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Just got back from being out and am bored, figured I would share this with you guys cause it changed my outlook on life and made me much happier, didn't think it would get this long...

Though I just registered recently, I have browsed this board on and off for a few years during periods when my acne was really bad and I was feeling down. It seems the problem that most people have is that they think their acne is holding them back, specifically from socializing and more specifically, from socializing with the opposite sex.

Sorry, but its not, not directly at least.

The problem is that acne is a huge blow to confidence and self esteem to those who suffer from it, trust me I know. This lack of confidence and self esteem is what is holding you back and, if anything, what turns people off about you.

Though my acne is looking like it may be starting to clear up from the regimen, the red marks on my face and therefore my face in general are probably at the worst they have ever been. About a month ago, after going through a bout of depression about my acne, I finally decided that I was not going to let it bring me down anymore. I figured that in the best case scenario, if my pimples went away tomorrow and I never got another one, it would be a good 6 months before my red marks faded to a non-noticeable level. Being in college, I decided that I did not have that kind of time to sit around and mope, waiting and hoping for them to go away. I promised myself I was going to try as hard as I could to ignore my acne like it wasn't there. I stopped hanging my head down when I was walking around campus, and instead walked around with a big smile on my face. I stopped thinking that people were looking at my acne when they talked to me.

People could tell. Guys treated me with more respect, I caught more girls looking at me, and just the other day a cute girl in one of my history classes that I had been too afraid to talk to started flirting with me. I almost never had girls flirt with me, much less good looking girls that I actually liked.

While we can do everything we can to try and get rid of our acne, lots of people have yet to find a working solution and have been suffering for years. Knowing that my acne/red marks will be there for at least another 6months to a year sucks, but I have accepted that there is not much I can do about it besides continuing my regimen. All I can do is try and not let it get me down during that time.

Its hard, I won't lie. I still get approach anxiety and it still feels like jumping in a cold pool every time I approach people(especially girls). Confidence is something that takes practice, and its very hard when you don't have the confidence to practice, but it gets easier every time. It has been so rewarding, though. My face is probably at the worst it has ever been and yet I have finally learned to not let it control my life and constantly depress me, I am happier than ever.

Do I still feel at a disadvantage socially because I have acne? A bit. Do I still look at my face in the mirror and wish it wasn't covered in red marks? Of course. But when I leave my house everyday, I just think about something else and just act like my acne isn't there.

If any of you think that this is just some way too optimistic BS to try to get myself/everyone here to feel better, its not. While ignoring my face has made me feel a little better, what has really made me happier is knowing that people will barely notice your acne if you barely notice it. I hope that at least one person will take this advice to heart and it will make them a much happier person.

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Hey~

I love not only the important points you brought out in your post, but the way you said them... from experience and your heart. After a night out and about, it was extremely thoughtful of you to come back and think about your friends on the org boards, perhaps searching for something to help them get out there and live their lives too!

I've often said it's what you carry in your heart - your personality, your laughter, your smile, your eyes, kind words - that people will remember about you... not your skin! That all takes a lot of courage though, in a society where people seek perfection.

I believe it's Wynne who speaks of positive self-talk. Actually it's one of the easiest things you can do anytime and any place, kind of like giving yourself a little push, because all you need to have present is you! When you begin to feel anxiety creeping up trying to ruin yet another social event, you literally tell yourself to stop thinking that negative thought, get out there and continue doing what you set out to do! Afterall, why aren't you worth it? Just because you happen to have acne? If anyone deserves to have some enjoyment with friends, it is the person who feels horrible about themself for sure.

When you said you made the decision about a month or so ago, what specifically was your impetus? Did this revelation hit you all at once or was it slowly slipping into your conscious mind? College is a time when a lot of young adults begin to come into themselves and define their personalities a little more, feeling independent and without the usual constraints of life at home and high school. You came to a really important decision that will allow you to experience and live your college years, rather than remaining in your dorm room feeling too insecure about yourself to leave.

I'm glad you came to this conclusion and were able to overcome the depression you once had because of your skin. That's no easy feat for certain, but it's also something you can apply in other circumstances as well throughout your life.

Good job! Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you continued success in your journey to fully overcome the emotional boundaries acne can place on a person. Hopefully, your story can help others who might be feeling the same way so they will be able to get out there and enjoy their lives!

Ciao!

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When you said you made the decision about a month or so ago, what specifically was your impetus? Did this revelation hit you all at once or was it slowly slipping into your conscious mind?

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I really cannot add anything here as you both have covered it all very well. Well done :clap:

There is a saying I once heard:

Good looks will catch the eye for a moment, but a good personality will catch the heart forever.

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I have a friend who went on accutane and now he is 95% clear, during that time he had the worse breakout I ever seen.. and he acted soooo freaking normal... laughing, making jokes, etc even though he said he was feeling depressed but studies related depression I believe (and also accutane is known to cause side effects like depression)

he is admirable.

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Posts like this really need more attention, but from personal experience of posting such threads, I've found out that the majority of people on this forum are gravitated towards more negative, pessimistic, depressing/self-pitying threads.

It's kind of like how everyone's obsessed with bad news over good ones (in the media, and whatnot).

Anyhow, I couldn't agree with you more. The only thing we can do physically in order to fight acne is to patiently stay put with the regimen that we are using, but on the same note, that does not guarantee or tell us how quickly our acne will go away (or if it will ever go away). And it's a complete waste of time and energy to obsess over something that you have no control over (kind of like how some people used to say "Don't worry about the sun not coming up tomorrow").

The unfortunate bit is that... The majority of self-esteem crippled victims here are going to see this as a hopeless, non-related to them kind of subject, which is extremely frustrating because this is actually about the only "cure" for acne that exists right now. To mentally and emotionally live by ignoring it.

I do hope that more and more people do get their eyes opened towards this kind of a mindset.

Best of luck to the original poster to continue fighting the mental battle! Fighting!

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Thanks for this guys. I hit a low today and have spent the whole day hiding from my friends and ignoring phone calls.

I need to think with a positive mind. I'm 28 and I need to finally get my act together.

This thread is the beginning of my new style of thinking (crosses fingers).

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TMVfan1234 ~ Thanks for answering all my questions! I really wanted to kind of 'get inside' your mind because you are an inspiration to a lot of people out there in your similar situation. Just the fact you went out and did what you always wanted to do is wonderful, but what motivated you might be more beneficial for some people on the fence. Great story. Thanks so much for sharing it in such detail with such heart.

Wanabeacnefree ~ Great quote and SO true! PLUS, great quote in red too!

AlexGF ~ See, you did exactly what I say people react to - his personality! Sure, you know he didn't have great skin, but you didn't care! You admired the fact he went out there and gave it a shot, knowing inside he wasn't happy with his skin. He continued to live his life and not let it stop him!

AsiaXiah ~ I agree with you. I really think people need to try and be more positive. I like the fact the org is here for a venting board though because I really think people with good skin don't fully understand what people with acne are going through - IF they are the type of person to be upset by their skin. Some people I've known just let it roll right off their back, or at least put up a good front in public. It does take other people like TMVfan1234 posting how they were able to pull themselves up from that dark place, and get out there and live their life. I couldn't agree with you more that I hope more people can begin to develop a more positive mindset.

richie-182 ~ There was a show on MTV called The Pickup Artist I believe. It had this guy who was able to get any girl he wanted and would teach his techniques to basically shy, awkward guys. I didn't watch it, just read about it, and although there was a lot negative about it, ultimately these shows are trying to get people to change their way of thinking by proving you don't have to be Ms or Mr. Perfect to be attractive to someone.

Heretohelp ~ Good stuff totally! That's why I love that positive self-talk. If you know you should be doing something but can't get out there, just change the way you're looking at it and GET out there!

shortbus ~ Anyone who reads this thread will be crossing their fingers along with you. You might want to read that book too since it helped out with what TMVfan1234 was going through, or any other positive self-help books or online articles. I'm really glad you said this thread would be a new beginning for you. I was so energized for anyone who stumbled upon this thread that I told my husband all about it. He listened intently and thinks it's a good thing when people finally hit upon something that helped them, and share it around the org so others can benefit. Something hit you in it and at your age, I'm sure you don't want to waste one more precious moment. Good luck! It can only go up for you now!

Since I wanted to say something to each one of you, lol I think I should add something myself to this. I really feel you all need to begin to find whatever works for you individually so you are able to get out there and live your life. No one has the power to take your life and enjoyment away from you. I've had pretty crappy skin my entire life. I dated, went to school, worked, got married, had kids, ALL the things people with perfect skin do, but my skin was never perfect. I'm still fighting breakouts, yes they have never been really bad, but the point is, I've never had good skin. If I had let it push my life aside, I would be sitting here wondering where allllllll those years had gone lamenting the fact I could NEVER get them back! Time really does NOT stand still for anyone. We really do NOT get to repeat days gone by. If you're the lucky ones, you have health. Good skin is like the frosting on the cake. So enjoy your health, use products to clear your skin, but LIVE all the while you're waiting to see results. If you happen to be like me and have breakouts your entire life, just imagine for a moment what your life would have been like if you waited to clear up before you began living!

Good luck everyone!

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tvmfan1234,

I usually steer clear of this "emotional and psyc" part of the forum just because people are mostly depressed when posting here, but reading ur honest post was great.

For the majority of people that have or had acne our minds cant get past the "fact"? that the majority of the population doesnt have acne (im taking into account the entire pop. from babies to the elderly) and we are different because of it.

It takes a special sort of person to deflect the snied remarks of the dumb and ignorant "dude wash ur face" etc etc. I recently watch "Rocky Balboa", bad movie, but took something from it that has slightly changed my way of thinking, he sais "its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving foward"

Anyway, thanks for the post,

Cheers.

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bullseye baby im glad some people are finally catching on.

I've been saying this all along

Good for you, and good for everybody who listens to what you have to say

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I am so glad some of you guys have taken my words to heart, it makes me feel good that I have helped people deal with their acne.

I think tomorrow I am going to ask out a girl in one of my classes. I would have never had the courage to do this a few months ago, wish me luck!

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Your acne is not holding you back, your obsession with it is

Damn, easy with the truth there. Some of us need it in smaller doses! LMAO!

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Sorry dont have time to read the whole post but judging form the topic itself. complete utter fucking bullshit. altho ill have to agree in some cases acne isnt a big deal. like going out to buy food. or asking for directions.

but ....

go anywhere, and stand in sunlight infront of a beautiful girl;you covered with acne, redspots, oily skin and try and flirt with em. see where that takes you. as opposed to no acne, redspots, or oily skin.

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[backwards], totally understand what your saying man, it really is easier to say hold your chin up than actually live the way your ideals are.

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1. I am constantly trying to improve myself. When I was overweight in high school, I exercised and dieted and now I want to be an amateur bodybuilder. When I realized I was addicted to video games and that they were a complete waste of time, I quit playing them and took up guitar instead. When I finally realized how important school was(in high school), I stopped messing around and got my grades up so I could get into college. Acne was pretty much the only thing I could not "fix". While I tried to obviously, its not like other problems where you can say "if I put time and dedication into fixing this, it will go away", because there is no solution that will 100% work with time/effort like there is with losing weight or something else.

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go anywhere, and stand in sunlight infront of a beautiful girl;you covered with acne, redspots, oily skin and try and flirt with em. see where that takes you. as opposed to no acne, redspots, or oily skin.

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Yea. I tell myself that pretty much everyday. But it is very difficult. I still get depressed from time to time.

Honestly though, I've been trying to tell myself that for that past few months. I'll feel better for a few days, and then a bad day comes and it all goes down hill from there.

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There is a saying I once heard:

Good looks will catch the eye for a moment, but a good personality will catch the heart forever.

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