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Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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This needs to be raised to a whole new level of awareness. I suffer from this as well as mild acne.

My Story -

I have always had a mild degree of acne throughout High School and it always bothered me to some degree, but never was it debilitating. Things would come and go and even if something in particular bothered me I could manage to put it aside and continue on with things in my life. Acne was my main concern but other little things would bother me, as I was never completely comfortable with other people looking at me.

Over the last year this has changed dramatically. In the spring of last year I began to get more and more frustrated with my appearance. In particular, my acne. Yes, it did get a bit worse from previous years, but it would always be considered as mild. I began to look in mirrors frequently to the point that I knew I had a bit of a problem with it. I decided to head on home for the summer from college to get things sorted out. Little did I know, this disorder is nothing that can be fixed easily (similar to the problem everyone is coming on this site to fix). Over the course of the summer I have frequently felt like giving up on my life, though I know I could never come to it. I see things totally blown out of proportion when looking into mirrors and it constantly sends me on an anxiety-bender. I have been talking to a phycologist for weeks, but things really seem to fluctuate. I have been constantly avoiding social situations, but its extremely hard to change my thinking. It's a gradual process, but I know in the end I'll be so much better off after realizing my problems and dealing with them.

The reason I posted all of this is because if you have this to any degree, I highly advise you to start working on getting over it as soon as possible (and before it could possibly get worse like in my case). There is always some degree of caring about your looks that could be considered healthy, but if you are avoiding events/social situations because of your appearance you should really evaluate your condition.

For more information here is a video from an MTV host with BDD: http://www.videojug.com/user/USEX0294

Sorry for the length and good luck to any of those that suffer with this viscous and misunderstood disorder.

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Thanks for sharing your story.

I believe I have acne dysmorphia, which is a form of BDD.

The problem is, I know how it would kill my parents inside if I told them the suffering I go through everyday.

I can relate to almost everything you say. I feel the pain of wanting to go to heaven, to live a simple life beyond life here there, but I would never bring myself into doing that. I know it would cause my family and friends so much pain.

But this simple worry about my acne has escalated, to the point where I've analyzed myself so hard. I think that my nose is too big, my neck is too long, my eyes too small.

Any reflective surface I can find I'll check to see if I have any bumps on my face.

I have a problem, but like I said, I can't do anything about it. The pain it would put my family through. I couldn't go through counsiling either, because I would never open up to someone I don't trust.

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Thanks for sharing your story.

I believe I have acne dysmorphia, which is a form of BDD.

The problem is, I know how it would kill my parents inside if I told them the suffering I go through everyday.

I can relate to almost everything you say. I feel the pain of wanting to go to heaven, to live a simple life beyond life here there, but I would never bring myself into doing that. I know it would cause my family and friends so much pain.

But this simple worry about my acne has escalated, to the point where I've analyzed myself so hard. I think that my nose is too big, my neck is too long, my eyes too small.

Any reflective surface I can find I'll check to see if I have any bumps on my face.

I have a problem, but like I said, I can't do anything about it. The pain it would put my family through. I couldn't go through counsiling either, because I would never open up to someone I don't trust.

I highly recommend you try. I know it's a hard thing to come to grips with and open up about. But, the things you have said match things I do completely. I mean it got to a point (and still is at the point), where I will wake up and look in the mirror and if I have a clogged pore that is new I will freak out and it will ruin my day. There is no doubt I have acne, but there is also no doubt that it shouldn't bother me to the degree that it does. As of now, I haven't gotten much better about it, but I am desperately trying to get over it so I can go on with the life I loved to live up at my school.

I would really try to work through it before it starts consuming your life, as it did mine. At least find someone, a friend or family member, to talk to because the venting does help to some degree.

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What's the difference between this and just being very self-conscious, image obsessed and depressed? Does the APA really need to make it into a disorder?

Well those ARE symptoms of BDD, they just gave it a name. Although in many cases its more extreme than that.... but I think it's good that it has a name. There are more therapies available to treat those specific symptoms now. BDD's no joke :(

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What's the difference between this and just being very self-conscious, image obsessed and depressed? Does the APA really need to make it into a disorder?

It's all based around the extent. Obviously a majority of people, if not all, are concerned with their looks. But, some people will hide away in their house not leaving when they have a mild case. They will see things blown way out of proportion.

In application to acne, a tiny red spot can look like a huge pimple to them. A tiny icepick scar can look terribly repulsive and they would do anything to get rid of it.

If you watched the video I posted in the first post, you would get a bit more incite than I can offer. The things he says are very true to the symptoms of BDD.

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What's the difference between this and just being very self-conscious, image obsessed and depressed? Does the APA really need to make it into a disorder?

It is thought that BDD is very similar in many ways to OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)- similar symptoms and biochemical processes are involved. People who develop BDD often have a family history of OCD.

As far as drawing the line between just being overly-self conscious and having BDD - well that is kind of a fuzzy distinction. It is partly a matter of degree and also the extent to which the self-consciousness impacts a person's life. Someone who looks in the mirror dozens (if not hundreds) of times a day, who stops socializing with others because of a non-existent or minor physical flaw, who experiences severe anxiety attacks over these flaws - this person has a disorder that is distinct from depression or any other psychological problem.

BDD is VERY hard to treat, greatly reduces a person's quality of life, and is linked to higher suicide rates than any other disorder. Yes, the APA needed to "make it into a disorder."

I have my own personal theory about BDD. To me, it seems to be a "disorder of the privileged" (I don't just mean a disorder of people who are wealthy). I mean that it seems that it would be more prevalent in people who have grown up in a place where their basic survival needs (food, shelter, safety) are being met - in relatively well-off, modern, individualistic societies. Can you imagine growing up in a war torn country or other such place where your day to day survival was uncertain, and developing an obession with your skin, your nose, your hair? To the point where you can't step out your front door because you are so anxious about what people will think when they see you?

I really believe that most psychological disorders are due to a combination of biological and enviornmental factors. I wonder if BDD is just one manifestation of biological OCD tendenies that develops within a specific social enviornment? An environment in which kids grow up exposed to unrealistic ideas of what they should look like (through the media, their friends, family, etc), where they are safe enough to have time to worry about minor or nonexistent problems and to think that these problems are so critically important? I also wonder how engaging in volunteer activites and finding a cause that is bigger than oneself would impact those with BDD?

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I have my own personal theory about BDD. To me, it seems to be a "disorder of the privileged" (I don't just mean a disorder of people who are wealthy). I mean that it seems that it would be more prevalent in people who have grown up in a place where their basic survival needs (food, shelter, safety) are being met - in relatively well-off, modern, individualistic societies. Can you imagine growing up in a war torn country or other such place where your day to day survival was uncertain, and developing an obession with your skin, your nose, your hair? To the point where you can't step out your front door because you are so anxious about what people will think when they see you?

This sounds dead-on to me. I have never really had any significant challenges in my life, at least challenges that others would imagine being that difficult (relative to other's problems). I have spent so much of my time indulged in my appearance due to having nothing else to worry about that it has just been instilled in my brain that it needs to look perfect before I can enjoy anything at all. Granted this hasn't always been the case and has been getting progressively worse, it has always been there to some degree.

Some may think it's weird for me to speak of this and knowing I have it, it should just be an easy thing to correct. But this is honestly an extremely difficult process with many ups and downs. So if you are in the same situation as myself and many others, hang in there and get the help you need.

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I would love to go to a counselor of some sort so I could talk to someone face to face with my problems. I've considered going to one at school, but then decided not to just because why would they care? They are only conserned with the kids who are into hard drugs or having sex with 8 different guys. They would probably think I'm crazy to be letting such a simple thing destroy my life, even though it is.

I suffer from a great deal of anxiety about my appearance. I'm not sure if I can go on hour without worrying about how I look. I certainly have my good days. I'm banking on this going away. I am not in a position to recieve treatment at all.

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I have my own personal theory about BDD. To me, it seems to be a "disorder of the privileged" (I don't just mean a disorder of people who are wealthy). I mean that it seems that it would be more prevalent in people who have grown up in a place where their basic survival needs (food, shelter, safety) are being met - in relatively well-off, modern, individualistic societies. Can you imagine growing up in a war torn country or other such place where your day to day survival was uncertain, and developing an obession with your skin, your nose, your hair? To the point where you can't step out your front door because you are so anxious about what people will think when they see you?

I also think this is very accurate.

I come from "upper-middle class". We are by no means rich, but I have never done without anything. From the time I was very young I can remember being overly obsessed with my appearance. I remember being 5 years old and dieting, fussing about my hair, etc.

The older I get, the worse it gets for me. Just last weekend I got this new top and we were going out to clubs. I turned to one of the guys we were going with and asked him honestly if I looked fat. I know this is not really normal to ask this publicly, but I seriously felt disgusting and wanted to know if I looked as bad as I felt. I knew my girlfriends would lie and so I asked him. He stared at me like I had 5 heads for about 2 minutes before saying "...are you serious?" I just stood there looking at him before he finally said "Honestly.. you are kind of bordering on too-skinny."

If I look at pictures of myself my face looks perfect. There is no visible acne, scarring, etc. But when I look in the mirror it is all I see. I spend hours obsessing over it, staring in the mirror, trying to make myself look better. My friends often comment on how long it takes me to get ready. I lie and say it's because my hair takes a long time to dry... lol when really for half the time I am standing there staring at myself, picking and fussing with blemishes that no one else ever seems to notice..

Apart of this is just who I am, I think. I am the type of person that would rather be loved a little by a lot of people, than loved a lot by just one person. By this I mean that I am not much for steady, serious relationships with men, but feel much better about myself if I carry on casual flings with several... Because of this I feel I obsess about my appearance as well. I want them all to think I am beautiful, perfect even though I know that I am not.

I don't know if this is BDD or not. But I do know that I can't go an hour without looking in a mirror. If my face is free of blemishes then I look at the size of my pores and think that I look like a monster. If I eat too much I worry that I look fat. This could just be insecurities and the obsession to be perfect. I know that it is unattainable but I am constantly wondering how people really see me. Do they see my skin the way it looks in photos? Clear, toned, bright. Or the way I see it when I look in the mirror? Blotchy, blemished, scarred, ugly. Do they really see "bordering too skinny." or do they see the lump of fat from my hips falling over the sides of my pants that I see when I look in the mirror?

I like to think that it is all in my head. But some people really do look like this, and that scares me. I know it's mean and shallow, but I don't want to look like them. Ahhh. Maybe I am just a shallow, narcisscist. Or maybe I have something wrong with me. Who knows. Just thought I would share what I go through.

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I think I have this too. Like....ugh. This bugs me sooo much though. I have like no acne, maybe just a breakout here or there[usually once a month or something], but I do have like two small [i am so serious SMALL] spots that are not easily covered up with make up.

This is a huge issue with me. I can't stop going to the mirror, I don't even go to lunch at school anymore; I go to the bathroom and go to look in the mirror. I feel that it's starting to consume my thoughts. All I can think about is getting these spots off, and having absolutely clear skin like I used to a few months ago.

The only thing that helps me calm down, is thinking how it could be so much worse. But I've cried so hard over this before. People tell me it makes no sense, and that I'm pretty and fine and cute, and blah blah blah. It has nothing to do with my body, because I actually like my body a lot. It is just these little "imperfections" I have on my face which I feel everyone can see and is noticing when they look at me.

I wish I could stop. and I've tried...but I think it's starting to turn into a slight paranoia. If I see people in the hall whispering, I feel they're saying something bad about me or how I look. I know that most likely they really aren't, but this is really starting to freak me out.

I wish I could talk to someone about this, but...it is kind of hard to explain it in words I guess. I don't know. I just want my super clear skin again, and I want this habit of mine to stop.

The mirror might as well be called my new best friend :/

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Does it typically manifest in more than one form? I mean to me, my acne is legitimately bad, and I do accept that it's only a mild to moderate case. But when people close to me tell me that my skin is looking really good, then I wonder if there's something wrong in my head. I can only look in mirrors first thing in the morning and before I go to bed; in public it makes me anxious to think about.

I'm asking because also tend to have phases where I don't eat much. And when I drink alcohol, I tend to feel full and disgusting and I usually make myself puke. Meanwhile, I may notice things like "so my teeth could be whiter..." but I don't obsess over that at all. But feeling fat sometimes concerns me.

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i think i have bdd because most of the things i have read on here i can relate to. my obsessive behaviour about my skin and face started years ago in my teens (bout 15)im 24 now. i went through the stage of thinking i was incredibly ugly and disgusting and thinking everyone i met was staring at me scrutinizing and judging me it used to drive me crazy lying awake at night trying to come up with a way to make myself feel better about myself- i never did. when i was 18 i started seeing someone and i thought he was too good for me and i was too ugly for him and i used to get up early in the morning before him and plaster myself in makeup so he cudnt see me. i have never left my house without a full face of makeup since i was about 16 i just cant do it i get really freaked out at the thought of people seeing my without makeup.sometimes after spending ages getting ready i cant bring myself to go out and end up staying in.sometimes iv also missed work due to it. its like my mask that i have to hide behind and i feel naked without it. i also think my acne is probably not as bad as i think it is but it seems awful to me i look at it over and over all day long so much that it tires me out and i get very frustrated. when i get a spot no matter if its big or small i cannot rest until iv picked it or messed with it. sometimes if im feeling really bad about my spots il get up through the nite and check it it the mirror over and over all night long. i have recently seen a doctor and now i am on prozac for depression but i have not mentioned my problems with my apperance. i just feel so ashamed and dont want people to think i am just vain and shallow. reading some of the stories on here makes me feel a little better knowing im not the only one who feels like this

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ugh these posts make me really angry. I can't tell if I'm angry at people's points of views, or if i'm just angry because i hate life.

one lets talk about how this is only a disordered from the priviliged?

okay that's a nice thought...and I started to agree from the beginning. I came from a good home. However my entire life has been extremely chaotic. I've had a lot of traumas adn abuse and still my MAIN battle is this "BDD" and i put it in quotes b/c it should just be called "lowe self esteem" and i have the RIGHT to say that b/c i have been diagnosed with BBDD (bullshit body dysmorphia disorder)

anyhow. one of the posters said this:

"Someone who looks in the mirror dozens (if not hundreds) of times a day, who stops socializing with others because of a non-existent or minor physical flaw, who experiences severe anxiety attacks over these flaws - this person has a disorder that is distinct from depression or any other psychological problem."

wow you little clever fox, you put together words so well! i am very proud of you. Well except...what happens if it's not a non-existent or minor physical flaw. what if it's acne. and i apologize if i offend anyone, but, acne is a HUGE flaw. it destroys a persons face. it is disgusting. There is no way to look past it. You can be a supermodel, but if you have acne, you are absolutely hideous. and let me just say I also have the right to say that, b/c i suffer from chronic acne. and i would be pretty w/o it but it destroys my face.

so it is a mix of the way your brain is wired plus circumstances, but that doesn't mean it's all gonna be the same!!!

and the thing is, some of us have the ability to put up a front and act like it doesn't bother us! How do you know we don't spend every second we can in front of a mirror crying and thinking about killing ourselves?

How do you know when we are supposedly "sick" for a week or two, we just can't leave the house b/c we don't want to hurt peoples feelings with our faces.

when most people go to jail, wanna get out as soon as possible so that they can be free again. Me, when I go to jail, i want to get out as soon as possible before my makeup falls off and my flaws are revealed.

oh i also liveed in a homeless shelter and wouldn't come outside until i was ALL made up and i mean all made up like, dressed, sunless tanner, hair done, clothes, makeup, the whole nine yards.

and both of those places are some gutter low folks who care more about their next hit then what you look like! but still regardless i can obsess over it anywhere everywhere and i've been like that my whole life.

my family doesn't looka t me anymore. they know i can't be looked at.

i don't leave my house anymore. i go to work and every time i'm there i am so miserable, i don't loook customers in the eyes b/c i can't stand what their reactino will be to my ugly face. (which is only ugly because of the horrible acne)

so all my friends have no idea whats wrong with me, but i don't even care anymore. i don't have the energy to put on 12 pounds of makeup any more and i can't face people without it, so there we go.

also i have IBS so anytime i eat just about anything my stomach gets so bloated and it hurts.

so i kinda just eat nothing.

but anyways, the reason thats not BDD, is b/c my physical flaws that i obsess over are actually legit. I don't think i'm fat,(i mean of course a little bit) but i just have a stomach inflated most the time, and the acne i have is REAL *ii take about 40 pictures a day on my webcam to make sure it is real. i check the mirror every half hour or so to see the status of my stomach

so that's why i want to die every day and i am getting closer to jumping off a bridge because i hate my life.

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I was thinking that maybe I have this, since I have a lot of the listed behavors associated with BDD, and I obsess about how horrendously ugly I am, but I think the difference between me and people with BDD is that for them it's imagined ugliness, and for me it's reality. I mean, my eyes work and my idea of good looking is about the same as everyone else's, so it makes no sense that I would see myself differently than other people.

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I was thinking that maybe I have this, since I have a lot of the listed behavors associated with BDD, and I obsess about how horrendously ugly I am, but I think the difference between me and people with BDD is that for them it's imagined ugliness, and for me it's reality. I mean, my eyes work and my idea of good looking is about the same as everyone else's, so it makes no sense that I would see myself differently than other people.

THANKYOU! that is EXACTLY what i was trying to say.

yes acne is a REAL flaw, and anybody who has it bad is going to obsess about it. you can't be happy until it's gone. that's how i feel. some people might be stronger than me though. so you never know.

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I have my own personal theory about BDD. To me, it seems to be a "disorder of the privileged" (I don't just mean a disorder of people who are wealthy). I mean that it seems that it would be more prevalent in people who have grown up in a place where their basic survival needs (food, shelter, safety) are being met - in relatively well-off, modern, individualistic societies. Can you imagine growing up in a war torn country or other such place where your day to day survival was uncertain, and developing an obession with your skin, your nose, your hair? To the point where you can't step out your front door because you are so anxious about what people will think when they see you?

Correct. You forgot to mention the influence of the media though. I'm a guy and I just hate my appearance. If I have BDD it's just a mild case. Some people in my family have OCD so I believe there may be a correlation there as well. But watching all those shows & commercials with all those shirtless good looking guys with perfect skin, muscles, and hair...just makes me cringe. I cant even attempt to compare myself to them. Even in shows like 'LOST' where they are all supposed to be dirty and hungry - leave it to Hollywood to pull that off.

Edited by red2528

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Hi I know this is 2010 but I had to respond. I too have the acne dysmorphia. I have had bad bouts with it. I am in a bad mode right now. I am 37. My acne has flared up again. I have tried Accutane 3x and am just starting my fourth. I am barely able to make it to work because of my skin. I hate it. I avoid most all social situations. I cant talk to my fam about this because they just don't get it.

:Thanks for sharing your story.

I believe I have acne dysmorphia, which is a form of BDD.

The problem is, I know how it would kill my parents inside if I told them the suffering I go through everyday.

I can relate to almost everything you say. I feel the pain of wanting to go to heaven, to live a simple life beyond life here there, but I would never bring myself into doing that. I know it would cause my family and friends so much pain.

But this simple worry about my acne has escalated, to the point where I've analyzed myself so hard. I think that my nose is too big, my neck is too long, my eyes too small.

Any reflective surface I can find I'll check to see if I have any bumps on my face.

I have a problem, but like I said, I can't do anything about it. The pain it would put my family through. I couldn't go through counsiling either, because I would never open up to someone I don't trust.

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if you have acne then you don't look your best!!! you won't feel good about yourself until it clears up! TRUST ME! i was diagnosed with the same thing and then it cleared up and i was suddenly perfectly okay, until it's BACK again and now i haven't left the house for a couple months

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Hi I feel your pain- Some may describe my acne as mild but I obsess about it. I sit in my room when I am home- watch tv and stare at the mirror. I do get deep bumps which I pick at then they look horrendous. Iam so jealous of co-workers that don't have this problem. I get so bitchy and that is why.

I avoid social situations most of the time. Ihave had good moments right after a course of accutane but the acne slowly creeps back into my life.

A relationship would be impossible right now.

I was sexually abused most of my childhood so I see this may affect how I perceive myself.

Just at a loss of more words... Help

ugh these posts make me really angry. I can't tell if I'm angry at people's points of views, or if i'm just angry because i hate life.

one lets talk about how this is only a disordered from the priviliged?

okay that's a nice thought...and I started to agree from the beginning. I came from a good home. However my entire life has been extremely chaotic. I've had a lot of traumas adn abuse and still my MAIN battle is this "BDD" and i put it in quotes b/c it should just be called "lowe self esteem" and i have the RIGHT to say that b/c i have been diagnosed with BBDD (bullshit body dysmorphia disorder)

anyhow. one of the posters said this:

"Someone who looks in the mirror dozens (if not hundreds) of times a day, who stops socializing with others because of a non-existent or minor physical flaw, who experiences severe anxiety attacks over these flaws - this person has a disorder that is distinct from depression or any other psychological problem."

wow you little clever fox, you put together words so well! i am very proud of you. Well except...what happens if it's not a non-existent or minor physical flaw. what if it's acne. and i apologize if i offend anyone, but, acne is a HUGE flaw. it destroys a persons face. it is disgusting. There is no way to look past it. You can be a supermodel, but if you have acne, you are absolutely hideous. and let me just say I also have the right to say that, b/c i suffer from chronic acne. and i would be pretty w/o it but it destroys my face.

so it is a mix of the way your brain is wired plus circumstances, but that doesn't mean it's all gonna be the same!!!

and the thing is, some of us have the ability to put up a front and act like it doesn't bother us! How do you know we don't spend every second we can in front of a mirror crying and thinking about killing ourselves?

How do you know when we are supposedly "sick" for a week or two, we just can't leave the house b/c we don't want to hurt peoples feelings with our faces.

when most people go to jail, wanna get out as soon as possible so that they can be free again. Me, when I go to jail, i want to get out as soon as possible before my makeup falls off and my flaws are revealed.

oh i also liveed in a homeless shelter and wouldn't come outside until i was ALL made up and i mean all made up like, dressed, sunless tanner, hair done, clothes, makeup, the whole nine yards.

and both of those places are some gutter low folks who care more about their next hit then what you look like! but still regardless i can obsess over it anywhere everywhere and i've been like that my whole life.

my family doesn't looka t me anymore. they know i can't be looked at.

i don't leave my house anymore. i go to work and every time i'm there i am so miserable, i don't loook customers in the eyes b/c i can't stand what their reactino will be to my ugly face. (which is only ugly because of the horrible acne)

so all my friends have no idea whats wrong with me, but i don't even care anymore. i don't have the energy to put on 12 pounds of makeup any more and i can't face people without it, so there we go.

also i have IBS so anytime i eat just about anything my stomach gets so bloated and it hurts.

so i kinda just eat nothing.

but anyways, the reason thats not BDD, is b/c my physical flaws that i obsess over are actually legit. I don't think i'm fat,(i mean of course a little bit) but i just have a stomach inflated most the time, and the acne i have is REAL *ii take about 40 pictures a day on my webcam to make sure it is real. i check the mirror every half hour or so to see the status of my stomach

so that's why i want to die every day and i am getting closer to jumping off a bridge because i hate my life.

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Slave2makup....YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT. I have no doubt that you have BDD, But a supermodel with a few spots will NOT look hideous... And there are plenty of people who do feel good about themselves, even if they have acne. They are all over these boards (Example) I also know one at my school and he is always the center of attention, making everyone laugh. I never knew anyone with a more bloated self-esteem. I just wish I could borrow some of it :P

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Slave2makup....YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT. I have no doubt that you have BDD, But a supermodel with a few spots will NOT look hideous... And there are plenty of people who do feel good about themselves, even if they have acne. They are all over these boards (Example) I also know one at my school and he is always the center of attention, making everyone laugh. I never knew anyone with a more bloated self-esteem. I just wish I could borrow some of it :P

yeah i have a friend who is exactly the same way, and he had terrible acne last year.

he was always the center of attention and very funny

even now that his acne is gone, he's still the same old guy

i think its very admirable when people are able to find confidence, even when theyre not given much to be confident about

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I have been diagnosed with this also. Here is my story in brief. I suffered from acne for ten or 12 years growing up and am now 24. It always crushed me when it broke out and i always had persistent comedonal acne on chin, cheeks, and forehead. I was petrified and embarrassed to go to the dermatologist after getting peels there that sent me home red and broken out. I was afraid to use a retinoid becuase I didnt want to deal with IB. Instead of treating my skin properly I dried it out with salacylic acid and OTC benzoyl peroxide until it finally erupted (I treated my skin badly for 10 years). Now I am scarred and am getting a descent amount of wrinkles from drying my face for so long. I eventually was on accutane and the acne cleared. I now take care of it properly and breakouts rarely happen anymore, but I am left with some scars and prematurely aged skin that makes me unattractive. I dont even recognize myself in the mirror and cant get this out of my head. My face also feels awful ... to the point where every word i speak it feels as though it is tearing (in my cheeks). I use moisturizer, tretinoin, and see a derm and psychiatrist now, but nothing helps me to feel any better. I feel like i ruined my life by treating my face so terribly growing up and literally have nowhere to turn. I just want to go back in time and do this right ... i would have avoided all of these problems. i ruined my life by overdrying my face for such a long time with harsh chemicals ... this all could have been avoided. I think about suicide very frequently and dont know what to do anymore. This is my life and has been for a very very long time ...

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Wow, I just read a website listing all the symptoms and stuff and it fits me almost 100%. Sorry if it was already said before, but is there anything in particular someone should do if they think they have BDD?

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because its shit on your face. nobody wants SHIT on th eir face.

just because your acne is not SEVERE

is like telling someone that's mother is dying, "well at least your dad is still alive."

like WTF your still in pain.

its such a stupid thing to exist. can someone tell me what the point of acne is? i can't leave my house. my friend is having a baby but am i going to the hospital uhhhh HELL NO i am not going in public. some fucking just shoot me seriously im tired of this.

its so crazy how when i am all fucking dolled up everybodys hoollerin at me but this past week of no makeup has been literallly hell. it's like a culture shock....not ONE person has told me how pretty i am...well i haven't gone anywhere BUT work, but i used to get told at any job i went to every single day how beautiful i am and it's so sad because i never really was beautiful...i was a fake...i was lying to everyone! with my hair done and fake tan and caked on fucking makeup and clothes designed to hide all my flaws...i fooled everyone...

i always feared some stalker that was in love with me would break into my house and see what i looked like without makeup on and begin taunting me...

i know what you mean by relationship would be impossible. i hate myself so much i've never had a relationship and never will.

i am jealous of EVERYONE in the world who doesn't have this problem. it seems like the only people who has this problem are people on this website.

i dont know what to do for you i wish i could save you i wish i could save everyone. im so fucking angry. acne takes away livess.

i am such a good person. i go out of my way to help everyone. i dont drink i dont do drugs i dont hurt people...why the fuck am i cursed with this shit on my face? i am 21 years old and i wont leave my bed room b/c of white heads and red marks and whatever the fuck else is everywhere.

Hi I feel your pain- Some may describe my acne as mild but I obsess about it. I sit in my room when I am home- watch tv and stare at the mirror. I do get deep bumps which I pick at then they look horrendous. Iam so jealous of co-workers that don't have this problem. I get so bitchy and that is why.

I avoid social situations most of the time. Ihave had good moments right after a course of accutane but the acne slowly creeps back into my life.

A relationship would be impossible right now.

I was sexually abused most of my childhood so I see this may affect how I perceive myself.

Just at a loss of more words... Help

ugh these posts make me really angry. I can't tell if I'm angry at people's points of views, or if i'm just angry because i hate life.

one lets talk about how this is only a disordered from the priviliged?

okay that's a nice thought...and I started to agree from the beginning. I came from a good home. However my entire life has been extremely chaotic. I've had a lot of traumas adn abuse and still my MAIN battle is this "BDD" and i put it in quotes b/c it should just be called "lowe self esteem" and i have the RIGHT to say that b/c i have been diagnosed with BBDD (bullshit body dysmorphia disorder)

anyhow. one of the posters said this:

"Someone who looks in the mirror dozens (if not hundreds) of times a day, who stops socializing with others because of a non-existent or minor physical flaw, who experiences severe anxiety attacks over these flaws - this person has a disorder that is distinct from depression or any other psychological problem."

wow you little clever fox, you put together words so well! i am very proud of you. Well except...what happens if it's not a non-existent or minor physical flaw. what if it's acne. and i apologize if i offend anyone, but, acne is a HUGE flaw. it destroys a persons face. it is disgusting. There is no way to look past it. You can be a supermodel, but if you have acne, you are absolutely hideous. and let me just say I also have the right to say that, b/c i suffer from chronic acne. and i would be pretty w/o it but it destroys my face.

so it is a mix of the way your brain is wired plus circumstances, but that doesn't mean it's all gonna be the same!!!

and the thing is, some of us have the ability to put up a front and act like it doesn't bother us! How do you know we don't spend every second we can in front of a mirror crying and thinking about killing ourselves?

How do you know when we are supposedly "sick" for a week or two, we just can't leave the house b/c we don't want to hurt peoples feelings with our faces.

when most people go to jail, wanna get out as soon as possible so that they can be free again. Me, when I go to jail, i want to get out as soon as possible before my makeup falls off and my flaws are revealed.

oh i also liveed in a homeless shelter and wouldn't come outside until i was ALL made up and i mean all made up like, dressed, sunless tanner, hair done, clothes, makeup, the whole nine yards.

and both of those places are some gutter low folks who care more about their next hit then what you look like! but still regardless i can obsess over it anywhere everywhere and i've been like that my whole life.

my family doesn't looka t me anymore. they know i can't be looked at.

i don't leave my house anymore. i go to work and every time i'm there i am so miserable, i don't loook customers in the eyes b/c i can't stand what their reactino will be to my ugly face. (which is only ugly because of the horrible acne)

so all my friends have no idea whats wrong with me, but i don't even care anymore. i don't have the energy to put on 12 pounds of makeup any more and i can't face people without it, so there we go.

also i have IBS so anytime i eat just about anything my stomach gets so bloated and it hurts.

so i kinda just eat nothing.

but anyways, the reason thats not BDD, is b/c my physical flaws that i obsess over are actually legit. I don't think i'm fat,(i mean of course a little bit) but i just have a stomach inflated most the time, and the acne i have is REAL *ii take about 40 pictures a day on my webcam to make sure it is real. i check the mirror every half hour or so to see the status of my stomach

so that's why i want to die every day and i am getting closer to jumping off a bridge because i hate my life.

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