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chicky1

flirting, self-confidence, relationships and acne

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I am just wondering if anyone can relate. Due to my bad skin, I never flirt with anyone. I never think that anyone could be interested in me, and if someone is interested in pursuing a relationship, they have to tell me - otherwise I would never have a clue.

I don't feel comfortable talking to people in broad daylight and I try to avoid standing very close to strangers (ie on the train) as I'm convinced they're judging my skin. If I have a bad skin day, I binge eat - then beat myself up about it afterwards. I have friends online that would love to meet up, but Im scared that once they see my horrible skin, they'll run away (stupid, I know.. but I can't shake it)

My face turns tomato red very easily -especially when people ask me personal questions like if I'm in a relationship. I think this might be due to the fact that I don't think Im worthy of being in a relationship.. :think:

I know that appearances are not everything - but I really feel like I'm less worthy than those with perfect skin... you know what I mean? I know it's BS, but I still can't stop thinking that way.And Ive studied Psychology for 5 years.lol

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You pretty much described me in that post. 'cept I don't turn red so easily! I've known several girls over the years that confirmed that they liked me and wanted to go out but I turned them down. Just too insecure about myself to even entertain relaionships, regardless of how the other person sees me. And yeah, I don't have a clue when people like me, but I'm a guy so that's my excuse! :) I've also studied psychology independantly for several years. It's a real pain in a way, because now I know the ins and outs of my own doubts and insecurities, but even understanding them doesn't help me overcome them!

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i dont think that your alone with this guys.

simple fact of the matter is that in most social situations it is physical attraction that starts the ball rolling in most situations.

and another simple fact is that if you have acne... and that includes me... you are less attractive to the opposite sex. that is fact of life.

i think we get embarrassed to talk/look/interact/approach/date people becasue we know that we are almost like damaged goods. lets face it, when was the last time you went into a store and bought a t-shirt or a pair of jeans that you spotted had a stain on them, when there were plenty of others in the same size and style on the hangers! it doesnt happen and it never will.

I am exactly the same as you, i hate standing close to people, i never make eye contact with people and i dont know how on earth i am going to get myself another girlfriend. i never had acne until about 6 months ago. at 27 i thought i never would get it! but hey thats life! i used to have soooo much confidence and always had a lot of women becasue of the confidence, but now i look so ridiculous i dont have that conifdence and therefor i am struggling!

i have never been that amazing to look at, i have however alway managed to pull girls.... i have had to work to near exhaustion every single time i went out over the last 10 years of my sexually active life to get every scrap of female attention, companionship and sex. its been hard work and i have had some great experiences... now i have acne, it just makes that work a little bit harder... but when the rewards come, which they will, my grin will be twice as large

until my acne clears i will concentrate on pulling and getting whatever i can. i will have to lower my standards a little to keep the flow at an aceptable rate, but i will keep dating and i will get my fair share.

until the acne clears we are all going to struggle. make the most of it and get what you can when you can. when it clears up, throw a party and take your pic!

:)

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I am just wondering if anyone can relate. Due to my bad skin, I never flirt with anyone. I never think that anyone could be interested in me, and if someone is interested in pursuing a relationship, they have to tell me - otherwise I would never have a clue.

I don't feel comfortable talking to people in broad daylight and I try to avoid standing very close to strangers (ie on the train) as I'm convinced they're judging my skin. If I have a bad skin day, I binge eat - then beat myself up about it afterwards. I have friends online that would love to meet up, but Im scared that once they see my horrible skin, they'll run away (stupid, I know.. but I can't shake it)

My face turns tomato red very easily -especially when people ask me personal questions like if I'm in a relationship. I think this might be due to the fact that I don't think Im worthy of being in a relationship.. :think:

I know that appearances are not everything - but I really feel like I'm less worthy than those with perfect skin... you know what I mean? I know it's BS, but I still can't stop thinking that way.And Ive studied Psychology for 5 years.lol

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. you described me!! i avoid sitting where the sunlight comes in harshly.. i don't like people looking at me up close... i feel like i'm not good enough when i have bad skin. this is crazy, i know, but sometimes i feel like when i have a breakout i am really ugly & my boyfriend will want to be w/ someone else. etc. I AM SO LAMEEEE. does anyone else feel that way?! even if my skin is 'not that bad' i still act the same. my skin holds me back in life for sure..

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i know exactly what u are talking about. i used to be so self conscious and shy due to my acne, but one day i just forgot all about my acne. i met this really hot girl and started talkin to her and soon as you know it, she became my gf. i have noo idea how i ended up with such a beautiful girl, but im soo glad that i came up with the nerves to talk and hang out with her. (i thought she would be one of those "bitchy preppy girls" bc she was hot and all, but she ended up to be the best person ive ever met)

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"i think we get embarrassed to talk/look/interact/approach/date people becasue we know that we are almost like damaged goods. lets face it, when was the last time you went into a store and bought a t-shirt or a pair of jeans that you spotted had a stain on them, when there were plenty of others in the same size and style on the hangers! it doesnt happen and it never will."

Damaged goods are you serious?!?! You CANT compare a human being to an article of clothing. NO person is perfect. We are all flawed in many ways. However you should never ever see yourself as damaged goods. I've said it again and again. The mirror doesnt tell you who you are. It comes from within, and its yours to generate.

"until my acne clears i will concentrate on pulling and getting whatever i can. i will have to lower my standards a little to keep the flow at an aceptable rate, but i will keep dating and i will get my fair share."

Well your goals are a little different than mine, but in my opinion you should never settle for less, and never compromise your standards in any situation.

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I'm not damaged!!! I have some acne , and yes of course sometimes it really gets to me. But my spots are only skin deep. If someone won't go out with me because of my acne, then I think they are the ones with the problem not me. (There's something wrong in their vain little head and not even all the BP in the world will fix it).

Sure first impressions are based on how you look, but just looking cute or handsome won't keep someone interested in you forever. You shouldn't have to lower your standards just because you have acne. Try to just go out to usual places. I'm sure you'll find someone when you least expect it!

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i've been told i'm very good looking, then i've been told by a friend "we're not the best looking people in the world", it all depends on how my skin is.

i wondered why i haven't got a relationship going, i don't feel comfortable starting one while remaining insecure about my skin.

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. If someone won't go out with me because of my acne, then I think they are the ones with the problem not me.

Thing is.. the majority of those people DO have that problem.. and you cant do anything about it

ON THE SIDE NOTE!! Think of Acne as a shield..

"IT WILL protect you from all shallow and self-centered girls"

YOU MAY THINK, oh i know there is a lot of good people out in the world

Fact is.. thats biased..

YOU'LL only meet the nice and caring people because they're the only ones that'll approach you.

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I think that there isnt to many people who actually will turn u down in a relation ship because of some acne but the problem is with ourselves.

Whenever i think of getting a girlfriend I think about my skin and how that would constantly affect me and therefore the relationship so I dismiss the idea. Also if you're like me and are insecure (even slightly) with your skin your gonna be thinking about it ALOT and that is going to make you a less interesting person to be around (Ive been awesome to be with but when my skin is giving me problems every part of me suffers to some degree especially my personality).

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i have read some of the responses to what i wrote and i cant help but reply... im sorry, but the fact of the matter is that like it or not, we are all damaged goods. red marks casued by acne are a result of inflammation, inflammation is designed by the human body as a reaction to assist the repair of damage to the human body and its tissues.

im not saying its permanent damage, but we are damaged/imperfect/individual whatever dog shit slant you want to put on it. at the end of the day, i am sure we would all swap/sacrific/pay a great deal to get rid of our problems... and there is a reason for that... becasue deep down we know it reduces our appeal to the opposite sex and it reduces our own sense of self worth.

there is a reason why people in magazines dont have acne - becasue it looks like shit. and if they do... they air brush it out becasue it looks like shit. acne doesnt sell well becasue it looks like shit. when i have acne like i do now i look like shit... and no one wants to be associated with shit.

am i the only realistic person on the face of the planet that doesnt buy into this true love, inner person crap that everyone clings onto day in day out.

people and partners accept and tollerate our acne. those who say it doesnt matter are lying. any girl who's guy has acne must be on another fucking planet if she says she doesnt care if it stays or goes. of course she does care. she would rather have a guy who doesnt have acne... believe me. its just that his other qualities add up and outwiegh the acne. its simple. but anyone who says their partner doesnt care about it is deluded.

those people who told me not to lower my standards and to hold out for my ideal woman are joking arent they? i might have this shit for 10 years! and you want me to wait round for miss perfect... no chance! i need to get some on a regular basis... if that means lowering my standards becasue i am a less viable comodity due to my temporary acne... then so be it.

look, i dont claim to be right about anything. this is just my opinion. its just that no body can put forward a well rounded argument that says otherwise.

people like perfection and with perfection comes success. if they didnt we would be less established and advanced as a race.

look, if it makes you lot sleep sounder at night safe in the knowledge that "there is someone out there who will love me for who i am not what i look like" then power to you... i wish i could buy into that, becasue in my opinion your all kidding yourself.

lets focus on getting rid of this acne, instead of tellin ourself that its all going to be fine when its not.

be realistic, be honest with yourself and dont cheat yourself out of the truth

we will only reach our true potential when we are clear of this curse.

until then survive

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Its not that no one can put forward a good argument. Its that you dismiss any argument that is contrary to your own.

I believe in true love, I believe that the human spirit is indomitable, i believe that standards are only meant to rise. I believe that beauty has very little to do with how you look. I dont sleep soundly bc i know there is someone out there for me and i cant stop thinking about her. I believe in everything you just put down in your last post, but that does NOT make me wrong. It means that I look at life from a different perspective.

Not all people in this world are interested in how people look. Alot of them are, and in my opinion those people arent worth the time. Perfection is a myth. Humans are defined by flaw. Just because not everyones flaws are visable doesnt mean they dont exist. In fact being able to hide it in my opinion only compounds it and lets it fester. I agree that we have to embrace our flaws, bc they are part of us, but NOT that they make us lesser in any faculty.We dont have to just survive, we can thrive bc we are NOT DAMAGED.

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am i the only realistic person on the face of the planet that doesnt buy into this true love, inner person crap that everyone clings onto day in day out.

I personally don't fall for looks at first. Look are second to me. If I like their personality, then I move on to the looks. If the looks match my standards then they pass. I don't have high expectations for looks.

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I totally feel you guys... It is so frustrating... sometimes I'd cry because I was breaking out so bad. I always have my hand near my face or am fiddling with something because I don't want people to see my face. I even get paranoid w. my bf and not too long ago I was in the shower and got out and put a towel over my face until he got out of the bathroom! I don't even let him touch my face! It's so hard to have a self confidence when we are our own worst critic! :ninja:

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am i the only realistic person on the face of the planet that doesnt buy into this true love, inner person crap that everyone clings onto day in day out.

I personally don't fall for looks at first. Look are second to me. If I like their personality, then I move on to the looks. If the looks match my standards then they pass. I don't have high expectations for looks.

what if someones personality is "damaged" because of their looks? I feel like i'm loosing more and more of myself every day having to live with this shit

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Its not that no one can put forward a good argument. Its that you dismiss any argument that is contrary to your own.

I believe in true love, I believe that the human spirit is indomitable, i believe that standards are only meant to rise. I believe that beauty has very little to do with how you look. I dont sleep soundly bc i know there is someone out there for me and i cant stop thinking about her. I believe in everything you just put down in your last post, but that does NOT make me wrong. It means that I look at life from a different perspective.

Not all people in this world are interested in how people look. Alot of them are, and in my opinion those people arent worth the time. Perfection is a myth. Humans are defined by flaw. Just because not everyones flaws are visable doesnt mean they dont exist. In fact being able to hide it in my opinion only compounds it and lets it fester. I agree that we have to embrace our flaws, bc they are part of us, but NOT that they make us lesser in any faculty.We dont have to just survive, we can thrive bc we are NOT DAMAGED.

kudos!!!!! But it's still hard to not critisize myself after washing off the cover ups. :redface:

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am i the only realistic person on the face of the planet that doesnt buy into this true love, inner person crap that everyone clings onto day in day out.

I personally don't fall for looks at first. Look are second to me. If I like their personality, then I move on to the looks. If the looks match my standards then they pass. I don't have high expectations for looks.

Everyone falls for looks as first, then personality. It's human nature. You should donate your body to science or something.

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Due to my bad skin, I never flirt with anyone. I never think that anyone could be interested in me, and if someone is interested in pursuing a relationship, they have to tell me - otherwise I would never have a clue.

Well, bad skin may initially cause lack of confidence, but you need to learn to live with it. If you're a guy, learn that looks don't really matter that much, while confidence and personality are what attract women. If you're a girl it's a bigger problem, but unless your acne is really bad, you have a shot with quite a lot of guys, regardless of your looks. Guys are too horny to turn down girls who show interested in them, heh.

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Yes, humans do base alot of thier initial attraction on looks. You folks aren't wrong in that - it is, after all, the result of millions upon millions of years of evolution.

But we aren't cavemen. The fact that any of us are here, typing out our responses to this thread shows that we are obviously capable of more than our base instincts. If we were only slaves to to our hard-wired impulses, none of us would CARE about our acne at all because we'd be too busy trying to club the oppisiste sex, drag them into our caves, and then going out again to hunt down a mastadon or something.

Well, some of us may still do that, but it's not all that we do! :)

To OP, as ridiculous as it may sound, have hope and have trust. If you can't find yourself able to trust the world around you, trust us. No matter what you feel, or whose side you want to be on come any given day, there are people here who will be able to honestly say "That's how I feel, too."

That counts for something. It counts for alot.

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My acne used to be sooo bad that i would never talk to girls let alone flirt with them. But after it started clearing I met some really awesome girls and started refining my flirting abilities. xD

But i've always been a little dense so when one of them actually liked me i didnt grasp my chance and got my heart broken T.T

Oh well its all good now. But you have to have confidence to succeed in a relationship!

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I know it's all about confidence, which I am so clearly lacking in. At the moment I'm not living, just existing. I wish I could be the life of the party, but I've got to change my perspective on life first. I'm not ugly, but having been bullied all through school has taken its toll. It has been years since I graduated, but the horrid words they yelled at me are still stuck in my head. My family sort of bullied me too (ie dad calling my face a mirror), which definitely didn't help.

I do have a lovely girlfriend now who does not care about my acne. We're in a long-distance relationship and when we're together I try not to fuss over my skin. She's an amazing person and I wear very little makeup when we're together - but I do feel self-conscious when I'm around her family and friends. I'm on accutane right now, so I'm hoping I'll be more or less clear by the time we see each other again.

There are few social groups in the area that I've found online that I would love to join, but my acne is keeping me from going to a meeting. Perhaps when my skin clears up:(

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I am just wondering if anyone can relate. Due to my bad skin, I never flirt with anyone. I never think that anyone could be interested in me, and if someone is interested in pursuing a relationship, they have to tell me - otherwise I would never have a clue.

I don't feel comfortable talking to people in broad daylight and I try to avoid standing very close to strangers (ie on the train) as I'm convinced they're judging my skin. If I have a bad skin day, I binge eat - then beat myself up about it afterwards. I have friends online that would love to meet up, but Im scared that once they see my horrible skin, they'll run away (stupid, I know.. but I can't shake it)

My face turns tomato red very easily -especially when people ask me personal questions like if I'm in a relationship. I think this might be due to the fact that I don't think Im worthy of being in a relationship.. :think:

I know that appearances are not everything - but I really feel like I'm less worthy than those with perfect skin... you know what I mean? I know it's BS, but I still can't stop thinking that way.And Ive studied Psychology for 5 years.lol

you have merely been conditioned by your experiances and by how you tend to interact with your environment, and we all now that if your face changes your behaviors will immediatly change, well chances are pretty good anyways. You feel exactly the same as everyone else with acne, so its merely the normal thoughts that go along with the disease.

Truth is, what can you really know about what people are thinking?? not much unless they flat out tell you, so you know very little, but you can assume much more, which is irresponsible. but in all likeliness yea they may be looking at it and thinking that sucks, but how the hell should you know?? be responsible with your thinking, but then again their is always the anxiety of what they might be thinking that gets to you, it is an undesirable outcome you wish to avoid, but really you cannot please everyone by having beautiful skin just for them at least at the moment. If they think that your skin is nasty, why should that bother you?? perhaps if you were in a relationship already, whether or not anyone liked your skin would be irrelevant, because you already got someone who appreciates you the way you are, EXACTLY the way you are, so in turn you have no problems being exactly the way you are, and it really doesnt matter what anyone thinks, so if you could accomplish getting into a relationship of this degree of healthiness, you will have solved much of your problems of social acceptance by others, as where you stand right now you have a hard time believeing someone will accept you like this, and although it is a little less likely, your chances arent completly gone out the window, you are still a living breathing human being and people will always want the company of living breathing human beings, so you got something good going for yourself right there, people just want someone to talk to, you can still talk right?? well you got that right there, so it is not entirely impossible for someone not to like you how you are right now, if you were to say you know it is not possible, that would also be a false certainty, because how could you ever know what everyone in this world will think?? No one has that ability, you can bever be 100% certain about that ever, you could try to reason, but thats the best you could do and how good would your reasoning be?? it would only be as good how many people you were able to sample and specifically ask, does my skin bother you so much that you wouldnt want to hang out with me sometime??? thats the only real way you would ever have the faintest idea, but your are justified right now to know that it is generally undesirable, but how undersirable and by exactly whom, is something you can never claim any accurate certainty about.

So either find someone who likes you for who you are right now and doesnt have a problem with it, stop speculating about who or what may be thinking what about your skin, decide what they think about your skin means to you, all it really means is that one person at that moment in time didnt like you because of your skin, your skin isnt the totality of who you are. ALso if it bother you that much do not feel ashamed to stay in the house until you clear up a bit, thats perfectly fine nothing ever wrong with that. You could also consider seeing a psychologist, and being thankful for all the great things you still have in your life right now.

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You pretty much summed me up perfectly!

This guy approached me back in May (my skin was really nice back then) and we just hung out a few weeks ago (he lives kinda far away) and (kind of to my surprise) he's still interested. I was shocked since I'm breaking out sooo bad. It's really nice to know all people aren't so superficial.

But at the same time, I feel like we'll never get anywhere since I'm not comfortable making out with someone. Imagine going to touch somebody's face and they feel all your acne... yuck. Or if we were making out and one of my zits popped! Naaaaasty.

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