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lilly18

feeling low, after a bit of advice

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hey guys just want to type to let out a few things. i dont know where to start so prepare for a long read

basically i just feel very low at the minute. im completely not myself, but bizzarely enough i have been feeling like this for so long thats its beginning to be all i remember feeling. i genuinely cannot remember the last time i felt completely happy recently , not just regarding acne but everything. a few years ago everything was undercontrol i was living an amazing life, had everything i could possibly want, skin was bearable, independence, awsome social life, just all the things that made me happy. but fast forward 2 years and i feel the lowest i ever have.

it starts with my acne, i am sure about that, i have suffered with it for about 5 years now but on and off, face acne never too bad but i have a rash like acne on my back and chest, not inflamed but most definately there and in all honestly the severity does not make a difference to me...i see it is horrendous and thats it. so anyway my acne history, it has been cleared before with prescriptions from my doctor and what not but has come back and has been so for the last 2 years really. also my face has got progressively worse too. at the beginning of the year i got a refferal to a derm and given accutane. around the time i discovered this site. my god it gave me such hope i actually thoguht that was it but it didnt owrk at all, if anything my skin is worse now. so this really upsets me but i think what makes it worse is now i have no hope. i was determined to start 2008 acne free, but that just seems so ridiculous now. the derm i went to see was awful, so passive and basically after accutane failed didnt want to bother with anythign at all. i have differen now after begging for a prescription of some sort (desperation) but that seems to be doing nothing anyway.

i feel worse now having taken accutane for 6 months because of the red face i have, horrible open pores all over etc. and i feel that the dermatologist is not interested. i feel so hideous right now its unreal, but its not just acne i am dealing with now its also weight issues.

where i start with this i have no idea, but i have always been a skinny girl, or slim at least but for the last 18 months i have been obsessed with my weight, it beginned as a distraction from my acne and wanting to look the best i possibly could. always being skinny is horrible because when i did put on a few pounds a while ago i noticed it more so i have more or less been on a diet on and off constantly for a year and a half. its not the losing weight that i enjoy entirely its the self discipline, distraction and control i have over it. or lack of considering i constantly fail. but non the less it is my mind set that worries me the most, i know what i am doing is not healthy but it means i dont worry about acne for the time i am thinking about dieting. it has just become a fixation in my daily routine and a part of life.

i am by no means anorexic but have unhealthy eating habits and an unhealthy mind set.

i think i may be suffering from depression due to both acne, weight and putting to much pressure on myself. i have never been so obsessed by my looks and nto in a vanity way but in a way of constantly wanting to improve and succeed. i noticed my mind set was becoming worse throughout my course of accutane but whether that was accutane induced depression or just sheer disbelief/disappointment at the way my skin appeared i dont know

i know i am waffling but i have never really spoke about this to anyone so find it cathartic to vent even if it is through typing. i know i am not in a good place right now but i seem to put too much pressure on myself to succeed, so much so that i end up failing and dont know how to pick myself up again. i miss not being 'me' again, seems nowadays the only times i feel safe within myself is chilling out and listening to music, whereas i have always been a 'social butterfly' so to speak and have really enjoyed my friends company more than anything.

so anyway i am just looking for a bit of advice on how to cope and improve my state of mind so i can go back to beign happy and care free.

thanks for reading i hope i havent bored you all to death

:)

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heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy u havent been here for aaaaaaaaaaaages i remember u lily ... i honestly dont know wat i can say really... try to keep urself as occipied as possible like with friends or stuff so u dont think about ur acne... i get depressed about my redness and disgustin open pores wen i tend to be by myself adn i think... wen im doing stuff or wtih my friends i dont really tend to think about my acne.. so i dotn get depressed tehn... unless i look in a mirror that is.... and see the truth lol... in general try to force urslef to be happy coz then u wont have depression/stress inducin the acne... im on accutane at da mo as well. and some days i have clear days but other days i can complete breakouts and that can totally depress me and bring me to a low point but i try to be positve... grasss is always greener on the other side lol....

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hey guys just want to type to let out a few things. i dont know where to start so prepare for a long read

basically i just feel very low at the minute. im completely not myself, but bizzarely enough i have been feeling like this for so long thats its beginning to be all i remember feeling. i genuinely cannot remember the last time i felt completely happy recently , not just regarding acne but everything. a few years ago everything was undercontrol i was living an amazing life, had everything i could possibly want, skin was bearable, independence, awsome social life, just all the things that made me happy. but fast forward 2 years and i feel the lowest i ever have.

it starts with my acne, i am sure about that, i have suffered with it for about 5 years now but on and off, face acne never too bad but i have a rash like acne on my back and chest, not inflamed but most definately there and in all honestly the severity does not make a difference to me...i see it is horrendous and thats it. so anyway my acne history, it has been cleared before with prescriptions from my doctor and what not but has come back and has been so for the last 2 years really. also my face has got progressively worse too. at the beginning of the year i got a refferal to a derm and given accutane. around the time i discovered this site. my god it gave me such hope i actually thoguht that was it but it didnt owrk at all, if anything my skin is worse now. so this really upsets me but i think what makes it worse is now i have no hope. i was determined to start 2008 acne free, but that just seems so ridiculous now. the derm i went to see was awful, so passive and basically after accutane failed didnt want to bother with anythign at all. i have differen now after begging for a prescription of some sort (desperation) but that seems to be doing nothing anyway.

i feel worse now having taken accutane for 6 months because of the red face i have, horrible open pores all over etc. and i feel that the dermatologist is not interested. i feel so hideous right now its unreal, but its not just acne i am dealing with now its also weight issues.

where i start with this i have no idea, but i have always been a skinny girl, or slim at least but for the last 18 months i have been obsessed with my weight, it beginned as a distraction from my acne and wanting to look the best i possibly could. always being skinny is horrible because when i did put on a few pounds a while ago i noticed it more so i have more or less been on a diet on and off constantly for a year and a half. its not the losing weight that i enjoy entirely its the self discipline, distraction and control i have over it. or lack of considering i constantly fail. but non the less it is my mind set that worries me the most, i know what i am doing is not healthy but it means i dont worry about acne for the time i am thinking about dieting. it has just become a fixation in my daily routine and a part of life.

i am by no means anorexic but have unhealthy eating habits and an unhealthy mind set.

i think i may be suffering from depression due to both acne, weight and putting to much pressure on myself. i have never been so obsessed by my looks and nto in a vanity way but in a way of constantly wanting to improve and succeed. i noticed my mind set was becoming worse throughout my course of accutane but whether that was accutane induced depression or just sheer disbelief/disappointment at the way my skin appeared i dont know

i know i am waffling but i have never really spoke about this to anyone so find it cathartic to vent even if it is through typing. i know i am not in a good place right now but i seem to put too much pressure on myself to succeed, so much so that i end up failing and dont know how to pick myself up again. i miss not being 'me' again, seems nowadays the only times i feel safe within myself is chilling out and listening to music, whereas i have always been a 'social butterfly' so to speak and have really enjoyed my friends company more than anything.

so anyway i am just looking for a bit of advice on how to cope and improve my state of mind so i can go back to beign happy and care free.

thanks for reading i hope i havent bored you all to death

:)

Hey sweetheart. I'm new to this site. Nice to meet you!

Anyway, after reading your post I can identify with you. It is extremely easy to sink into a depressed state of mind. I've been back and forth from that low place since 14 (I am now 23.)

As far as your appearance, I know that you must hear "Looks aren't everything" and "You are fine just the way you are". I also know that those statements aren't comforting, especially to a girl who seems very intelligent and already knows that her appearance doesn't define her.

It's just that the focus on outer perfection surrounds us from every angle. There is always someone skinnier, with whiter teeth, and clearer skin. It is very hard not to be critical of every pore and pinch of fat.

Honestly, it sounds like you are just putting too much pressure on yourself (as you said.) It's my advice that you try to expose yourself to your friends (your true ones.) Go out, try to focus on laughing and making memories rather than your skin and weight. Think of something you have always wanted to do, but haven't...DO IT!

And if you feel this way, try to shake the belief that everyone is judging you. They aren't. At least not the people who matter.

If it makes you feel any better, I am 23 and after suffering through a sudden outbreak of cystic acne, am terribly scarred. I am talking about the kind of skin that make up doesn't hide at all. Like you, I used to be a "social butterfly". I was teenager that wanted to live life to the fullest. I had friends, places to go every night, and plenty of attention.

Due to depression over my skin, I lost all of that at 20 years old. I literally spent 2 1/2 years locked up in my room, avoiding the world, (with the exception of my boyfriend.) However, a few months ago I came to the realization that a life in the world with acne scarring is far better than a life in prison with acne scarring.

So, yes I have HORRIBLE pits and indentions, I weigh more than I should, and there are plenty of unsightly stretch marks on my butt. I am still the same person I was though. I am smart, funny, and have plenty to share with the world. I need to be out in it. If anyone has got a problem with that they can shove it.

To summarize, if I can develop this attitude and shove myself back out there, then there is plenty of hope for you my darling.

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