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ryder23

what do i say to my mom?

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ok, so ive had acne for a couple of years now. im 17 in highschool, obviously living at home.

ill admit i havnt been going out like i used to, and i think acne has a big toll on that, becuase always in the back of my mind im thnking what they think of me...

so anyways, yea im at home alot, besides school, and really theres nothing much to do around here, nothing special like a pool or anything.. so i go on my computer.. i dont game or anything.

my mom, for the last year or so has always been on my case. shes telling my i have problems, go get a job, get off the computer, etc ,etc.. and i get so fed up and pissed off about it i just tell her to shut up and she says no i have a problem, and i tell her nothing positive will come from this, and just be quiet. and she always says thats shes concerned, and i keep on telling to to not worry about it, and im fine.

like it gets so much worse tho, yelling, screaming, swearing, etc. and im sick of it becuase its so pointless. why would we argue when it hasnt done anything for 1+ years? like seriously, she is so stupid somtimes, argueing wont solve anything.

almost every night shes on my case. its pathetic, and i just want to put her on mute. she just doesnt stop bitching and complaining.

my dad doesnt do this shit and every sees we never argue or anything, and yet she doesn realize this.

i swear somtimes im more grown up then her. she just doesnt know when to quit and it seems like she trys to exploit my flaws and weaknesses.

and when im around my friends, shes a dumass. i almost failed science, and when my friend was over she yells in the car " so, did you fail math class or what" and i say nope, and she says how pathetic i am.. bla ..bla .bla

sorry for ranting so much but i need to get her to stfu, and gtfo somtimes, shes really pushing my buttons.

what should i do, to make this argueing stop, her non stop bitching and complaining stop, her disrespect towards me stop, her nonstop argueing stop, her embarassment stop.. etc.

oh and sorry for the spelling, we just had a arguement and im pissed off and want to type as fast as i can.

so if you could, please help me get through this bullshit.

thanks

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Can you ask your Dad to ask your Mom to take it easier on you? OR is it possible to sit down with your Mom when you two have some privacy and talk honestly with her about how her anger and embarrassing words make you feel? Maybe she truly doesn't know, or hasn't realized how she is perceived.

Just curious...why don't you have a job? It is really nice to have your own spending money. It also helps one to get out in the world a bit, and not stay at home all the time.

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Violence will land him/you in juvenile detention or maybe even in a psychiatric ward if deemed necessary. NOT a good answer.

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Can you ask your Dad to ask your Mom to take it easier on you? OR is it possible to sit down with your Mom when you two have some privacy and talk honestly with her about how her anger and embarrassing words make you feel? Maybe she truly doesn't know, or hasn't realized how she is perceived.

Just curious...why don't you have a job? It is really nice to have your own spending money. It also helps one to get out in the world a bit, and not stay at home all the time.

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i think i talk to her about every night while shes screaming at me.

i tell her, where is she going with this, whats the point of argueing... this isnt going anywhere, this is only making things worse, etc... but she still constantly does it.

what pisses my off alot also, is when she walks by me and just goes **SIGH** really loud. like fuck how does she not see how much worse she is making things?

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i think i talk to her about every night while shes screaming at me.

i tell her, where is she going with this, whats the point of argueing... this isnt going anywhere, this is only making things worse, etc... but she still constantly does it.

what pisses my off alot also, is when she walks by me and just goes **SIGH** really loud. like fuck how does she not see how much worse she is making things?

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I think you both need to sit down, without any distractions and talk calmly about what is going on. Do you and your mum ever talk to each other about your day's? This may seem trivial, but it can lead to more indepth conversations. Especially if both of you are calm and are taking the time to actually listen to each other rather than arguing.

If you both keep arguing in the manner you are now, things will become irrepairable between you and your mum.

If you feel you are more of an adult than your mum, maybe you should be the one to break the ice, or perhaps Wynne's suggestion of talking to your dad about it first may help? He might be able to explain why your mum is like this towards you or he might be able to talk to your mum about how you feel.

Sometimes it's hard for parents to understand their teenage kids, just as it's hard for teenagers to understand their parents. It's a hard time for all involved, but it can be rewarding if all parties make the effort to communicate. I say be brave and make the first move.

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Violence will land him/you in juvenile detention or maybe even in a psychiatric ward if deemed necessary. NOT a good answer.

I was kidding. He needs to talk to his mom and work it out.

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That does sound quite a bit like me a few years ago... I ended up with an eating disorder, and is now on anti-depressants. She might have a point!

My mum constantly asked if I was ok, wondering why I wouldn't go out more etc., etc., but I just said: "I'm fine..." Guess what - I WASN'T!

Really listen to your mum. She's really not trying to be a bitch, but really trying to help you out. She DOES care about you, and the more you stay away from the public, the harder it will get to get back out.

I do understand your frustration about the way she comments you - like with your exams on so on, but maybe she's as frustrated as you?

I'd advice you to have a good, CALM talk to her about everything. Explain how it makes you feel when she does what she does, and let HER tell what she thinks - and remember to be CAAALLM!

You you'll figure it out ;)

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Rikke is on to something. First, let me say that I'm the mother of a 15 1/2 year old boy, so I can shoot this to you from my perspective. But I'm NOT your enemy :ninja:

I'll be the first to admit to you that parents are NOT perfect. Your mom probably has the best intentions in the world because she loves you, cares about you, and most of all worries sick about you. But also try to keep in mind that parents pretty much "wing it." This is the first time in our lives, our first attempt, at parenting. And we only get one shot at it. So we'll make mistakes, and even if we learn from those mistakes, we may never get the chance to repeat the situation to apply what we've learned.

If I look at it from your mom's point of view, I see that she may be completely frustrated. She can SEE that something's wrong, she can sense that something's wrong, and she's struggling to know what it is. And it hurts her that she doesn't know what to do. She may have searched your room to find any evidence of what's bothering you. Not that she did it to hurt you or to "bust" you, or to point out any flaws. She probably did it hoping to find some clue as to what's happening in your life, so that she can understand you better.

After reading what you said about the way your mom treats you, I'm getting the feeling that she doesn't realize what the problem is and she's struggling with it. And the easiest way to deal with it is to yell at you. Believe me, I've caught myself yelling at my own son for things, only to realize later that he's just being a normal kid for his age.

I know this will be difficult, but if you can do this you might be surprised at the results. Try approaching your mom with the best attitude you've ever had, remain calm, and tell her that you need to open up about the way you feel inside. You might start by telling her what bothers you in life other than how she treats you. Tell her your feelings, your hopes, your dreams, what gets you down, etc. And if she seems receptive, go on to tell her that you usually feel much worse about yourself and about your life after you've been yelled at and see that your parents don't understand you.

She may very desperately just want you to open up your life to her, to share with her, to confide in her, and to trust her with your innermost feelings. And when she sees resistance from you, she may yell at you out of frustration.

Just give it a shot. That's just my perspective, as the mom of a boy not too far from you in age. You never know, she may be able to help you!

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well here's the thing, you said acne is the big cause for you not doing much. your mom doesn't know this, she thinks your fine but if you were fine you wouldn't be in front of the computer all the time.

here's a thought, when she's really railing on you, flipping out just tell her "you know what, i don't want to go out because i feel insecure about my skin" or something. maybe then she'll understand.

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TooOld has some good observations.

Wynne has some great suggestions.

I have two teenagers at home and the biggest thing that I take issue with is the comments that your mom made in front of your friends. That was totally inappropriate. Believe me, I tell my kids things that they don't want to hear all the time, but saying stuff like that that in front of your peers must have hurt. Not necessary.

Having said that - yes, we parents really, really want things to be good for our kids. Some of us do things well, some of us don't. Regardless, none of us are perfect and all we can do is our best.

Practical advice - don't try to talk to your mom when the two of you are in the moment. It just won't work. Wait until things are calm. Think about what you're going to say. Remember all those things that are important in conflict resolution, like phrasing your statements in a non-threatening or non-blaming way.

Example: You're always criticising me, Mom.

Better: My feelings get hurt when you say that I'm pathetic.

Know what I mean?

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i can understand you because i also have a very bad relationship with my mother. i think you should try to sit down and talk with her, and maybe start working or doing other stuff that mantaihn you occupy and entretained. you should also could practice some sports so as to release stress

hope that helps

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