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I just keep getting worse and worse everyday. I've been trying to eat as healty as possible, exercise, drink water. My acne is just scarring SO bad since accutane.

Everyday I break something or punch a wall or break down a door and freak out violently. I think about killing myself everyday. I come up with plans to kill myself in my mind like I have a second voice telling me I need to kill myself.

I am actually worried that I'm actually going to kill my self because I want to have all this pain end. I'm not even scared to die.

What should I do because I am scared I will kill myself. I'm pretty sure that if I had a gun right now I would shoot myself in the head.

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It's okay. Even thought it's not, it's okay. I feel the same as you. If I had a gun I would shoot myself, and I'm sure of it. I know the feeling of being scared that one day you're going to break and decide it's over. Acne is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. I've had 8 surgeries, but I was happy even though I was in extreme physical pain. I have never felt a pain as strong as the emotional effects of acne. It honestly kills me and in the end it will be the death of me. Please, for me, hold onto your life until God proves it's the right time for you to die. One day your acne will go away. Please have faith. And feel better, hopefully you'll be better than I am, because honestly, I'm dead inside.

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When I was suicidal it was always comforting knowing that I could choose to leave this place any time I'd like. It was one of the things that kept me alive, ironically.

Don't let acne win. Things will get better.

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i've been waiting almost a decade and I can't wait any more. I thought I hated acne when I was 15, now I'm 22 and its only gotten worse by the day with no end in sight.

It has absolutly ruined my life in every way. I have nothing to live for. Noone to live for. Getting out of bed has been my biggest acomplishment of 2008.

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I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that pain. I can honestly say I know exactly how you're feeling. I know it feels as if it's never going to stop, and maybe it won't.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Read this^ It calmed me down a bit (:

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Yeah i've read that before.

I just keep getting worse. For the last year everyday seemed to have gotten worse than the day before even though I am doing everything possible to do the opposite.

I have such insane rushes of anger and violence. I just suddenly feel over taken by uncontrolable rage. I break things, hit things, cut things. I hit myself. I've punched a wall and broken my hand. I've caused probably 2000$ of damage to my house.

I wake up, walk by the mirror and see myself another day and it only is getting worse still and I am taken over by rage and I punch a hole in the wall.

I want to fight. I want to scream. I want to die.

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Hey bandito,

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so low. I know this sounds pretty hollow but suicide is honestly not the answer. I sympathise with you because I know how it feels to feel this low and despairing that anything is ever going to change for the better. Acne is such a cruel condition. It wears you down until it breaks your soul. The answer is not to let it. To fight back every step of the way. Hold on to the hope that one day you will beat it for good. Praise yourself for every accomplishment, no matter how small. Such as leaving the house and facing the world on a day when your skin is particularly bad. Even if it’s just to walk to the shops.

It might be an idea to find someone to talk to. A therapist, counsellor, close relative maybe? Or there are many people on these boards who feel what you’re going through. Maybe on a day when you’re feeling too low to do anything come on here and chat to someone till the bad feelings pass. You need to try and get suicidal thoughts out of your mind.

Try not to look back at the past, try not to remember how your skin used to be or how many years you’ve been suffering. Just concentrate on each day and how you’re going to get through it.

One day this acne will leave you. Things will get better. Probably slowly at first, maybe even so that you won’t notice. But at one point you’ll suddenly think wow remember when I used to break out every day, or remember when I got so low I didn’t think I could face it anymore.

There is nothing to be ashamed of in feeling depressed. Especially not when it comes to something like acne. It causes such a rollercoaster for emotions. It takes so much courage to walk in public, to look people in the eye when you’re so sensitive of your skin. But that’s what will help you. Go out, hold your head up, when people stare at your skin stare right back. Hold eye contact till they look away, let them know you’re the one in control. Because that’s what it comes down to, be in control or let acne control you.

Take care, keep posting, hope you’re feeling happier soon.

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Having just read your most recent post in this thread I would say you need to see someone professional and quickly. Using violence is only going to result in you getting seriously hurt or maybe even someone else. Please visit your doctor and get this sorted.

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I've seen 5 different professionals in the last year. 3 therapists and 2 phyciatrists. I've taken anti-depressents.

Nothing seems to help me.

I try to be as strong as possible. But I am so broken. I don't want to quit, but I can't find the energy to even think. I feel worn down and beaten. My face is in constant pain, my body is in constant pain. And the emotional pain in unbearable.

I have really bad vision which I never corrected with glasses when I was younger. I had glasses and knew my vision was horrible. But I could look at myself in the mirror and not actually see me skin. That is the only way I got through life. That was the only way I could have confidence was by not seeing my acne. I used to cry if I just said the Word "acne" I did this for 7 years.

My vision was so bad I could not see the boards or projectors or tv in the front of my classrooms all thoughout high school. I litterally couldn't see so I just wouldn't take notes. This obviously made me fail alot. I couldn't see worth shit. I was to embarrassed to ever let anyone know this. I couldn't see my acne and I couldn't see anyone elses since i went through life partially blind. That is the only way I stayed happy.

My vision finally got so bad that I had to start wearing glasses and contacts because I could not see enough to get live life. I couldn't see street signs or menus at restraunts or TV's at friends houses or other peoples face's. Now I am having vision complications due to accutane and from not correcting my horrible vision in so long.

I noticed that ever since I started being able to see my depression has skyrocketed. Looking in the mirror for even one second brings tears to my eyes. Seeing all my scars that will haunt me for life.

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How about an anger management course? To focus on the way that you deal with your depression is just as important as trying to find a way of coming out of it.

Have you got any hobbies? Maybe channelling your frustration into something you’re interested in might help. It did for me to some extent.

Or maybe try focussing on goals. Decide that you will try and stay positive and only look at things that are good or that you’ve done well for a day or two and then allow yourself to sit back and get upset or frustrated for a little while.

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I know how you feel, a while back I thought about it too. I had a really bad day once and I even thought about how I was gonna do it. I found a thing on suicide that basically made fun of it, and even though I know suicide isnt funny, it made me realize how stupid it is. I think about like when I die, I'm probably gonna laugh at all the problems I had and realize that they didn't matter at all. I hate when people say this but life is kinda what you make it. I have no idea how you feel but I hope you realize that you can get through this and life will get better.

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Just think to yourself you are taking the right steps to help your skin. I don't know how long you've been on accutane but most likely it will clear your skin up given the right amount of time. As for the scarring, right now there are some very good treatments out there that can help with scarring and more on the way.

I know how you feel about looking in the mirror while having acne, when my acne was at its worst before and as I was taking accutane I did not look in the mirror at all. I really am not sure how I got through that but eventually my skin cleared up. Seek out a psychologist though it sounds like you need to talk to someone.

Hope things get better for you.

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I just keep getting worse and worse everyday. I've been trying to eat as healty as possible, exercise, drink water. My acne is just scarring SO bad since accutane.

Everyday I break something or punch a wall or break down a door and freak out violently. I think about killing myself everyday. I come up with plans to kill myself in my mind like I have a second voice telling me I need to kill myself.

I am actually worried that I'm actually going to kill my self because I want to have all this pain end. I'm not even scared to die.

What should I do because I am scared I will kill myself. I'm pretty sure that if I had a gun right now I would shoot myself in the head.

i feel the same way bro. its ur decision man, no body can tell u to live or die. when it comes down to it, its all up to you. i wanted to kill my self and i still have the desire to do it, but im just trying to weight everything out and dealing with my problems day by day. i cant say im really happy where i am right now, but i cant help but to look forward to where my life is going.

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Just think to yourself you are taking the right steps to help your skin. I don't know how long you've been on accutane but most likely it will clear your skin up given the right amount of time. As for the scarring, right now there are some very good treatments out there that can help with scarring and more on the way.

I had to stop accutane do to side effects after 5 weeks. So all I got out of accutane was an absolutley terrible IB. My skin losing its ability to heal and about 60 scars. Also joint pain was one of the main reasons I stopped and now 3 weeks after stopping I am still having joint pain and joint problems.

My joints hurt just while laying in bed. Even the all the joints in my fingers hurt. It seems like my joints will fill with gas making it hard to move the joints untill that crack. That happens 10 times a day. Mainly my wrists, elbows, knees and ankles. And all the joints in my fingers. It just hurts to move my fingers sometimes.

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Accutane is a powerful drug. It's basically like taking a toxic dose of vit.A. That's why you can't drink alcohol; your liver is already getting bombarded with vit.A. I'm not an expert, but I have a hunch that's what's causing your sore joints. Google it.

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Sorry to hear. Keep strong. Maybe the medines youre on are causing you to feel depressed? I mean even more so then you would be from the acne, just it out with your doctor.

There are billions of people living in poverty, war and other misfortunes who would die to be in a land of opportunity, with or without acne. Just keep things in perspective. Good luck.

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If you need someone to talk to one on one feel free to message me.

I know how you feel. Acne is not easy to deal with.

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I guess it all comes down to finding a way to cope. For me, I don't look closely at myself in the mirror. I don't pick or feel my skin because it upsets me to much to feel new bumps forming. Washing my face - something I can't avoid, is probably the hardest part of my day because it's what keeps me in touch with the state of my face (terrible for the time being). I used to be a very social and confident person, but for now, I prefer and need to be alone a lot of the time. I feel very uncomfortable being in the public eye, even having close family & friends look at me makes me feel insanely uncomfortable. I think it all comes down to feelings of embarassment & shame. I'm an adult - I shouldn't still be dealing with this. But the fact remains that I am and life goes on. So, what do I do? I do what I have to. I get up, I go to class, I take my notes - but then I go home. I don't subject myself to a lot of 'extra' social time because it's simply to hard on me. It makes me way to stressed (extreme social anxiety) & I've got enough on my plate right now (i.e. keep living). These coping methods are what work for me. It might not be 'healthy' or ideal, but I'm here still..

I guess what I'm trying to say is - do what you have to do to get through the day, but do get through it. You might not be living the way you want to, but in the mean time, don't quit because something WILL work and we'll all look back at this years from now and we'll be so proud of ourselves for coming out the other side and living the lives we deserve.

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this is why we need to get support groups going.they have support groups for everything but acne suffers.i have suffered with this crap for years.there are a lot of people that are on disability that are better off than us.online support groups only go so far.maybe we could have a acne village somewhere in the country where us people can live and deal with our problems.san francisco has its gay community..why can we have a place to go.and unlike the gay community which has a lot of partying...acne suffers have no happy places to go.

i have 6.5 years til i retire and then i want to go back to school and dedicate my the rest of my life to this cause.

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Hello bandito:

Our board policy for any suicide thread that a moderator sees, or that is reported to a moderator is to close the thread. We have had past history of actual suicides, we have also seen the posts deteriorate into really horrible and spitefully mean comments. We cannot allow the latter and cannot prevent the former.

What we can do is encourage that you continue to work with your counselors in your area. If you ever feel that you are in eminent danger of taking your own life, CALL 911 or get to the ER immediately.

You have a severe depression. YES, that can improve. Many of us are survivors of depression. There is hope, there is life. Your age (20's sometimes even into 30's) is one of the hardest for most people to cope with. Continue to pursue help in your area. This message board cannot give the appropriate guidance for suicidal ideations; please do find more/different help in your local area.

Closing this thread is not an indication that no one cares, it is not an indication that we do not want to help; it is an indication that suicide is way beyond the scope of our board and we are not equipped to deal with it.

This messageboard is not a substitute for professional help if you need it. Please see below for some good resources. Thanks to Sparty who first posted this in the Lounge.

Nowadays, we all live in a very busy and stressful world even during the holiday! Here are some useful information that might help you and your friends deal with stress, anxiety, depression, eating disorder...etc.

UK phone directory:

http://www.ne-mh.nhs.uk/services_directory...lm_national.htm Collection of 29 different organization in UK; for example Depression Alliance, Anxiety Care, SANELINE -(Schizophrenia A National Emergency)...

Australia phone directory:

http://www.relationships.com.au/utilities/links.asp several important phone number: kid helpline, parents helpline...etc

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/INFO7/contents.htm Info on bullying.

USA and Canada links and information: Several useful links full of information for everyone.

http://www.kidshealth.org/index.html has separate areas for kids, teens, and parents - each with its own design, age-appropriate content, and tone. There are literally thousands of in-depth features, articles, animations, games, and resources - all original and all developed by experts in the health of children and teens.

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/ One section from kidshealth.org This link just talk about teen related issues.

http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly...y/aa070500a.htm Helpline phone number for Canada and United States.

http://hopeline.com/ National hopeline network for suicide prevention in teens.

http://suicidehotlines.com/newyork.html Crisis and suicide helpline for NY. (both NYC and upstate)

http://www.edmontonandareacfsa.gov.ab.ca/t...m?pg=Depression Useful info about depression and how to deal with it. (canadian website)

http://www.youthsource.cc/links/ Tons of useful links so you can get additional help through various organizations and people.

http://www.christians-in-recovery.com/reso...s/hotlines.html The largest collection of Telephone hotline from several countries: US, UK, Australia, Canada, Norway, Finland, Israel and South Africa.

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