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Elsewhere

Do you break things when you get upset/frustrated?

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I do and I'm wondering what, outside of brute force of willpower and white knuckling it when I'm frustrated, I can do to help that. Seriously, I get frustrated and I throw things, hit things, kick things - usually resulting in broken stuff. It's really small stuff, too - when Youtube freezes up it takes everything I have NOT to go "Angry German Kid" video on my computer. Or when I can't the stereo to work right (like today, and when I threw it down in disgust, I broke a mirror that was sitting on the floor!) I've bruised my knuckles and toes from kicking and punching things when I get upset - even broke my IPOD last year.

I never EVER hit people or animals, only things. And it's only with the smaller frustrations - that confuses me. Anyone who'se been around here for any length of time knows that when it comes to Trauma with a capital T (things like horrific childhood abuse, sexual assault, cancer, suicide, etc etc) I've got no problem dealing with that in a non-violent manner. It's only the SMALL stuff that really sends me off the handle.

Maybe I've got repressed anger issues? I don't know, but now I have to explain the broken mirror to my boss (I'm at work) and wondering if anyone else has this problem.....?????

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yeah i know what you are talking about.i also broke a mirror ,(fortunately it was my mirror lol).i break thing because i feel frustrated about my crappy life.

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Hi Elsewhere, :angel:

Your thread made me think.

It is interesting, and I'm not certain why exactly this is for you, but perhaps one possibility could have something to do with control or things not going quite as planned and having to readjust.

With the little things, the things that are often so small and perhaps petty when looked at objectively and yet leave us feeling most upset or frustrated at the time, like something electronic not working properly, we have no control over. Our minds are set on something we want or would like to do, but this setback holds us back, stops us. And somehow, it is difficult to accept.

Sometimes people break down not always in the expected moments (for example, sadness, loss, etc.), but rather, over those frustrations and little things that interrupt the plan they had in their minds (and it may be by screaming or cursing or crying or hitting), and often it is not a big plan, but simply something familiar, or comforting somehow. Maybe a routine, or just something that brings them pleasure for a while.

The things that happened to you, those big, life-altering things, you did not have control over then but have now taken the reins and have worked very hard towards understanding and taking steps to having and living your life according to what you want and have decided, as much as you can.

Perhaps it can also be due to seeing only the problem in that moment, and not the solution. If it is a situation that we can't or don't know how to fix, we cannot help what has happened. Often these little things are sudden and unexpected and can cause us to react quickly, rather than the bigger things that allow more time for thoughts and feelings to settle in.

I don't know if this makes any sense or if these could be possibilities for you.

The thing is, though you are not hurting people or animals and just things, you are sometimes hurting yourself in the process. I wish I had a suggestion as to something different to try in those moments to release the frustration but I'm not sure what. It seems a physical release is needed, but perhaps in a way that can help enough without the risk of breaking anything you have worked hard for and without the risk of hurting yourself.

Thank you for sharing this. I was thinking of something very similar just last week.

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When I was in therapy for my anxiety and a bunch of past stuff...my therapist was probably most concerned about my anger issues in the longterm. They sound very similar to yours, so I thought maybe the cause is the same. I can get extremely upset, very quickly over the stupidest things. Usually with big things I'm very slow to anger, and I never stay angry for usually more than a few seconds, they're just little outbursts of frustration.

I actually read a book called "Anger and Anxiety: Be in Charge of Your Emotions and Control Phobias" by Dr. Bob Rich. I just checked amazon, and I'm not sure why its unavailable, but my psychologist had a personal copy I used. If you could find it, you might check it out. It has some cognitive behavior techniques to sort of calm your brain down. It was the only book she ever made me read, and it was probably one of the most helpful tools. It also helped a great deal with other random stuff.

Past consistent trauma really destroys your brains ability to function properly...its used to being on edge, ready to attack or defend or whatever we do. It might help...

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Ya I hear you on the anger issues... I never really got into breaking property but I used to go out looking for fist fights or if I was having a really intense arguement and people just wouldn't listen or shut up I would punch myself in the face, I know not very smart, it would however get people to kinda take a step back and listen lol. Then I went to some anger management classes and talked things out and came to find what was the cause of my anger. There is always an underlying cause, I used to be mad because my dad split when I was two but then I came to the realisation it't not my fault, its his loss. Sometimes you just need to let things go, easier said than done I know but if you hold onto the past it will eventually consume you.

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I think you get mad when "things" go wrong, because you can't control the way "things" work. Humans are very easy to control (hate to say it), but objects can't be influenced and when your computer freezes, insulting it won't make it cower and start working. You might be having control issues. Not being able to control what happens to your "things". It's like parents that can't get through to their kids, and decide to use violence.

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i hear you. but its not like things not working for me. its my parents frustrating me. I just punch things or throw things. usually at the expense of the wall. i threw a barbell at the wall once time. a couple days ago i took a bat-like stick and smashed in two corners.

it helps

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I used to put holes in walls. But that was years ago. Anymore, I just pace, yell, take a walk.. All pretty harmless activities.

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I would punch the wall and slam my head against walls. There were times I would wake up in the middle of the night and punch my wall suddenly and seconds later I'd be like OMFG that hurts. Must of been a really bad dream =).

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Ya all the time, like today my xbox was being weird and I almost punched a glass window on my entertainment stand luckily I stopped before I hit it, but I've bunch doors and walls a lot. But at school I'm like the calmest dude, at home I fly off the handle. But I don't get along well with my mom so I'm sure that doesn't help.

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Elsewhere Im no psychologist (although I would like to be) but my first guess would be the repressed anger issues you mentioned, perhaps when significant problems (past and present) arise it takes all your mental energy to keep level headed and deal with it in a non violent manner and productive manner while never really releasing the anger that has built up, so that when completely meaningless things happen (like the youtube video) you fly off the handle because, well they are meaningless. It doesnt matter if you are not able to deal with it in a level headed manner because these problems are nothing and so makes sense to let out your anger on these things. Kind of like deliberatley dealing with little things badly to save energy for the real problems.

As I say im no psychologist and what Ive just written could be completely wrong but theres my input :)

Sorry if that doesnt make sense but Im knackered, its half 4 in the morning and my insomnia is on full blast :/

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Once I threw a package of frozen pork chops down a flight of stairs at my (then) husband. He accused me of trying to kill him. I had just gotten home from 14 hours in the unit and his happy ass wanted to know what was for dinner. :evil:

Seriously, I used throw stuff when I got angry - then I broke something I really liked. It was sentimental. It really upset me to lose it and I never threw anything else because I didn't want to feel that loss again.

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When i play Fifa 08 online on Xvox 360, i break everything in sight. When i lose i just throw anything i can find, one time i accidently whipped my controller at my big screen tv, thank god it didnt break. But i also have a naturally really bad temper, i think my acne makes it worse.

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Be like me, and have a punching bag in your room. It costs 30 bucks, and in the end pays for itself. Whenever you want to smash something, like your new tv, just hit the 30 dollars. It CANT break, and it saves you from buying something worth hundreds. And it is a good workout. :) try it!

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Thank you guys so much for these replies! And Searching and Joe, I think you both hit it on the head of the nail. PERFECTLY. It makes me feel less crazy and childish (I so hear you guys who feel that way when you do this, too!) to hear you guys type out your thoughts on it. And to know I'm not alone....that's incredibly refreshing. THANK YOU GUYS, I love you all!

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Be like me, and have a punching bag in your room. It costs 30 bucks, and in the end pays for itself. Whenever you want to smash something, like your new tv, just hit the 30 dollars. It CANT break, and it saves you from buying something worth hundreds. And it is a good workout. :) try it!

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Huh..."E as in Energy and MOTION as in movement"...that's some seriously good stuff! Thank you for that! I totally have to remember that! (and I am seriously considering a punching bag, btw, good suggestions, guys!)

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Huh..."E as in Energy and MOTION as in movement"...that's some seriously good stuff! Thank you for that! I totally have to remember that! (and I am seriously considering a punching bag, btw, good suggestions, guys!)

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