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Is being in a state of lonleliness wrong?

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1. Without companions; lone.

2. Characterized by aloneness; solitary.

Honestly i've been this way for too long that it seems normal to me, but after this past month where I actually went out with a girl (see previous threads), it made me the happiest i've been for years. But after the rejection, it was back to being lonely. It's like chasing a million dollar bill on a string, and it pauses for a second so that right before you're about to snatch it it quickly continues to run away like a little tease.

It's not like I can help being a loner, I just seemed to lose that aura that invites other people to approach me, and the years of hiding from society because of my acne has really hindered my confidence, and even my voice (can't talk as loud as I used to). I feel like i'm following all the guidelines to success well, I don't smoke or drink, I eat very well, I put my heart into every exercise/weight-lifting routine I do, and no bragging or anything, but in a technical sense my body is sculpted to be desireable (not too short, broad shoulders and arms, protruding chest, visible 8-pack, toned legs), but to no avail.

I really did think the world judged based on looks, but I can see now that its only to a certain degree, that it will always be your personality that shines.

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Well, that answers your question. You have to try and go out there. Force yourself.

Hiding behind that wall doesn't allow anyone to see the real you. I might have missed the part where you are, but I mean, it didn't seem like it to me.

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you say that you are following the guidelines to success well... what is your definition of success? I can understand how you feel about being lonely, I have been down that street before and it sucks, but the biggest thing that has helped me is to try to realize that you are never down for the count. Don't give up chasing success, even if you fail. The most successful things are born from failure.

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Everytime I put myself out there I come back like a dog with his tail between his legs. Hurt.

Like I said, the past month was the best but ultimately it didn't last because I thought I was good enough for her, but I wasn't.

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you have the rest of your life to find a good girl. seriously, you seem like a nice guy and you will find someone you love. the more you think about it, the more you over analyze and drive yourself crazy. just relax and let it come to you.

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Not having an outgoing personality that attracts lots of people is okay. You may not

have lots of people around or lots of friends but you'll have genuine ones once you

take the time to get to know people and once they know you :D

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i say yes, simply bc it may damage your people skills which you may need in school/work/ect.

this is where i struggle myself. dont be someone you are not, but try not to isolate yourself.

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I get lonely sometimes because I want someone who's just there for me, who will love me no matter what, and most importantly listen to whatever I have to say mwahaha. but so far noone really has wanted to do that. I feel lonely a lot sometimes, I have my bessie mates but I want looooove man loooove where you argue about boilin the spaghetti and the toilet seat. Il probably be like 30 til that happens... oh well :)

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Tattoo this on your heart.

On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

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bustamove, I really like that story, and I did go through the experience of doing nothing and I still wonder about it every time I hear her name. But as of my last girl I liked, I did something, and in the end it was to no avail.

Hope and Faith is all that I have left.

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That was a quality story there bustamove. Kinda depressing as I know all about unrequited love but still quality. Thanks for posting it.

Not having an outgoing personality that attracts lots of people is okay. You may not

have lots of people around or lots of friends but you'll have genuine ones once you

take the time to get to know people and once they know you :D

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I know exactly how you feel. Life has fluctuated socially for me, I all of a sudden had a social life one day, than a yr later I was a loner and this lasted for about 2 yrs, then all of a sudden after acne i had a social life again and was seeing a girl,only for it to die months later and go back to being a loner. Being a loner hurts the most after you go back to being a loner. When your a loner for a while, you get used to it, but when you start going out it seems great at first, and then it sux going back to the quietness until you settle in it again.

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1. Without companions; lone.

2. Characterized by aloneness; solitary.

Honestly i've been this way for too long that it seems normal to me, but after this past month where I actually went out with a girl (see previous threads), it made me the happiest i've been for years. But after the rejection, it was back to being lonely. It's like chasing a million dollar bill on a string, and it pauses for a second so that right before you're about to snatch it it quickly continues to run away like a little tease.

It's not like I can help being a loner, I just seemed to lose that aura that invites other people to approach me, and the years of hiding from society because of my acne has really hindered my confidence, and even my voice (can't talk as loud as I used to). I feel like i'm following all the guidelines to success well, I don't smoke or drink, I eat very well, I put my heart into every exercise/weight-lifting routine I do, and no bragging or anything, but in a technical sense my body is sculpted to be desireable (not too short, broad shoulders and arms, protruding chest, visible 8-pack, toned legs), but to no avail.

I really did think the world judged based on looks, but I can see now that its only to a certain degree, that it will always be your personality that shines.

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Its not wrong to be lonely, although if we were living in a society 40,000 years ago where there only a handful of people living on the planet in tribes of 50 or more, being alone and not aligning yourself with a tribe for survival could mean almost certain death. The feeling of loneliness is a carried over mechanism from when we were pre-historic people. Its just one of your instincts you need to survive and replicate. Now that there are 6 billion people on this planet and the rate of survival and replication is considerable better than 40,000+ years ago we still feel lonley, but we will survive. Don't worry about finding the right woman, concentrate on becoming the right man. Looks only gets your foot in the door, and a lot of men get by on it but having a attractive personality (alpha male) and quality lifestyle (rockers, actors. ect) far exceeds looks because that what women ultimately are attracted to. You don't need to be rich and good looking (although it helps). You just need to find a lifestyle thats attractive to women, be fun, exciting, outgoing, anything just never boring, be intresting. Picking up women is not something you do, its something you are. You literally have to go through a transformation physically, mentally, spiritually. This will take time. Just keep growing and women will come.

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real talk man. I deff understand where your comming from.. I used to be like so outspoken and popular even the ladys man lol.. seriously in like middle school and early highschool started getting acne late freshman year and from then on i changed alot.. my mind set on life changed so much when i started getting acne and other personal shit was goin on in my life.. You just have to be strongminded and live each day the best you can for yourself. Nobody in this world is goingto help you but yourself. not including people who really care about you (family, close friends). but Yea I been really reserved these last couple of years and I know how it feels to be alone but man honestly everything happens for a reason and I feel god has made me such a more strongminded man then alot of people I know because I been through alot and as of right now I wouldn't change shit.. Ive learned alot and became knowledged on not just nutrition and health but life lessons so im so thankful.. One word of advice just love yourself and love the people who respect you you in life. And honestly ive learned dont feel sorry for yourself just be happy with what you have. God Is Love. Take care man

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No. Don't see it as a problem. It never bothered me previously and still doesn't bother me to this very second. I'm very content with it.

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I am alone. I like it. I just want a gf/wife and myself :). It makes me happy :D. I don't not like people, i just want to be alone to do my own thing. Making music :D.

It's not wrong as long as it is what you want ;).

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