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Gearhead

Can't even imagine myself clear anymore

I really can't even imagine certain areas of my face clear anymore. I've had shallow scars and hyperpigmentation+redmarks in a few areas of my face that have been around for over a year...I'm 21 and I have a few fine lines already...I'm beginning to think I've done permanent damage in those areas with products I used in the past, one of which was Proactive.. It dried me out completely and I've read that excessive drying can potentially cause permanent scarring/discoloration...And believe me this drying was excessive.

Sometimes I'll wake up and see progress and they'll almost be unnoticeable then as the day goes on the marks become more visible...The worst part is, when I'm out talking, laughing, drinking with friends or in a large social scene my marks seem to come back and get worse...I have some weird form of rosacea or something but it only happens on the scars and damaged areas of my face and it's not flushing, it's just marks becoming more pronounced...Those areas are hypersensitive while the rest of my skin is actually pretty healthy... I feel I have a lot of potential to be good looking and on some days and in some lighting where my skin looks decent, I actually look pretty damn good.. But most of the time it seems that my skin looks dull and ugly and it completely drains any confidence.. It sucks to see your skin in certain lighting and feel great about yourself, only to see it in another lighting where you can see every mark, scar, enlarged pore and the flakiness and oilyness..

I try hard to not let my skin run my life but when I see both ends of the spectrum where my scars can look good sometimes and then see them full force, it's hard not to want to be clear even more... I just kinda realized today that I may have to live with some of these marks my whole life...Like they've become part of me... I don't even care about the occasional pimple anymore, my acne is somewhat under control but I've really damaged my skin with products and the worst part is that it's my fault that I got these marks.. I'm not a victim, I just made a lot of stupid decisions that damaged my skin badly and I fucked everything up...Not sure how I'll ever forgive myself...

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i feel ya, i always think to myself if i ever do get clear i wont even recognize myself...i think in a way my acne has become part of me...=\

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I understand how you feel. I looked in the mirror today and saw some little holes on the side of my cheek in the mirror today and was thinking to myself "what if they never heal?". It's an awful feeling, you know you are better then you look but there doesn't look like there's any light at the end of the tunnel. But give it some time and it will become less noticable gradually. Good luck man, I hope everything works out for you.

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Sounds a lot like me. I haven't seen some parts of my face clear since like 8 months ago. Those red marks never seem to go away for some reason....

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scar are something your going to have to live with.

ive been clear nearly a year after a course of accutane but im left with scars so i still feel like ive got acne. ive just accepted that im stuck with these scars for rest of my life and get on with things

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