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Acne destroying chances of finding a GF

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*rant and roll -- might not make any sense as I am just typing this stuff out*

Acne is a mental game but I think it starts to create a downhill snowball effect as it starts to affect other areas of ones' life. Its rather quite sad to be spending a sunny Sunday afternoon here typing on Acne.org when I, a mid-twenty male, can be out at the beach or in the city with friends (or even out with a GF).

I have tried so much crap to resolve this issue and nothing has really helped (derms, diet, etc. -- oh sigh - the sacrifices). I guess I have to live with it and its almost like a big black curse that I cannot escape.

Either way its crushing to think as most people judge others by how they look -- and obviously the face leads to first impressions.

My friends think I should find a girlfriend, but they might be speaking out of pity as I am definitely the underdog in the group (no gf, have no game, etc.). Most people in the post 21 age group are clear and usually confidence is much higher than those with spots and bumps on their face.

I think a GF will help my confidence and outlook but again what can I do?! I really dont know where to start. People are superficial and maybe I am as well but I just want to find some love and care in this world and not have to settle for seconds.

Acne is the biggest burden in my life -- it could be worse but time does not stop so how can I seize the day with spots on my face?!

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Before people flow in here with their philosophies on life and "starving children" spiels, you're right, acne can destroy your chances at getting a girl or living a social life. I mean look, it's made me hate my life completely. For one, acne kills your confidence and we all know how girls love confident guys. For example, I don't see why people expect me to have confidence with pockets of pus protruding off of my face. It's just not going to happen - lol. And for two, acne just makes you look like shit, depending on the severity. Why would a girl want to go out for dinner when my acne's constantly oozing blood and pus? "Hey baby, would you like some special sauce on your chicken? *pop* Yep, there you go..."

So yes, I feel for you there. We're just the unlucky ones I suppose.

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I just have to say, I know how you feel COMPLETELY. It's easier to be a girl because we can use cosmetics to cover up those issues. And because I am great with lighting techniques, I have managed to fool two really beautiful boys into thinking I'm ...pretty. I hate and nearly CRINGE when they call me those names because I know beneath my make-up there are so many problems they may not be willing to look at.

I mean, who really does want to wake up to a person with all these hideous blotches and bumps on their face?

So...I've been trying to avoid dating these dudes and it completely sucks. I'm 21 and finally men are taking notice of me...but it's sad that I have this secret to hide.

The best bet is to do what I've been told:

When people focus too much on the flaws that they have, people will catch on that they are uncomfortable with themselves and self conciousness is VERY unattractive. So the best thing to do is just act as if nothing is on your face at all (and I know it's hard) and just talk to these girls like you DO have game. People find confidence and personality attractive and almost automatically forget the flaws that come with people when they can overcome what they have been "cursed" with.

Well...that's what I've been telling myself for about the past three weeks. Let's see if my confidence level can make this boy think I'm still beautiful with problem skin. I will let you know!!

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I just have to say, I know how you feel COMPLETELY. It's easier to be a girl because we can use cosmetics to cover up those issues. And because I am great with lighting techniques, I have managed to fool two really beautiful boys into thinking I'm ...pretty. I hate and nearly CRINGE when they call me those names because I know beneath my make-up there are so many problems they may not be willing to look at.

I mean, who really does want to wake up to a person with all these hideous blotches and bumps on their face?

So...I've been trying to avoid dating these dudes and it completely sucks. I'm 21 and finally men are taking notice of me...but it's sad that I have this secret to hide.

The best bet is to do what I've been told:

When people focus too much on the flaws that they have, people will catch on that they are uncomfortable with themselves and self conciousness is VERY unattractive. So the best thing to do is just act as if nothing is on your face at all (and I know it's hard) and just talk to these girls like you DO have game. People find confidence and personality attractive and almost automatically forget the flaws that come with people when they can overcome what they have been "cursed" with.

Well...that's what I've been telling myself for about the past three weeks. Let's see if my confidence level can make this boy think I'm still beautiful with problem skin. I will let you know!!

Ashley,

Thanks for sharing. I really hope it works out for you as it seems you are farther down the dating stage than I am -- its nice to hear your story and I hope that guy likes you for who you are and can look deeper than the surface level (btw, you look very nice in your avatar =) ).

I hear what you mean regarding going out there and having confidence and personality. Its harder said than done, but it definitely helps to have the support (even though this is simply an online forum). Every bit helps as sometimes its hard to share with those around us.

Anyway, I better get some rest so my skin can get a chance to try to heal :P

I look forward to your updates. Have a great week.

Peace.

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i felt the same way, never mind low self confidence i had no self confidence, didnt wanna venture out of the house at times. Most times in fact. Despite the fact that i loathe myself cos of my terrible acne, i found someone who suprisingly loves me. So much so we now have a baby together. I still have acne :wall:

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You know what? I've dated my share of guys who have almost perfect skin, but suffer from not-so-mild cases of body acne. A lot more people suffer from acne than you might think. These guys acted like they didn't care and as a result, I didn't care one bit. Even people without acne have issues with their own looks- they think they're too fat, too skiny, too hairy, too short... you name it, someone is having a problem with it.

It's fine to focus on your flaws in here, but when you go out there, you have to pretend like it isn't an issue. In fact, most of the people I know who are the most popular romantically are not the people you'd consider to be the most attractive. They have something else that makes them stand out- be it confidence, enthusiasm/optimism, or some other personality trait.

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You know what? I've dated my share of guys who have almost perfect skin, but suffer from not-so-mild cases of body acne. A lot more people suffer from acne than you might think. These guys acted like they didn't care and as a result, I didn't care one bit. Even people without acne have issues with their own looks- they think they're too fat, too skiny, too hairy, too short... you name it, someone is having a problem with it.

It's fine to focus on your flaws in here, but when you go out there, you have to pretend like it isn't an issue. In fact, most of the people I know who are the most popular romantically are not the people you'd consider to be the most attractive. They have something else that makes them stand out- be it confidence, enthusiasm/optimism, or some other personality trait.

I completely agree with you. A lot of my friends have clear skin, but that isn't to say they are happy with themselves! I mean--they admit that they're a tad bit overweight and don't look like models, but they get over their flaw and just have a good time. Or some of my friends have teeth that could use some braces which causes them NOT to smile! But you know what? I still think they're all very beautiful people who have a chance at finding people they love, because they are very unique individuals. I mean..acne for me is just ONE flaw that I can't rid of. I have many many more ...excessive sweating, dry dry dry feet, and I can't gain weight to be normal! We're all made different, but it's the "abnormalities" that we overcome that make us stronger and...we all think a person who is strong is quite attractive :)

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