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Canadian Bacon

Should I stay or Should I go....?

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Here I am, sitting at my computer, 12:15 PM local time, undecided and more unsure about my life than I ever have been. Yesterday might have been the most miserable day in my existence on this planet. It was so bad I just chuckled with hopelessness at the end of it. I tried getting drunk after work but the euphoria one usually gets when intoxicated savagely turned on me and made me even more miserable. Wallowing in my self-pity, I tried to turn to my friends but of course they were too busy preoccupied with themselves and their own problems. I don't blame them. Human beings are genetically wired to think of themselves first and foremost. I'm guilty of it as well. My family would just look at me as if I grew 6 heads and a couple arms if I even touched on what I was feeling, so they were out of the question. Foolishly, in my state of inebriation and loneliness, I turned to my ex-gf and vented to her about my problems. Not a smart move considering my mind-state at the time and the fact that was our first contact in almost 7 months. I regretted it almost as instantly as I pressed the "send" button. I had been so proud of myself for finally cutting her out of my life too.

Thing is, I'm at a crossroads. I've tried so bloody hard to stay positive and tell myself everything is gonna be alright one day. I've been telling myself this for 8 years. Now at 24, I realize it's not gonna be alright. Some of us just weren't meant to enjoy this thing called "life". I mean, it's not always like this. Last week I was super up-beat and felt good about myself. So why the fuck can't I stay that way? I'm tired of these ups and downs. I'm tired of people treating me like a non-entity. I'm tired of the utter loneliness. I'm just so very tired.... :(

I need someone to tell me that they care about whether I live or die because I'm getting the feeling this world and it's inhabitants don't give a flying fuck.

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Do you really want to end your life at the tender age of 24? You still have so much more life to live you really do. I understand that we all have days where we feel down as we are only human but you can't just sit and wallow in this hole you have dug for yourself. You need to pick yourself up, dust off and hit the ground running. What are you doing to try to control your acne? Are you sure you can't talk to your mom or dad about how you are feeling? You may be surprised at what they have to say. I am sorry you are feeling so down about yourself please do not do anything drastic, remember tomorrow is a new day and you do not know what tomorrow holds.

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I think your problem is that you're giving other people the power to make your life happy.

Even if nobody gives a shit about you, the least you could do is give a shit about yourself. You're not gonna achieve any kind of lasting happiness as long as you are depending so much on others to make you happy. Just don't do anything rash. There's always the possibility of a better tommarow. Hang in there.

As always,

Aiden

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Do you really want to end your life at the tender age of 24? You still have so much more life to live you really do. I understand that we all have days where we feel down as we are only human but you can't just sit and wallow in this hole you have dug for yourself. You need to pick yourself up, dust off and hit the ground running. What are you doing to try to control your acne? Are you sure you can't talk to your mom or dad about how you are feeling? You may be surprised at what they have to say. I am sorry you are feeling so down about yourself please do not do anything drastic, remember tomorrow is a new day and you do not know what tomorrow holds.

My acne is relatively fine. Couple whiteheads here and there but nothing terrible. Skin tone is nightmarish though. The 'rents simply wouldn't understand. Too old-school. My mom once told me I was "too old" to get depressed.

I think your problem is that you're giving other people the power to make your life happy.

Even if nobody gives a shit about you, the least you could do is give a shit about yourself. You're not gonna achieve any kind of lasting happiness as long as you are depending so much on others to make you happy. Just don't do anything rash. There's always the possibility of a better tommarow. Hang in there.

As always,

Aiden

I give a shit about myself but is it too much to ask that someone else on this god-forsaken planet does as well? How long would they mourn me if I did go through with it? Would they mourn at all? These are things running through my mind.... and they're getting stronger by the day. Tomorrow probably won't be much different. But I'll continue to plaster a smile of my face.

Hmm... I think it's about that time I hop on the antidepressant train.

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I know how you feel. Today I felt super depressed for no reason, after being pretty happy yesterday.

I would tell you to keep you're head up but I know you've heard that before. I just get in a "I dont care about anything" mindset when i'm feeling down.

Just know other people go through this too, hope you get better.

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"You're too old to be depressed." lolz

Anyway, if I had a nickel for every time I've been up and down, I'd never have to work a day in my life again. Everyone has ups and downs, regardless of age, so I don't know where the hell your mother got that logic. Maybe and hopefully she was just trying to cheer you up. My philosophy is to take one day at a time. Deal with the present. Don't loom in the past and don't look too far into the future. Just live in the here and now.

Chin up.

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Hey, dont know if your still online or not but I just happened to stumble on your post and kinda felt compelled to write something. I've only been on this site a few days and this is my first actual post.

I don't (as nobody does) have any magic words of wisdom that will make you happy or make you see meaning to your life but I'd basically just like to let you that a complete stranger such as myself would care if you decided to end it all.

You talk about people only caring about themselves but hey, I'm here posting ain't I? I'm a 19 year old lad from Ireland who knows what it feels like to get down sometimes (very very down, and not just for a day) but I somehow manage to find things, memories, songs, games, movies, people or just about anything in this world that makes me happy even if for the smallest while.

In summary my advice would be to just talk to people about how you are. It will help. And hey, I'm here if ya do!

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I think what you need is a mission. You need to find something to work for that will get you excited about life. Find something that will make you believe you are waking up each day with a purpose.

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I think what you need is a mission. You need to find something to work for that will get you excited about life. Find something that will make you believe you are waking up each day with a purpose.

Spot on. You have tons of options. Bodybuilding. Fight poverty. Picking up chicks. Self-improvement. Find a religion or something. Whatever makes you happy.

Also, learn that constant happiness is an aquired skill. I used to think like you, that I was going to live the rest of my life unhappy. Guess what. I'm happy. At least most of the time. We all have our rough days, I've had a shitty couple of days lately for various reasons, but I'll get over it. Find a reason to wake up in the morning, a "mission" as Kimothy called it.

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Hi, after reading what you wrote I wished I was some sort of philosopher with words of wisdom and all that. All I can say is never sell yourself short of what your worth! Every life is precious and a 24 year-old in the prime of his life is so special, never forget how important you are in this world. I hope that I've helped.

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Thank you all for the replies. I read them thoroughly.

I took another day off so I can fully recuperate, mentally. Just gonna take it easy with my buddy and have a video game day and go from there I guess. Going to see Oasis in Vancouver at the end of the month too so I'm super pumped about that. Still gonna look into antidepressants. I've been meaning too for awhile actually.

Thanks again. You guys are good peoples.

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Thank you all for the replies. I read them thoroughly.

I took another day off so I can fully recuperate, mentally. Just gonna take it easy with my buddy and have a video game day and go from there I guess. Going to see Oasis in Vancouver at the end of the month too so I'm super pumped about that. Still gonna look into antidepressants. I've been meaning too for awhile actually.

Thanks again. You guys are good peoples.

Noel Gallagher is a fuckin' genius.

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Can I start by saying you should absolutely stay, even though things may be shitty for you right now because there will be brighter days to look forward to. Even though you are feeling sad, worn down, and maybe hopeless right now at least you are still feeling something, still alive on this earth. I mean imagine the prospect of being dead-literal nothingness, if heaven/hell do not exist. You would be giving up the chance to be content, maybe even happy again one day and succumbing to temporary misery. Don't be shortsighted and let your negative feelings overpower your will to live and ability to enjoy life again. If you look at it optimistically, going through all of these hard times will only make the good ones so much sweeter as you will cherish them so much more. Think back to all of the good times you have had, simple little things that bring a smile to your face and realize how beautiful it can be to be alive. Your body is a precious gift that would be tragic to throw away at such a young age. Think of all the endless possibilities left for you and how sad it would be to let those go. Imagine if you did decide to try to "go away" from this earth and after you do it you'd do anything to reverse that decision, go back to breathing and living, but it is too late. You already took those pills, pulled that trigger, etc. Don't make that mistake, don't become another statistic.

You say you feel like no one cares about you, and that people might not care if you died, which are probably some of the worst feelings in the world. Just because you may feel this way does not mean it is true. You need to believe that you are special and cared about, and possibly reach out to your family and friends and tell them the pain you are smothered with. Talking to them about how you feel, reaching out for help, is so much better than leaving this earth because of your perception that you are not cared about.

believe in yourself, love yourself, and feel loved. i wish you well.

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I read your post, i realize it was almost a month ago and i'm hoping that you're feeling much better. I understand what you're going through, i've been there....depressed for no reason really you just feel like the world is getting you down and it's always one thing after another. It sucks and you tell people that you're depressed and they write it off like "everyone has those days" but they don't know how it feels to be so depressed that you wake up and your whole body hurts, it feels like you're trapped trying to claw your way through every day. Well at least that's what it was like for me. Anyways, I had the same problem, I told my mother I was depressed and as always she wrote it off. Two weeks later while I was on a college visit I reached my breaking point. I was curled up in a ball laying on the bed shaking uncontrollably, I didn't want to be touched and I didn't want to move. I was taken to the doctor immediately and I was put on an antidepressant. They kind of get a bad wrap, making people think you get a false sense of happiness all the time or something. The medicine i'm on now works pretty well, it doesn't make everything magically better or keep me from being sad, it just makes everything a lot easier to deal with. I can more easily step back and say okay, today was a bad day, but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better. I've got problems just like everyone else, i mean just yesterday my boyfriend of almost a year pretty much broke my heart, and yes i do feel depressed but, I know that I have friends and family who care, and I know that bad times come and go. I'm not in any way addicted to the meds i take, i can and have gone with out them any time i want...like i said it's not some kind of magic pill but it evens out the ups and downs. It sounds to me like you could really benefit from them...but everyone has their own way of dealing with things i suppose. I just hope you find what works for you and you realize that there are people who care. I hope i managed to help in some way.

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can u blame the person that walks out on a bad movie? no

you can either stay and see the ending or just leave b4 u waste more time.

if u do decide to leave, then u will never know the ending. if u decide to stay and watch the ending, it might turn out to be good, but it also might be bad and ull regret sticking around.

Bottom line is that its up to u, im not going to tell u to stay and give u a speach on how precious life is and you have the whole world in front of u . there is nothing wrong with walking out on a movie that you know will be bad.

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