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<---- THuG LYF3!

To Iliad, YOU TRY TOO HARD!

Seriously, you're forcing the words out. It's obviously faked, this writing is not how you see things. This is how you want to see things. It's bland, boring and unoriginal. You have an image in your head of what "poetry" should look like, and you try to force that image onto your writing. You're the deffintion of a tool. You are trying to make something of yourself that isn't so.

Sorry if I was blunt, but if you're going to write stuff, write it for yourself.

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I really love your poems!

I'm a writer, too but all of my poems are fairly short.

These are a few written at different points in time this past year,

Stuck

So, I guess this isn’t working for me,

tired of the nothingness and emptiness within

underlying problems, they grow old and

cliché like your hopes and aspirations

knocking down the walls I build, blowing me away

(inevitably, we’ll drown in our pretentious words and

nonsensical probably wouldn’t even begin to describe it)

the floor will have its way, it seems -

interpret that as you will but

my heart longs for something else;

eternity couldn’t compare.

Everlasting Light

The sky was pitch black

and every light in the world;

extinguished.

The sound of pain and

agony can be heard distinctly

within humanity’s suffering now.

The narrow path that once

shined with a light eternal is

forever gone unto thee.

Temptation shall strike and

judgment shall ensue.

Just remember:

“Darkness controls but

The love on your face does dawn

Everlasting lightâ€

It Would Be Unendurable

Everything beautiful fades with time and the clock just keeps moving.

It’s as delicate as a butterfly’s wing and

as subtle as the wind entangled in your hair on a beach day

and I would love nothing more than to tell you everything ended up

being okay in the end, but false hope will inevitably bring disappointment.

But actually, sometimes the grass is green, lush, and cool

and I like to lay in it and daydream (because you’re there, I guess)

but most of the time it’s brown and hard.

I guess it just reminds me of how everything beautiful dies.

Even God’s perfect and ever-changing picture seems to understand strife

because as I stand staring into the heavens during a thunderstorm crying,

I know it’s true and that only makes me cry harder.

Broken Spyglass and Fireflies

Somewhere out there the world is out of focus;

out of touch, out of sight, out of mind.

A map of truth and reason lays out before them night after night

and sparks of uncertainty flare across the horizon while the

reckless abandonment soothed by the lights is painted intimately

but distanced to only be observed, never applied.

The truth is out there hidden somewhere in the great beyond

but like the stars, they remain untouched and forgotten.

From Where You Are (based off of Coldplay's Strawberry Swing)

skies could be blue

skies could be grey

somehow, I'm still miles away

the answer’s in the wind

whispering messages of hope

it’s in the sunlight warming your cheek

and the sand between your toes

if I could, I’d open those eyes

just to hear the story again

and maybe this time the ending

would be a little different but

either way,

skies could be blue

skies could be grey

and I’m still miles away

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Most of it doesn't rhyme or flow together. Good stuff though. Here is some of mine:

He's big, bold, and pretty,

Pittsburgh is his city,

Sike, it sucks, it's sh**y,

He sees losers and shows no pity,

Necro rules the world,

He catches the eyes of every girl,

On the dance floor he gets them to twirl,

They love his biceps from all the curls...

:dance:

"There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as (Necromancer)

No one's quick as (Necromancer)

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as (Necromancer)'s

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on... "

:rolleyes:

I liked the first part of your poem hehe! :D

I didn't write that, it's a song from beauty and the beast. I was just joking.

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Most of it doesn't rhyme or flow together. Good stuff though. Here is some of mine:

He's big, bold, and pretty,

Pittsburgh is his city,

Sike, it sucks, it's sh**y,

He sees losers and shows no pity,

Necro rules the world,

He catches the eyes of every girl,

On the dance floor he gets them to twirl,

They love his biceps from all the curls...

:dance:

"There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as (Necromancer)

No one's quick as (Necromancer)

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as (Necromancer)'s

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on... "

:rolleyes:

I liked the first part of your poem hehe! :D

I didn't write that, it's a song from beauty and the beast. I was just joking.

What is the song called? I need to listen to it for motivation! :D

Edit: found it. Called Gaston LOL!

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Most of it doesn't rhyme or flow together. Good stuff though. Here is some of mine:

He's big, bold, and pretty,

Pittsburgh is his city,

Sike, it sucks, it's sh**y,

He sees losers and shows no pity,

Necro rules the world,

He catches the eyes of every girl,

On the dance floor he gets them to twirl,

They love his biceps from all the curls...

:dance:

"There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as (Necromancer)

No one's quick as (Necromancer)

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as (Necromancer)'s

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on... "

:rolleyes:

I liked the first part of your poem hehe! :D

I didn't write that, it's a song from beauty and the beast. I was just joking.

What is the song called? I need to listen to it for motivation! :D

Edit: found it. Called Gaston LOL!

Just whatever you do, don't go and watch it on youtube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaBnWZignkQ :whistle:

DarkEyed, thanks for sharing your stuff. Spyglass was an interesting concept. I liked Unendurable the most, it sounded like it would make great lyrics to a song as well. Keep writing!

RemoteControlRanger, it can be dissappointing having trouble writing, sure, but sometimes all it takes to help motivate you is reading the poetry of others. Read enough and hopefully you'll find inspiration to write more of your own. Try Longfellow, he has always been my favorite! ;)

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Most of it doesn't rhyme or flow together. Good stuff though. Here is some of mine:

He's big, bold, and pretty,

Pittsburgh is his city,

Sike, it sucks, it's sh**y,

He sees losers and shows no pity,

Necro rules the world,

He catches the eyes of every girl,

On the dance floor he gets them to twirl,

They love his biceps from all the curls...

:dance:

"There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as (Necromancer)

No one's quick as (Necromancer)

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as (Necromancer)'s

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on... "

:rolleyes:

I liked the first part of your poem hehe! :D

I didn't write that, it's a song from beauty and the beast. I was just joking.

What is the song called? I need to listen to it for motivation! :D

Edit: found it. Called Gaston LOL!

Just whatever you do, don't go and watch it on youtube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaBnWZignkQ :whistle:

DarkEyed, thanks for sharing your stuff. Spyglass was an interesting concept. I liked Unendurable the most, it sounded like it would make great lyrics to a song as well. Keep writing!

RemoteControlRanger, it can be dissappointing having trouble writing, sure, but sometimes all it takes to help motivate you is reading the poetry of others. Read enough and hopefully you'll find inspiration to write more of your own. Try Longfellow, he has always been my favorite! ;)

This song is tight! :D:dance:

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RemoteControlRanger, it can be dissappointing having trouble writing, sure, but sometimes all it takes to help motivate you is reading the poetry of others. Read enough and hopefully you'll find inspiration to write more of your own. Try Longfellow, he has always been my favorite! ;)

I've read the greats, Byron, Shelly, Keats, Wordsworth WILLIAM BLAKE(one of my favorite wordsmith of any sort) etc, more than a few times. I find infinite more inspirational motes emanating from the prose of common folk, people that can communicate with here. now. Especially here in this place where i have more in common with strangers than i do with most of my family, friends, loved ones. Its not that i dont have the words to write anymore, Its that I dont have special enough ones, none so beauteous and filled with grandeur to adequately capture what this place makes me feel. No i will not write another poem until i can write the one that this one deserves.

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in one of the first poems.. you wrote about waking and the colors turning into your room.. and all the things you can chose to do...

very very true. you have talent. wud love to read more.. keep posting

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