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First, let me say, I am a vetern. I came here a lot and posted in 2005. Through trial and error, and giving up smoking and starting back up....I have discovered that my cystic acne on my cheeks and chin are because of cigarettes!! Wow. Who would have thought. I am proud to say I am clear (The Clinique Acne Skincare Line has done good for me) plus not smoking. I have a few scars but i have actually stepped out into the world with no make-up for two weeks (for Spiritual purposes), anyhoo, back to my headline.

I know I'm writing this out of pure loneliness. Because since I have become a Christian I have had an opportunity to still go out to bars and party, but none of that interests me now so...I really have no social life. I just started attending the church I was going to in 2005, and hope to meet single girl Christians as myself, so that way I will at least have a social life.

But as my topic goes, the man that lead me to Christ is actually interested in becoming a minister himself. We met three years ago my last semester in college (he had a few more years to go), and we were eating lunch. Somehow I mentioned I had seen him on campus with the Bible and asked if he was real religious. He said yea, and asked me for my number so we could talk about God and such. I don't recall hearing from him that whole semester. It wasn't until September of 2005 he called me and said he sensed I was having a hard time. I told him I was because I couldn't find a steady job. He would always call and sometimes I would listen to him for three hours talk about Christ and the Holy Ghost and everything. Sometimes I didn't want to listen to it, sometimes I did. But this went on for two years and was strictly platonic. I have told this man everything there is to know about me.

Well, for the past four or five months now, I have really had a turn around and focus on God. I was talking to Him on the day of New Year's Eve as I was heading to a friend's and then almost like Cupid's arrow hit my heart, I suddenly liked the man who was ministering to me. We had met twice recently, two years after our meeting in college, and so I don't know if it is just because I have seen him or what, but I see his heart and his soul and my feelings have become different toward him.

So God told me to call him and wish him a Happy New Year's, which I did. And I am done with clubs/bars completely now. But now I am here in my small hometown, focusing on getting an aerobics certification and God knows neither one of us is ready for one another. But then I ask God could it possibly work out with this guy? I can't see it but God reassures me that my feelings are real. However, I can't call the guy or email him a lot. In this case, God tells me that he will tell me if he likes me. This waiting game is almost torturing me and I try to stay focus on my studies and do what God tells me to do.

Some people tell me I should let him know how I feel. What do yall think? I don't think that's a good idea at all. He lives about five or six hours from me and I believe I should be a mature woman, and wait. In Proverbs it says the woman will be revealed to the man and he will seek her out. So I don't know if this is a crush or more. I mean, if I were to be with a preacher, I better know my bible, right? So I have been praying hard and reading the Gospels, getting to know Jesus. I am not the fastest learner though and at night I can't help it, I think of the guy, but try not to think sexual things about him, only about me holding him and nurturing him. I guess that's where my lonliness is coming into play.

I feel weird writing about all this on here, I already know to be submissive with God, put it in His hands, and wait, but I felt like maybe I could at least get it out here, annonymously, where you guys can make up your own minds. Personally, I know I'm doing the right thing. But what do you think? How would you feel in my position? Would you do anything diffferently?

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So this sort of thing is very difficult to give advice on from a distance. In cases where friends have described similar situations, my advice was that it is important to let the other person know how you feel. You should try to do this in a way that will not pressure the other person. Try to find common ground and ways that you can spend time with him. Tell him when you are saying goodbye that you have enjoyed the time you have spent with him and hope to meet up again soon. This will let him know you are interested. You could also suggest events or things that you have seen that you think you want to go to and think he would be interested in too. This will allow you to arrange to see each other without the pressure of directly asking him out on a date. Hopefully this should allow a relationship to flourish naturally.

I also think that letting someone know directly that you love them can work well. I think that putting your feelings in a letter allows the person to digest the information and take time to make their reply. Take time to compose the letter and work out exactly what you want to say. I think it is worth holding your final version of a letter like this for a couple of days before posting it to give you a chance to reread it and be sure you are comfortable with it. If you decide to do this, you must accept that they may tell you that they are not interested in you.

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So this sort of thing is very difficult to give advice on from a distance. In cases where friends have described similar situations, my advice was that it is important to let the other person know how you feel. You should try to do this in a way that will not pressure the other person. Try to find common ground and ways that you can spend time with him. Tell him when you are saying goodbye that you have enjoyed the time you have spent with him and hope to meet up again soon. This will let him know you are interested. You could also suggest events or things that you have seen that you think you want to go to and think he would be interested in too. This will allow you to arrange to see each other without the pressure of directly asking him out on a date. Hopefully this should allow a relationship to flourish naturally.

I also think that letting someone know directly that you love them can work well. I think that putting your feelings in a letter allows the person to digest the information and take time to make their reply. Take time to compose the letter and work out exactly what you want to say. I think it is worth holding your final version of a letter like this for a couple of days before posting it to give you a chance to reread it and be sure you are comfortable with it. If you decide to do this, you must accept that they may tell you that they are not interested in you.

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Sorry, I just wanted to add. In addition to letting him know you are interested by finding ways to spend time with him. One mistake I have seen friends make is that they are so nervous around the person they are interested in that they become very stiff and formal when they talk to them. This sends the opposite message to the one you want to project and the other person can think you aren't interested in them. Try to pay attention to things like body language make sure you are not crossing your arms and legs, frowning or moving away from the person. You need to smile and have an open relaxed posture. It is natural to touch your neck, lips and hair and also to mirror the way the person you are talking to stands or sits. These things may sound like you are putting them on but nervousness can be switching them off. It is also important that you keep participating in conversations if and when they become more personal and intimate. I have seen too many conversations stop dead just on the point where two people are about to tell each other how they feel.

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No, it's really good advice. I have emailed him to see if he wants to have lunch when he passes through because he is always going through to see old friends from college. So I thought a friendly lunch would be like a "casual date" without saying date. We have met for coffee. And it is good advice. Even the letter idea is good. I am just coming from a Spiritual perspective and I know this is something I have to take slow (due to all my other male encounters) Believe me, I would love to tell him in a letter or face to face. Because right now all I want to do is pick up the phone and call. But I have texted him once impulsively and I have called him once impulsively. Basically, I don't want to call too much. looking desperate. I really just want to casually keep seeing him. He said a friend of his is getting married in March and he is not sure yet if he is going to the wedding. But he has to pass through here to get to our college town (the wedding) and what better thing to do but try to see if I could go with him. I feel like there is chemistry there, but I know him and I know his main focus is God, as mine is Jesus and getting to know him on a personal level. It's not going to be easy but I'm not going to give up on trusting God and knowing where I'm at. But I do thank you for all the advice, it's not an easy question and you answered it well. If anyone would like to add anything, please do. Getting this topic it out and discussing it, even annonymously, helps me deal better. Really, it means a lot to get a positive response. It does. I won't rule it out, I just don't want to be impulsive. Ya know?

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Hey!

I stumbled upon this and thought I might add something if I may. I like what MickyD has been offering for you to think about. He had some good ways that wouldn't be too forward yet would let him know you enjoy his company. Lots of guys don't know how the girl feels about them, so it makes it difficult on them as well, so keep that in mind when you're with him.

These are the sentences I gave some thought to: "...Some people tell me I should let him know how I feel. What do yall think? I don't think that's a good idea at all. He lives about five or six hours from me and I believe I should be a mature woman, and wait. In Proverbs it says the woman will be revealed to the man and he will seek her out. So I don't know if this is a crush or more."

When you're saying you don't think it's a good idea, that might be your gut instinct telling you it's simply not the right time because YOU are trying to see if it's a crush or more. Gut instinct could be the way God is talking to you if you have been looking for His answer, or it could be your inner feelings of talking yourself out of getting more involved because of all the surrounding circumstances. Being a mature woman does not necessarily mean 'wait' for him to say how he feels as much as it means wait to divulge your feelings until YOU are sure after hanging out with him more WHAT your true feelings are.

I think you can't even begin to figure that out until you spend more time with him. Distance will usually make the heart grow fonder, but you also have to base that on time spent with him in order to know the real person and not base that on fantasy of what he might be like. That might be why you're not really sure it would be a good idea to tell him how you feel.

One thing I also want to add... because of his chosen path in life, you know he would never make you feel anything but loved for how you feel if he does not feel the same. But you also feel chemistry, which is a wonderful thing. I think showing your heart can never be a bad thing, as long as it's an honest feeling. And yes, it's nice to get anonymous opinions here because as they say, sometimes it's easier opening up to a complete stranger than your best friend.

It's soooo difficult but so exciting too!

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Does the bible really say women should wait for things like that to happen? I don't think God can make things change for you so directly. It's insane to me that you have no social life and yet wonder why you are so lonely, if you really like this man - crush or no, tell him before he goes on and becomes a minister.

I work at a catholic social club on Saturday nights and that bit you said about the proverbs and waiting for the man to seek you out upset me a bit. The amount of old spinsters I see who drag great heavy crosses around their necks and have never really had love, except for a clear love for God is just saddening. You have to make it happen!

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^ agreed. dont' they say god helps those who help themselves? no offence, but leaving something up to a deity is only going to end in tears. meditation/prayer can provide the clarity and objectivity needed to make a decision, but you have to act on it yourself

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Camp,

It doesn't appear that the guy has ever given any indication of romantic interest. Lunch is a good idea. If he doesn't indicate any interest, then I'd be hard pressed to think he is open to a relationship. You've only seen/spoken to him a couple times a year, right? Has he ever initiated contact?

I think it's important to determine a few things, one of which is - *IF* a romantic relationship would develop, would either of you be willing to relocate in order to maintain the relationship? If not, why pursue one?

It seems that you like your church, but have not met any other women with whom you could become friends. Have you considered visiting some other churches?

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Hey! Thanks for the advice. First of all, I was born and raised Catholic, so now I am entering a interdenomenational church that is predominately black, with three white peoplle. They encourage all races to come and worship because it is not a black thing, or white, or latino thing, it is a God thing. And I'm sorry that proverbs offends you but I left traditional Catholic because you do not break down the word and study it. You don't. Don't even try to argue with me on it. Because you don't.

I was actually saved a year ago in The Woodlands in the same church Joel Olsteen's dad used to preach at and who got that church going. I agree with the person who said maybe I need to study this guy more and see if I like him instead of the pure infatuation or to see if it would even work.

I really do like him, but here I go today in church checking out this man (don't know his age) but know he is single and I'm like Jesus, stop allowing my flesh to look at him. It's really not fair this whole spiritual and flesh thing. And I think because I am a 27 female, I can't help but sometimes let my horomones race with me. My white friend has questioned me and my interest in black guys. I have never been with a full flesh black guy. I've dated black italian, black puerto rican, and black/white...but she is questioning me and if I did date a black guy I know it would raise a few eyebrows. I'm in the south I guess that will help clear that up. But one of my friends even said, "you know black women will not like you coming in and dating/marrying a black man" I can't help but understand where she is coming from. Where I think some of my black girl friends will be ok with it, I know the standard generalization of what she means.

I can't help it. Maybe it's because i was raised in such a strict, proper, traditional home that I am drawn to black people for being more open and laid back. I don't think one black woman at my church would have a problem with me dating a black guy. It's such a controversal issue here in the south because of racial slurs and such, but I am very open minded. With this guy that lives about five hours away he is clueless with how I feel. But it's not even skin color at this point. Six months ago I would be jumping around like crazy trying to date a black man that I like...but I don't see his skincolor. I see his heart and his soul and that's what I like.

I question God about it, doubting it because his dream is to travel around the world and minister to whereever the Lord takes him. This is great and I would like to travel, but I have a mental illness where I will always have to seek medical help for medication and counseling and so forth...

So when I am checking out this other guy at church today, I look up into the Heavens and say, Lord, why? Why do you make me boy crazy? You know I like so and so so what's up?

And God's answer is as pure and simple as day. Quit focusing on a man, because he is already preparing the right guy for me at this moment. My job now is to focus on Jesus and developing a relationship with him. So however hard it may be for me, I've got to pray everyday. This doesn't mean just on my knees, no, it means in the middle of the day when I'm thinking about Joe or Bob or whoever I like, I've got to pray to Jesus, that my flesh wants none of that now, all I want now is the Holy Ghost, the Kingdom of Heaven, my crown at the end of the race, and getting to know Jesus better. So as hard as it is for me, this is my battle, struggle. And even though I am boy crazy, I have to do it.

Because I know what love feels like. The black italian I dated a year and a half ago, I thought was it. I was never the girl who wanted to get married. In fact, I was quite opposite. Was terrified of having all eyes on me. Never checked out wedding dresses for fun, nada. So when the italian came into my life, I seeked him out and we liked each other so much we rushed into everything. But here's the thing. Every guy I had dated prior to that (about five or six major relationships) I had this wondering eye always looking around at cute guys and sometimes acted out on my adultress behavior. When italian boy came along, I was sold. I tell you I didn't check out guys like I used to and when cute guys came flirting with me, I always made it clear I had a boyfriend. So I know that love exists. We broke up early in 2007 and it tore me apart but the message from God is clear. I have to seek Him first, and give up things of the flesh first.

I appreciate your honest anwers in saying i should let the guy know. But if it's meant to be it will, just not anytime soon. So I am offended by some of you that disagree with the bible. But think about it? If I guy likes you enough he will let you know. I don't care how shy he is. If he thinks you are the one for him, he will find a way to tell you.

I will let God do his job. He's so amazing and good at doing that anyway. And yea, I'm lonely. I'm still new to this church, so I'm sure I will meet some single girls there, I know they are there but it takes time for friendships to develop as well. I know I have a friend in Jesus. It sounds corny at times but right now he is my only friend. So now is the time to use it wisely and read the Gospels and really get to know him.

If yall want to answer back, that's great. I'm very open and I do appreciate everyone's responses. I think some of the answers are really good quite actually. But I am going to sit still for this one and not act so impulsively as I have many times before. Answer any thing at all or just discuss whatever I have said. I know it's a touchy subject for some, but I promise that I seek and speak the truth. So I know some of you may not understand my denomination or open mindedness to different ethnics, but that's ok. I have been critisized and praised for being so open. Anyhoo, drop a line or two. Whoever said it said it right. That sometimes it's better talking to a stranger...I'm really just trying to get it all out here and eventually will have to excuse myself to most internet things that cause a distraction for me. I can't help it, I can waste a whole day dwadling on the internet, and that's what the devil wants. So yes, please answer even if it is a hard subject. I enjoy hearing from everybody

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I'm sure you know that God has a plan that is best for every single one of us, right?

Meeting the person you'll marry is no different. When God made His amazing plan for your life, He decided who would be the best person you'd marry and all those other things too.

But the thing with marriage is that it can lead to a struggle between the human free will and God's plan. You know that the Bible says God had plans for the Pharisees, but they rejected His plan out of their human free will, right? God didn't make us as robots; He wants us to love Him and obey the plan that He's made for us. But on the same note, this results in a lot of people turning away from His plan.

What I want to tell you is that if God definitely tells you that that man is the one you should marry, then that's great. God will be doing His work to make everything work out so that you and that man will have chances to marry. However, if either you or that man rejects that plan, then it may not come true. But God being so great, you know that His plan for us is like a navigation system, right? If we don't follow it and make a wrong turn, He instantly recalculates the next best way for us.

So I definitely say to you, go deeper into prayer with Him, and if you can pray in tongues, definitely do as much of that as you can, because the Holy Spirit that resides within you knows God's plan for you and is praying for that plan to come true. If God tells you that you should admit your feelings to that man, go ahead. And if things don't work out because on that man's side there are problems, then don't worry ~ God's either going to work out another way for you two to get together if that's part of His plan, or even in the worst case scenario in which that man constantly rejects God's plan for you two's marriage, God will have the very next best directions for the two of you.

Remember, you don't have to feel empty or depressed at all. Once you experience God's presence, you know there is nothing better you want to seek out than that. And God is never someone who wants His beloved children to experience pain (emotional or physical). I think finding a good Bible study group might be a good option for you. A lot of times, praying in the Spirit by yourself is so good, but praying together with other Christians and having fellowship is also another very blessing thing.

Best of luck!

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geez we dont want to hear your whole life story. think you could have summarized a little better?
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Remember, you don't have to feel empty or depressed at all. Once you experience God's presence, you know there is nothing better you want to seek out than that. And God is never someone who wants His beloved children to experience pain (emotional or physical). I think finding a good Bible study group might be a good option for you. A lot of times, praying in the Spirit by yourself is so good, but praying together with other Christians and having fellowship is also another very blessing thing.

Best of luck!

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