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regulas

regulas' tane blog.

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Day 17

Joints and back still hurt. Thought the IB was over, but I keep getting new ones :(, especially on my right cheek.

URGHGHGHHGHHHH

bye.

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Day 8

Started feeling the chest pain last night and when I got up this morning. Its just a tremendous aching in my ribs and collar bone area, it happens when I get up from sitting/laying down for a while.

I get that pain too, right in the middle of my breastbone sometimes too and in my ribs. I guess it's the accutane. And my feet fall asleep at the weirdest times! (they don't dream tho)

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Your face is looking better.

And your dreams with asians, sound similar to mine. I dreamed I was like this hamster crawling in this space of like tunnels for hamsters, and I came into a room with a bunch of asian school children, like the ones on sailormoon. hahahaha.....

but anywho, your face looks a lot less oily, and clearer! that's great........ I read your logs, and I don't know, i sort of feel your pain with the whole depression thing, it's tiring, and weary on your self, sometimes you just have to let go and relax, and accept things for what they are, and just be who you are, and not change for anyone. things are the way they are im slowly coming to find. ehhh, just keep your head up with me!

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Your face is looking better.

And your dreams with asians, sound similar to mine. I dreamed I was like this hamster crawling in this space of like tunnels for hamsters, and I came into a room with a bunch of asian school children, like the ones on sailormoon. hahahaha.....

but anywho, your face looks a lot less oily, and clearer! that's great........ I read your logs, and I don't know, i sort of feel your pain with the whole depression thing, it's tiring, and weary on your self, sometimes you just have to let go and relax, and accept things for what they are, and just be who you are, and not change for anyone. things are the way they are im slowly coming to find. ehhh, just keep your head up with me!

I guess it looks better, but I bet it will get worse.

Day 18

I feel like shit. Got 2 new whiteheads.

sad day :(

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Day 19

Holy God I feel like shit. Acne and insomnia has got to be the worst combination on earth. I would not wish either on the most horrible people on earth.

On a side note, I wonder if I could spot treat with Retin-A Micro to make actives go away faster?

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Day 20

Spent New Years alone. Even my own family doesn't want to be around me.

My skin looks like shit :(. Not that many actives but the red marks dont seem to be fading :(

School starts in less than a week for me. I want to drop out, I dont think I can deal with this anymore.

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hey don't feel bad. i went to a get together for new year's and saw my old boyfriend. it wasn't easy, but i kept my composure. he was drunk and acting like an idiot. he probably doesn't even remember the comment he made about his own penis and directed it towards me in front of all my mom friends. i just blew him off because i know where it's coming from.

sometimes people act like [email protected]#$'s and no matter what they never change. you can't allow their behaviors to interfere with your life. you have to keep telling yourself that you can't change their behavior, but you can control how YOU react to it. I find that when i want to give up on people i spend time alone to refocus. most of the time people act like [email protected]#$'s because their so miserable in their own lives and have to make others miserable around them.

don't give up on yourself...your too important! keep your head up...your skin will get better by taking your medicine. i get so frustrated with mine too, but i keep reminding myself that i'm a strong person and can beat ACNE. acne doesn't control me...die acne!! and your taking accutane...a few more months and your skin will look amazing.

you know you can talk with me...you still have my email.

sorry your family time sucked...been there. i know what it's like...you just want to tell them all to shut up and be alone. but your not alone...never.

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thanks for the replies :)

Day 21

Wow my face actually looks alot better today, and I dont have any new ones worth mentioning!

COOL!

But my life still sucks, oh well.

byebye

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hey regulas.

keep your head high. what won't kill you will make you stronger.

Chin up! :P Nice songs.

any how, I feel you on not wanting to start school.

I'm going away for 10 days starting Saturday, so southern cali and back up through arizona, long road trip, im hoping my face stays CLEAN AND CLEAR, i'll hope. you are around the same as me in time for being on accutane.

keep it up with me :) hang in there.

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Well.

Day 22-24

Well, of course, just as it looks like my face is clearing up, it reverses and starts getting worse again.

School on monday, I hope I die in my sleep before then.

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Well.

Day 22-24

Well, of course, just as it looks like my face is clearing up, it reverses and starts getting worse again.

School on monday, I hope I die in my sleep before then.

I know how you feel. Last weekend my face was doing ok and then bam i get a bunch of new spots/active acne. It sucks but such is life i guess. Well heres hoping you get cleared up soon and that accutane does the trick.

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Day 25

Well I woke up feeling like shit, took a look in the mirror and tears actually started welling up in my eyes, no lie. 6 new whiteheads, and the skin all around my mouth is peeling and flaking like crazy. Thing is, no matter how much moisturizer I put on there, no matter how much water I drink, the dryness does not go away. I can barely open my mouth because the skin around it wont stop being so dry.

Now I have one day of sanity before school starts, I'm gonna have to go into it looking like this, looking at the floor - again, not being able to talk to people or look them in the eyes - again, using every moment to think about what my skin looks like instead of paying attention in class(fuck florescent lights) - again. Is just wanting to be happy and feel good about oneself really so wrong? Are humans like us really such sinful creatures that we constantly have to be tortured like this?

I guess I'm destined to sit in my room pirating anime and playing guitar for the rest of my life.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

sorry /end rant

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umm DITTO on not wanting to start school....i just started accutane 3 days ago and have to go back to school in a week and am PRAYINGGG my IB wont be bad. I live with my sorority which consists of probably the most beautiful looking girls you have ever seen...and i was okay until mid october when i started getting terrible breakouts prob cuz of stress and the end of a 3 yr relationship. they are my bestfriends and support me to the end but its hard to be around them when they have not one pimple and ALWAYS beggg me to go out. well i was so happy to be home for break and be away from all the pressure to go out, feeling self concsious, blah blah blah...and im DEFF not looking forward to going back in a week and be around that now. if it wasnt my last semester of college i would def no doubt take some time off. but look at it this way...everything youre going through makes you learn so much about yourself and appreciate things in life you never even though about.

i dont mean to take up space on your log...but iw as watching CNN the other day and there was this cute little asian lady who was set on fire by her husband because he thoght she was cheating on him...she basically has no face, and walks around smiling everday and is happy to be alive. just thinking about things like that and problems in the world that are so much more serious give me hope and determination. yeah it sucks "normal" people our age dont have to go through these "realizations" and can just be...but maybe its a good thing we can think outside of ourselves. Im sure you are a MUCHHH cooler guy than some frat boy douche bag with clear skin who is probably a fucking asshole, and doesnt care about anything except getting layed. after a certain age it stops being about looks and goes to the personality and who that person really is. you seem awesome so keep your head up high.

goodluck starting school....keep us posted on your progress.

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I love your dreams. haha

I am starting accutane sometime around Wednesday, and have been struggling with acne for just about as long as you have.

After years of letting my acne control my life, I finally realized that if I was outgoing, and made small talk with those around me, and threw caution to the wind, that I would make lifelong friends. Yeah, i am still very ashamed of my face, but I try not to let that show, and I make the best of my life. You are too young to give up. Get out there! Meet new people! Don't wait until it's too late to start your life. Personality can get you much farther in life than looks can, and we all know that looks aren't everything. Just by reading your log and your other posts, I can tell you have a beaming personality. and just remember, you don't have to be confident to act confident. :surprised:

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

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Day 26-27

I guess that forum maintenance destroyed my day 26 post :(

oh well.

Got 4 new whiteheads, 1 cyst below my bottom lip.

I feel like shit, hate school. Only thing I look forward to is sleep. Just wanna sleep forever right now.

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Keep going! I'm sure your skin will get better, but you look really sweet regardless. Please don't feel depressed. I mean, it's just acne ;). Nah, kidding, I know it feels bad, but honestly, you are good-looking.

One a side-note, did you get your name from the Harry Potter books? They're great books, aren't they?. You should read the British, uncensored, editions, if you haven't already. The Scholastic editions suck :P.

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I just read some of your other entries. You must hate me for saying "things will get better" an stuff... I feel like I understand your pain. Been there, done that. Even though my acne is considered mild, it makes me want to die at times.

Feel free to PM me.

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hey...glad to see your post. i think you're definitely going to start seeing positive results...time is always the issue. with me too.

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Nah, kidding, I know it feels bad, but honestly, you are good-looking.

You have no idea how much that means to me hear someone say that :) thanks.

I read Harry potter up to like the 5th book and I vaguely remember that character, but theres a star in some distant galaxy called Regulus and thats what I got the name from.

Day 28

Well, I must be honest, today was a really bad day.

My spanish II class changed rooms today, and of course, the new room was at least 3x as bright as the old one, which was very nicely dimly lit. I barely made it through the hour and 10 minutes of class, and almost had a panic attack when the professor made us find a partner to work with. I tried not to let the lights bother me and tried to be confident about it, but the girl who was sitting next to me basically ignored me and ran off to work with someone else after she caught a glimpse of my skin, I didn't feel to great about that :| . whatever, it didn't really matter. I just went home and dropped the class, it would be way too stressful to deal with at this time anyway.

Also, went to the derm today. The first thing she asked me was "have you been having any suicidal thoughts or feel depressed?" and it was kind of funny sitting there smiling and saying "haha, no". Got a whole new month of pills though.

Last night I had a dream that had something to do with the Space Shuttle fleet being redesigned into a giant Space Shuttle Voltron. I cant remember the rest.

byebye

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Day 29

Well, my skin appears to have stopped breaking out completely, red marks still look awful though :-/.

Even still, I woke up this morning and felt more depressed than I've felt in a while, didn't go to school, I just didn't want to deal with it. Its like, having these red marks makes everyday tasks like going to school, going to the store etc. really painful for me.

Sorry ive turned my log into such a downer. heh.

bye.

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Congrats on stopping breaking out! Im at the end of my 3rd day and my skin is purging OIL like crazy...

About the red mark thing...maybe you could try a concealer. its cheap and only takes a minute to cover red marks...its an option til the red marks are gone.

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Hey bud... I'm about three weeks ahead of you. For me...the worst period skin was was at about a month from the IB. Don't worry though. It WILL go away. Chin up pal most people here are in this with you.

Its gonna rock having kick ass skin isn't it?!?!?!

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Congrats on stopping breaking out! Im at the end of my 3rd day and my skin is purging OIL like crazy...

About the red mark thing...maybe you could try a concealer. its cheap and only takes a minute to cover red marks...its an option til the red marks are gone.

I had bought a concealer, but I'm obviously not very good at makeup and cant really make it look right :(

Day 30

I think theres one active under my lower lip starting to come in :( but it seems really small. Red marks galore though! I dont ever remember having red marks that lasted this long when I was on other medications, does accutane make them last longer or something, they just dont seem to fade at all :(

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