Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
leet

My "depression" is because of my acne and my dad

Recommended Posts

Hi guys.. this may be a long rant here. be prepared... I need to get this off of my chest.

My depression started when I was 14... around there. I remember just starting to get zits then too... Some kids made fun of me...

I thought it was something else- the depression. I never linked it to acne... I always thought that i was just shy or just plain hated how i looked... and never said well maybe its the acne that is making you feel that way. I dont look people in the eye. Still cant. im embarrassed... I dont like bright lights on my face. I hide behind my hair...

So rwd to when im about 20... breakouts get really bad... Dad is on my ass seeing how Im acting and saying.. Oh you are depressed and need meds. At one point about 8 years ago i was legitimately depressed... fighting with (then) boyfriend and breaking up... mind games. Ok so i was depressed then for a little but bounced back. Ive been on about 8 kinds of anti depressants... i thought i was depressed... it sure looked like it to my parents i guess. im always in my room to myself and moping around cause i feel so ugly and gross... but they didnt see it that way. I was on many meds because MY DAD would take me to a dr, talk to them first then i would get in and not realize at the time that maybe its just esteem issues because of my exterior appearance... I believe i was misdiagnosed in a way... no evaluations. I would say yeah i dont have energy, and i feel down a lot... sad. No energy cause im in my room hiding from people... i feel down cause i feel so nasty with these red bumps all over and scars...

Ok... FFWD to yesterday. Im 28 now... dad is like ok so when are you getting mental help? (i moved back home 2 months ago)... Im like.. Im NOT. Im feeling good. He said You need something... Im like no i dont... plus i cant be on any meds or programs for a year to be eligable to join the military. I think the last time i had an antidepressant it was trazadone this past April to help me sleep.. it wasnt for depression. The last time i had paxil was last Nov... Im approaching a year without meds. He thinks I need meds. I dont because I ALWAYS FELT WORSE AND MOODY on them... plus i plan on enlisting into the Army and im just waiting for enough time to pass plus make some cash. :)

My main argument is= just cause my dad has control issues and depression (he wasnt eating or getting out of bed for months) doesnt mean that I do... He thinks that its good for me to be on effexor. Something totally got messed up in my head on that.. I was not acting right and i was craving drugs (after i had quit) which finally led to an overdose... Effexor drove me nuts!

If i do feel "depressed" now its cause of my skin or something that ive been setting a goal to obtain didnt happen but im not locking myself in my room refusing to eat. I get outside, i exercise more, get fresh air... use meditation cds. I feel great.

I wish my dad didnt have a control issue... he goes to therapy for that... and hes on effexor which he swears changed his life. Xanax too... i dont know man... i really dont think i have depression-- it was more just an issue between my dad and I. I stay away from him as much as I can and i know it looks bad but he knows that we argue easy.

he wants me to get a mental eval and I think i will just to please him. Spoke to a case worker and she said why cant you just tell him you are feeling good? I told her- he doesnt listen to me. always criticizes me... so thats why i dont talk to him. I never tell him how i feel or anything. just not comfortable but i want an eval to keep him off my back. And she wants me to tell him that... He even told his therapists (oh theres two) and they agree with him of course cause they dont know me...

Sorry for the rant. I dont know what to do. I talk to my mom about stuff but she doesnt understand it all. she is from thailand. then when i tell her something she tells him and he gets mad at me for not talking to him... but its like go to him and get ignored anyways. When i was a baby mom said i would ask him to pick me up when he got home from work and he would just walk past me.

Oh and yesterday dad was bitching at me for... drinking gatorade. Saying thats why i have pimples. Cause of the sugar. So i said, no if that was the case almost everyone would have pimples... its how your BODY manages it. Which i think its internal with me or hormonal cause i havent had a soda in over a month. He said well... I had a bypass cause i eat too much red meat... but not everyone has to have one. So once again i said yeah- its how their body manages it...

I always had low self image because i would get put down all the time especially for my acne. Like... what is wrong with you? why do you have so much? I never had it.. blah blah.. or just other things poking fun of me...

RAH!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wish it were that easy... but life isnt easy.

Im starting a square one again... I dont even have a job yet. Im waiting to start with my township... so hope i can move out soon!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Part of moving through a rough patch is being able to verbalize it, to recognize it, to call it as it is. This is you, right here, doing just that. No matter what your father says, no matter what pills you may or may not need in the future - know that you are strong and you are able.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest kiwikali

wow, sounds like my life.

the trazadone anti-depressant you were talking about nearly killed me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone prescribed you trazedone as an anti-depressant?! Holy moly, no wonder you almost died! That stuff is none other than a hell of a potent sedative. They had me on 275 milligrams of that stuff a night when I was 15. Should be prescribed strictly for sleep or sedative uses only, not for anti-depressants! I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest kiwikali

yeah i know! it's like a tranquilizer for crazy people in institutes!!! my shrink said it could be for sleep but also said it was an anti-depressant, and i was stupid so i believed her, and 1 week later was landed in the hospital after accidental overdose. i wasn't trying to kill myself, but the bitch didn't tell me it was so damn strong! it was terrible, and since then i've sworn off all medication besides vitamins and tylenol. ugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had trazadone for sleeping. Didnt work... i had them in rehab last April for sleeping too... it sorta helped.

Im trying to stay positive... do what I have to do. i have to lay low a lot. Im planning on enlisting into the Army next spring/summer. I should be financially straight, in better shape physically and mentally (so they dont eat me alive). LOL. I just have to stay away from my dad but its hard since im living here ya know? if i say anything to go against him he starts screaming at me... but really i dont need to be on antidepressants. I need accutane to kill it once and for all.

I made progress today i got a slip to bring to that one derm... and its from my fam doctor. A sort of referral i guess. YAY. we will see but no one is in now since its close to the holiday...

Oh and yes i have a fiance but we are seperated at this time. He is with his family trying to get on his feet with money. Im not looking to live with him just yet... I have to get settled first... and get my life in order. Which I am. Slowly but surely

thanks for writing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×