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TrappedAndLost

Anybody over 30 with scars and still single?

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I don't know where else to post this.The psychologial effects of acne board seems logical but most of the people there are younger and either beat acne or are dealing with the current state of acne and don't know what it's like to have to live with permanent scars.so that's why i'm posting here.anyways.I'm almost 30 and have never been with a woman in my life.I feel like if i've been single up to now ill always be single but it's very very hard for me to deal with that.I feel so cheated.I used to be good looking when i was younger and didn't have scars and now i'm at the bottome of the barrel and totally unwanted. Women just do not want anything to do with me. My question is how should I deal with that? should I accept it for what it is just so i can stop the needs and wants that create this mental and emotional turmoil or should i continue to hope which in turn feeds the needs and wants? I just don't know what to make of this life?I just feel like happiness is born out of acceptance and sharing life. I could go out and do something that i like but it won't make me happy because there's always that sphere of isolation that engulfs me.

Anybody out there feel the way I do?How can I feel happy when I look and feel so unnattractive and unwanted?

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Are you certain that it's your scars that are driving women away? Or could it be the low self esteem that you are projecting? In general, women are attracted to men who know where they're going in life and who project confidence, leadership, poise, fortitude, etc. in the face of adversity. In my experience, a wise woman of good character will look past the exterior if a man has these attributes. And of course, women also look for things such as tenderness, patience, selflessness, and a willingness to listen and communicate. You might not be able to completely eradicate your scars, but you can develop all these other qualities and become attractive to many people. I too have less than perfect skin. But much younger, attractive women still lock eyes with me. And I'm almost 47.

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How bad is your scarring? What have you done to improve it?

Of course your scars aren't helping you, but they probably aren't your biggest problem.

There are tons of things you can work on to make yourself a better more attractive person.

What are you doing about your appearance? Go to the gym, make sure you're well groomed, dress with some style.

How is you personality? Read some books, be interesting. Learn how to talk to people, be friendly, positive, and upbeat.

Are you around a lot of women? You need to be around women in order to meet them and get to know them. Go out and be with people.

Not every one is a model. Believe it or not, most aren't. There are lots of girls out there dying for a boyfriend.

Don't be a perfectionist, don't be afraid of rejection. Get out there and live your life man. One day you will be dead. I know it's trite to say, but would you rather have tried and failed or not tried at all? Come on dude, quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something.

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If you were asking if there was anybody who feels the same, then i would say yes.. I also feel the same. It seems that you atleast had fun when you were young, but i'm just 19 years old and not enjoying anything at all. But the main difference is that i decided to solve the problems !!!

Acne ? it can be solved by accutane..

Scars? there are *many* treatments out there !! I'm searching alot and alot, mostly going for TCA cross, fraxel repair, and maybe some punch techniques.

PIH ? it can also be fixed ! Hydroquinone & chemical peels can do wonders.

The bottom line is that i'm not telling you here "its okay, dont feel bad." I am trying to say that there are lots of treatments out there !

Search, ask and go see a doctor ! Once the problems are solved, your self esteem will go up again. And you will get back ur personality and life once again ;)

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TrappedandLost I'm in the same boat. I still have people interested in me, but I can't bare the thought of someone being close to me and seeing my disfiguring scars. Weirdly as my scarring has lessened I seem to be even more sensitive about my appearance.

Not sure what I'm going to do about the loneliness. I get by, for now.

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I'm totally in the same boat as you TrappedandLost. I'm 30 and have never had a girlfriend either. When I was younger I wasn't a bad looking guy, but over the years acne, along with a heck lot of other things, took its toll, and now I feel I'll never have a gf.

I still have people interested in me, but I can't bare the thought of someone being close to me and seeing my disfiguring scars. Weirdly as my scarring has lessened I seem to be even more sensitive about my appearance.
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I know exactly how you guys feel. I do have a pretty inspiring story from my best friend that I've known since elementary school and I'm now 28. He has always been a really outgoing person. Once we got to high school he got a really bad case of acne that has persisted for almost 15 years now. He's now got more scars than I can count and he still has active acne. The thing about him though is you don't really notice it because he has a fantastically outgoing personality. He literally has 100's of friends. He's also a musician which probably helps as well. Anyways, he has absolutely no problem with the ladies. I'm totally jealous of the guy in that respect. It's all about putting out a good attitude and emmitting confidence. I just recently in the past 3 or 4 years gotten cystic scarring. I've gone through a bunch of treatments with the latest being totalfx. It's been six months now I can honestly say that totalfx has really helped me. Most of my scars are still there but there much less obvious. Girls have been noticing me more lately and I think part of it is that I'm being more confident in myself. Don't let the scars stop you. Life's too short. Do what you can with treatments to find out what may work but don't let the scars run your life. By the way this site rocks. I have found so much useful information and the community is great. There are some really tremendous people on here. :)

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There are many of us here in the same boat. I'm in my mid 20's and I still suffer from acne, not as bad as before but I still get them. I also suffer from scars as a result of horrible teen acne and I live with it day after day. I've become very skeptical about lasers because I haven't seen concrete proof of its effectiveness (long-term effect). Plus I've had lasers before for $3000 each, without any results. The current rage is TotalFX and Fraxel REpair but I'm gonna wait til I can be 100% guaranteed that most of my many scars will disappear and never reappear.

I worry that I'll always be alone but what more can we do than just hope? Sometimes I wish I never blew off some of the women that were interested in me, but I was EXTREMELY afraid of what they might think once they got a good glimpse of my scars. Some here are saying that girls'll look past them and see your inner beauty, which is great but c'mon. I've seen some of their reactions once they saw my scars and it was a look of horror, nothing more, nothing less. They see me in a distance or in a good light and smile at me, but once they see my scars their smile turns upside down quickly. They look away and avoid me. So for the ones talking all this gooey mushy soft talk about inner beauty, save it. Almost every single person I've come in contact with gave me the same look of 'ewww' once they saw my scars.

In the meantime, I found out how you can lessen the perception of your scars through other means. 1) A hairstyle that doesn't shout out for attention. Keep it simple, suave. 2) I recently ditched my contact lenses and got thick-rimmed glasses to sway attention from my scars. Plus I look more sophisticated. 3) Wardrobe that doesn't create attention. Wear clothes that are simple but assertive. 4) I usually wear hats in the sun, especially when lighting is the worst for my scars.

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I agree with the above posters. If you havent had a girlfriend yet its not because of your acne or scars its because of your personality. Try volunteering somewhere just meet new people because sitting home worrying about your skin isnt fun. My skin didnt really have scars 6 months ago, now I do because of a chemical peel, but it will improve over time.

You need to be comfortable with your skin, you need to accept that its the way it is, and people wont care, if your fun and outgoing people will like you.

Women like to laugh and normally end up with the guys that make them.

If you really want to improve your skin they do have treatments out there different treatments work better on different types of scarring.

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Actually, Wanka was saying how in the end, outer appearance does matter to a girl, just like it does to a guy, or anyone else for that matter. It's human nature to be affected by what we see visually. Now, I do think that once a girl/boy hooks up and love develops, than that love can overlook changes in one of the mate's appearances, whether it's getting fat or less attractive. But in order for that love to develop in the first place, attraction must develop first, and outer appearance unfortunately plays a big role in that happening. For us guys, we should know this better than even girls.

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I know how you feel, I'm a 36 y.o. female and have never had a boyfriend in my life

Could someone please come up with a matchmaking site for acne & acne scar sufferers? I seriously wouldn't mind paying to be a member! I mean it does make sense for us not to mind if our partners were to have acne/acne scars like we do, right?

Or do you guys mind? (Males)

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I'm single. Everyone thinks I'm gay. One of my best mates said to me "its alright to like boys you know". I use makeup because I sort of have to or I can't get through my day. I loathe myself.

can't believe I just wrote that. no one knows. /sad

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I'm single. Everyone thinks I'm gay. One of my best mates said to me "its alright to like boys you know". I use makeup because I sort of have to or I can't get through my day. I loathe myself.

Wow I'm just like you in every way! People think I'm gay, I have to wear makeup on my nose as well to hide the shame. At least you're not alone!

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Being gay is OK. I don't see what all the fuss is about. I know some gay people and I know for a fact that they didn't choose to be gay...they were gay since day 1. That's why if you live in California you should vote NO on prop 8. Considering how high American divorce rates are these days, who says marriage between a man and a woman is ideal? hahahaha

But back to the point; To answer your question, PonyTail36, it depends on how bad the scars are. I wouldn't mind a few acne scars on a woman but if it's anything like Edward James Olmos than it would be hard. Guys can definitely get away with more 'disfigurement' than women do, which is a sad fact for you gals indeed. I remember when I was working for my old job a few years back, I met a co-worker who was known around the job as a Butterface. I didn't know it at the time, but it means that she is gorgeous in all other aspects, but-her-face...This is cruel indeed, but once I saw her up close I understood why they called her that. She had a great bod and a nice face, but she also suffered from bad acne scars. Now, on a guy I would have noticed but on a girl it's extremely noticeable. It's an unfair world for sure... :evil:

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Being gay is OK. I don't see what all the fuss is about. I know some gay people and I know for a fact that they didn't choose to be gay...they were gay since day 1. That's why if you live in California you should vote NO on prop 8. Considering how high American divorce rates are these days, who says marriage between a man and a woman is ideal? hahahaha

But back to the point; To answer your question, PonyTail36, it depends on how bad the scars are. I wouldn't mind a few acne scars on a woman but if it's anything like Edward James Olmos than it would be hard. Guys can definitely get away with more 'disfigurement' than women do, which is a sad fact for you gals indeed. I remember when I was working for my old job a few years back, I met a co-worker who was known around the job as a Butterface. I didn't know it at the time, but it means that she is gorgeous in all other aspects, but-her-face...This is cruel indeed, but once I saw her up close I understood why they called her that. She had a great bod and a nice face, but she also suffered from bad acne scars. Now, on a guy I would have noticed but on a girl it's extremely noticeable. It's an unfair world for sure... :evil:

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Thanks Wonko appreciate the honesty, I should go get some cyanide now :P

Ladies who wear make-up, I have been using a gel called Solcoceryl (made from haemodylisate of calves blood) on my red and depressed scars and it somewhat has an instant cooling, calming, firming, pore reducing effect on my skin it's only been two days to know if its permanently effective. Have also been using it under make up as cosmetic since it seems to "fill" my ice-picks nicely (although temporarily), although my conscience keeps telling me not to "fool" potential partners by coverng up my scars, I just wanted that chance for someone to give me the time of day and get to know me better before passing me on just because of my scars. Mine are certainly not like Olmos (poor guy), but I think I have many more scars than he does :P they're tiny little ice-picks on both my cheeks :(

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I have acne scars and so does my boyfriend. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone, perhaps the people you want to date are supermodels. If you are realistic then i'm sure you will have no problem finding a partner.

Also guys there really is a lot less pressure on you to have perfect skin, how many times do you see a pretty girl with a far less attractive man, woman care more about a guy who treats her right and doesn't agonise over his appearance.

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I don't know where else to post this.The psychologial effects of acne board seems logical but most of the people there are younger and either beat acne or are dealing with the current state of acne and don't know what it's like to have to live with permanent scars.so that's why i'm posting here.anyways.I'm almost 30 and have never been with a woman in my life.I feel like if i've been single up to now ill always be single but it's very very hard for me to deal with that.I feel so cheated.I used to be good looking when i was younger and didn't have scars and now i'm at the bottome of the barrel and totally unwanted. Women just do not want anything to do with me. My question is how should I deal with that? should I accept it for what it is just so i can stop the needs and wants that create this mental and emotional turmoil or should i continue to hope which in turn feeds the needs and wants? I just don't know what to make of this life?I just feel like happiness is born out of acceptance and sharing life. I could go out and do something that i like but it won't make me happy because there's always that sphere of isolation that engulfs me.

Anybody out there feel the way I do?How can I feel happy when I look and feel so unnattractive and unwanted?

Dont know what to say here. you gotta try and find a way to make it. theres no easy way around this sh!t that I have found yet. Life sucks for people like us I guess. It causes alot of suffering and frustration in our lives. People talk about being positive and this and that and it can be very difficult to do for some people. It makes me very negative to be honest. I constently feel like just slapping every person I see. It makes me angry, and hatefull. Its sad to be like that but its the truth. I try to stay positive and eventually it wears off and I just feel like crap and so then I want everybody else to feel like crap too. I feel no happyness or joy ever. But I just keep pushing and fighting to try and better my situation. Its exhausting having to fight so hard for so long. Its acually sickening to deal with at this point.

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I'm gay (came out oblivious to the fact that I saw a tv program with Ryan Phillipe on and went 'He's sexy' not realising i said it infront of my friends!!!!!!!!)

I wear concealer every day all over my face (no one has noticed yet) and will continue to do so. I have scarring and I try to avoid all sunlight where possible but I know that if i carry on staying at home worrying about it then i will stay single forever and die alone regretting everything!

I am graually changing things about me and will be shortly taking the massive step and going to Manchester and hoping that someone will take an interest in me.

Here's hoping!!!!!!

Oh and one more thing, i would join a dating online thing for people with scarring!!!

:clap:

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i don't think anyone is saying that there is anything wrong with being gay. i think the point is that because of the scars, and the insecurity with the opposite sex (or same sex) that comes along with it, leads people to believe you are something that you are not, and this can be a frustrating thing for anyone. but it is also not the end of the world. i think most people's fixation with their scars makes them lose perspective on life. it's easy to say my life is not a certain way, or i'm not where i want to be in life because of my scars, but the truth is no one is ever completely satisfied with their life. there is always something that you will desire.

i went through a dark depression for a long time because i thought this way. i didn't work, i couldn't eat, i barely spoke to anyone for almost 6 months, and then one day, i got tired of being lonely, and i slowly and gradually got on with my life. in hindsight, i realize how stupid i was being. i realized life is never perfect. i have not met a single person where they have said that they have everything they want in life e.g. a scarless face, a girlfriend, a house, a good job, etc. the fact is we are all imperfect, but we are all unique in our imperfection. the sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be free to share your life with someone else, and the sooner you will see that they are imperfect too, and that's ok.

also, i know someone who was a virgin until he was over 40, and his face was just fine.he just hadn't had a girlfriend until he was ready, and i will tell you all his friends and family loved him anyway. everyone has their own pace, and there is no point in measuring your life by what others have or what others expect from you. i guarantee you will be miserable if you live this way. just be yourself, and sometimes you will be happy and sometimes you won't. just know that life goes on either way.

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hey trapped,

your post made me cry. I totally know how you feel. I'm 37 and have been held captive by my skin for most of my life. I have been extremely depressed about it. I don't like looking people in the eye and i hate to be in certain lights. I just recently got rid of my horrible acne and now i'm dealing with the scars. I feel like there is no end to this problem and it has robbed me of a happy life. I'm now looking for scar treatments and went for one treatment with Frank at transitions for needling 7 months ago. I did get improvement and i need to go back to him. I think that it would have been better to get 5 needling sessions with frank and then waited for the results..instead i had only one needling session 7 months ago. I would say the results are promising. My suggestion would be to get skin needling done by someone like Frank...like every couple of weeks. Like 6 times. I think you should see your skin smoothing out. Like i did. :) And..i don't know what percentage results i got from one needling session since it always looks different in all different lights. But i think it helped me alot. I just need more.

P.S. - a woman will love you with scars and all. :)

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Hey there. I understand how you feel, and maybe I can give you some hope. I'm 34, and I have pretty severe acne scars. However I did manage to break free of my skin issues enough to date and I am now married. When I was younger, in my teens and early 20's, the thought of allowing someone to be physically close to me was so terrifying that I thought I'd never find someone. Even if a guy seemed interested in me despite my skin I would shy away. I didn't go on my first real date until age 23. And I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was almost 25! But after I started dating, it came easier to me. I think it is a bit harder for guys though, since you are generally required to do the asking out when it comes to dating, so it requires you to have enough confidence to ask. I don't know if you have many female friends or hang out with groups that include girls and guys. That would be a good start.

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I think it is a bit harder for guys though, since you are generally required to do the asking out when it comes to dating, so it requires you to have enough confidence to ask. I don't know if you have many female friends or hang out with groups that include girls and guys. That would be a good start.

Even without scars it can be difficult to get the courage to go up to girls and ask them out.

It's worst in places like clubs where you don't know the person you're approaching and everything is basically based on looks.

I agree with your suggestion of hanging out with lots of girls. It's definitely the easiest and least stressful way of getting dates. You become friendly with a bunch of girls, next thing you know so and so tells you that Cindy thinks your cute, lol. Or you go to the movies and out to eat with these girls a lot and over conversation you start talking about dating. Then you say hey your single I'm single maybe we should date. Before you know it you got a bunch of girls lined up to go out with you.

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Hi,

I am a new user of this forum so my apologies for any mistakes..

I used to get acne about 1-2 every now and then from the last 2 yrs...adn stevamycin worked fine for me...

BUt right when i turned 20 i started breaking out..and it is not as rapid as some other ppl

BUT problem with my cystic acne is that the top part (pus) goes away in a day or two but the cyst under my skin never seem to go away..like it has been over 6 months n the cyst are still there which has caused brown scars over my face.

at first, i went to a homeopathic doctor hoping to improve my condition without any severe side effect..BAD IDEA...it only brought my bank balance down

currently my family physician has put me on tetracycline (4 pills/day for the first week and 2pills/day for the following weeks), clinodoxyl gel (to apply overnight only), Diane-35 (which is a acne therapy birth control pill and i am suppose to take it for 21 days straight even if i do get my period on the 18th day or so)

I have noticed changes on my back acne because there were not cystic acne...BUT my old cysts tha that i have now had for about 7 months are still the same size..and if the cyst does not dissolve then the brown scars doesnt disappear..and i STILL break out once in a while just like i used to ( still getting the severe cystic acne)

I just DONT want to go on accutane considering the side affects..i REALLY need some help or advice.......PLEAse help

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