Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Recommended Posts

I had an "experience" with a couple. It was amazing, very bad of me but amazing non the less. i have a bf who thinks the world of me and i think that of him as well. but after what happened the idea of a women excites me more than it should. i love men too though. i don't know. i've been with women in the past but not in a relationship. i'm 24 and i should have figured this all out by now, you would think. my sister says it's alright to be confused and everything but it's driving me nuts, absolutely nuts. and if i am bi sexual, how do you have a relationship with a man and still want a women? i know this isn't normal topic on this site but i jus don't know what i am now, except for really fucking confused.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think many young women your age have similar feelings. It's definitely nothing to be ashamed of, worried about, or concerned terribly over. It may just be a passing thing due to stressors in your life, you're not able to focus on one thing or person right now.

Maybe it's a sign that you need to work on you? Figure yourself out, where you want to be, where you want to go? What's important to you. Who and what you are and stand for and believe. Perhaps. ? :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

All women are secretly lesbians anyway. My theory is that the only carbon-based lifeforms in the universe that don't like tits are gay men.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll be polite and ignore that.

So obviously you're sexually attracted to other women but say you've never had a real relationship with one? Have you ever or are you now considering that possibility? If you are, it might be time to branch out and explore (if that's a scary thought then of course don't push yourself). Or you might be one of those young "experimental" bisexuals (I hate that term) whose primary or only attraction to someone of the same sex is physical-this is fairly common, particularly among young men.

Its perfectly normal for a bisexual or "bi-curous" (I hate that term too) person to feel attracted to the same sex while involved with someone of the opposite (or vice versa). Most people will tell you that when you find a person you really care about that their gender won't matter.

Bisexuality can make relationships difficult though; your partner, if he/she knows your orientation, may feel insecure or worry about being cheated on because they "Can't give you what a man/woman does", etc. Speaking of which, I'd be careful with your bf; not to butt into your business or anything, but if he really does "think the world of you" I'm sure you don't want to see him hurt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to admit, in my younger adult years I had some similar feelings about female friends. Yes, confusion can result at that age. Many people are unaware of the development of the human brain. Most think that once your body is "adult" your brain is too, but that is not so. Your brain doesn't stop actually growing (and developing) until you are in your mid-twenties. The parts of the brain that process moral decisions and problem solving mature last of all. I don't mind if someone calls me old fashioned, but I don't think we are mentally made to have relationships with members of the same sex. Can we? Sure, but from the studying I did in college I don't think it's mentally healthy. Just because you have attraction to someone or something doesn't mean you should give yourself the green light to go for it. For instance, I'm married, and I love my husband, but there are men that I think are good looking. If I felt attracted to one and had an affair it would ruin my family, so I use self control. You will need to find out for yourself what you believe in and what is the best for you and that will take time. Don't feel persuaded to do something you normally wouldn't. I hope that helps.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You will need to find out for yourself what you believe in and what is the best for you and that will take time. Don't feel persuaded to do something you normally wouldn't. I hope that helps.
Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a really loaded question, one of which I have pondered endlessly.

I too have had experiences with couples and other "groupings" and I have to say it was out of this world. I wouldn't compare it to being better or worse than being one on one with a man, it was just in a different way. Also the same goes for being with a woman. After that initial jolt of "oh my god I'm with a beautiful woman and she finds me attractive, are we really gonna do this, am I gonna wimp out/is she gonna wimp out, oh god it's happening, I don't know but don't let it stop" is over it really comes down to the parter. Most of society immediately assume that women would or do prefer sex with other women because it's better. That's not always true. I do believe that women are more in tune with what another female desires because she's spent so much time thinking about that herself, but that isn't true across the board.

Often the question of balancing desires with a relationship comes into play. Many times it can be resolved by talking it out and being honest. People are more open minded everyday and you'd be surprised at what people are into. It's gotten to a point now where being gay/bi sexual is a cliche and it's not interesting anymore. However ones sexuality is never meant to be put on display for entertainment value. (However if it's a conscious statement like in the movie The Birdcage, it can be powerful.)

But when everything is said and done, it all comes down to you and being honest with yourself. Yes you're attracted to women, first step is completed which is often the hardest. (You'd be amazed at how denial runs a persons life.) The second step in my mind is to see how you feel about it. Obviously it's sexually thrilling but are there other levels to it. Find out why you're attracted to women. I'll list a few common ones below. They are in no way meant to be in a specific order of importance.

- You feel safer with women because so much of the pressure with men is removed:

Fear of pregnancy, painful intercourse even when aroused, having to "humor" your parter about whatever technique they're using, fear of not being desired, any past negative associations you might've had with a lover or another individual.

- The act of being with a woman is unknown territory and anything unknown will arouse:

Many people compare a new sexual practice with like becoming a virgin again. Only this time we often have more experience with sex and with ourselves. I can only dream of being a virgin again with the knowledge I have now. Life would be very different and the sex would probably be better.

- It is often considered the hight of arousal to see women together, by the terms of society:

Many of the worlds sexual practices are influenced by what's portrayed by the masses. Whether that's a tribal cult, a large city, or an entire world. It's not hard to see that any hint of female derived lust is insanely popular in the media. (I was going to say alternative sexuality but I honestly don't see how sexuality can be divided. Either it turns you on or it doesn't.) Some people do things just because it's in vogue.

- What's different and unknown is very often portrayed as wrong or evil:

This is a biggie for most people. Whenever anything is deemed wrong there is instantly a subculture who is set out to prove the exact opposite, in which they often have a point. Many of the great things we embrace today have started out as wrong ideas and practices. Besides, it always feels good to be bad.

- Often times people look to members of the same sex when they have an issue with themselves

I know this one from personal experience. I've never had a good body image and I didn't know how any man could want me. So I turned to women who not only understood and sympathized with my feelings, they helped me deal with them. And also in the process taught me the love women can share, how it can be tender and healing and a unique experience unto itself. I believe it's that connection and healing process that people miss, no matter who they are with.

- People (but especially women) explore new sexual practices when they feel their current lover might be getting bored and they have a fear of being left and rejected.

I left this one last because it's a real negative, and I do not want to put sex in any kind of negative light. But it is true, many women see involving another female as a sure fire way to get their lovers attention again. Often times it doesn't work and just complicates things. They just don't want to acknowledge the fact that their relationship has problems that need work.

Those I feel are some of the main reasons why people are attracted to the same sex later in life. For those who have always been gay I feel it's something you just knew and it would've been a bad idea to ignore it. I may be wrong but, that's what makes sense to me.

Also, something very important. You are not bad. You are not wrong. You are not defective in anyway what so ever. Women have been groomed from the beginning of time to be seductive, erotic, and to hold the keys of sexual knowledge. Only until fairly recently did seducers like Casanova, Lord Byron, and Don Quixote realize that they could turn the tables on women. It is no shame to realize that women are beautiful and are meant to arouse. If that wasn't the case humanity would not be here today.

As far as your relationship goes, if you're honest with yourself and find out that you're truly attracted to women from an erotic standpoint (as opposed to the last reason I posted about getting a lovers attention again), then it's something that should be treated with respect by both partners. Needless to say a serious conversation is in order between you and your significant other, if not several. Please keep us posted on anything, if you feel the need to. (I say that because this post is quite long as it is and I don't want to hog space.)

Lastly, it sounds like your sister is giving you some good advice, and you don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed about acknowledging it, or asking for it. I'm sure she cares about you more than you know and is more than happy to listen to what you have to say. And try not to be too embarrassed, this is not a joke to you or shouldn't be to any one you talk to. Most of the time people don't want to talk to relatives because they feel every time that relative talks or them or sees them all they are going to remember is that conversation or that question. Which is almost NEVER the case. I can guarantee your sister will only see a young woman figuring out herself and her life, and just wants you to be happy.

Hope this helps.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have to admit, in my younger adult years I had some similar feelings about female friends. Yes, confusion can result at that age. Many people are unaware of the development of the human brain. Most think that once your body is "adult" your brain is too, but that is not so. Your brain doesn't stop actually growing (and developing) until you are in your mid-twenties. The parts of the brain that process moral decisions and problem solving mature last of all. I don't mind if someone calls me old fashioned, but I don't think we are mentally made to have relationships with members of the same sex. Can we? Sure, but from the studying I did in college I don't think it's mentally healthy. Just because you have attraction to someone or something doesn't mean you should give yourself the green light to go for it. For instance, I'm married, and I love my husband, but there are men that I think are good looking. If I felt attracted to one and had an affair it would ruin my family, so I use self control. You will need to find out for yourself what you believe in and what is the best for you and that will take time. Don't feel persuaded to do something you normally wouldn't. I hope that helps.
Link to post
Share on other sites

The important thing, if you ask me (which no one specifically did, I realize, but hey, never stopped me before), is that "What I am?" is not really a question that you should get worked up about. It's not necessary to apply a specific label to yourself. Some people feel comfortable with a particular term ("gay", "straight", "bi", "Just Plain Freaky"), but your sexual identity is unique, just like everyone else's, and you should never feel like you have to be a specific "something". If you don't know what word describes you, that's alright. You don't need be a word, you just need to be you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The important thing, if you ask me (which no one specifically did, I realize, but hey, never stopped me before), is that "What I am?" is not really a question that you should get worked up about. It's not necessary to apply a specific label to yourself. Some people feel comfortable with a particular term ("gay", "straight", "bi", "Just Plain Freaky"), but your sexual identity is unique, just like everyone else's, and you should never feel like you have to be a specific "something". If you don't know what word describes you, that's alright. You don't need be a word, you just need to be you.
Link to post
Share on other sites
that its something you "grow out of" (that one really gets to me... what if being straight or gay is something you "grow out of" etc etc), all of which subtly undermine the integrity of those who legitimately identify as such.
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've read everything and thank everybody for all the advice. actually tryin to figure out myself has to be one of the most intimidating things I've done. funny because i've been in life or death situations and this seems to bother me the most LOL strange the humane mind. but i do really appreciate this i wasn't to sure if i was going to be bashed or not. thanks

Link to post
Share on other sites
Storytime has to include the rules of the boards, kiddos, which means I'm sure you're not going to get the full story. Thanks. :)

Sad day :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
The important thing, if you ask me (which no one specifically did, I realize, but hey, never stopped me before), is that "What I am?" is not really a question that you should get worked up about. It's not necessary to apply a specific label to yourself. Some people feel comfortable with a particular term ("gay", "straight", "bi", "Just Plain Freaky"), but your sexual identity is unique, just like everyone else's, and you should never feel like you have to be a specific "something". If you don't know what word describes you, that's alright. You don't need be a word, you just need to be you.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×