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i did not type this to prove a point but merely to ease the hatred i have for myself. it doesn't matter what you say to convince me otherwise, for acne has definitely, without a doubt in my mind, murdered my life. like someone told me, "everything is relative to one's experience". that is such a true statement.

it doesn't matter how i look at it and who i compare myself to, i'm completely destroyed emotionally and physically. i don't like the way i'm perceived now - like i'm a completely different person. i know in my heart that i did not deserve this and i renounce God everyday because of it.

through all the therapy, counseling, and medication, nothing will snap me back to reality. i'm in a dark place now and there are few things that keep me alive - music, friends, family, and my laptop. it's a difficult process learning to accept what's been done and that this is how i would spend the rest of my life - miserable out of my mind. i hope i learn to embrace it someday, but i doubt i ever will.

have a good night

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Hey man i know what you feel like same thing happened to me i still look at myself since i have gotten acne and i know im not the same however i think my acne made me realise how some people take things for granted and my acne has gave me a new perspective on things, there is no use been miserable it won't change anything just make you feel worse.

Everything changes it's how you deal with those changes that defines who you are. I wish you the best mate

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I know you don't feel it right now, but it is THIS thread, right here, right now, the post that YOU wrote, atrocious, that speaks of the fact that you are strong.Cliche and seemingly backwards, but it really is at the moment when we are the most honest and the most open about our pain that builds the foundation for moving on later. I'm seeing so much pain in your post and I want you to know that you're not alone - so many of us have felt what you have, even as I know it must feel inside your mind that no one has ever felt this way.

I come from a background that has a resume a mile long of destructive and traumatic things - some were inflicted unwillingly by others, and some I did to myself. The misery was deep and inescapable - and so I wrote it out. For years. I still write it out. But it was doing that, writing it out, getting it out of me somehow, that allowed me to learn how to love myself, despite others, hell, sometimes even despite myself.

I know you feel like you're weak right now, but I just want you to know that other people, right now, are seeing you as very, very strong.

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I dont know what i can say to make you feel better...

But the mst important peice of advice is, hang in there.. because when you least expect it, something good can always happen.

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Then again, every choice is relative to ones experience. And your behind the wheel.

I hate to see you like this man, you simply need to turn your orbit around.

Nothing hurts "your world" but your own "damnation" of your current state. Maybe you've heard of chaos theory???

I know you've heard it a million times, but i have been where your at, and probably worse. I've had severe acne, i've been on accutane, my acne cleared after 4 terrible months, then came back with a vengeance, i was crushed, i have had depression most of my life.

Anyways the point is, i never really was cured of my "dis-ease" until i discovered the peace that was within. All the years of hating myself for looking like i did, all the years of unfair judgment from others, all the weight i felt from social expectations and\or the media.

I came to a fork in the road. I was on the brink of suicide. Life seemed pointless. I had no where to go except to re-examine myself. Like ive said in many posts life comes down to choice.

So i decided i wanted a better life, i wanted to express myself with ease with confidence and character. So i slowly stopped "hating myself" and i stopped hanging on others harsh words.

I realized hey, i can still be at peace with all the "pain." So slowly i approached the world with a new mannerism. The air became lighter around me. I was slowly turning into a non-resistant person. So i would hear a comment about my skin or far away laughter, and i accepted it, chirped a new tune in my own head. Something on the lines of :clap:. And just :dance: in my own little world.

Instead of :shifty: .

And just the feeling of letting go of all my emotional baggage, left me feeling like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.

Ill end this with a Pink FLoyd tune.... its kinda my thing.

You shout in your sleep.

Perhaps the price is just too steep.

Is your conscience at rest

If once put to the test?

You awake with a start

To just the beating of your heart.

Just one man beneath the sky,

Just two ears, just two eyes.

You set sail across the sea

Of long past thoughts and memories.

Childhood's end, your fantasies

Merge with harsh realities.

And then as the sail is hoist,

You find your eyes are growing moist.

All the fears never voiced

Say you have to make your final choice.

Who are you and who am I

To say we know the reason why?

Some are born; some men die

Beneath one infinite sky.

There'll be war, there'll be peace.

But everything one day will cease.

All the iron turned to rust;

All the proud men turned to dust.

And so all things, time will mend.

So this song will end.

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