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AsiaXiah

When Your Same-Sex Friend Confesses to You

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I haven't been here in a few days due to a computer breakdown, but anyhow...

As a short recap, I went out 2 nights ago. It was with my same-grade 3 close friends and 2 upperclassmen (one of whom, I'll refer to as 'friend X'). I'm really close to friend X, and ever since the beginning of this freshman year, he's been always kind to offer me help with anything I needed and also bought me a lot of meals (in Korean culture, it's kind of an upperclassman's role to "look after" underclassmen by buying them food and stuff).

Anyhow, so it's about 2 months until the end of the school year, and I would have never even guessed it.

Where we went to 2 nights ago was a karaoke bar near our school, and they sell Soju there (Korean alcoholic drink). Anyhow, I don't really like drinking so I only had a few shots, but aside from my best friend, the rest of the people got totally wasted (to a point where it was not even funny how much crap my best friend and I went through to make sure they all went back to their rooms safely afterwards ã…¡ã…¡)

Anyways, I helped friend X to his dorm room (he could barely walk on his own). When we got there, he wouldn't let me leave and kept on saying that he "had to tell" me something. So after about 10 minutes of him blabbering on, I said I'm just gonna go cuz I was getting tired, and that's when he started crying and told me that he had feelings for me. He said all this stuff about how he didn't want to like me but he couldn't help it and he hates himself for it whatnot, and kept on ranting on about it.

So, the bottom line is, he kind of ranted on to a point of sleeping and I put on blanket on him and left (he was on the couch, had no interest in trying to move him to his bed by myself), and the past 2 days have been so awkward.

I feel so bad that he's been having a hard time dealing with it on its own (I can imagine how bottled up all of that must have been), but on the same note, I can't do anything for him either. And on the same note, I feel very awkward and scared to see him because I don't know if he blacked out and forgot everything or if he remembers it and feels awkward about seeing me too, and it just sucks because he's such a good friend of mine and I can't stand having this weird space right now.

I've confessed my feelings for girls, and girls have confessed feelings to me, but this was the first time having a guy friend confess his feelings, and I just don't know how I should react. I want to make sure I don't hurt his feelings and want to remain just as good friends that we were, but I don't know if I should approach him first and talk to him about it or what.

Anyone else had a similar experience of a same-sex friend having confessed his/her feelings? Any thoughts or advice would be great.

P.S. I'm counting on the fact that he's not a visitor here, since he's had mad-clear skin since his teens.

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yes, i've had this happen a couple of times actually.

remember to be supportive. that it's ten times harder for them to tell you that than a girl. and that you arent' homophobic... that needs to be really clearly laid out. and keep an open dialogue, not discussing it will hurt more than a negative reaction. just treat it like anyone else who has feelings for you, and have a little extra compassion. and at the same time be sure not to lead them on... just very clear that nothing will ever happen if that is your intention, but be sensitive.

hope this helps.

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My growing-up best friend came clean with me many moons ago when she realized she's bi-sexual. She told me she liked me in that way, along with half of her other girlfriends. To be honest, aside from being shocked, I was also flattered. However, I was clear with her - women are beautiful creatures to look at, but when it comes to physical contact, I like men. No ands, ifs, or buts.

My advice, don't approach him awkwardly. There's no telling if he remembers or not, but if you want to bring it up, do so, but be calm and relaxed about it. If he brings it up, hear him out and try your best to be understanding. Let him know you really appreciate his friendship (if you still do) and that you're so very happy he trusts you enough to be able to express his feelings. Then make it clear you are attracted to females. He can't help being attracted to you and you can't help not being attracted to him. The chemistry is just not there. Surely he'll understand that since chemistry is usually a key role in any relationship. Tread lightly and assure him you don't want to lose his friendship (if you truly don't). It might be wise to already have some plans made with friends so you can change the subject smoothly with an invitation to the get-together, and then drop the subject for good.

I'm sorry you feel awkward. I'm sure he didn't intend for you to feel this way. I hope this confession doesn't ruin what sounds like a great friendship.

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Thanks so much for your replies. That helps me so much more than you could imagine. I definitely don't want to lose the friendship we had, but on the same note, I couldn't help but to wonder if he's been such a good friend for me because he liked me...

Anyhow, it's just getting way too confusing, but yeah, I'll definitely bring it up not too seriously. The only problem is I keep on feeling like he's avoiding me right now too because he feels awkward, and I can imagine how much of a hard time he may be having since no one at my school even imagines that he's gay. I mean, like I said before, I would have never guessed it because he's really popular with the girls and has nothing really about him that would ever make someone wonder about his sexuality, but I guess that'd be a whole different topic...

Thanks so much!

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Thanks so much for your replies. That helps me so much more than you could imagine. I definitely don't want to lose the friendship we had, but on the same note, I couldn't help but to wonder if he's been such a good friend for me because he liked me...

Anyhow, it's just getting way too confusing, but yeah, I'll definitely bring it up not too seriously. The only problem is I keep on feeling like he's avoiding me right now too because he feels awkward, and I can imagine how much of a hard time he may be having since no one at my school even imagines that he's gay. I mean, like I said before, I would have never guessed it because he's really popular with the girls and has nothing really about him that would ever make someone wonder about his sexuality, but I guess that'd be a whole different topic...

Thanks so much!

:D

i can empathize with wondering if they only want to hang out with you beucase they are interested. once of the the ladies was no longer interested in getting in my pants she became a rotton friend and wouldn't give me the time of day. i hope your friend is mightier than that. g'luck!

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