my house because I feel like everyone is staring at the huge welts on my cheeks. I don't even like my husband looking at me. I always try to keep him on my "good side" (whichever side has the least pimples). I just want to stay in my bathroom all day and cry. On top of this I've been battling to quit smoking for years, but my acne causes me so much anxiety that I just can't do it. My lungs hurt every day and I constantly lose my breath. But, I honestly just don't care. So what if I get lung cancer. I'd rather die than deal with this for the rest of my life. I just recently was given another course of accutane from my gp and I'm already dreading coming off of it...what if I can't get it again? What would I do? My whole life would fall apart? I honestly don't know if I'd ever have the guts or heart to do it (I have two beautiful children), but I just don't know if I can live like this for much longer. My acne turns me into a monster that I don't recognize. I constantly daydream about all the things in my life that would change if I could only rid myself of this affliction. Thanks for listening.

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Cry on our shoulder, because we've all been in that position. It's better to release your feelings to others that have experienced the pain that you're in. I still fight with the paranoia and I'm still worried about getting acne again. The only thing I can offer you is comfort. I know everything you're dealing with, and I hate that you have to deal with it. Your family sees your true beauty. Your children look up to you as a wonderful mother. External appearances do not matter to the ones who truly love you. If it helps you any, it sure wouldn't matter to me.

Thanks, you're so sweet!

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I know how you feel, I always hide myself away when I breakout really bad. But maybe Accutane is not right for you, I've even heard the acne can come back worse than before with it. Do a ton of research and figure out an alternative, and that may give you hope. I think there probably is a cure for acne, but it will never be available to us, because acne is worth so much money, all the derms, products, books, etc, just try something different and hopefully we'll stumble upon what works and then share it with everone!

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Hi laceygirl,

I agree with the other posts. It's good that you're venting your frustrations. The thing that worries me is how intense your emotions are towards your acne. Acne really does suck. People that have it to any degree, from the few breakouts to the major, constant breakouts seem to become extra-conscious of what everyone views.

I too have been through the rounds with Accutane, hoping and believing that it would erase my pimples and breakouts for good. It didn't. I've been with people who have told me that I'd "grow out of it" and that my face and scars would get better with time. Still, my face tends to fluctuate in degree and intensity of breakouts.

The truth is, though, that people really don't focus so much on the acne if they are genuine friends (or just decent human beings, period). And honestly, as time has gone by, I have learned to define myself outside of my acne, and I feel great.

Please don't think I'm trying to deny you of your feelings, because I'm not. I acknowledge your feelings and the reality of them, and having been down that road, I'm very sympathetic.

However, I think now would be a good time to make a list of all your good qualities that aren't physical. For one, obviously you have a big heart for those you love, otherwise you wouldn't care what they thought of you. Also, I would seriously consider taking your feelings to someone who's trained to help you along your path in life.

I don't know you, laceygirl, but I can identify with you, and I know that you are considerate, loving, ambitious, and beautiful. You just have to let yourself see it too.

- J.

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I'm a little confused.

You say no one knows you have an acne problem. Do you mean your mental issue with acne? You break out in between treatments. But you are satisfied with your skin when you are on treatment. Why can't you just continue your treatments?

I am also into my 30s and I spent my 20s thinking I would be through with acne by the time I reached this age. No one in my family has acne either. My grandfather who is almost 80 has amazing skin, no wrinkles and I doubt he ever had a pimple.

We have to realize we are unlucky. We are like people with asthma, we have a condition we have to deal with throughout our lives. Get past thinking it will go away. Just accept it, you will feel better. Like asthma we have to do the best we can at managing our condition. You seem to be doing a good job managing your acne, keep it up.

Don't let your break outs get you down. Stop beating yourself up, it's not your fault. Your doing all you can, the rest is out of your control. As a control freak I have a hard time accepting that, but it is what it is. I've done it all and I continue to try but I still break out. My acne is not my fault, it's simply my genetics.

You seem to have a full life with a husband and kids. You can quit smoking and get in better shape. Trade in your smoking addiction for healthier habits like exercise. Working out, whether it be yoga or weightlifting is a great stress reliever.

You are more than a few spots on your face. The only reason why we stress about acne is because we think about it so much. Stop it, ignore your pimples. Strengthen your mind and body, live your life. No more focusing on the negative. Be positive. You have things you want to do and a family that loves you and needs you around for a long time. Just do it, just be the person you want to be. No more thinking, it's time for doing.

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Laceygirl.

I feel your pain and i know exactly what you are going through.

There is only one difference between myself and you. You that what that is? I am deal with my acne and i accept it. You need to do the same.

Accept you have acne, accept there is no cure for it, accept you could have it for the rest of your life. Once you do this you can move on, you can a better life for yourself.

You also need to realise that there are people in this world that are in far worse situations than yourself, myself and any other acne sufferer on here.

There are people who are homeless, people who do not know when there next meal will be, People who are terminally Ill and will die within a few months, people who have lost arms or legs, people who are born with disablities. However these people accept what they have and make a lift for themselves.

This what you need to do. This is what I did. Everytime I feel sorry for myself or acne gets to me i remind myself of the above and you know what? Life ain't so bad. I have a roof over my head, i know when my next meal will be, i go to bed every night warm, i have all of my limbs, I have not illnesses that are threatening to kill me.

After I remind myself of this is life with acne really that bad? No It is not. I have had acne since i was 13, I am now 24. I control my acne but it is still there. I am damned if i let it stop it from living my life. No way, there are too many wonderful things to experience in this life to let it just go by.

I hope this can help you. You have to fight the psycological fight as well as the physical.

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I never usually say things like this on here but frankly your post disgusts me.

How you can even remotley begin to say that you would rather die of lung cancer is beyond me. I appreciate your upset by acne. i am too, believe me I have questioned my existence several times, but to say what you have said is utter nonsense.

I defy anyone who has watched a human being slowley ravaged by cancer to ever wish that disease on their worst enemy let alone themselves!. it makes acne look like a walk in the park, and to even mention that in the same vane as acne is utterly ridiculous.

you need a reality check

You mention you have a husband and children. the level of selfishness to even think dying prematurley when you have a husband and dependants is unbelievable. do you know that some people on this website are so effected by acne mentally and physically that they will NEVER have the fortune to EVER meet anyone they truly love. some people will NEVER get the intimacy of marraige and the closness of long term partnership becasue acne has robbed them of thier confidence to seek it out. you have that richness of life but you dont see it. your blind to how rich you really are.

you have experienced the unconditional love of a child to thier mother and you have a husband who will ask you how your day has been or cheer you up when your feeling down, a family to share your life with. how can you not put this into perspective!??!?

i dont have any of that. i go home to an empty house every night and eat alone every night. im almost 30 and i still have acne. i have nothing left. absolutley nothing. acne has fuked me so badly that i dont have the energy to think about it any more. i just get up, get in my car, do my job and come home again. simple. why cant you just do the same?

put it into perspective. I feel sh1t about acne, but it irritates the living sh1t out of me when people dont realise what they actually have.

good luck with you fight against acne. i hope you beat it. just put it into perspective. you are richer than alot of people on here.

peace

D

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I never usually say things like this on here but frankly your post disgusts me.

How you can even remotley begin to say that you would rather die of lung cancer is beyond me. I appreciate your upset by acne. i am too, believe me I have questioned my existence several times, but to say what you have said is utter nonsense.

I defy anyone who has watched a human being slowley ravaged by cancer to ever wish that disease on their worst enemy let alone themselves!. it makes acne look like a walk in the park, and to even mention that in the same vane as acne is utterly ridiculous.

you need a reality check

You mention you have a husband and children. the level of selfishness to even think dying prematurley when you have a husband and dependants is unbelievable. do you know that some people on this website are so effected by acne mentally and physically that they will NEVER have the fortune to EVER meet anyone they truly love. some people will NEVER get the intimacy of marraige and the closness of long term partnership becasue acne has robbed them of thier confidence to seek it out. you have that richness of life but you dont see it. your blind to how rich you really are.

you have experienced the unconditional love of a child to thier mother and you have a husband who will ask you how your day has been or cheer you up when your feeling down, a family to share your life with. how can you not put this into perspective!??!?

i dont have any of that. i go home to an empty house every night and eat alone every night. im almost 30 and i still have acne. i have nothing left. absolutley nothing. acne has fuked me so badly that i dont have the energy to think about it any more. i just get up, get in my car, do my job and come home again. simple. why cant you just do the same?

put it into perspective. I feel sh1t about acne, but it irritates the living sh1t out of me when people dont realise what they actually have.

good luck with you fight against acne. i hope you beat it. just put it into perspective. you are richer than alot of people on here.

peace

D

I'm sorry. I never meant to "disgust" anyone. I just can't help how I feel. Maybe I should seriously look into getting some psychological help. Thanks for being so honest. And you're right. I am selfish, but I just can't seem to get past it. I look at my children every day and cry b/c I know what I'm doing to them...robbing them of the mother I know I could be.

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By the way, I just wanted to thank everyone for their posts. It's nice to know that all of these people would actually take the time to try to make a complete stranger feel better. It's so nice to be able to let your feelings out anonymously. I feel alittle more encouraged to keep fighting my way back.

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I have to agree with englandfinest. i am a mother of 2....and while I hate acne, and cry and obsesse over it all the time, I would never think of leaving my kids because of it. It's just not an option, it should never be an option.

I understand though that you can't help the way you feel, it is what it is. I think you are right, you need to go talk to a professional, someone that can help you put your life and priorities in order.

And I'm just not sure that all this accutane is good for you...it's a powerful drug and it sounds like you have used it a lot. Sometimes the very things that are meant to help cure acne, actually cause it be worse. I will never take accutane, because ofr me I don't want the health risks that comes with it. I'm not evern comfortabel going on BCP because of hormone imbalance and all that crap.

I even stopped using BP because I felt like it wasn't helping and maybe even hurting.

Try keeping it simple, it could help.

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I understand you completely laceygirl. I am also a mother of two children and i know how much more things i could do with them if i was cleared. But i know my love for them is stronger than my hate for acne. I just try to be strong, but sometimes i have to cancel activities with them because my face looks terrible. Laceygirl maybe accutane is just not right for you anymore and is making you more depressed. Also find a support group to help you quit smoking because that may be making your acne worse.

I don't know what else to say because i am in the same boat. Good luck!

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what other methods to treat acne have you tried? Have you tried Dan's regime? I've had a lot of success with BP and AHA. Of course everyone's skin is different, but there is so much information and reviews on this site, perhaps you can find something that works better for you for the long term than accutaine.

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BEHOLD, THE GREAT WALL OF TEXT

Paragraphs! :) j/k

I understand your pain. Acne is difficult to live with, of course, but listen to yourself. It's not acne so much that's destroying you. It's your mindset, your words, your beliefs.

- You want to quit smoking but you CANT because of ACNE? Your LUNGS hurt everyday and you find it hard to breathe, but you just CANT DO IT?

- You rather DIE and leave your family because you have pimples on your face?

- All day you cry in the bathroom?

-You stack up on accutane, a powerful drug, even though you see little results?

-You worry about what people THINK of you?

Cant you see how all of these things do not benefit you and how ABSURD they sound? Cant you notice that you love to take comfort in SELF-SABATOGE?

You have issues to fix that do not deal with acne. Clearing your skin is NOT going to make life sunshine and rainbows. While you try to fight acne, learn how to live a life confidently with it. That's probably the biggest mistake we acne sufferers make. We dont accept ourselves and try to make the best of our situation. Why choose to be a victim to acne? You do that, and life will unapologetically pass you by.

You may not have clear skin, but focus on what you DO have. For example, you have a great husband and two beautiful children. You have a lot to be happy for.

Acne does suck, yes, but there's alot of truth in "well that's a silly thing to get so upset about."

Live your life.

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cigarette smoke might be causing your acne ! think about it--

whenever someone blows smoke in my face, or exhaust fumes from a bus or something are in my face i always break out

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I don't know really where to start, however

  1. to the people that say "live your life, Acne or no Acne", please do not tell people to live their lives while they have Acne, I think that this is a disaster. I think one should fix the acne first before they do anything, that is what I think - Acne is a
disaster.

If your life were to shut down (because you must fix the acne before you do anything), I think that more people will take Acne seriously. Acne is not a trivial matter, something is horrifically wrong in order for Acne to occur.

If you look up things like: chloracne (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chloracne and http://dermnetnz.org/acne/chloracne.html), starting acne can just be because you get "accidentally" poisoned, and you never recover. Going on what gets said down the bottom of that Wikipedia page, you can get poisoned from contaminated cooking oils and all sorts of things, so it seems like Acne would be hard to get rid of once you have it, due to contamination probably being a common occurence you are exposed to on a daily basis.

A Positive Thing: It may really not be totally our fault we have Acne, but it might be somebody else's.

Length of acne-like symptoms does not seem so good if you read this study / review: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2934435, the word "lifetime" gets used. However, this is the 21st century, and that was the 20th, so there is hope of course.

Poor systemically poisoned people that get Acne, maybe I am one of those unfortunate ones, maybe you are too laceygirl.

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