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i want to apologize for all the scorn throughout my posts. i'm not a happy person anymore. i no longer have friends due to my hatred towards life, my family loathes me(my father stopped speaking to me), i'm still haunted and loose sleep over my ex-gf, my naval career is ruined, my car is destroyed, and of course the god-forsaken acne.

the sad thing is, i actually forgot what happiness is like - what it's like to laugh, go out, spend time with my family, have goals...it's only hopelessness now.

all i do is drink A LOT smoke a lot, surf the net, and on occassion slash my chest and legs to pieces. then there's the crying...i seem to do so much of that nowadays. so, with that being said, my life really is worthless. i consume resources, waste people's time, and breathe air. one might ask why i haven't ended my life yet...and to answer that, i don't really know...maybe i'm afraid of the unknown, or maybe there really is some hope...doubt it but maybe...

fuck, i don't see it.

welp, like i said - i'm sorry...please do not take anything i say personal.

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Sometimes the first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself. Everyone has their problems, and forgiving yourself will give you some closure. If you were angry, so what? Everyone is, that's understandable. Think of it this way, now's your chance to start over and put all of this behind you.

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Oh man I remember reading your logs before man. It sucks to hear that things have gotten worse for you. Give yourself another chance. Keep fighting, if not for yourself then do it for your future.

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I'm sorry to hear all you're going through, atrocious, really. And while your situation looks quite bleak, you are not out of options. The bright side of your situation is you have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. You have an opportunity to start over, dump your past and leave it behind you and start on a clean slate. Dump the booze, the drugs, the blades, and the feelings of worthlessness.

The people before me were spot on, forgive yourself and make it your mission to keep going. You have a good support group here with us, so don't feel like you're alone. Good luck to you sir.

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I really hope you get better soon mate. Here's a little encouraging story: Accutane didn't work for me so I chatted to a friend who had bad acne a year ago but has almost clear. I hate talking about acne in real life. Well it turns out when he had the really bad acne he was on accutane. After 6 months it had brought it all to the surface but he had to stop becuase he'd had too much. He took a break and said he was super depressed in the summer. He went back on it 8 months later and it started working immediately and he is pretty much clear now. No matter what you can get through this. Good luck.

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I like the post you put in my post. Your a good guy, life just has you down. When i lived with my dad i also drank a lot smoked a lot and actually wrecked my car. I was drifting on ice... Lol So we do have a good amount in common.

Trust me i haven't gotten any in a year!! I lost the girl i had a 1 year relationship with, my dad went crazy. And like you said, on top of that f'ing acne.

No one can hold you down but yourself. Trust me i know.

And about posting negative things, all my honest opinions get hated on in the Lounge, because i spit that reality they can't comprehend.

Anyways this song really helped me get through the moments i was stuck in. If you take these words to heart, you may find strength you didn't know you had in you. Good luck man, and you have plenty of friends on the org, and there are tons of people that care about your well-being, you just have a hard time seeing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cww89NK1Yao

I'm not afraid of anything in this world

There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find a decent melody

A song that I can sing in my own company

I never thought you were a fool

But darling, look at you

You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight

These tears are going nowhere, baby

You've got to get yourself together

You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment

And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake, the colors that you bring

But the nights you filled with fireworks

They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me

I listen through your ears, and through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool

To worry like you do

I know it's tough, and you can never get enough

Of what you don't really need now ... my oh my

You've got to get yourself together

You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

Oh love look at you now

You've got yourself stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep

The water is warm till you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping for me it was a fall

It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together

You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better now

You're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over

And if the day won't last

And if our way should falter

Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over

And if the day won't last

And if your way should falter

Along the stony pass

It's just a moment

This time will pass

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