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ugly_skye

Shut up mum, you don't understand...

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This is the "emotional and psycological affects of acne" forum, where we encourage members to talk about the feelings that acne gives them. Often times these can be feelings of sadness, of bitterness, of anger and even depression. While these feelings can be uncomfertable to read about, we at Acne.org recognize the value of the good old fashion vent and understand that a good way to let people know they aren't alone in thier struggles is to share the very struggles we personally are going through.

In other words: If you are going to bash, mock, tease, belittle, or otherwise demean a poster for utilizing this forum for exactly what it was designed for, you will find yourself unable to bash, mock, tease, belittle, or demean anyone on this entire site at all.

Thank you and have a good day.

Well, I am not a parent, but being an adult and living away from home has given me perspective on parental behavior... I don't know the dynamic of your relationship with your mother, but try and see things from her side...

It is frustrating to a parent when their kid is hurting and there is nothing they can do about it. Your mom has no solution for you...so she fumbled for some line she hopes will be of some comfort. The "love your acne" sounds very much like the "love your body" line that people throw around to get over body insecurity. Your mom is just telling you that the acne isn't diminishing your worth. She put it oddly, but I would bet she meant well. As for her others lines, it looks like she is doing the tough love things to help you keep your acne in perspective.

People cannot read minds, so sometimes we have to tell them what we need from them in terms of support. I've had to tell my mom that sometimes I just want her to listen and say "I'm sorry" and give me a hug or something. My mom tends to like to give advice (hmm...now we know where I get it from :silenced: ) and not enough comfort. It's her way of being helpful though.

My family can still be insensitive to my skin woes, and I've had to sort of train them to react more encouraging towards me instead of trivializing my feelings...

:clap: That's a fabulous way of putting it, Siox!

Make them understand then. That's what I did :}. Mommy buys all the proactiv for me so i have been clear for a while now.

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Wow I can't believe what this thread turned into. I apologise if I was rude, but sometimes it's hard not to act defencively when nasty words are being thrown your way.

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It's alright, Skye, emotions and tensions tend to run high in EMO. The important part is that there is support here, please don't forget that. We're here for you!

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I'm so sick of my insensitive family who don't give a shit about my problems and seem to resent me for not being perfect.

I was in the bathroom today, I got teary because again, I had a nasty breakout, and have recenlty developed melasma from the contraceptive pill. My mother asked what was wrong and I said "this f*cking acne all over my face, 10 years of this shit I cannot take it anymore" and my mother's fantastic response was "you need to learn to love your acne", what the?

I'm sorry to say but you mother is spot on there.

By that she means you need to accept it and deal with it.

There is not cure for acne Fact. You could have it for the rest of your life Fact. You can only treat acne Fact

I say this so much but you need to accept it and move on.

I am 24, I have had acne since i was 13, i still have acne. All i can do is treat it. I feel your pain believe me but you are fighting a losing battle if u can't accept that you have acne.

You mum could have chosen her words a little better but i totally understand what she means, and she is 100% right in what she said.

If you can accept that acne is apart of who you are you can use it to your advantage.

Sorry for the direct response but sometimes it is needed.

Feel better soon.

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Hey guys.......I just want to chime in because I'm so thankful to read these comments and know I'm not alone. I don't have any friends or family with acne, and this year has been my first year of having really bad skin, and it is so traumatizing.

I've gotten frustrated with my husband from time to time because I feel like he doesn't understand, and the thing is, you CAN'T understand unless you've gone through it. I'm just thankful to have him because he still says I'm pretty, even though I feel deformed.

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Hey Skye! That's a cool name. Anyways...I know EXACTLY how you feel. I call my mom crying almost every day about my acne...it really affects EVERYTHING and it sucks...and she says the same damn thing---there are people with bigger problems! get a real problem!! she doesnt understand it affects every aspect of life.

sidenote-i'm from the USA but i was in Sydney this summer for WYD and loved it!!

i hope everything goes well!

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SKYE dont listen to anyone here. You have a right to feel the way you do. the fact is its bad coz we want our parents to understand.... maybe sit with us, help us....... even that hour or 2..... but its hard...........And I am not going to say to you to learn to live with it.... beause that aint right to say.......... there is help out there and you WILL eventually find it ... dont give up........

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I am a mom and I have girls who have cried over their skin and I have cried right along with them. I still have acne and I get angry and cry still about it. I have done everything in my power to help them and they know that when i am having a bad skin day they turn around and give me a hug and let me just vent. You don't ever learn to live with this crap espically when they are others in this world who can not possibly know the pain, the embarassment, the despair of ever having the skin you want. They don't have a clue and never will. Don't give up or give in, just know that there are others who feel as you do. Elf

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i've been complaining about my acne since I was 13. My sister's and mothers responses were always "it will pass" "you're exaggerating" "you just want to be perfect" etc..along those lines. It's only now, 25 that they're taking me seriously, seeing how it's truly affected my life. My mum even bought me some creams to help and my sister offered to pay for my n-lite if I canprove it's safe. Although I told my mum about accutane and she said once again " just give it time your acnee will go". I was like, you've been saying that since I was 13-do I need to wait until i'm 90 to see if it'll pass. anyway, bottom line they take this disease more seriousy now. I never thought this was a disease but now I see it is. :(

I hope to GOD that when I have little girls they do not have acnee. If I see even one spot starting to creep up as soon as they begin puberty, I will do absolutely everything in my power to stop it from happening :(

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Fortunately, I have very understanding parents. My mom knows how stressed out I am and totally supports my decision to start taking accutane. I guess she's better at understanding because she's been through it with my older sister, she also suffered with acne.

Im blessed to have the family I have.

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Hi skye(who is not ugly),

I know it sucks when others are insensitive to what is plaguing you. I say plaguing because that's what my acne does to me. I hope you find some solice in knowing that we are right here with you going through the same thing. Fortunately, my mother has the same type of skin as me, so she completely understands what I am going through. But now that I am adult and live in a different state as her, this website makes me feel at home. I hope it does the same for you.

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I'm so sick of my insensitive family who don't give a shit about my problems and seem to resent me for not being perfect.

I was in the bathroom today, I got teary because again, I had a nasty breakout, and have recenlty developed melasma from the contraceptive pill. My mother asked what was wrong and I said "this f*cking acne all over my face, 10 years of this shit I cannot take it anymore" and my mother's fantastic response was "you need to learn to love your acne", what the?

holy shit i thought you were my sister then as her middle name is 'skye'.

I totally know what you mean m'dear. When I had cystic acne on my cheeks nobody understood. My brother would just say 'everyone gets acne you just gotta deal with it'.

Or my dad would call me a geek for not going outside, that'd hurt, and he'd really go on and on at me. Some of the stuff he came out with was horrible.

The problem was I was so out going before I had it and had a big social network. When I developed acne for that 6 month period it turned my whole life around. I was devastated and my family really didn't help at all.

I could tell you worse stories than that involving my family believe me.

If you want to talk at all give me a hollah, i've been exactly where you are and thankfully I'm through it.

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Guys being upset about acne isn't being a "drama queen" what are we...in third grade? I get so frustrated over it and i think the only way to understand the emotional effects of acne is if you've actually had it. that is why my mom does understand what i'm going thruogh when i don't want to show my face to anyone...cause she's been thruogh it.

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I just reread what I wrote and I think I may have taken what you said out of context. It seemed like your mom had said that remark in a caring humorous manner. Im sorry for being so harsh, I must have been going through some shit that week with my parents (I appreciate them very much but its still hard on all of us). I understand 100% how you feel about this stuff and hope you get through these issues.

ps best method of coping is humour, sometimes you just gotta find something to laugh about.

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I really like how honest you are, Skye. A lot of people pretend they don't care what others think or say regarding one's appearance, but we all know how much it cuts when someone stares at your scars or makes a comment about your acne. By the time my mother took me to a doctor, I had been suffering with cystic acne for years and had completely socially withdrawn. She just thought because i'm a guy it doesn't matter if I'm ugly I guess. It wasn't until I broke down sobbing in front of her begging her to take me to a doctor that she did anything, but the damage was done man. Having people, fucking fat asses who can help that they're fat whereas a lot of us cannot help our skin, tell you you look nasty or you need to pop that. oh god it's so humiliating. Some people consider me attractive, especially if I'm in a dimly lit bar. I'll get hit on a lot and guys will tell me ur so cute, but all I can think is just wait till you see me in the light!

haha!

Isn't it funny how differently people who you are just meeting for the first time treat you depending on the lighting? If the lighting is good and ur like me and attractive then they'll be all smiley and friendly but if the lighting is bad and they can see your scars their face gets this cold, critical look in it that is so gross!

One time I had a cyst on my cheek and was on a long distance internatinal flight; the air pressure i guess made the cyst rupture and pus was oozing from it and i didn't even know it until the flight attendant started giving me funny looks and i went to the bathroom and about died when i saw somewhat bloody puss oozing from this massive cyst on my face!

oh the joys of acne! haha. i must admit i do find that particular experience rather amusing even though it left a rolling scar, but I was grateful the scar wasn't as bad as it could have been.

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Wow! This thread is like acne, it never says DIE!

I want to thank all of you for your supportive words and wish you all the best on this crappy journey.

Life is hard enough without dealing with acne, but we are strong people because of it, even if it makes us look weak.

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this post was untouched for a while and a few days ago I decided to write a few good things and give you my support skye and thats why people have now begun to understand. NOONE has the right to tell you , you are out of order or how you should feel. and HOW DARE people swear at somone who is suffering........... It takes guts for somone to even start a post....... I think we all have better things to do then to sit in front of a pc and write negatively.... people with great skin wont understand ... they'd be out pursueing things they like... shopping, going holidays , reading and socialising........... but to sit down in front of a pc isnt fun........ and the least people can do is b supportive............. ! total insensitive people around......... its good to share your feelings without people making you feel worse!

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im surprised that a lot of people never went to a dermatologist sooner asking for accutane, or that people GP's didnt refer then to the hospital dermatology unit faster. when i was a teenager i had bad acne and when ever i went to my GP he just prescribe pills and cream, never once did he refer me to the hospital. then i move to england and with a month i had been referred by my new GP and within another 2 months was on roaccutane. after the first few months on the course my skin was clear and remained clear for 6 years, until recently. It all comes down to your doctor, some just dont care. acne has come back the last 4-5 months and im still waiting on a referrel, he give me tetraysal which caused headaches, then he give me doxycycline which is making things 5 times worse. hopefully i get referred on tuesday, but getting the actual hospital appointment will take a few months.

anyone here treid doxycycline and did it make acne worse. it seem to leave a lot of redness and blemishes behind.

about what your mum said, this is typical. people who have never suffered from bad acne dont know how to approach people about it. they are unsure what to say so end up saying things like "your still beautiful", "it doesnt look that bad", "no-one cares what you look like", "just think of those who have worse problems". It can really control your life and prevent u from doing things you want to do

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Personally I don't get why people are attacking Skye with 'It's not all about you' comments. Skye's acne is her personal problem, not anyone else's, so when it comes to HER acne, yes, it is 'all about her'. The only person who knows exactly how she feels is Skye. People who have never suffered with acne just don't understand even if they don't mean to hurt you with their comments.

When I'm feeling confident, I'm able to give a lot more of my self, so in that sense, trying to fix a problem like acne that might be limiting my confidence is not a selfish act at all. I don't think 'love your acne' is a useful comment at all - far better to take action about it rather than just accept it - but I'm sure your mum meant well.

I know my parents kept saying to me "why don't you eat more fresh fruit and veggies?" and even though it was probably their way of trying to help and rationally I knew that I still wanted to scream at them. And I'm not at all a selfish person or a 'drama queen'.

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My problem is that my parents try to sabotoge my efforts. I will try to eat healthfully and they are like "eat coffee and sugar, the derms said diet has nothing to do with it!" I really want to get better naturally, tried some meds and stuff the derm gave me when my mom forced me to go there and I got really bad gastritis and could hardly eat without screaming in pain after every meal for four months AFTER quitting the stuff.

So now my mom is like- well other girls take this stuff and harm their bodies but at least they look beautiful!!! Like that is helpful....uhh, it makes me want to cry b/c I am belittled soo much. And when I have to go to family events my uncle is like "Don't let yourself go"-and get fat b/c I have acne? huh....long story. And my gma like "When I was a young girl I tried to look presentable so guys would like me...." Aah.

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I've had acne for 8 years but it's gotten 90% better since the 9th/10th grade when I first had it and probably had the worst acne at my high school of over 3k students (my graduating class had over 700 students).

I felt like my parents never really cared about how much acne damaged my self esteem in high school, but they did whether I knew it or not. They paid for numerous prescription drugs, creams, gels from the dermatologist because we don't have insurance. They paid for all the cleansers and over the counter crap I've tried over the years. My mom said that I was handsome despite the acne and that I would outgrow it, and I appreciate that now.

I just turned 22 last month but suffering from acne for 8 critical years has helped me improve my body image and self esteem during the last year.

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Wow I can't believe what this thread turned into. I apologise if I was rude, but sometimes it's hard not to act defencively when nasty words are being thrown your way.

Skye,

I'm just a Dad, here looking for ways to help and understand my son's acne.

But I saw nothing you n eeded to be sorry about saying.

Your anger... frustration... and hurt, are things I need to watch for in my son, so hearing you talk about your dealings with your mother can only serve to help me do, and say, the right things to him.

So Thank you!

Skyholder

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