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Elsewhere

Never far below the surface...

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I was driving home from work this evening and in one of those moods brought on by a busy day's worth of work - you know the one, where you're not in a bad mood but not a good one, either. One of those moods where you look out of your car window and you see the traffic and people but it doesn't register, where you react to the red and green lights more on auto-pilot than any kind of lucid recognition. Mostly, I was just glad to be leaving work and non-plussed at the amount of traffic that was on the highway.

A song came over the cd I was listening to. It's a very sad song, but the end always carries with it a note of peace, of acceptance and love. Even though it's been some time since I've heard it, and even longer since the event I associate that song with happened, but I found myself tearing up. In sadness, in relief, in gratitude. This is nothing new, it takes so little - and I mean truly little - to make me cry, or laugh out loud, or to be in any way moved to an emotion so deep and profound that I find tears on my cheek. Joy, grief, absurdity, any and all of it - it comes and goes so easily with me that those who don't know me often wonder if I am okay.

And I realized something - that part of me, the part that wells over so easily by song and memory - is never far below the surface for me. It never occured to me until that very momement how powerful that resevior of emotion is for me, how utterly accessible and wonderfully me that it was. I was crying and laughing, there on the Southbound I-35 because I realized that I like that about myself.I love the fact that I am so alive, so utterly open, that the well of human emotion is never far below the surface at all.

I am nearly 27 years old and while I have often prided myself on my emotions, I have never once before realized that they are one of the reasons I love myself.

So often in this forum we all wonder if we would be better off not feeling at all, or if we would be safer if we just learned to avoid joy. So often I see people bring frustration to this place, scared because the world tells them that they should not be feeling what they feel. We bounce around, up, down, feeling too much or else not enough at all and we wonder what is wrong with us....

I want to tell you all that there is nothing wrong with any of you. I want to tell you all that as I realized why I love myself today, I know that each of you also has the power to not only love yourself, but to come away with the power and understanding of why you love yourself. I know I say this often, but I truly, truly mean it -

keep sharing. We are listening.

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Wow. Incredible words. I find myself in these same moods, it was almost scary reading something so close to home.

Divorce your hubby and marry me please, Elsewhere!

:wub:

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I'm a very sensitive person and several people have asked me if I'm gay due to it, lol! :doubt: Highly annoying when one of them is your best friend.

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That was very well-written, and I appreciated it.

The line "Never Far Below the Surface" could definitely be a song lyric that I would want to write.

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Guest kiwikali

wow, that really sums it up for me too. anything and everything can make me cry, and i always HATED that about myself... being so emotional and open to the world. but reading that makes me realize that it's not necessarily a bad thing. thanks for writing that... it was beautiful!

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I'm a very sensitive person and several people have asked me if I'm gay due to it, lol! :doubt: Highly annoying when one of them is your best friend.

Heh, I know how you feel, =p and this was amazingly written elsewhere

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Elsewhere always does great work. I've read many of her posts since coming here a few years back and they're always stupendously written. This one is no exception.

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I inspire?

Did you read what you just wrote?

Pshaw I'm but a sapling in the shadow, in awe, in shelter of yourself, a mighty oak.

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Thank you guys for your kind words - that means alot! I just know that I'm not the only emotional person out there....and I truly believe in the power of letting other people know that they aren't alone. It's much more powerful than we give it credit for.

An oak, eh? I like oak trees. Provide the best shade on summer days! Thank you!

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